Donut Panic

inexplicable. zat's me.

madamegonzaga — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:06:07 GMT

yo, cracky!

uh-oh Tarakev!

madamegonzaga — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:04:46 GMT

Some ping tells mee wee are knot in San Francisco anymore!

Once again, Tarakev betwitches herr cage und escapes...

madamegonzaga — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 04:32:56 GMT

Once again, Tarakev betwitches herr cage und escapes... I wood nut mynde so mucheth were it knot fur ze juicy dropliings on mein goode furniture. Doth enny biddy have ze cattie I can borrow? Hee! snarfle. kak.

Enter Now tou Win ze Blorpingdale's Tote Bag Imbecilished by ze Mad Ham!

madamegonzaga — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 04:26:49 GMT

Donut delay. Please tou tayketh ze lookings at ze beguiled lines und enter ze Dingleberry Lane drooling tou win ze environmentallly incorrrect bag fillled wif marvelous prizes: http://dingleberrylane.tribe.net/thread/59f8e7eb-7179-44ac-a388-3bb9cee79d8c

WEINERS HAVE BEEN TROUNCED: Madame's Golden Tribe Threadies Aweirdings '06

madamegonzaga — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 03:08:31 GMT

Attenzione Rabble! Zeez eez ze orificial announcingmints ov ze 2006 Annual Tribe-Wide "Threadies" Aweirdings. Get your entrails in by Jan. 1st high nooooon! Any threadie, any triber may enter. Prizes gooose tou he/she/it wot nominateded threadie, wif special prize tou thread-starter und kudos tou mods. Yoo donut haf tou haf participateded een ze threadie yoo enter it tou win ze aweird, und yoo donut haf tou bee ze mimble ov ze Tribe! So get out zare und scramble tou breeng us ze Beast ov ze Beast fur tou ween ze coveted "Threadie 2006" aweirdings! Wee veal mayketh ze final decisionsings based on whimsy, deepness ov ze laughter/pain/nostalgia/sexxxings stir/fluff I feeeel upon reading ze thread. No, I donut hav ze mouse in mein pocket. Guest judgings veal bee selecteded based on zem wot volunteer. Please tou step up step up! Zare veal bee ze leetl weiner een eeach ov ze fooolowing cattiegoreys. so beast shore tou tell ze cattiegorey yoo wood lyke tou enter yore thread-find eentou, and incloud enny baxxxground ov choosing/participatingings een ze thread tou add tou ze robustness ov yore entry. Cattiegories eencloood butt may not eenclloood or bee leemiteded tou: a). Funniest Hee! Snarfle! Kak! xx). Moist arooooooooousing! 70). Silliest 23). Beegest Time-Suck 420). Strangest 42). Moist Businesslyke doh). Faultiest Logixxx oozed een ze political argument Einstein). Moist Brillig! XXX). Sexxxxingsest Myndes (lyke xx.) aboov butt knot az titillatinings) #$%). Moist head-scratchinings (*). Meanest grrrrrrrr! %). Best single poosting een ze otterwise crapppy threadie timesuxxx ):). Moist pathetic attempt tou get laid )%). Moist pathetic attempt tou garner attenzione (:). Happiestiest *). Moist fluffing. Grrrrrroooooooop Hugggs! 7ate9). Fistingest 86.) Most WTFuxxxxiest. All cattegories open tou interpettings. ROUND UND ROUND UND ROUND SHEE GOOSE, WARE SHEE STOPS, NO BIDDY NOSE. Goood luxxx toooo aryoo allll! Zeez year since ze Ladye moist work (booooooooooooo!) fur ze livings now, wee veal ooze Tribal Celebrity Judges tou helps. Tribal Celebrity Judges veal incloood enny bidddy hoo volunteers soonly. Tippy Tap tippy tap tippy tap.... Prizes veal incloud butt knot be limiteded tou: ~red und black patent leather paddle wif ze star in ze middle. Only oozed once. ~Madame's last fang. A FIRST-CLASS RELIQUARY ITTIZ, MEIN FIENDS! ~two keeesies ~A date wif QueenE iffin sheee agrees. ~paper money mein Grandfuzzer gived mee witch may or may knot bee worth beeg buxxxx! ~ephemera ~leftover Easter candy ~Jar Jar (no biddy claimed ze poor bastid last year!) ~wild cods ~mystery prizes ov dubious origin PLEASE TOU ENTER YORE THREADIE NOMINATIONS HERE: http://dingleberrylane.tribe.net/thread/d46b2895-1f88-42c6-949f-d755d6a15383

Harrywood?

madamegonzaga — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 20:40:53 GMT

I donut nose. I simply donut nose.

