This morning cannot even be put into words, although I will try my best...maybe those of you who have experienced darshan with Amma can relate to how I am feeling...From the moment Amma walked into the ashram, I was hysterically crying...tears of fear, joy, humility, love, acceptance, compassion, pain...all emotions, all at once, all due to this saint walking next to me and brushing her hand against mine as I sat with hundreds of others waiting for my embrace...I had written a letter to Amma on the train this morning...asking for the usual...to love myself more, to be more selfless,to accept myself as I am without judgement or pretense, to let my life be filled with being able to be of service to all those I come in contact with, to remove obstacles on my path to liberation, for selfish reasons as well (still working on those stages of the path!!!)- to be completely healthy, to live a long happy life, to love completely and wholly at all times and places...Just to be at peace...OK, back to the crying...Seriously, it lasted about three hours of non-stop, snot dripping, contacts falling out, shaking even at times, balls out crying...When it was time to approach Amma, with my questions (requests) repeated silently in my mind over and over, I pretty much just blacked-out...I remember putting my face to the side of her shoulder and holding her...she took my head and put my face in her bosom, allowing me the opportunity to let out 31 years of 'life' flow freely as any mother would do for her child...All the while, rubbing my back, whispering in my ear what roughly translates to 'don't worry, everything is going to be fine", over and over and over...it seemed like an eternity...when I tried to pull away, she grabbed me closer and held me closer and continued whispering in my ear as I sobbed all over her...Had it not been for my friend Jim that I was with, the whole episode would have been erased from my mind, as I was completely lost in blissful ecstasy, luckily he was three people behind me and was able to bare witness for me when I was utterly in another state of consciousness...My guru, my mother, our mother, was once again present to be there for myself and countless others doing something so simple as giving us all hugs and words of encouragement...I have the great fortune of being able to see Amma a few more times in the next week while she is still here and I am so wired right now, I just don't know what to do with myself ! ! ! How can someone love so deeply and so freely as she does ? ? ? How ? ! ? All I know is that my heart is so full of gratitude for my friends, my family, my life, our world. The compassion and my being able to express myself so freely, being surrounded by a thousand strangers that at that moment we were all one...not separate...all there to bathe in the peace and love of pure divinity...we really are blessed...we just need to see through that veil that keeps us thinking that we are not all one, that we are better than or less than one another...such simple teachings, but to put them into practice takes so much courage and strength...I hope one day to reach that level of Self-Realization...With that, I am going to pass out and hopefully have a night filled with beautiful images of the Holy Mother and all Her children...my fellow travelers and seekers on this path we call life...Much love and peace always...xox-Deveshwar...