words words words

Darshan

mandai — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:36:18 GMT

It is like one long lucid dream, this offering my life has taken a hold of. Coming back to a land that has given so much and taken something so dearly away. Meanwhile I find myself elbow-deep in blood, in love, and in gratitude for the side of life I stand with here. I have been embraced so many time by beloveds whose walls are that much thinner, whose hearts are that much more broken, in order to let that much more love in. I have sunk in warmly and drank deeply from this well, since having been parched and cold in the place I sometimes call home. Sometimes I wonder, what else is on this island? I've heard there is a volcano, and I've heard there are beaches. Temples that could bring entire pantheons to their knees. Roads that wind through rice fields, coconut trees and past thatched huts. But my prayer here is focused in an earthly temple, Whose lights can be bright and where people come in their sarongs and jilbabs. Where water is run to ease the pain, wash the blood, soften the transition from womb to world. And I realize that I am in the presence of someone who, at times, is one of my greatest teachers. Therefore each moment with her I savour as Darshan. My teachings here have been profound, in part allowing me to ease back into an embodiment of myself that I know best and flow with at ease. Words roll off my tongue as if no time has passed, and new ones are sometimes overwhelmingly delicious to say. Yet somehow there has been a deepening, a shift, a silent understanding that I somehow know more about birth than I did before. Which means, I really know less, because each one reminds me of how deep and endless the mystery is. The More you Know, the less you know. As I walk further into my initiation, my initiation brings me to different doors. They all look the same from the outside, but as I enter, each one is its own world. A breech. A hemorrhage. A flower-filled water birth. A cleft palate. A 2kg baby. A 4kg baby. A birth with tears. A birth with laughter. Milk and vernix and pooh and baby cloth diapers with matching hats. Somehow these are all birthing me anew, as i feel the instinct surfacing more and a more rigid, educated part of my brain wash away with the daily rain. I pick the flowers from the drain, wash the blood off of them and put them in the bowl which houses the placenta, which still remains attached through one limp, white, gelatinous cord to the baby, who still remains attached to its mama via its mouth to her nipple, and certainly through the same energy body still. And I know That this is what Bhakti feels like.

birth and death

mandai — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:48:40 GMT

holding space on this day/eve while across the world a special kin returns to the flames of creation with all the family beholding and creating our ritual around her. blessed be. we are all there with you. let us all release and be reborn. and all the way over here, I sit with a woman in the birthing process i'm sure this new life will emerge as we all collectively release our beloved. candles on the altar. let us remember the cycle. let us honour the eternal source.

birth meditation

mandai — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 02:57:37 GMT

as you surrender into this whiteness, remember this: the snow falls to blanket you in warmth and surround you in its ethereal weight even through the darkness that you have faced within. you will find yourself in the temple of your soul where no one can touch your vulnerability waiting for the tides to burst in the slow ocean waves of divine patience feeling inside you the stretch of bones and blood and teeth and heart while reaching through your dreams to find the place of solitude in which to open. as you wake each day, remember this: that the path unfolding before you is edged with your wisdom, even in your solitude you will slip through this rite of passage as the owl watches silently as your ally. keep sinking deeper into those sensations because through that wave is a rebirth of yourself even when you have shed the burden of pre-tension from a reflection that can not pretend to serve you you no longer have to resist your intuition you no longer have to stay within your shell.

thank you, kootenays

mandai — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 05:40:24 GMT

for all of your warmth though you were covered in snow for all of your brightness though it was winter solstice for all of your healing though i was sick most of the time! you take me in and remind me of me every time. you show me what love feels like again. you tell me to remember to keep breathing and keep dancing. you intoxicate me with gratitude. you call me into my greater role and show me my vast capabilities you cool my fingers and toes but warm me inside with your hearth. thank you, thank you home and family that keep that land free so i can drink from the streams. thank you, all of you you know who you are!! who keep it real. you keep housing my dreams in those deep mountains, and i will keep whispering to the cedars.

