Life as I know it...

Hello. My name is Mommy.

lizzierocks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:25:21 GMT

Over the weekend, I made the transition from being called Ma-Ma to Mommy. Here's a quick update from the Land of Max: 1. He now says "Owie." A lot. For nearly everything. He seems to understand that it means "injury" since he kept grabbing the bandaid on my toe today and saying, "Mommy owie." But, he also says it for pretty much everything else that he finds unpleasant. 2. He now spontaneously gives hugs and kisses, without being prompted. I even caught him tucking in his stuffed animal (a blue-footed boobie, no less) at nap time and gave him a hug and a kiss. 3. Speaking of boobies, I am now being requested to nurse a variety of stuffed friends such a Glo-Worm, birdie (the aforementioned blue-footed variety) and a whole slew of plastic animals. He puts them against my breast and makes a "drinking" sound. 4. We're taking a Kindermusik class for toddlers. He totally gets in to it. He follows directions very well, and does all of the various dance steps. He has such amazing rhythm and has actual moves when he dances. It's awesome! 5. He now makes excellent monster noises. 6. He was saying "no" so often this past weekend that I asked him, "Is no the only thing you can say?" He looked at me, paused, and said, "Nuh uh."

Stockton

lizzierocks — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 04:58:49 GMT

Okay, fellow San Joaquin Valleyans...come out, come out, wherever you are!!! If you, or someone you know, lives in or near Stockton, let me know. I've met lots of awesome Tribers who live in SF or Portland or SoCal, but am still waiting on some local flava.

My Own Personal Beyonce

lizzierocks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:34:20 GMT

I don't understand the appeal of Beyonce. I get that she's pretty, but that's never been something that gives someone an instant pass to stardom in my book. I don't find her all that talented in any respect. But, tons of people do, so clearly it's more that my energy and her's (or the "her" portrayed in the media) don't mesh well. There's also someone in my non-celebrity-filled life that I think of in the same way. Lots of people like her, think she's grand. And I just don't get it. I find her super negative and, well, irritating. I don't see the appeal at all. It's not even that I don't like her, because that's not really it. I just don't "get" her. She sets off my "drama" alarm in a big way. A way that says, "Run for the hills!!!!"

George

lizzierocks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 21:17:39 GMT

In some ways, I feel like I owe my life to George Carlin. It may seem that this cantankerous, foul-mouthed man shaped some of my favorite memories, even when I was a very young girl. I remember my brother trying to memorize his "Fuck of the Mountain" bit when we were kids, because all we knew is that when he said it, adults laughed. I wanted to be a stand-up comedian back when other kids wanted to be princesses or firemen. George helped shape me into the me you now know and love (or hate, but then if you don't like me, why do you take the time to read my blog). He taught me that even small things can be incredibly wise and funny, and that the big things like religion and sex were fair game. He was a genius. He will be missed. Joe bless you, George.

Gay marriage

lizzierocks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 05:23:25 GMT

This has been an exciting week in California! I feel proud of my state, and hope to remain proud of her constituents in November (assuming that those who believe in equality, privacy and love will turn out to vote in greater numbers than those who believe in bigotry, zealotry and hate). I shudder every time some opponent of legally recognized unions between two people who happen to share the same style of genitals uses the following arguments: "We have to keep marriage as between one man and one woman to protect the sanctity of the marriage bond." -Why? How exactly does the marriage between two 80-something lesbians who've been together for 30 years jeopardize YOUR marriage? Is there only a limited amount of love and happiness allotted to the world that if gay couples marry it was limit the amount available to straight people? Plus, Britney Spears has been married twice. There are drive thru wedding chapels. I could get married by Elvis Presley in a chapel decorated like the Enterprise while wearing ass-less chaps if I wanted to...since I tend to marry men, that's all holy and shit. "Letting two men marry means that people will want to be able to marry their dogs." -Is there a huge demographic of people that really WANT to marry their dogs? And again, like the above, if Paris Hilton wants to marry Tinkerbell, so be it. I realize that Tinkerbell can't give consent, so there's that issue, but my marriage would not be impacted in any way by Woman-Dog love. I am not sure why I know that Paris has a dog named Tinkerbell.

