Rope Classes Coming To Humboldt

Yes indeedy---The Eureka Munch and Good Relations are hosting Lew Rubens for two bondage classes on June 20th!
10:30 AM will be Beginning Rope Bondage and
1:30 PM will be Bondage For Sex

We are quite excited to be hosting Lew--who we met at Folsom Fringe last year. He is an incredible rope artist who's work can be seen at www.boundndetermined.com/ among other places.

For more info on the classes and tickets go to www.eurekamunch.org

NorthWest Master/slave Contest

Well, the short answer is it went very well. We did not win, but we were somewhat ambiguous about winning anyway;-) We represented our community in fine fashion in what was a very close and interesting contest.

The two months we had to prepare were a great opportunity for us to hone our words and find ways to develop our thoughts. We finally settled on our speech topics by late August. slave kelly's speech was about why someone becomes a slave and what it means. Mine was on the topic of acceptance of ourselves and others--and the role of acceptance and community in helping us all find our path.

By early September we had our presentation topic: Rituals and Ceremonies and their role in our relationship. This was a little tougher for us to bring into focus, and I was still making changes to it the week before the event.

The toughest part of preparation was the stuff we couldn't prepare for. I know I lay awake many nights with my brain churning over possible interview questions and practicing succinct answers. slave kelly, who was dragged into this whole deal kicking and screaming, had some health issues due to the level of anxiety. I had to keep reminding her to breathe, and reinforcing that she was fully capable of doing this and doing it well. By Thursday morning, when it was time to leave for Fringe, I was looking forward to the experience while slave kelly was looking forward to Monday, when it would all be over.

We were introduced to the other contestant couple on Thursday and hung out with them for most of the weekend. Master Bob and slave jan are active in the Portland Community and it was interesting to learn more about what's going on in Northern Oregon. Friendship, rather than competetiveness, was the nature of our relationship.

The contest began with a meet-and-greet on Friday. This was an opportunity for the judges and the two contestant couples to get to know each other a bit. We had already met half the judges and were looking forward to meeting the rest of them. We've attended workshops with Master Bert, slave marsha, Sage DeRosier, and had brunch with SlaveMaster. That only left Lance, Ren, and Yo Yo as total unknowns. The time went fast and we had many good conversations with the judges. We found a little time to play in the fantastic Fringe Dungeon Friday night but got to bed at midnight hoping to get some sleep before the big day Saturday. That goal turned out be elusive, as we were both awake at 5:00 Saturday morning with some form of pre-contest jitters.

There was a nice moment on Friday night when slave kelly finally thanked me for making her do this. By Saturday morning she wasn't so thankful anymore;-)

The first order of business was the contestant interviews. We drew numbers and Master Bob and slave jan were up first while slave kelly and I waited in the hall. While this was open to the public, there were only a handful of attendees. Our turn--each member of the judging panel asked questions. Most concerned the nature of our relationship with some questions abbout our ability to fulfill the obligations of Titleholders should we win. The last judge had a strange question about whether we had sought counseling for our social disorder and how we deal with an antagonistic press.

We had a couple hours to eat lunch and prepare for round two: the presentations. Again Master Bob and slave jan went first, but this time we were allowed to be in the room and watch. At the conclusion of each presentation the audience and the judges were allowed to ask questions. After our presentation one of the judges came out of left field and attempted to embroil us in Bay Area Community politics--which had nothing to do with our presentation and appeared to be her own personal axe to grind. I've always refused to participate and take sides in local issues of this sort and I think I did a good job remaining neutral in this instance as well. This was the only time in the entire experience that we felt anyone was less than professional and above-board.

We had a couple hours for dinner and rest and then it was time for the end of the contest: speeches, pop questions, and the awarding of the Title. There was a great deal of ceremony involved here including a very erotic performance featuring three lovely ladies and a knife. This time slave kelly and I got to go first. Our speeches went well and the pop questions were not terribly difficult.

Our goals in throwing ourselves into this contest were to nurture the new NorthWest Region; to help make this a good competition, to have the NorthWest Region be well-represented, and to set a good benchmark for future years. We were ambiguous about winning--it would have been good for us as we progress in our relationship and we would have welcomed the opportunity to educate, but we've talked with other Titleholders who are thousands of dollars in debt and have had to put their careers on hold to fulfill the obligations of the Title. This was a very close competition and by the end of Saturday we felt that we were very much in danger of winning;-) It was with a feeling of relief for both of us when the names of Master Bob and slave jan were announced. Of course I am ambiguous about losing as well. I hate to lose anything;-) but the obligations that come with the Title would have taken me away from my music and would have taxed our resources thoroughly. There is no question that we would have met those obligations in fine fashion, but we will be better prepared to do that in a couple more years.