Kidnapped by the Vine

mandai — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 04:05:54 GMT

The post-burn story of my dreams! Reality took an interesting turn for me..... I suppose it all started when I decided not to go to the Burn after Shambhala, even though my parents were going. I just could not stand the thought of going all the way down and enduring the playa for a week. I did however go down to Portland to partake in the amazing ceremonies led by the lovely, humble, incredible Christina. What an honour to sit in her circle and journey with her songs. I was so transformed, so taken in, cleaned out, loved up and renewed. I could not have asked for more and felt fully fulfilled and refreshed afterwards. However, one of the messages I received was, 'girl, GO to the burn with your parents!!!' As soon as I made that decision, everything fell into place. I even took some of the last shifts at the Iboga Therapy House because the others had left for the playa. I escorted our client to the ferry the same time I was leaving to head south. Everything felt right. I watched the lunar eclipse from an RV park in Reno, wondering how the playa was going to take me in this time. The whole week was so phenomenal, I cannot BELIEVE I thought about not going! Not only did my parents love it and have a raging time, I pretty much spent the whole week embracing people I love with every piece of my soul, dancing to amazing beats, attending fascinating talks/workshops, giving and receiving yager kisses, and spreading my magick all over the playa. It's like I'd forgotten how good it could be and she decided to remind me by dishing it out until my cup overflowed. My parents wanted to leave on Sunday but I was determined to stay for the Temple burn - which marked the long-awaited end to my Saturn return. So I found a friend who agreed to drive me to the Reno airport in the morning. I said my goodbye to my parents and watched them drive away, so proud of them for coming all the way to the playa and experiencing what it had to offer. My contentment shifted when I realized they'd left with my wallet and passport. I spent the next 3 hours frantically searching the line-up of vehicles waiting to get off the playa, even making a sign with donated cardboard, a ball-point pen, leftover duct tape and some wire to hold it to a pylon. One of the infamous signs you read as you make your way onto the playa had fallen, so I grabbed it. The message on it before mine was taped over it read, "for fun". It was out of my hands and i was too exhausted and full of exhaust and playa dust to even care. To the temple burn, to burn away all I had wanted to release all week. Then a mission to find a ride to Seattle - no luck. Everywhere I turned was a closed door. Until my friends said I should just come with them to Mendocino. As soon as I considered that suggestion, my whole disposition changed, and I knew that's where I needed to go. We left early Monday morning and I was relaying phone messages to my parents through my sister-in-law, but really just needed them to call my friend's cell phone so we could solidify plans and they could help me find another way home. No word from them until the next day when my Mom FINALLY phoned. They had good news and bad news: they had my wallet, ipod and book. They did not have my passport. Frantically I searched my bag and to my disbelief, I pulled out my passport, enduring the constant razzing from everyone in the room for the next while as I just laughed at how ridiculous the circumstance was. So there I was, up in Mendocino. I went to another friends' place where the Shamanic Astrologer, Daniel Giomarrio, was doing group and personal readings. I was the Virgo moon that had been absent in the circle the day before. I learned so much about what is written in the stars for me, and indeed some of the things he said rang so true that it gave me shivers. The next night I had the honour of sitting in ceremony with some elders from Ecuador who some good friends of ours have been touring with for the last month. The opportunity to sit in this circle was such an honour and I could not believe my luck and timing considering how I ended up there. It was truly the chance of a lifetime to hear their songs and receive their healings, and the blessings from that ceremony will ripple through me forever. I never anticipated such luck when I thought I was stranded at the burn, passport-less and having to miss my flight. It was my experience in Portland that got me down to the burn in the first place, and the serendipity of the universe that got me to where I needed to be to pull back the veils once more and partake in the gifts from South America. Blessed be, all who helped me along the way - you know who you are!!! I love you all so dearly and cherish each moment of my experience. The post-playa bliss I feel has just multiplied a hundredfold and I will forever be grateful that all my attempts to find my parents were fruitless. Yay for the strange workings of the universe!!!

A midwife's dedication

mandai — Tue, 22 May 2007 07:20:34 GMT

The first page of Holistic Midwifery by Anne Frye: To my sister Healers Witches Wise Women Midwives Who for hundreds of years Were burned and tortured and died by the millions as your children looked on. To those who locked arms and walked into the sea Rather than submit tot ehinquisitor's torments. For the wisdom that went with you Mostly unwritten, but never forgotten. For all you knew and shared The care you gave And the courage it took To continue in the face of truly Overwhelming odds, For your strength; a source of continuing inspiration To you, dear Sisters, I dedicate this book.