Wonder Twin Powers...Activate!

lizzierocks — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 06:26:53 GMT

My niece and nephew are TWO! Pictured above is Argyle. He is quite a charmer, and you'd never know that he was born 2 months early by the looks of his giant puppy feet! His older (by mere moments) sister Lena declined to be photographed wearing any sort of rodent ear hat. This hat is personalized with his name on the back. I bet it was the first time the Disney name putter-onner ever had to write Argyle. :)

RIP Utah

lizzierocks — Tue, 27 May 2008 20:00:30 GMT

Utah Phillips passed away on Friday, March 23rd. I am so sad for the loss of this magical wordsmith and historian.

Be my DJ

lizzierocks — Fri, 23 May 2008 01:06:32 GMT

I have an iTunes gift card, and I want YOU to make the playlist. What songs do you recommend?

Growing.

lizzierocks — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:56:10 GMT

My little dude is small for his age. Not so much that his doctor is freaked out (he had his well-baby checkup today), but small enough that he sent him for some tests "just to rule stuff out." He's height/weight proportionate, just small for his age overall, about 7th percentile. The doctor did point out that a: the growth charts use formula-fed White babies as the standard, and Max is a 1/4 asian breastfed baby. My husband's family isn't particularly tall, and half of my family is short. I feel torn because I really don't want to worry and want to just continue to go with the flow. But, part of me really doesn't want him to be a short man. :) And, I had to take him to get his blood drawn. They used a butterfly needle, and while he cried during the collection, afterward he high-fived the phlebotomist and then picked his own sticker from the prize drawer. He's a brave buddy, my sweet boy! But, shit, being a Momma is such hard work. I want to protect him!!! Anyway, the doctor feels that Max is developing well overall, and beating most of the milestone timelines. He's very good with his hands...he builds puzzles, he makes Lego creations, he can put beads on necklaces (which he apparently inherited from Web). He goes up and down the stairs "like a big boy." He drinks from a cup. He feeds himself soup, and doesn't make a giant mess! He's totally personable and give high-fives and blows kisses. He's starting to talk, and I'm trying to compile a list of the things he says. I think they speak volumes, literally, about my sweet and silly son. So far, he says: Momma Dadda Cheese This? (What's this?) Debbeh (Debbie, his daycare lady) Mine Go out! No Shoes Down Up Uh oh Oh no Woah Bottle Boo (Boob) Poopoo (he also points at his diaper and says this after he's done a number 2, supposedly this is a sign that he's getting closer to starting potty training) Woobiee (his favorite snuggle blankie) AND, tonight, Chris taught him to say...STAR WARS!

Lizzer Lizzer Bo Bizzer

lizzierocks — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:14:53 GMT

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother and Father's middle name) Since this combination is my ACTUAL name, it would be the worst Witness Protection Name ever (or the best??) 2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Dick Donald (that's TERRIBLE) 3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Chili (I, apparently, will be starting the first chain of restaurants a long time ago, in a galaxy far away) 4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal!) Blue Lion 5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Leigh Mission Viejo 6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Purple Diet Pepsi (Oh, I am so fierce!) 7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 3 letters of your last name) LiChi (Isn't that a fruit? What the hell is a fly name anyway?) 8. GANGSTA NAME: ( fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Rocky Road Chocolate Chip (again, I am a badass) 9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pets name, current street name). Maggie Penny Mike Jackson Vintage (I have four pets) 10. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy) Peanut Buttah Cup (since I don't have a favorite perfume, I am going to be know solely by my last name) 11. PORN NAME: (1st pets name, street you grew up on) Baron Pegasus

