This ride on the tube killed whatever was left in me. It's not even the lack of air, or the smell of human sweat and breath - it's this collective anger and hate stuffing up the atmosphere. I got off one stop before mine. Dead. As if the tiredness of the entire city of London has just been loaded onto my shoulders. I carried it home like Jesus carried the cross to Golgotha.

who are all these people?
they probably mean nothing and i probably mean nothing to them, but we're all pretending there's a lot of meaning in the moment.
well, if that amounts to one big illusion, so be it - at least i had fun exploring it.

what does it all come down to... someone's real tangible life. a life that makes sense in the big schema of things, lived through historical times - Lenin's grandchildren, brainwashed till 11, and how this ideology slowly dissolved, and we started wearing jeans to school, and it wasn't so dangerous anymore to get caught smoking in school backyard, because what was the worst thing they could do to you? call you a public enemy or something?
and I remember the thrill of driving a car at 16. My ... read more