Yoni-Friendly Births

mandai — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 03:11:33 GMT

Have I mentioned lately how amazing women’s bodies are? When I first came to Bali, Robin told me to bring as many prenatal vitamins as I could get my hands on. Balinese women, especially those who are poor, don’t eat well, and the number one ticket to a smooth birth, healthy baby, and easy breastfeeding afterwards is good nutrition. One aspect of having a smooth birth is coming out of it with an intact perineum. That is, an untorn yoni (sorry if that makes you cringe). Many women in Bali tear because their nutrition is so bad and their tissue is not very strong or supple. That’s one reason why we give out vitamins to every woman who comes for a prenatal visit. But I’ve been playing with another way you can help keep the yoni healthy during birth: guarding the perineum with your hands. I’ve had the pleasure of working alongside the charismatic Chandra for the past six weeks. She is German midwifery efficiency at its finest and has taught me countless little tricks which I will carry in my birthing bag forever. We love working as a team because we automatically know what to do, and alternate roles constantly. I’ll get a woman up to walk around the room, Chandra will massage her back during contractions. Chandra will fill the waterbirth tub, I’ll get her into different positions while we wait. I’ll get heart tones, Chandra will wipe ass. And so on. For the past couple of years, I’ve been learning from a midwife, loved and respected dearly, who basically just sits back during the birth, gently talking the woman through it and letting the dad catch and everything. That’s the style of midwifery that I always thought best suited me (and for the most part still does) – our mantra sometimes is, “A good midwife sits on her hands”. I’ve now learned a trick or two during times when it’s important for a midwife’s hands to know what to do in order to facilitate a smooth birth. When the baby’s head is visible and coming closer to the outside world, Chandra and I guard the perineum, winking at each other in our silent consensus of who will do what. One of us will have our hands below, usually with a hot towel to help the tissue slowly stretch. The other one will have her hand up above, holding the skin around the clitoris together to protect it from harm. When the baby’s head is crowing, one of us will place a hand on the head, allowing it to emerge sllloooooowwwwllly and getting the woman to pant instead of push. Preventing the head from popping out quickly can allow the skin to stretch just enough to fit. We gently check the neck for an umbilical cord or hand, and if all is clear, we allow the baby to rest in this world, half in, half out, half in utero, half born, in silence. We wait for it to turn in one direction so the shoulders can fit under the pubic bone. Left undisturbed, the baby will do this in its own time. Once turned, one of us holds the bottom of the perineum to maintain support while the mama pushes, with the other gently guiding the baby out and onto the mama’s belly. So far Chandra and I have had a run of births in which we’ll check below once baby is stable, look at each other with smiles, and give high-fives with gloved hands. Most of the intact yonis have been those of first-time moms, ensuring less chance of another tear in future pregnancies. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our fair share of opportunities to practice our suturing (sewing) skills as well. Suturing itself is a controversial topic in midwifery, with some thinking that it’s for the most part unnecessary or disruptive to healing. One of our favourite sayings is, “If there are two halves of a yoni in the same room, they’ll find each other.” But it’s definitely a useful skill to know, as sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. Robin had me practicing on a chicken breast. When I was done with it, you couldn’t even see where the cut had been! And her favourite thing to do to me lately is turn to me and say, “Oh, it’s just a small one, you can handle it.” And there I go, using my sewing skills on live textiles. It’s a trip. I’m thankful to know how to do it. But I’m more thankful to have tag-teamed enough with Chandra to know that with the right amount of patience and skilled hands, a lot of yonis can remain as they were (for the most part) before the birth. As much of a seamstress I am, I prefer to save that for my other creative flow. I’m sure all mamas would agree Om Swastiastu.