Everyone else is doing it

lizzierocks — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:18:05 GMT

Since it seems like everyone else has done this already, I am just going to add my answers here. You are under no obligation to do the same. I do accept gifts, cash and chocolate, though. 1) Are you currently in a serious relationship? A. Uh, yeah. 2) What was your dream growing up? A. I used to secretly wish that Paul McCartney was my real dad. 3) What talent do you wish you had? A. Playing guitar. 4) If I bought you a drink what would it be? A. Ohhh...I am still waiting on that first post-partum margarita! 5) Favorite vegetable? A. Hm...tomatoes? 6) What was the last book you read? A. A chick lit one called "Seeing Me Naked." 7) What zodiac sign are you? A. Leo! 8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. A. Three tattoos (flower on my belly, fertility band on my back and a V/heart on my ankle); No piercings. 9) Worst Habit? A. The one worn by Whoopi in Sister Act. 10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? A. Sure. 11) What is your favorite sport? A. Basketball. 12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? A. I am an optimistic pessimist. 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? A. I would stand facing you and not the doors. 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? A. My first husband died when he was 26. 15) Tell me one weird fact about you. A. I can put a condom on my head and blow it up with my nose. 16) Do you have any pets? A. Bwahahahaha! Ask Webba. 17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly? A. You don't know the gate code, so this would be pretty amazing. 18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!) A. Well, first I was wondering why you told me to be careful. 19) Are you monogamous, or non-manogamous? A. Monogamous. 20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? A. I would have less jiggly arms. 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? A. Both. 22) What color eyes do you have? A. Brown. 23) Ever been arrested? A. Nope. 24) Bottle or can soda? A. I like it from the fountain with ice. 25) If you won $10,000,000 today, what would you do with it? A. Cash it out in coins and pelt all the people who think it's okay to vote for Presidential candidates who don't believe in evolution. After that, I'd travel around the world. 27) What's your favorite place to hang at, outside of your home? A. Santa Cruz. 28) Do you believe in ghosts? A. Sometimes. 29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? A. I don't have much spare time. I'm going with "read." 30) Do you swear a lot? A. Probably. 31) Biggest pet peeve? A. Really stupid people. 32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? A. Fabulous. 33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? A. Yes/of course. 35) Do you believe in God or a higher power? A. I don't think so. 36.) Do you like to be touched? A. Yes, but not randomly. 37.) What is your top trouble spot for bodily aches and pains? A. That space between my neck and my shoulders. 38.) What do you like to talk about? A. Nearly everything. 39.) Describe a great evening or outing. A. Dinner and a movie with my Sweetie, sans Maxxer. Getting some lovin and then being able to sleep in the next day!!! 40) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? A. Um. Yeah.

Firsts

lizzierocks — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 07:29:50 GMT

(stolen from Webba while her back was turned) 1. Who was your first love? • James Billingslea, 10th grade. Unless Simon leBon counts? 2. Who was your first kiss and when? • Same answer. 3. Who was your first prom date? • My first prom date's name has escaped me. He actually flaked (we were going as friends) and I ended up taking some random guy who I then ditched. 4. Who was your first room mate? • My baby sister. 5. What was your first job? • Sizzler. I was a Buffet Court Attendant. I had to wear all of the following: black tennis shoes, polyester slacks, pantihose, a poofy sleeved blouse, an apron, a bowtie, and a beret. I got fired from that job. That was one of the happiest days of my life. I didn't return my uniform, and wore it as a Halloween costume when I was in college. 6. What was your first car? • a light blue 1982 Dodge Colt named Vyvyan 7. When did you go to your first funeral? • When my first husband died in 1998 8. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? • September 19, 1993. I moved to Santa Cruz! 9. Who was your first grade teacher? • I don't remember. 10. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? • I went to Massachusetts to visit my dad for the summer. I was 5 or 6. 11. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with? • I think we went to hang out at a friend's house. 12. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? • I never snuck out of my house. 13. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? • My first best friend was in kindergarten-ish. Her name was Shelly Selfa. I've not seen her in about 25 years. 14. Who was the first person to send you flowers? • That I can remember? Probably my mom. 15. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? • College dorm at UCSC 16. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? • Webba, or my beloved Mr. Lizzie 17. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? • My aunt's when I was 13. My 13 year old cousin and I were both in the wedding. I'd gone through puberty with a vengeance, and she was only beginning. I was about a foot taller than her and had real boobs. So, she looked like a little girl playing dress up. And I looked, um, slutty. Good times. 18. What is the first thing you do in the morning? • Go get Max and bring him back to bed for some milk. 19. What was your first career choice? • I've been working in reproductive health forever and a day. 20. What was your first sport? • I was on a soccer team when I was 7. I cannot say that I *played* soccer.

2008

lizzierocks — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 06:42:34 GMT

You have courage and heart, and dare to push forward into the unknown.