A Tail ov Two Shoppekeepingers

madamegonzaga — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 20:34:03 GMT

sharkpup peeped eentou herr tailor's window... http://people.tribe.net/3733cb1b-9050-45fd-96e6-070f7818f75c/blog/b442f480-4176-4c35-82e3-f1e77f0062ba ...witch inspirededed mee tou peep eentou myne cobbler's window. Und hee boosted meee!

Wot Wot wood aryoooooo doo tou get ze pup baxxx?

madamegonzaga — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 02:33:08 GMT

I fluff aryoooooo deerly, Miss MeeMee "sharkpup" Sparklebump. Aryooooo maydeth ze Tribe Exxxperience special. Aryoooo were allways patient und kyndely und yore poosts maydeth mee pee on at least vun occasionings. I wood lyke tou meat aryooooo vun day und geev aryooooooooo ze beeg squeeeeze. So beeg zat aryooooo veal bleed. Just ze leetl. Fiends, wot wot I lyked beast about ze pup wass herr charming "sniffa sniffa"'s, sparkly poodunks, und trooooly kynde ways. Please tou come home, deer. Please. ::tippy-taps pawls toadgezzle three times:: Eefin aryooo come baxxx, I veal geev aryoooo ze leetl set ov sparkly red horns und myne two-headed Transmetropolitan cattie. Und zem ar myne two favrit toys. Allso I veal geev aryooo zat aforementioneded huggingings und ze cuddlings. Butt no mattle wot wot yore decisionings. I fluff aryooo. Und wee veal allways haf ze Avatard Cod Tinglies*. http://thingies.tribe.net/thread/02e48793-fbce-4367-91c7-98ce2659506c#886e548e-7246-4918-89e3-9d8e686363ef *Zee Trybal Tarot Avatard Cod representededed by our deer pup eez bofe Queen ov Water und Four (flippaws? fintoes?) ov Earth. Water eez cleansing, purifying, und mennny rituals ov bathing, eeeven purrfumings eez part ov our mageekal water sharing. Sharkpup embodies alll ov zeees. All hail Sharkpup Sparklebump!

"...love suffers long, and is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4

madamegonzaga — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 00:03:41 GMT

Madame Gonzaga's Tribe-Wide "Threadies 2005" Aweirdings Call fur Entrails!

madamegonzaga — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 17:33:24 GMT

Attenzione Rabble! Zeez eez ze orificial announcingmints ov my Annual Tribe-Wide "Threadies" Aweird. Please tou poost yore entries fur ze contest in ze foolowings Aweirding announcement thread een Dingleberry Lane: http://dingleberrylane.tribe.net/thread/2e4d021c-8574-45b4-a9e2-d3b17fb47c6c Yoo donut haf tou haf participateded een ze threadie yoo enter it tou win ze aweird, und yoo donut haf tou bee ze mimble ov ze Tribe! So get out zare und scramble tou breeng mee ze Beast ov ze Beast fur tou ween ze coveted "Threadie 2005" aweirdings! I veal mayketh ze final decisionsings based on whimsy, deepness ov ze laughter/pain/nostalgia/sexxxings stir/fluff I feeeel upon reading ze thread. Zare veal bee ze leetl weiner een eeach ov ze fooolowing cattiegoreys, so beast shore tou tell ze cattiegorey yoo wood lyke tou enter yore thread-find eentou, and incloud enny baxxxground ov choosing/participatingings een ze thread tou add tou ze robustness ov yore entry. Cattiegories eencloood: a). Funniest Hee! Snarfle! Kak! xx). Moist arooooooooousing! 70). Silliest 23). Beegest Time-Suck 420). Strangest 42). Moist Businesslyke doh). Faultiest Logixxx oozed een ze political argument Einstein). Moist Brillig! XXX). Sexxxxingsest (lyke 2, butt knot) #$%). Moist head-scratchinings (*). Meanest grrrrrrrr! %). Best single poosting een ze otterwise crapppy threadie timesuxxx ):). Moist pathetic attempt tou get laid )%). Moist pathetic attempt tou garner attenzione (:). Happiestiest *). Moist fluffing. Grrrrrroooooooop Hugggs! ?). wILdcod category...ennyting gooose! Vun thread ov each cattiegorey shall beast chosen und ov zoze weiners, vun "Beast ov ze Beast" Threadie veal bee chosen tou represent all threads ov 2005 und win ze KEYS TOU ZE BRAND GNU ALT createded wiffin ze deepest recesseses ov ze Mad Ham's brainpan. Weiner veal alllso receive ze moist wonderous und reknownededed pakkit ov fluff from ze Madame, witch veal eencloud butt knot bee limiteded tou vun ov herr much covetededed tooth reliquaries (only 13 een exxxistence!). ROUND UND ROUND UND ROUND SHEE GOOSE, WARE SHEE STOPS, NO BIDDY NOSE. CONTEST ENDS AT ZE END OV DISMEMBER. WEINERS UND EL GRANDE WEINER TOU BEE FLOUNCED ON JANUARY FIST OV 2006!

