My Blog

Fashion for Fascists

Lprofile — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 18:35:51 GMT

I know you'll just love this lavish slideshow of classic Beltway fashion trends! Available in red, white, AND blue (for all you Democrats) http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2007/09/23/travel/tmagazine/20070923_CAPITAL_SLIDESHOW_index.html

Bush Pilot

Lprofile — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:02:08 GMT

Those ingenious Germans! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3934788900154749704

Microsoft Redesigns the iPod Package

Lprofile — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 06:12:34 GMT

Human Ear Professional Edition - with Subscription: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeXAcwriid0&search=microsoft%20ipod

My Very First Beauty Pageant - Part II

Lprofile — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 03:58:54 GMT

The Third Runner-Up turned out be a charming, impossibly skinny Hispanic-looking girl who spoke only French. I really wish her all the best, whoever she was. Then, just as I was all set to work up a nervous crying session on dear Persephone's shoulder, the judges called out my name! Since it must have looked like I was already in tears, I pretended to nonchalantly dry my eyes as I bravely made my way to the tiny clearing. I graciously accepted the award for Second Runner-Up, which turned out to be a lovely bouquet of roses and a golden plastic wand. (When I returned home later that night, I was utterly thrilled to discover that the roses were real!) That left only Persephone and that insufferable Hosanna. Imagine my jubilant scent of vicarious triumph as the judge skipped right over First Runner-Up and immediately declared Persephone the winner, the new Miss Blood and Butter! (The judge later explained to me that they always do this because if they announce First Runner-Up first, some smart-alecky so-and-so might figure out who the winner was going to be before they actually announced it.) I diligently waited until after Persephone was crowned before rushing up to effusively congratulate her, and everyone could see what precious friends-forever we had become after all we'd been through together, even though my own personal aspirations had just been tragically snuffed. Well that was it, except for the only sour note of an unforgettable evening when that unspeakable Hosanna selfishly insisted on letting the judge give her that stupid First Runner-Up trophy in front of everyone. The really infuriating thing about it was that it had a statue of Sailor Moon on top, who I'm sure you know is my favorite Japanese anime super-heroine. And in a nasty scene that was so typical of her, Hosanna petulantly refused to trade the trophy for my golden wand, even after I patiently explained in the simplist possible terms how much it would mean to me to at least have a statuette of Sailor Moon after enduring such a crushing disappointment coming in only Second Runner-Up in my very first beauty pageant. Love and kisses, L

My Very First Beauty Pageant - Part I

Lprofile — Mon, 30 May 2005 08:45:32 GMT

So there I was in the bathroom, meticulously arranging my little outfit when I heard over the noise of the crowd, "...and now, we'll have our four finalists in a talent contest, starting with Miss Taken..." I rushed over to the tiny clearing the organizers had cordonned off, twirled through a little dance number, and whipped out my cell phone. The audience response was so huge after I demonstrated my uncanny phone-number-programming talent (area code and everything!), I thought I might win by acclamation right then and there. But the judges, without even a word of explanation, moved implacably on to the next contestant. She was my soon-to-be very best pageant sister Persephone (words simply cannot describe the soaring depths of nail-biting anguish we were to share together) looking just adorable in her palpably nervous anticipation. The crowd gasped with delight as she displayed her heartrending ablility to wrap her leg around her head while standing up, and I felt a chilling pang of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I was so deeply touched by her courageous exposure of her crotch, I knew that I could not bear to see her lose. But then, what of my dream, my innocent hope of winning in my very first beauty pageant? After Persephone's stunning performance, we clutched desperately on to each other for support, as the next contestant, my arch-rival Hosanna the smugly aspiring actress/spokesmodel, took command of the tiny clearing. My eyes misted over in fury as she shamelessly exploited the predominately heterosexual crowd's Pavlovian response to a gracefully undulating female. It simply was not fair to those of us contestants who had valiantly struggled to maintain above-average standards of human modesty. Just as I was about to consider formulating a formal protest, the judges rudely interrupted my feverish train of thought with their Decision...