Midwifery Teachings #3: the path from womb to world

mandai — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 19:28:53 GMT

It can be a funny one, this birth canal. It has an interesting relationship with skull bones. These two allies take some babies on interesting journeys, sometimes letting them slide right through before they have time to max out the DMT trip, other times making them work their little skull bones so they overlap just enough to let them little nogginz through. there is always a lesson. there is always a surprise. there is always the divine watching over and protecting. Beautiful dark-skinned woman this morning, working through her journey with grace and faith, great to hold space for. At one point Robin checked up in there to see how far the baby’s head had come down, felt where the skull sutures and fontanels were, turned to me and said, ‘I think this baby is posterior’. Basically, the baby was facing a direction which would make its passage through the birth canal much more difficult than if it was facing towards its mama’s back. Posterior births can sometimes be so challenging that they require intervention, but not always – what is important is that the mama has enough energy and believes in herself and that her body is perfectly capable of birthing her baby. This baby’s heart was all over the place though – mostly slow, so we got her out of the tub and onto the bed to make sure her hips were as wide apart as possible, and cheered her on while doing reiki on the baby and showing the father how to give nipple stimulation, which releases more oxytocin into mama’s blood (Balinese men sure don’t seem like they know how to touch their wives’ nipples!). We didn’t know how this baby was going to come out, but we could see that she was working it down by the little swirls of black hair that started to emerge. So impressive for such a difficult squeeze, yet there she was, persevering beautifully. Between pushes Robin told me the story of this woman’s first birth, in a nearby hospital, where they were prepping her for surgery and Robin came, got her squatting and pushing while they prepared the operating room, and caught her baby by the time they’d returned to bring her in. Already a known warrior tapping into her enormous inner strength. Baby emerged facing sideways, and came sliding out moments after his head was born, with much rejoice in the room. He was in great condition, not giving any indication of the struggle he’d just been through, except for the shape of his skull – he’d come through from the side of his head, so his cone-shape was lopsided. I bet he had a bit of a headache, but got over it quickly once he was breastfeeding. Yummy mummy milk! Robin told me later that the birth was a bit of a miracle, as sometimes babies facing sideways can get stuck once they reach the narrowest pathway through the pelvis – ‘deep transverse arrest’. However, sometimes the head just needs more time to keep moving those little skull bones around in just the right configurations so as to make the final journey – ‘deep pelvic molding’ (thanks, Gloria!). From there, babies often choose to rotate one way or the other, and it’s rare to actually have the head born facing completely to the side. This little trooper went all out, to show us that even the most unlikely of entrances are possible. He shaped his whole head that way just to show off about it! His skull bones and his mama’s birth canal will rejoice in their teamwork for years to come. I know that one of the most important aspects was the way the mama had been empowered, throughout her previous birth and this one today. In her birth trance, she had summoned the courage and will from knowing that she CAN do it, while we all had the patience with her and her baby, knowing that they were working together to complete the journey. I’m so proud of both of them for once again demonstrating that skull bones and birth canals can work mysteriously in symbiotic unison that humbles us midwives every time. Ahhh… don’t you love the mystery of nature?

Balinese Lotus Births

mandai — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 08:41:44 GMT

The Balinese have a variety of traditions and rituals around birth, which is making my midwifery training a tremendous, unique, and deeply healing experience. Each birth tells a different story and brings a whole new set of lessons. Each woman sings her own birth song and each baby comes in its own time when it decides when it will emerge from its mother's womb. There is much joy and celebration at the moment of birth and for days, if not months, afterwards, which is always such an honour to witness. One of my many favourite aspects of the birthing clinic where I volunteer is its nonviolent philosophy. Our motto, perhaps borrowed by the late Jeannine Parvati Baker but definitely known and practiced by midwives, is "Gentle Births to Heal the Earth". We practice a very hands-off approach which allows a woman to go deep into her trance, supported by her husband or family members, constantly being reassured that she is able to birth this baby and that her body is perfectly designed to do it naturally. This is crucial at a time when this developing country is embracing the expensive, flawed and political medical paradigm around birth. As every hindu child is born, we sing the gayatri mantra to welcome it into the world. Every muslim baby is greeted with a praise to Allah. A beautiful and touching aspect of the births we do is the Lotus Birth. This is when the umbilical cord is left intact after birth from an hour to several days. The baby and the placenta remain one unit until the parents decide to cut the cord, or in a full lotus birth, when the cord dries up and the baby kicks it off herself. The idea is that the placenta is an integral organ of the baby's body, and cutting it off suddenly can shock the baby physically, emotionally, and energetically. This is also a way of getting mama and baby, who were once one, to rest together, skin-to-skin, feeding and bonding, since moving around a baby AND a placenta can be a little cumbersome. One way that we sometimes like to cut the cord is by burning it (see photos in my album). Burning the cord pulls all the life-force energy of the placenta into the baby, therefore allowing the baby to feel complete despite losing a crucial organ. This is also a technique that is crucial during times of limited supplies, as it's completely sterile. Once again, the gayatri mantra is sung until the cord is completely burned off. The placenta is then immediately taken by the father, who goes and buries it in the family compound, so that the child will always be able to find his way home. The respect for the integrity of the mama's and baby's mind, body and spirit is essential for peace to prevail on earth. When each human is treated with this kind of dignity, from the moment of birth onwards, it ripples out and reinforces the love that is necessary for humans to survive.