My So-Called Life

lizzierocks — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 06:09:08 GMT

1. I went through the drive-thru of Boston Market the other day. I could see the various phrases taped to the wall that the employees are supposed to use to motivate customers to buy more food. One of them, in huge font and laminated was the word "rememorable." Which isn't even a word. I am not even sure how or why this would be used in a sentence. "Enjoy your sandwich. It will surely be rememorable." 2. One of my coworkers mentioned that she was willing to go pick up lunch for a couple of people at Sonic. It's across the street from our office, but not close to an intersection with a crosswalk. She was considering sprinting across the busy multi-lane traffic. To which I asked, "What do you think this is? Frogger?" And no one knew what Frogger was. This wasn't as bad as the time that I discovered that my previous assistant manager could not name a single member of the Beatles. When she tried, she came up with a few of the Monkees. 3. I was at my parents' house today, and was trying to show my dad how to upload pictures for a Corvette website. When we hit "browse" I inadvertently opened his porn file. EEEEEEEEEEEK! 4. I heard a girl in the waiting room actually say "LMAO" to her friend. Her friend who was sitting next to her. She pronounced it "Le Mayo." Realizing that she wasn't talking about French sandwich toppings, I listened more intently. Her friend said something seemingly funny. The girl laughed, then SAID "le mayo" again. I wanted to announce to her that what she meant to say was "LAMO."

Happy Birthday MAX!!!!

lizzierocks — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 06:34:56 GMT

I can't believe that my little punkin is ONE!!!! Here's a repost of his birth story... My sweet baby son, Max, was born on Wednesday, December 27th. On his due date. I love that my baby is punctual. Max weighed 6 lbs. 15 oz. and is 19 inches long. He has some auburn hair. He definitely has his Daddy's eyes and his Momma's mouth. He is 100% sweetness! The following is his birth story. It's long, so bear with me. I wanted to get it all down in words before it started to fade. His birth adventure began on Christmas evening. I thought that I'd been leaking fluid, so we went to the hospital to get checked out. Didn't seem to them like any fluid was coming out, but they hooked me up the monitors. After a short period of time, Max's heart rate dipped down pretty low for a short period of time, just seconds, really. But, enough for them to decide to admit me to the hospital. When the heart rate dipped again, it was decided that I'd get induced starting the next morning. Early early on the 26th, the induction began. It took a long time for things to get started because my cervix was only dilated between 1 and 2 cm, where it had been for the better part of December. I also had an ultrasound, and it was determined that the level of amniotic fluid had dropped substantially. Since my water seemed to be intact, they deduced that perhaps the placenta was having some issues. Tuesday was a loooong day, made longer by the fact that the ONLY thing on TV was the death of Gerald Ford. I am now an expert on President Ford, so let me know if you need to write a report. I am better than Google. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated and cranky. And grimy. I'd not showered since Monday morning. Plus, my mother-in-law and my mom had been there for hours and were slowly driving me insane. My wonderful husband simply said, "She could really use some peace and quiet now, so could you guys come back tomorrow." I love that man! On the morning of the 27th, they finally started the pitocin. After an hour, contractions started. Shortly after that, my water broke. I was about to get back into bed when it happened. My mother-in-law was in the room with me, and she kept saying, "Are you sure your water broke?" Um, the popping noise I heard followed by fluid gushing out everywhere seemed like a pretty big clue to me. Once my water broke, my contractions quickly became very painful. Very. Painful. I contracted for about four hours with no change to my cervix at all. I hadn't wanted to get any narcotic pain meds, but couldn't get the epidural until I was 3 centimeters. I was nowhere near three. So, I got some Stadol and then had the trippiest dream about math. I wish I could articulate what happened in the dream, but it's impossible. I was still pretty high from the Stadol when my doctor came into the room. He said that Max's heart rate had dipped a couple more times when I'd had some strong contractions, and was recommending that I go ahead and get him delivered via c-section. I don't know if maybe he was expecting me to argue with him, because he seemed surprised when I said, "Yes, let's do it right now." He laughed and agreed. The prep for the c-section was interesting. I was feeling pretty loopy from the meds, and from the excitement and relief. They had trouble getting my urinary catheter in. That seemed to take forever and involve every single person who worked in the hospital. The spinal block was not a big deal at all. I remember thinking how cute my husband looked in his Smurf-like scrub suit. I could hear the doctors joking around as they started the surgery. I thought that was a good sign. If they'd been more serious-sounding, I'd probably have freaked out. Max came out with a good cry, and Chris was quickly summoned to the baby table to get a look at him. He yelled out, "He's beautiful and he has your hair!" In thinking about the birth ahead of time, I was sure that I would cry. But, I was just laying there with such complete awe that Max was actually born that I couldn't cry. Chris shouted out to me that they put a Christmas hat on his head and that he was simply perfect. Finally, Chris came around the curtain with Max in his arms. He leaned him down so that I could see him, and Max instantly looked right into my eyes. Love love love. It was about two hours before I was taken to my room and got to hold him, but that time in recovery seemed like mere seconds. When I first held him, he locked eyes with me again, and started searching around with his mouth for my breast. Such a smartie. He latched on pretty much instantly and that was that. I was his Momma, officially. We came home from the hospital today. I was a little overwhelmed at first, because having him here in our home suddenly felt impossible. He is really here. He is part of our family. He is awesome. He is a great nurser. I love his sparkly eyes and his cute lips. I just love him. Consider my world officially rocked.