To summarize the whole experience--it was wonderful! It was a good thing for us to do both for ouselves and for the Community. We learned a lot in the process and represented ourselves and our Humboldt Community very well. It was stretch for slave kelly to do this but she rose to a level of competence that I knew she was capable of and I'm very proud of the way she hendled herself and has grown from the experience.

Sooo Ready For Secret garden

We are SOOOO looking forward to The Secret Garden this year! We had such a great time at the first one, and really missed it last year. I think what was really freeing about it was the 24/7 aspect with nothing to do but relax and be sexy. We might live together, but there is so much life crap in the way that we never seem to take that kind of opportunity. Secret garden provided a haven to just leave all that stuff behind and take advantage of the nice play spaces all day long! One image that stays with me is tying her to the picnic table after breakfast and teasing her for a long time before going on to orgasm. MMM-fun! I loved the overhead suspension cuffs hanging from the tree! We must have used that station 6 times over the weekend! Watching people have so much fun getting muddy;-) This year we have Folsom Fringe and the Master/slave Contest to gget through the week before—we will really be ready for Secret Garden!

members.cox.net/dommail/garden.html

The Myth Of Should

Posted at members.cox.net/dommail/

DOING YOUR OWN THING IN A JUDGMENTAL WORLD

The Myth Of ‘Should’

Those of us in the leather community have found some way to deal with the often judgmental expectation that we have an obligation to order our life in a certain manner. Those who are new to the community can experience this as one of the most difficult hurdles to overcome. I’m speaking of the myth of ‘should’. You should live a certain way, your relationships should look a certain way. What is ‘should’ but someone else trying to impose their values on your life?

When someone is uncomfortable with your choices or your actions, it is easier for them to tell you how to change them than it is for them to look inside for the cause of their discomfort. You have no obligation to order your life in a manner that allows them to feel less discomfort. Quite the reverse, you have an obligation to yourself to order your life in the manner that works best for you at any given time.

Most of us are brought up with ‘should’ as a large part of our vocabulary. I should, you should, he should, she should. It can be amazingly difficult to purge this concept from our thought processes, but we would benefit from doing so. ‘Should’ is a lazy substitute for much more complex ideas, and often carries with it judgmental overtones.

There is a ‘should’ that works for me: I should write a song about that; or I should make something that does this. These are often part of my creative process. They could alternately be stated; These are projects that I want to place on the appropriate level of my priority list. The word I use in my inner dialog is ‘should’.

Another judgmental ‘should’ is one we use on ourselves. I should work harder, I should quit smoking. This translates to I ought to be doing this for my own betterment but my inner saboteur is preventing me.

What I’m trying to get to here is something that is encountered by every person in the leather community to some degree; doing your own thing in a judgmental world. Certainly the mainstream culture teaches us ways we should behave, but what happens when those ways don’t work for us? One option is to suppress those inner voices, follow the well laid out mainstream path, and live a life of quiet desperation. The option I prefer is to become an explorer, creating your own path through vaguely charted territory.

Here is where we run head-on into the myth of ‘should’. Even within the leather community itself there is much judgmental advice to be had; A real Dom would act this way, a Master should behave like this, a slave has to look like this. It’s a constant source of amazement for me how easily the hackles of non-acceptance can be raised in a community that stands with one foot in individuality and one foot in togetherness.

As we hack our path through the wilderness of life, sometimes the way is clear and sometimes you need a machete to chop through the obstacles of ‘should’ and ‘can’t’. We can read the blazes left by those gone before us, but it is up to each of us to decide whether that path is right for us, or if another direction beckons. Ultimately, we all have the same destination—the quality of the journey is up to us.

--Master M

11-26

Today kelly and I are celebrating our four-year fuckaversary! What an amazing ride it has been. From a chance response to a Yahoo personal ad to living together as a 24/7 Master/slave couple. We have been so blessed to have met so many wonderful people along the way and our life continues to open to new possibilities all the time. Thanks so much to our community for being there--being a resource, a reflection, and being so tolerant of people working to find their own path to happiness. Oh!--and being so darn much fun! Our lives are so much richer and more open for knowing all of you.