the wax and wane of love

mandai — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 21:29:20 GMT

WAX When I see you and how you are, I close my eyes to the other. For your Solomon’s seal I become wax Throughout my body. I wait to be light. I give up opinions on all matters. I become the reed flute for your breath. You were inside my hand. I kept reaching around for something. I was inside your hand, but I kept asking questions Of those who know very little. I must have been incredibly simple or drunk or insane To sneak into my own house and steal money, To climb over the fence and take my own vegetables. But no more. I’ve gotten free of that ignorant fist That was pinching and twisting my secret self. The universe and the light of the stars come through me. I am the crescent moon put up Over the gate to the festival. -RUMI

Rumi poem

mandai — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 07:33:22 GMT

THE WINE VAT’S LID I go to the one who can cure me And say, I have a hundred things wrong. Can you combine them to one? I thought you were dead. I was, But then I caught your fragrance again And came back to life. Gently, his hand on my chest. Which tribe are you from? This tribe. He begins to treat my illness. If I am angry and aggressive, he gives me wine. I quit fighting, I take off my clothes And lie down. I sing in the circle of singers I roar and break cups, even big jars. Some people worship golden calves. I am the mangy calf who worships love. The healing presence has called me From the hole I hid in. My soul, if I’m agile or stumbling, confused, Or in my true being, it’s you. Sometimes the sleek arrow. Other times a worn leather thumbguard. You bring me where everything circles. And now as you put the lid back On the wine vat, pure quiet. - Rumi

one more step

mandai — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 03:03:02 GMT

mama gaia is aking me a special favour; to find the courage to take one more step to bring each languid moment forward as one slowly bleeds into the next in a reality seemingly frozen in a wasteland of despair thick with a heavy current pushing inwards to pick up the shattered pieces and find the strength to fit them back together around my heart one more step towards the next breath and the next one and the next one and the next one i can only breathe my way through this darkness perhaps breath brings light one more step further into the pain to search for its edge so it may leave me a scar as i cross over its softness that might show mercy its songs that fill the empty space inside further towards a faith that waivers with ripples of ocean tears whispers through branches in the storm though they break and fall and die further towards planting a seed of willingness to water and bring light unto so that it may sprout and grow a new medicine in my heart one more step upon the demons that no longer serve upon realities that bring forth illusion upon bridges that have already burned perhaps the heat will warm my spirit i'll take anything through the dance of the flame through the bough of the cedar' through the spine of a feather through the swirl of the ocean one more step

