"All along I'd misread my contentious postures as something brave, my willingness to indulge in head-to-head confrontation as noble, even if I was only thirteen and this monster a marine. I failed to see anger as just another way to cover fear. The bravest thing would be to accept my fear and fear him, really fear him, then heeding that instruction make a much more courageous choice: fly once and for all from his mad blister & rage, away from the black convolution of violence he would never untangle, and into the arms of some unknown tomorrow."

strange days

are upon me

feeling forgotten

it's not bad

more of a blessing

I can breathe

sleep of a thousand dreams

no phone calls

I don't hear them talking

empty inbox

like I've never been apart of it

how grand

to be just me and the earth again

writing poems

pondering my next brush stroke

down on my luck

manual labor and loading trucks

scratching my way

up to the next level of poverty

just me

and the wind and trees

freedom

my will be done today

to sew

a goal, I know so many

laid before me

One at a time I tell myself

another step

Somehow it's takin on its own

life form

my form my expression

I'm not sure what it is about the heat.... Sometimes it does me good I think, and other times it's like I go into the deepest lethargy I've experienced. I can't concentrate to paint or draw or write. So I'm going to get some manual labor in and be constructive. Perhaps that accomplished feeling and the pumping oxygen will provide me with the motivation I need to draw/sew/something anything.

In the wee hours of the morning unable to sleep due to an interview.... it begins.



I've already nearly drowned

in the seas of emotional chaos

When the boat's already rocking

From my own self imposed issues

I really can't handle the waves

A relationship will bring me



When it's finally sunny and calm

inside my eccentric mind

I will welcome the tide

and go surfing on those breaks

that your delightful love stirs in me





Then today on the bus as I brainstormed my upcoming movie...



I had wanted to be a prodigy, yet something was taken from me

I've let too many reap and harvest my soul and mind

Leaving many barren landscapes inside

Perhaps that's why the highest wall I've seen

Is the one protecting my secret garden

It's an entirely new world

Within those gates

One without fences

without buildings without fate



I'm in need of more frequent drawing... every day.... and a routine

I'll show what I manage to create in these next few months, summer time is my time to do more before school sets in along with the cold.

I'm heartbroken, and drunk, who would have guessed.... probably ony me