Well, it's not a midlife crisis, but here's how things worked out for me.

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years
ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched
a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25
year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma
screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that
you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25
year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in
a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed..............
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A man was sitting on a beach. Tragically, through a recent car accident, he had lost both his arms and legs.

During the long afternoon, as he remained on the beach, three women separately walked past him. Each felt very sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"

The man smiled and said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"

The man beamed and said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been screwed?"

The fellow eyes lit up and said "No".

She said "You will be when the tide comes in."