da-vined path

mandai — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 05:18:38 GMT

I bow down with deepest gratitude for the teachings of the medicine circle in which I participated this past weekend. You all know who you are, light warriors and healers who stepped up and drank the red, earth, tangy vine and entered into the spirit world with me. i've never felt so honoured and humbled in the presence of such divine beings in a space created to assist with such magic and healing on a spiritual level. Many people had told me that I should do the medicine because of its connection to midwifery and the death/rebirth path. indeed, the calling finally came into fruition. I asked her to be mild yet show me the mirror in its deepest forms, and the love and support of everyone around me in those moments made the experience all the more potent. Night one; I was the chosen purger, though I knew I was purging for everyone around me and in my sphere as well. I felt my DNA being stroked and straightened out and divine light love travelling along its helixes. I felt the presence of the spirits, gingerly introducinig me to that world. I felt the amazonian jungle leaves caressing my face and the thickness of the moist air on my skin as the snow silently fell on cedar boughs in the moonlight outside. Night two; we really did the work to get through that night. Sasha's sweet voice summoned us through the veils, one at a time, with howls of love for Nesta and all who were present with us in spirit only. And I was taken back to the garden of eden. I was finally home! Immersed in eternity, the one-ness, all memories from childhood rolling through. laughter and tears and some very potent healing on my light body from the spirits. I sang like a siren for the first time in my life. the healing received for this openness was overwhelming. I was reminded of who i am and who we all are, what we are here to do on this earth. Dear Wee offering body work to release energy the sweet vine helped to unravel in my soul. release... and surrender. Night three; cumulative effect means potent openings. Only this time, I went way deep into a place that is my deepest challenge and had to be the light warrior that I am to work through it. There were not many prayer songs that night, and I truly felt the presence of an entity trying to take my vital force, and had to ask for help. Everyone held space so beautifully for me, though the shamanic death was amongst the most intense experiences of my life, and no one on the outside could really help me through that. I felt the totems protecting me; my owl feather, the paulo santo, the soft white gentle snow outside, the quite surrender of my soul as I was reminded of the eternity from which I came. I walk with medicine people in my community. I am so honoured to have received this healing and walk the path as the medicine woman that I am. I am affirmed of my role in my family and feel the full support of the spirits around me. thank you thank you in deepest gratitude for all who help carry the vine for all who sit in ceremony and do the work for the collective consciousness i am humbled to my core

tagged!!

mandai — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 05:53:03 GMT

uh oh... tagged by dee, so here i go. i have to write 8 little-known facts about meeeself. hmmm.... what to reveal. 1 - my parent's first nickname for me was 'duma' (doo-mah) because i fell flat on my face when i was about 2 and got a big gash on my nose. my parents called me 'doodle-bug' but my brother couldn't say it; instead he said 'duma'. thus began my reign. additional fact: 'duma' is also the name of the russian parlaiment during the reign of the czars, if i'm not mistaken. 2 - in high school i was a 'punk-ass' - doc martens up to my knees (cherry), fishnet stockings, short kilt, short blonde hair, all-ages punk shows and best friends with mohawks. but i secretly longed to grow my dreddies, travel around to dead shows in a VW van and cover myself in patchouli. thank god that phase is over!!! 3 - i am actually an african woman named kadiatou traore. i live in a small village in Mali and grow millet and shea nuts for butter. my husband has another wife, and collectively we raise 6 children together while he smokes cigarettes and drinks mint tea with his friends in the family courtyard. my alter-ego is living out a life over here in Canada, on a mission to explore what the hell this 'new world' is all about anyway. so far she's not too impressed, and longs to return to the silent creaking nights in her village. 4 - i am also actually a common housecat, who lounges on the couch, licks herself clean every day, eats fish along the docks in gibsons, goes hunting for mice in the evenings and rubs up against my housemates for affection. my alter-ego is a human exploring normal human everyday life; so far she is not impressed and longs to curl up and purr in the sunbeams all day. 5 - i tried learning to play the electric bass one time, and am actually not that bad, but found it challenging that in order to get really good you have to jam with people. unfortunately the only people who would jam with me at the time were a bunch of dreddie men who smoked way too much weed and skanked reggae till the sun went down. i ended up getting so high and so confused that i got horrendously embarassed and ditched the whole mission after a while. but every now and then i pull it out, put on a reggae album and play along. 6 - the most interesting surprise I've had at a birth i've witnessed was one in Malawi, Africa, when the doctor was concerned over not being able to hear the fetal heart tones and eventually decided on a cesarean. he walked me through every step he was doing, and when all was ready, reached in and pulled out a little boy. then he reached in again... and pulled out a little girl. hooray!!!! 7 - some of you may know this, but my high school boyfriend and grad date was one of the guys who stars in the cult film 'FUBAR'. and yes, he was like that in high school too, but he was just kidding...i swear. eventually the white-trash act started to turn me off. who woulda guessed? 8 - one of the most impulsive things i ever did in india (and there are a few of those) is when i was in Tamil Nadu and decided i wanted to check out what Indian village life was like. I asked the guy at the bus station to write out some names of nearby villages, chose the most beautiful name (kavunji), went there, walked to a patch of trees, set up my hammock, and layed there for a while. these kids were watching me and whispering - not an unusual thing in india - but eventually a woman came up to me and said in her very broken english, "this here toilet!" you see, in india, people shit everywhere... and I'd been so graceful so as to set myself up in the forest where to whole community came to pinch one. luckily she took me to her small home and sheltered me from village shame until i left. alright then, there you have it... and now... i'm tagging copper chris jervais linda phongus sheena-neenar flora hope there's been no double-tags! xxxxxmandaiiii