Acause I ham ze beegest copycatter EVER...at least according tou some...

madamegonzaga — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:02:44 GMT

I ham poosting zeez based on ze suggestionings ov ze fiend. Seems lyke ze eentaresting exorcism und means tou connext wif those I haf bin out ov touche wif fur vun reason or a muzzle. Eefin yoo read zeez, eefin yore beady leetl eyes ar passing over zeez right now, eevin eefin wee donut speak ofteninks, please tou poost ze comment wif ze mammary ov yoo und mee. It kin bee enny ting yoo vant. I promise not tou curse yoo. Und when yoo haf feenished poost zeez paragiraffes on yore own bloggy-wog (or copy frum sum biddy hoo types een Engrish). arrrroooooooooooooooooo! (fauxtoe eez ov ze poor malalignededed Senator Joe Biden)

A Nuzzle Roadside Attraxxxion

madamegonzaga — Thu, 06 Oct 2005 21:12:22 GMT

Craxxx ze crust! Dare tou punxxxture ze veil. Ze Madhamme nose all, pees alll. Ax fur yore psychic massage toadie. Singe uppinks fur yore reading heeer. Fortunizings veal bee given een ze hors d'oeuvres receiveded frum ze ethers in witchever format zay manifester. Donut rush ze chunnelings, all veal bee revealed een ze foolnessings ov Fuzzer Time. arrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooo!

PROFOUNDLY SAD CALL FUR MEATY ENTREES

madamegonzaga — Tue, 04 Oct 2005 21:16:49 GMT

ARRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please reefer tou: http://dingleberrylane.tribe.net/thread/3bc7fa11-b98a-43bf-8460-c1c0f8b76e24?r=10535

