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The Ptero Concept
For the past few years I have been developing an idea. I will call it the Ptero Concept.It starts with my foundation in totem animals. Animals whose natural characteristics and mythologies I draw symbolically into myself to build my own strength of character. If you know me or have ever read any of my writing you’ve recognized the part in my heart played by the seahorse and the llama and the raccoon and the owl and the coyote and the shark and the otter and the bat and the snake and the longhorn cow...and of course, the pterodactyl.
My ptero totem is about my emotional body. It is about the dramatic rise and fall of the bare bones of feelings. Darkness against lightness. It is about suicide or art. It is about using creations that capture the image of the heart, and using them as the membranes for wings, for feathers, to soar—rather than plummeting to a tragic death too fast and unfulfilled.
I've decided to publish a journal about that which inspires me to soar. It will be about adventure, fascination, and the art that results from living life on this planet as vibrantly as can be mustered. Each month I will feature an artist whose work has inspired the pterodactyl in my heart.
I hope you will follow me on this adventure.
Check out this fun commercial I made: www.youtube.com/watch
Look for Ptero Heart on January 1, 2010 at www.lunataylor.com
Notes on My Most Recent Failure
PRETTY MUCH
I took all the music that reminds me of you
Out of my iPod except for the voice of that loneliest-of-all girl
Who sings of lost hawks, lone sparrows, foxes, and ferrets
Who belonged to both of us before I came into your life
I keep asking myself if I wish I would have never left those cute squirrels on your door
Should I have never whispered lovingly to you through the pretty curtain lace of words
The way I'm still doing now despite myself
I'm trying very hard not to adore you
I made unintelligent decisions about pretty much everything regarding you
From the beginning I couldn't see over the scent of your body
Should I have kept my soft lawn velvet arms closed?
Probably.
I don't know the answer
You held me tightly as you frantically slept
Kissing my pretty ears sweetly and squeezing me yet
You never tried to get to know me
You say you care about me but
You only cared enough to ignore me, stand me up, and offer me the occasional pretty
Lie
You didn't even care enough to ever once ask me to play my guitar for you
Live
____
Stepping out of the World of Bellydance
I posted this in the UNMATA tribe, but wanted to get it on my blog too:It's for the best! :-)
Change happens to all of us right? Nature unfolds true nature. Worlds that were once small now seem big. Worlds that were once big now seem small.
There are lots of reasons I'm leaving. I found myself quite sick when 2008 began (see the video of my last performance with UNMATA at Third Coast Tribal to just see how sick I was, I could barely stand up that weekend but I danced my heart out with as much sass as I could pull *anyway*).
After years of overworking myself I wasn't able to keep up my physical or mental health anymore. And as you know, dance requires both! I'd gone through a breakup, my mom going through a stage 4 cancer (she's doing great by the way), and juggling my day job—in addition to my dancing, designing, and marketing duties with UNMATA. My hearing disability was also severely contributing to my stress quotient and I just needed to take darkness, space, and cover myself up in silence.
At first I just wanted to take a leave of absence to rest, be silent, explore the “me” I'd lost, but then it became clear that I needed to move on from this creative circle and find my own path. I'll quote a Neko Case song that fits perfectly..."now my heart is green as weeds, grown to outlive their season."
I'm on my own journey now, working for my vision, working for my heart, working for my health... and I am feeling healthier and healthier everyday! I am working on a couple of projects. I am writing a girl vs. nature (can you say bugs galore, wild boars, and flash floods) screenplay that takes place in the wilds of Texas Brush Country. And I am writing down everything about what I've learned and lost in the beautiful HOT POT and UNMATA communities!
(except for your secrets which I DO KEEP forever, fyi)
I absolutely cherish my time with UNMATA, Amy, Verbatim, Hot Pot, Raven, and the greater dance community. Thanks to those of you who have checked in on me and made sure I was doing ok. I have learned many skills and life lessons through this process, most importantly, to BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE YOURSELF—and risk your fate—no matter what anyone says about you to your face or behind your back.
If you still love me and want to see what I'm up to, visit my profile now and then or drop me a line at pterobones@gmail.com
Much much much much love! Smoke ‘em up smokies, and DANCE ‘til you're dead!
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