I am an aunt!!!

mandai — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 08:35:22 GMT

on march 27th at about 1130 am, baby Malan was born in Nelson to my brother Chris and his lovely wife Samantha. Not only is she a red head, but she's an Aries!!! i love those kinds of people! praises to the most high for bringing this beautiful girl into my life. isn't she cuuuute??/

the Balinese Birthing clinic

mandai — Sat, 18 Mar 2006 03:45:54 GMT

So my time in Bali has finally ended, sadly, but more of that to come. So many stories to tell, where do I start? I have to praise Robin Lim for the way she birthed this clinic into being, and the consciousness with which she runs it. One birth at a time, we are enabling Balinese women to avoid unnecessary interventions, expensive hospital bills and undignified experiences. Most women were quite kind and grateful, quietly coming to birth their babies in one of the rooms or sometimes in the waterbirth tub. Although they would instinctually lay on their backs, we would encourage them to get into different positions, sometimes swinging from handles on the wall and squatting for deliveries. Rarely did we see any complications aside from ones that were quite manageable, like nuchal hands, nuchal cords, and postpartum hemmorhages that were handled with oxytocin. We only served low-risk women, but occasionally things happen, like shoulder dystocia or presentation that caused difficult deliveries. Right after the births we would settle the mom and babe together, usually with the placenta still attached and in a bowl on the bed beside them. Breastfeeding would be established and the family would all come in to mee the newest edition. One woman in particular stole our hearts each time she came in for a prenatal, with a huge round belly that made her small frame even more delicate! She was due, and then she was overdue, and had another ultrasound for dates that allowed her another week, but still she was not getting any signs of contractions. We gave her homeopathics, castor oil, encouraged them to get it on, everything, but still.... One night she came to visit the head midwife, thinking that she might be starting the birthing process. Budi talked to them about having a post-term baby, and on a whim they decided to go deliver at the nearest hospital. The baby went into distress, she had an emergeny cesarean birth, and - surprise!- twin baby girls!!! Harvest and I went to the hospital and demanded, a day and a half after delivery, that she be able to see her babies, hold them and breastfeed them. it took a bit of a fight but in the end she got them. they were beautiful!!! They ended up naming their girls after Harvest and I; Ari Cempaka Diva Rowena and Ari Cempaka Arti Amanda. What a blessing that is!!! I'm grateful for my experiences there, and look forward to more. I'm astounded at the warmth of the Balinese people, they are truly so generous and gracious and they have inspired me in so many parts of my life. Tirima Kasih, and Mutar Suksumo

