Tis the season to wildly obsess over Burning Man! There are costume swaps and fund raisers and work days buzzing everywhere. I don't blog! but I found the email I wrote to a friend about this season a few years ago - it was the one year I took an RV to Burning Man, and it couldn't go naked, now could it?!

This makes me nostalgic and very happy I'm not doing it again.

Today I conquered the RV rental place. Did I tell you yet about the RV project?? I will spare you some of the hideous details since I like you

(stories you are dodging: Why would anyone make a costume for an RV? What does a rain cloud have to do with the Vault of Heaven?? What are the physics governing the behavior of helium in a beach ball at 110 degrees? Whatever happened to the chicken?)

and the bottom line is I am costuming an RV.

I have to get it mostly assembled before Burning Man, and I needed measurements. I needed an actual RV. I was a little jumpy about this intelligence mission, because a lot of places are not charmed by burners (infernal playa dust gets everywhere). The lady at the desk accepted my request to measure without any curiosity, but unfortunately the only RV they had in the right size was in the process of being rented out that very minute. So I had to get the people renting it in on the story. At first they were wary (these people were quite bizarrely and comprehensively tattooed, by the way) but it wasn't too hard to get them to help. Turns out, measuring an RV is Fun! Wheeee! Their joyful shouts of "Well fuck me with a broom handle here's a little hook just what you need" (and that's a quote!) attracted the mechanic, a Mexican guy with very little English who at first seemed personally insulted by the idea, but suddenly got it. Excelente! Now we had a genuine ruckus happening. No longer a low-key, subdued, quietly-measure-the-RV-and-slink-away deal, now the service manager and the two salespeople needed to see what was up, and before I knew it I had a crowd. Had to start over again and make them hear the siren call of the properly dressed RV but when I got to the part about the ripped organza fringe they were totally invested in the vision. Like a revival meeting. Swarming the RV with tape measures, drawing things in my sketch pad (!!), explaining dimensions to me, and demanding a picture of the final masterpiece.

When I finally escaped they were firing up the machine customarily used to make those single-entendre plastic license plate frames ("RVers do it on wheels") to make a frame for their drawing and promised picture.

Of course, I also made the classic mistake of falling for my own publicity and I wasted a good chunk of today fantasizing about the splendid RV.


Post script: we ended up batiking the RV's costume. Batik involves applying hot wax to the fabric and then dyeing it layers of color and then scraping off all the goddamn wax. And this was a big old costume - the wax took all night to apply, the dyeing needed two huge wading pools and the scraping it off required us to end up with bloody nubs instead of fingers. It was horrible - never, NEVER batik your RV's costume.

And now I have to get back to gluing sequins on my bike.