Merry Merry

lizzierocks — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 06:31:25 GMT

It's Christmas Eve Eve. The next few days will be busy, so I figured I'd send on my holiday wishes of peace, love and kickass gifts to y'all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

lizzierocks — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 19:14:37 GMT

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Typically wrapping paper. I was too much of a snoop as a kid to trust others with a mere layer of loose tissue paper between their prying eyes and their gift. 2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial 3. When do you put up the tree? Oh gosh, it varies. Usually the first week of December. 4. When do you take the tree down? December 26th. 5. Do you like eggnog? Not even on a dare. 6. Favorite gift received as a child? These cool Beatles dolls. I think I was 11 or 12. I still have them. They're on display in my living room. 7. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope, I don't believe in all that. 8. Hardest person to buy for? My dad. He likes nothing. Well, that's not true. He likes incredibly expensive things. And cheese. I am getting him a Cheese of the Month membership this year. 9. Easiest person to buy for? Max. Except we're having to decide what's for Christmas and what's for his birthday. Since he's a baby, I can give him whatever I want. :) 10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My first husband gave me a airpop popcorn maker. He was really bad at choosing gifts. 11. Mail or email Christmas cards? I don't typically send them. Now that we have Max, we'll be sending out about 20 or so of him in his Santa suit. 12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story, of course. And Charlie Brown's Christmas. 13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I start thinking about it in October. I don't typically buy anything until Thanksgiving. 14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Indeed. I've even sold some of them on Ebay. Mwahaha! 15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My dad's twice-baked potatoes. 16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored. I got new LED lights this year. They are so vibrant! 17. Favorite Christmas song? I don't really like Christmas songs. I have been getting a lot of Frosty the Snowman lately because Max has a toy that he loves that sings it. I must admit that I do a little dance and sing along. 18. Travel for Christmas or stay at home? If by travel you mean, "drive to the various Moms houses" then I travel. Not far, though. 19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Of course. 20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither. 21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Morning? Both 22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The fake religiousity that some people are wearing these days. As if it makes up for their asshole behavior the rest of the year. 23. What I love most about Christmas? Finding the perfect gift, and seeing the person it's for open it and love it!

Lost in translation

lizzierocks — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 05:36:17 GMT

A few weeks ago, Webba and I went out to eat. I wanted a dessert (brownie sundae) but didn't think that the three huge scoops of ice cream were necessary. I asked for the brownie heated with a small scoop of ice cream on top. The above photo is what I received: A bathtub-sized plate with one small brownie and one small scoop of ice cream in the center. And covered with a log of whipped cream larger than a small child. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself.

Who knew that an R2D2 onesie could inspire such sorrow

lizzierocks — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:58:41 GMT

He was VERY ready for a nap, and was crying "Mama mama mama." So, I did what any good mother would do...stopped and took a picture.

Sweetness

lizzierocks — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:17:44 GMT

Mhm.

lizzierocks — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:14:20 GMT

I drove behind a car today who's bumpersticker proclaimed: "Stop Youth Violence." Does that really need a bumper sticker? Is there anyone that feels that we might need MORE youth violence? And what am I supposed to DO with this request? Of all of the social issues, this was what they felt needed to be stuck to the bumper? It reminded me of a sticker my mom and I saw years ago. "Dogs aren't just for Christmas." I turned to my mom and said, "They are delicious any time of year!" As I am wont to do, I quickly came up with my own list of other completely "no shit" requests that I will sticker my own bumpers with. - Stop kicking kittens. - Ice is cold. - Most people don't know how to "Riverdance." - This bumpersticker will be hard to get off of my car later.