Collaring Ritual

'Strip, kneel, knees spread shoulder width, back straight, arms clasped behind your back, eyes down.' She hesitated a moment as if she couldn't believe these words were coming from me.
'NOW' I commmanded.
She hurried to comply and was soon kneeling, displaying her lovely body and her submissiveness to me. I left her there for a moment, giving us both time to collect ourselves. Giving her time to feel her submission, and me time to appreciate the lovely sight before me.
I moved over and stood in front of her. With her eyes down, she was looking at my boots. She started to raise her eyes to look at me.
'Eyes down' I command. She complies.
I held the collar down where she could see it.
'This collar represents your submission to me,' I said. 'If you choose to accept it, you accept my Dominance and you will do whatever I ask of you until I remove it.' I pause to let that statement sink in.
'Do you understand?' I ask.
She nods.
'Use words!' I command.
'Yes', she says.
'Good girl' I say. 'Do you accept my collar?'
'Yes,' she says.
'You will address me as 'Sir'. The proper answer is 'Yes, Sir'. Do you accept my collar?
'Yes, Sir' she says.
I move her hair and place the collar around her neck, being careful not to make it too tight or too loose. I then grab her hair and force her head up and kiss her mouth aggressively. She moans and kisses me back. I push her head down.
'You may kiss my boots, slave.' I say.
She complies, planting kisses over the soft leather.
'Kneel up!' I command. She returns to the kneeling position. I move behind her and attach the cuffs to her wrists, and then attach them to each other. I attach the cuffs to her ankles so they will be ready for later. I move back in front of her and grab her head with my hands and pull it into my crotch. I hold her here for a moment savoring the gift of submission she has given me.

Dominance

A prospective play partner asked me what Dominance means to me. This was my answer.

Dominance: Webster defines Dominance as 'Power and influence over another'. To be active, Dominance requires a counterpart of submission. For our purposes that submission? MUST be consensual -- informed and freely given. And here is my favorite part---while it appears as if all the power and control lies with the Dominant, it actually is in the gift of submission which is owned by the sub That gift can be totally given by a true submissive such as kelly, or partially given for the duration of a scene--or a number of other levels of giving. I believe that submission can only be given when the person feels safe; knowing at least to some extent where the boundaries are, that hard limits will be respected, and most importantly that no physical or emotional harm will be intended. There are Doms who would disagree with me on that;-) A little bit of fear can be very fun to play with but only when the submissive feels safe on a?deep, inner level.

So--boundaries have been agreed upon, limits have been discussed, and someone is kneeling at my feet offering their body and their self to me to do as I Will. It feels very empowering, it feels challenging, I feel a responsibility and tenderness for both the person and the gift of submission. I love to hold her head against my crotch and take some time for us both to just feel that moment. Perhaps pulling hair or in some forceful manner, perhaps just gently--it can be so sweet. Accepting the gift of submission and the role of Dominant requires a forceful display of Will. Firm commands, strong physical contact, and imaginative scenarios all play a part in building the Dom/sub dynamic and accompanying sexual energy. I enjoy playing with a body that has been gifted to me, giving it sensation, arousal, and making it respond. Being male, a large portion of my Will is involved with my penis, and sexual energy is something I strive to create and utilize.

Whew--there's a mouthful! (pun intended) The question? WAS about Dominance. Something I brought up because it's a favorite activity of mine--not because it's the only way to play. I want to make a distinction between Dom/sub scenes and spanking or flogging-type scenes. When somebody wants me to spank them, they really don't have to submit anything to my Will. It's really a rather playful activity between two people, and the bottom remains fully in control of the situation. As long as the Top is paying attention that control can be exercised through body language, otherwise words might be necessary--'stop!' 'yellow' 'red' or 'Fuck You' all serve as ways to exercise that control from the bottom.

To slave sweetie

you are a wonderful slave. you shine your brightest when you feel as if you are doing your best to express your slave heart. you serve without my asking and delight in approval of your service. you help me when I need help, you serve me when I need served, love me when I need loved, lick me when I need licked, and you let your Master know when his slave needs something to be happy. I am so lucky to have you as my slave and I feel that blessing every single day.