Spiritual Activism und ze Politics ov Meaning

madamegonzaga — Mon, 26 Sep 2005 19:19:18 GMT

ahem. ::kak kak kak:: The basic difference between a politics of meaning (PoM) perspective and a conventional liberal/progressive perspective is a PoM perspective on social policy issues always expresses the link between a goal, a practical objective, and the elevation of our inner being, especially the fostering of mutual recognition--the making-present of the other by recognizing the humanity of the other. By contrast, the normal liberal progressive stand speaks only in terms of externals, reorderings rather than transformations. Here are some brief examples. Social Security: Unlike the current democratic party line which argues for keeping the existing social security program because "it's not really running out of money," a PoM perspective should emphasize the moral importance of social security as expressive of intergenerational caring--even more, one of the greatest examples in human history of a whole society emphasizing that the young should care for the old and the old can feel affirmed in being loved and cared for by their grandchildren. Emphasizing intergenerational caring would have the effect of making George Bush look as selfish as he in fact is when he emphasizes private ownership of stock market accounts as a replacement of a social expression of solidarity. But the liberal line as it currently is makes Bush seem like the idealist by framing his proposal as expressive of an empowering moral vision: "the ownership society." Foreign Policy: A PoM perspective toward foreign policy emphasizes the centrality of recognizing the humanity of the Muslim world and relies on moral acts, acts of recognition, to reduce the threat of terror. The core analysis underlying this is that in a world of social separation in which people feel disconnected from each other, people grow attached to imaginary nationalistic identities corroded by an underlying fear of the other, and that fear is projected out onto other national identities in a reciprocal paranoid process, each demonizing the other. Violence or "war consciousness" only intensifies this process of mutual fear and increases the risk of terrorism. A PoM anti-war foreign policy therefore emphasizes, for example, the United States rebuilding the infrastructure of poor countries in the Middle East and otherwise implementing what we call a Global Marshall Plan; embracing Jeffery Sachs's plan for ending world poverty and supporting the U.S. active participation in that; urging the U.N. to reassert the moral role that characterized its origins with the security council being the place for both sides to hear from the parents who have lost children and otherwise recognizing the profundity of the loss of the younger generation that is now taking place in both the Middle East and the West and the like. The key thing about a PoM policy of recognition of the humanity of the other is that effective acts of recognition elicit spontaneous responses of recognition on "the other side," while also creating guilt in the consciousness of those on both sides who want to remain in the paranoid paradigm. This is different from the liberal stance, which only says either "bring the troops home," or wants to bring in an international force without otherwise creating spiritually attuned interventions that can begin to heal the pre-existing paranoia. A Policy for Seniors: While a traditional liberal perspective focuses only on "externals" such as supporting Medicare or a slightly better prescription drug benefit than Bush's, a PoM perspective should see the older population as venerable, and worthy of honor, not simply as a collection of wasting bodies. Therefore, we should support projects like StoryCorps, which is at the moment a very small project of young people going through the country taking down and recording the stories of the older population. It greatly increases the appeal of support for Medicare and free prescriptions to be recognizing the humanity of the older generation in this way because it links healthcare with actually caring about elders as human beings rather than merely seeing them as the gradually dying. Education: One of the most frustrating things about the conventional liberal attitude toward education is that it focuses solely on money for schools and lifting up the poor so that they can do better on standardized tests. In a significant way this actually denies the humanity of the poor by just wanting to whip them into shape so that they become efficient factors in production. A PoM education platform focuses most of all on the moral and spiritual development of the next generation on helping kids develop a spirit of empathy, joy, and appreciation of the grandeur of the universe and the amazingness of existence itself. It also should minimize if not reject outright the use of standardized testing because this process tends to alienate children from their spontaneous desire to learn and more important, teaches kids to be humiliated. This doesn't mean that reading, writing, and arithmetic are unimportant, but rather places these relatively modest skills within a moral vision of child development and a vision of children as the sacred carriers of hope for the next generation--including especially hope for creating a loving and caring world elevated by wisdom and compassion. This should be the centerpiece of what the schools are about and what school-family relations should seek to foster. arrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Madame Gonzaga's Ethereal Confessional Booth

madamegonzaga — Fri, 16 Sep 2005 16:40:48 GMT

Welcome tou ethernity. Wot Wot wood yoo lik tou git offals yore chest? Ze Madame unnerstands. Furgivenessings eez fur every biddy. Yore salivation eez een myne pawls. No sin tou large; no cornfession tou small. Penitence veal be meted out az I beast see fittinings. Lettuce splay.

ahem.

madamegonzaga — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 21:03:58 GMT