Stop the madness

lizzierocks — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 07:06:14 GMT

1. Where were you 3 hours ago? In my living room, watching my son crack up at his silly dad. 2. Who are you in love with? Mr. Lizzie and my little Dude 3. Have you ever eaten a crayon? Probably. Since I can remember what they taste like just by reading this question, I know I've at least nibbled on one. 4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? The words "Elvis Presley" on my husband's phone. Don't ask. 5. When is the last time you went to the mall? Last Friday night. I was looking for a shirt to wear to see my Ladies of the Loo. I found one, and got Max a warm winter hat and some socks. 6. Are you wearing socks right now? I never wear socks. 7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000? Indeed I do. I just got a new Corolla. 8. When was the last time you drove out of town? Today when I went to work 9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? Hm. No, but I went the weekend before that. I didn't really get to watch the movie, though, as we attempted to bring Max with us. Homie don't play dat, apparently. 10. Are you hot? That goes without saying. 11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Cold water. 12. What are you wearing right now? Black underpants 13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? Car wash 14. Last food that you ate? Chicken, salad and a biscuit. A diced bit of pear that Max fed me. 15. Where were you last week at this time? In this exact spot, probably. 16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? See the "mall" question above. 17. When is the last time you ran? A few days ago. It was sort of a silly run, and it was at work, accompanied by a song I was singing. 18. What's the last sporting event you watched? A fictionalized one, for sure. We are fans of Feel Good Sports Movies For People Who Don't Watch Sports. 19. What is your favorite animal? I think my cat Maggie is my favorite animal. Don't tell the others. 20. Your dream vacation? Wow. The list is too long. 21. Last person's house you were in? Other than my own, it was Miss Debbie's house (Max's daycare). 22. Worst injury you've ever had? Tearing my MCL and ripping my kneecap out of its moorings. Skiing is not for me. 23. Have you been in love? Absolutely. 24. Do you miss anyone right now? Yes, my sister. Why isn't she calling me back, that bitch?! 25. Last play you saw? "Legally Blonde." 26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Killer wit. And chloroform. 27. What are your plans for tonight? I really should be going to bed soon. It's Mr. Lizzie's night for Dude Duty, so I will hopefully sleep and sleep. 28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment? Chase 29. Next trip you are going to take? Manteca and then Livermore for Thanksgiving merriment. I live on the edge. 30. Ever go to camp? Yes. Sex camp three times in the past decade or so. I love my job. 31. Were you an honor roll student in school? Sho nuff, muthafucka. I even skipped a grade. Second grade, but still. 32. What do you want to know about the future? That there's a lot of it left. 33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? Never. Bleck. 34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit? Nope. Well, I should do the tooth and vision checks (not at the same place, though). 35. Where is your best friend? Probably sitting in front of her computer, tribing. Go to bed, Web. 36. How is your best friend? Sleepy. Fabulous. Snarky. 37. Do you have a tan? Pshaw, as if. 38. What are you listening to right now? Assorted hits on my husband's iTunes. 39. Do you collect anything? Clutter. I am working on this, collecting less of it, I mean. 40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know? Oh. My. God. There are too many to count. And I can't wait to tell you all about them. 41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? 1996, maybe. I didn't get a ticket, even though I was definitely speeding. 42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Yes. Today, in fact. Soda from a straw is the best kind of soda. 43. What does your last text message say? "I'm sorry. LOL" 44. Do you like hot sauce? As a topping? Sometimes. As a meal? Not so much. 45. Last time you took a shower? This morning. 46. Do you need to do laundry? I have an infant. Enough said. 47. What is your heritage? In no particular order: English, Irish (look at the size of my head), and German. 48. Are you someone's best friend? Yes. 49. Are you rich? In many ways. Although, I am always willing to accept donations. 50. What were you doing at 12AM saturday night? Chatting with Mr. Lizzie while nursing Max in our bed. I'd just given Web a blankie and pillow and tucked her in for the night.