Balinese Births

mandai — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 15:52:54 GMT

Salamat Datang. Oh, this land, this glorious little volcano, a pocket of ancient hinduism in an archepelago of muslim islands, this land is whispering its secrets to me in the most beautiful of ways. Each morning the women weave little banana leaf offerings and fill them with flowers and rice, covered with turmeric and topped with a stick of incense. The scent of this devotion fills each morning with the mists rising from the rice paddies. The gamalon music drifts through the evening from various locations in town; it seems like the crickets chirp with the rhythm in a symphony of lush stillness. We are part of a community of healers, some people who have come from overseas, who simply work for the universe and wait for the next sign to take them where they must be, and serving the Balinese while they are here. Some are Indonesians from other islands. Most are locals who believe in the fact that healing involves a whole person, a whole family, a whole community. The philosophy behind the Yayasan Bumi Sehat birthing clinic is that a peaceful future can be built, one birth at a time, by allowing the new generations to enter this world in a gentle way. There are schools of thought that say that the events surrounding a person's birth can influece them for the rest of their lives. One way to build peace is by building peaceful humans, from the very first moments. This resonates with many of us who are indeed trying to reshape our societies; it is difficult to change what already is, it is easy to create a new template for what will become. And birth is a very sacred event that can imprint tranquility or trauma on someone - it's up to us to choose which one will welcome our children into this world. I have the honour of participating in births with others who feel that we are creating a change that we may not see in this lifetime. One fellow midwife from Canada, Harvest, has been coming here for a few years now and is a gracious teacher to me. Another midwife, Budi, is so skilled that I sometimes watch in awe while her hands guide, repair and heal. I learn so much from each encounter with these women and I am surrouned by wisdom that is allowing me to grow into the midwife I want to be - not one whose spirit is choked out by a disempowering system, an easy trap where I come from, and a very unfortunate one for all of us sisters trying to maintain dignity and integrity in the face of the medical establishment. As midwives here, we are free to keep things simple in order to allow mother and baby the most intimate experience they deserve. Blessed be these people, proud and creative and so devoted to spirit. Blessed be this land, nurturing a culture that is so unique and inspiring. Blessed be the little 'bayini's that teach me how to be a perfect little buddha. Blessed be all who reflect this vision in this world. The maternity happens to rely on donations from overseas, and at the moment we are completely out of prenatal vitamins. If anyone is interested in getting some to me over here, I have a few contacts with people coming soon. Please get in touch with me.... and thank you to all who have contributed already; Rob and Flora, Adrian, Sheena, Anna, and Vivien - your love shines through in the smiles of the fresh babies coming through each day. Salamat Malam.

Mandy needs..... so the oracle says.

mandai — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 15:34:30 GMT

Okay so I had to try it, too much fun for one night gave me this: Mandy needs your help and guidance as she goes through this difficult time in her life. Mandy needs a thorough physical examination and some tests. Santa's little assistant Mandy needs help with a present for her best friend. Mandy needs nasal oxygen, antibiotics, and some coupage to hasten her recovery. ... not when our Mandy needs us! Mandy needs a place in the home that is hers, even if the room is used for other purposes while she is away. As it turns out Mandy needs a whole lot of lemon zest for a charity bake sale... Mandy needs the rind; Sandy needs the juice. I think Mandy needs to switch from Pullups to Depends. Mandy needs Toby's help to replace a dead panda bear Mandy needs Mark – she loves him so much. Mandy needs little introduction, having established herself as one of the funniest and most frequently pregnant comics in the local area. and the best one for the dog in me: Mandy needs a 6 ft. wooden fence as she can sail over 4 ft. fences! She also needs a family to love her and train her. Mandy needs a fenced yard where she can potty and get exercise safely. love it. LOVE IT!

the Bali dream.... is this real?

mandai — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 14:10:39 GMT

I wish I could describe with words how beautiful Bali is. It is lush and green and chirping at night, ornate with Spirit and temples everywhere, the art just wants to crawl out of every single little crevice that I lay eyes on. The people have such a light in their eyes, smiles are mirrored instantly, as are any little attempts to speak the language (Balinese or Indonesian - the former, very complicated, the latter, thankfully one of the easiest to learn). I've been slowly integrating at a local birthing clinic here, run by an American midwife who has probably spent the better half of her life here. She is very committed to her community here and loves the Balinese people as if they are all her own children. The clinic is run by herself and an amazing staff, with some foreign volunteers that give it those extra special offerings. Traditional Chinese Medicine, acupuncture, local herbs, homeopathics. The birthing practices are very gently and loving, and there is even a waterbirth tub - the only 'official' one in the country, though we all know that the ocean was probably the original! The other day I was at a birth and there were fragrant flowers floating in the birth pool, and the family was chanting a hindi mantra as the head was crowning. What bliss! One of the most beautiful baby girls I've ever seen! We live in a bungalow that overlooks rice paddies, the trickle of water and chirp of insects and geckos lullabies us to sleep at night. Each morning there are offerings on our steps made by the landlady, as everywhere here, little palm-frond dishes with flowers and incense. Spirit is ever-present. I'm feeling very blessed for this experience, to be here with my partner, to participate in a community of servers and healers that resonates so deeply with my beliefs, and for the lessons that are coming my way. My prayers are for these people, so sweet and kind, that they find abundance in the midst of cash crops and government corruption that they are forced to deal with. It has not affected their hearts. They are open and lovely. Blessed be. Mandai