Heer eez myne ladye’s as-yet rejected (by ze Chron, NYT--they geef nice letter tho, ze alties…') op-ed on ze Amerikkkan flag. Written during ze forced-march family trippings tou Disneyland, Thanksgiving 2002. ::kak:: Quiet, please. AMERICA, LAY DOWN YOUR FLAG “We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.” - Mark Twain Twelve-year-old Tiffany admits with a giggle that most mornings her teacher forgets to lead her 6th grade Sacramento, California classroom in The Pledge of Allegiance. In my day, our grade-school principal, Mrs. Burke, would never have allowed such laxity. She made sure we recited The Pledge of Allegiance every morning, taking the proper position of facing the flag while standing with our right hands over our hearts, fingers together and horizontal, our arms as near a right angle as possible. In fact, Mrs. Burke actually led us in the Pledge herself each morning over the school’s loudspeaker system. Times change. Because neither in my day would twelve-year-old Tiffany have gotten away with flying a pseudo American flag-like sparkly-spangled red, white, and blue thong out the back of her extraordinarily low-cut hip-hugger blue-jeans while prancing around Disneyland. But these days it’s positively patriotic. Waiting in line for Disneyland’s “It’s a Small World” ride, which first debuted during the 1964 World’s Fair, one has ample opportunity to talk to strangers, count bastardizations of the American flag, ponder the meaning of patriotism after 9-11, consider the current relevance of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, and to come up with more spiritual alternatives. I much prefer today’s zest of Tiffany’s plumber’s crack and flippant attitude towards reciting the pledge to the grim reality of the children’s primer published in 1903, which was a tool for preparing children to give their hearts and souls over to a lifetime of soldiering: “…'B is for Battles…' Z is for Zeal that has carried us through /when fighting for justice/with the Red, White, and Blue.” The American flag, our standards of respect for it, and the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance are forever intertwined. Patriotism was pounded into our heads each morning in school, essay contests were held with prizes such as “Most Patriotic” and “Most American.” For me, a child raised in a non-religious family, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance each day in school was as close to prayer as I got, and the flag was actually more symbolic to me than a crucifix, cross or other religious symbols. Perhaps that explains why I bristle in a reaction that is an odd mix of fear, anger, and amusement when I see someone draping themselves in the American flag when they are not being carried off in a box. On other occasions seeing the American flag makes me weep, such as when Ali, the coffee shop owner of Middle Eastern descent in my neighborhood, put a gargantuan American flag in his shop window—ostensibly a shield—the day after 9-11. But on days when I’m in a foul mood, which seem to be oftener these dark days of late with the threat of terrorism constantly looming, I want to scream at people like the householders on the corner of Masonic and Page with the flag draped across the entire first floor of their house night and day. I want to knock on their door at four in the morning and ticket them for not having a light shining on their monster flag. I want to inquire as to their reasoning for such a display of patriotism and ask how they can possess such a huge flag and yet such a small knowledge and/or regard of the flag code. Don’t the big-ass flags come with some sort of a booklet or something? Of course it could just be serving as a paint screen; I’ve noticed they’re doing some renovations on their house. I cringe every time I climb Lone Mountain in San Francisco and am faced with a host of flags, including that of the United States of America, blowing forlornly in the rain and dark and cold. No one seems to grok the irony that the flags aren’t honored yet were placed there to honor diversity. I’ve tried to discuss the situation with my cohorts, no one is very interested in my rantings. I called USF’s groundskeeper but never heard back. Back to Disney. So we stand in line at The Happiest Place in the World ™, observing the never-ending parade of American flag-inspired fashionistas sporting the red, white, and blue on handbags, sunglasses, scarves. We witness whole families sporting matching t-shirts cut out of Mickey Mouse-head faux American flag fabric. Every rule of flag etiquette is broken, lying helpless on Disney’s red brick road. At first to the amusement, but soon to the dismay of my companions, I begin counting violations of the flag code aloud and formulating a plan for “ticketing” the offenders as a sort of spiritual intervention and impromptu waiting-in-line kind of fashion-police bingo game. By my giddy count of 197 infractions my friends threaten to kill me, so I stop and settle for talking to Tiffany until we get on the “It’s a Small World” ride. The world is indeed small and getting smaller by the minute. Since Walt’s contribution to the World’s Fair, our world has mushroomed in population, while technology brings us ever closer together. Cell phones, teleconferencing, digital communication advancements, and instant imaging have eradicated boundaries. The American flag no longer applies, no single country’s boundaries really need be an obstacle to progress. In May 2002, Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura vetoed a bill that required the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance at least once a week in public and charter schools. He was ballsy enough to compare this kind of coercion with programs of the Nazis and the Taliban. His statement that schools should teach children the facts and their choices rather than try to train them into rote roles was exactly what every other politician should be saying as well. Now in 2003 we stand ready for the Supreme Court to decide whether it’s unconstitutional for children in public schools to pledge their allegiance to “one nation under God.” Reciting some type of a pledge to honor fellow human beings is a lovely idea, but why limit that pledge to people living only in our own country and who worship the same God? The Pledge of Allegiance as it stands means choosing one nation and imposing a God on all comers. I’m sure that I’m not the first human being to deconstruct the pledge, to suggest a facelift. Is it worse to continue using something that we’ve outgrown or can we honor that which has served us, gently put it to rest, and come up with something new that can serve us in the future? As far as I could find, the United States alone pledges allegiance to its flag. As for laws surrounding flags, some countries have laws protecting their flags, and some also include laws to protect the flags and symbols of other nations. The United States protects and pledges only to its own. We are now, and always have been the citizens of this whole world, not just America. It is only that now it is time to take a holistic stand. The Old American Pledge of Allegiance: “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” May I suggest the following changes? The New American World Pledge: “We pledge kindness and honor to all the people of the world who dwell upon this Earth. We are one planet, indivisible, and owe liberty and justice to all who share our world.” I don’t believe that today’s patriotism requires, nor can tolerate geographical boundaries. Patriotism is the champion of freedom and human rights. For that no flag is necessary. America, lay down your flag.