It's wrong how much I love these things

lizzierocks — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 06:46:53 GMT

1. Are you taller than your best friend? Nope 2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? Yes. But it varies depending on what I'm writing. Overall, I prefer a really smooth rollerball. Blue ink. 3. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear? Not all that often, and not for a long time. 4. What is your natural hair color? More grey than I'd like, thanks. 5. Who was the last person you sat on? I'm trying to cut back. The lap dances were interfering with my regular life. 6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom? White with blue and green circles. 7. What's the weirdest thing to be found in your bedroom? I have weird religious Christmas gifts that we received LAST Christmas that I keep meaning to sell on Ebay. 8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Nope. I've had a black cat, and I have a black, white and every other color cat. 9. What is the last thing you licked? My fingers. 10. Do you know anyone who lives in Europe? Sure. 11. If you had a stack of cash to spend, what would you buy (bills and gas excluded)? Whatever I want. How big is this stack? (That's what she said.) 12. What movie are you looking forward to seeing? I bought "Sicko" which I want to watch again. I am in a documentary phase these days. 13. Can you spell well? Yes. W. E. L. L. 14. What makes you gag? Oh god. Today one of my staff ate anchovies for lunch. On purpose. It STUNK up the office. Bleck. 15. How do you feel about the French? They taste good with cheese and bread. 16. Pick one: Zombies or Frankensteins Monster? Monster. Totally. 17. What song describes your love life? It's hard to pick just one. Let me think on it. 18. Favorite pet? I can't say. The others will get jealous. 19. Who is on your mind? Mr. Lizzie. 20. Last person to give you a business card? Some local non profit staffer at a mixer I went to. 21. Who is the last person you called? My Payroll rep. She screwed things up. Again. 22. Did you ever have braces? Nope. Didn't need em. My teeth grew out of my head totally straight. 23. Last time you had someone cook for you? Other than at restaurants, I have no idea. I do the cooking. 24. Can you make coffee well? I don't drink coffee, so I can't imagine that my coffee is palatable. Yet, people are always asking me to make it for them. Fools. 25. Do you like cheesecake? Sure. There are other desserts that I like a lot better. Let me put it this way, I am more likely to turn down cheesecake than to eat it. Although, NK's cheesecake was pretty damn good. 26. Last time you received flowers? On Friday. Thanks Mr. Lizzie!!! 27. What celebrity disturbs you most? Celine Dion. 28. Do you play air guitar? I play Guitar Hero! 29. Do you have any stuffed animals? Only ones that belong to my boy. We are all fond of his little stuffed monkeys. 30. What possession of yours classifies you as a geek/nerd? I own a tiny Chewbacca costume. 31. What got you through high school? Sarcasm. 32. What makes you happy inside, but you can't really explain it? I have to go with SV's answers of office supplies and nachos. Throw in some chocolate and it's a perfect day. 33. What made you cry last? I am ashamed to admit this but I teared up last night watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. 34. Do you like surprises? Depends. 35. What's your 'emphasize' word? Mhm. 36. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Not too long. Depends if I need to dry my hair. If I need to dry my hair, you best not be in a hurry. 37. Have you ever worn a crown? On my head and on my teeth. 38. Are you ticklish? Ridiculously so. 39. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Relatively recently. They've all closed down near me. 40. Who is the last person that sent you a text that you returned? Probably Web. Last Wednesday. 41. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? My friend Jim.

I am not Kosher

lizzierocks — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 05:21:53 GMT

Religion, at least the organized forms, have been on my mind a lot lately. I read "Eat. Pray. Love." which got me thinking more about making sure that I do the things I really want to do than about finding god, which I suppose was the point. I read "Foreskin's Lament" which reinforced my belief that orthodoxy, in whatever form, is ripe with either-or life views that do more harm than good. It also reminded me that therapists will never be extinct. There were quite a number of bon mots in this one. I won't try to quote verbatim, but the author stops keeping kosher during his youth (without telling his family or any friends) but draws the line at eating at Red Lobster. To paraphrase: "I don't need God to tell me not to eat things with antennae. Red Lobster seems like the kind of place that God would make you eat to punish you for not keeping kosher in the first place." He also says, of Israel, "It has two seasons, "Holy Crap It's Hot" and "Holy Crap It's Cold." And, just to prove that guilt is the amuse bouche of all religions, if not the main course, I was visited by two young fresh-faced Mormon missionaries tonight. At my home. Uninvited. And I live in a gated community. And didn't buzz them in. And I still felt guilty for telling them that I couldn't talk to them right then because I was nursing my baby and trying to get him to go to sleep. And I didn't bother putting my boob completely back in my bra, although it was covered by my shirt. And I then felt guilty for telling them to not come back at all, that I wasn't interested, but have a nice night. Perhaps it's important to the story that I am sort of Mormon, or my family is. "Latter Day Aints" my mom says. I was baptized in the church in high school, but then quickly asked to leave for asking too many questions (like "Hasn't anyone noticed that I am the only teenage girl in this group because all the others are pregnant and therefore in the adult group.") Andrew Sullivan, the blogtastic Gay Republican, has several questions he'd like to pose to the GOP candidates for the Presidency of our fine land. I end this blog with them: 1. If you could go back in time and abort Osama Bin Laden, would you do it? 2. If you knew that you could prevent a future terrorist attack by having sex with another man, would you do it?

This blog smells like procrastination

lizzierocks — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 19:11:42 GMT

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU...I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine...You're on my list, so I want to know you better! Be honest, just cut and paste and either post your answers here or send 'em to me in a pm, then repost the empty questions as a blog. And in the name of fairness, Ima answer them first. 1.)Q. Can you cook? 1.)A. Sure. But, I don't get to do it as much as I'd like these days. 2.)Q. What was your dream growing up? 2.)A. That Paul McCartney was my real dad. 3.)Q. What talent do you wish you had? 3.)A. I wish that I could play any instrument. 4.)Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be? 4.)A. As soon as Max is off the boob, you can buy me a margarita. Preferably one bigger than my head. 5.)Q. Favorite vegetable? 5.)A That's a hard one. Zucchini? 6.)Q. What was the last book you read? 6.)A. I am listening to the audiobook of "The Abstinence Teacher" by Tom Perrotta and reading "My Boring Ass Life: An Uncomforably Candid Diary" by Kevin Smith. 7.)Q. What zodiac sign are you ? 7.)A. Leo. 8.)Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 8.)A Three tattoos. No piercings, not even ears. 9.)Q. Worst Habit? 9.)A. Procrastination. 10.)Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? 10.)A. Since I stole this from Web, yes. 11.)Q. What is your favorite sport? 11.)A Extreme Sleeping 12.)Q. Negative or Optimistic attitude? 12.)A. Optimist with a dash of cynicism 13. )Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 13.)A I'd stand facing you the entire ride, repeatedly asking you, "Want to see something weird?" 14.)Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you? 14.)A. In 1998, my husband died. 15.)Q. Tell me one weird fact about you 15.)A. The way that these questions are numbered is bizarre, and it irritates me. It doesn't seem like the number needs to be followed by both a . and an ) 16.)Q. Do you have any pets? 16.)A. Two cats, two dogs 17.)Q. What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly? 17.)A. It's not possible. You can never remember the code to my gate. 18.)Q. What was your first impression of me? 18.)A. That time that I held paper over your face and rubbed hard with a crayon. 19.)Q. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? 19.)A. Creepy as a mofo. 20.)Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be??? 20.)A I'd have firmer bits. 21.)Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? 21.)A I refuse to say on the grounds that it may incriminate me. 22.)Q. What color eyes do you have? 22.)A. Brown 23.)Q. Ever been arrested? 23.)A. nope. 24.)Q. Bottle or Draft? 24.)A. Neither. Beer is repellant. Unless we're talking rootbeer. 25.)Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? 25.)A. First, I'd get it all in $1 bills and roll in it, and then I'd use it to buy a new car, preferably a Prius. 26.)Q. Would you date me? 26.)A. I have often thought that you're one of the best dates I've ever had. But, I'm still not putting out. 27.)Q. What 's your favorite place to hang at? 27.)A. Home, or nearly anywhere, with my Sweetie and my Dude. Or at IKEA and/or Target with Webba. 28.)Q. Do you believe in ghosts? 28.)A. yep 29.)Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 29.)A. Seeing as I work full-time and have a baby, this is not a concept with which I am familiar. But, apparently the answer is "Answer questionnaires about what I do in my free time." 30.)Q. Do you swear a lot? 30.)A. Not as much as I used to, but I am creative with it. And, I do have "muthafuckaaaaaa" as a preset text message on my cell phone, just in case. 31.)Q. Biggest pet peeve? 31.)A. Incredibly stupid people 32.)Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself? 32.)A. Dy-no-mite 33.)Q. Do you believe in/appreciate romance? 33.)A. I revel in it. 34.)Q. If you could spend 12 hours with me and ask/do anything you like, what would it be? 34.)A. I think there would be shopping, chocolate delicacies and snarking. Oh, god, the snarking. 35)Q. Do you believe in God? 35)A. I don't think so. I kind of like the concept of The Force, some sort of energy out there that helps us out, but some all-powerful being that rules all, nah, I don't think so. 36.)Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same? A. Lame. The fact that I filled out the damn thing before getting to this question makes this a moot point, yes?