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Dear friends, I am in the National Novel contest and it is going exceedingly well. Please visit, read and comment as you can. If it is slightly slow in the first chapter that will be revised. Peace! Mac

Manfred.
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Now I know he looks a lot like Ben Kingsley, but that is just superficial. He is actually more handsome and less intense.

Manfred is half Spanish and half East Indian. Then he is bi-polar...which essentially makes him "quad-polor" as well as inter-continental.

Manfred has been Mac's "faithful" manservant for 17 years. As such his main duty has always to "bring the car around". Beyond that Manfred simply watches soap operas, eats all of Mac's food and tries to (soap opera style) pick up on, in his words "Oh yes, whatever womans hee is so drawn too I will indeed by jove make a run! And many good thank-yous to you!"

Given Mac's track record it is obvious Manfred is often successful.

Examples to come...

Manfred tries to hit on Jennifer Connally during the filming of The House of Sand and Fog.
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It is no secret around The Citadel that Mac has a certain penchant for dark-haired beauties with amazing eyes and high cheekbones. He, himself, will admit this after a few beers.

He claims he is not ruled by it. And there is some evidence for this. Apparently he has override capabilities if needed, but still...that's his default.

As such he has always had a goofy celebrity crush on Jennifer Connelly.

You can see it when the utterly stupid film Career Opportunities comes on and his eyes glaze over as JC skates through the aisles or dances alone to music.

Sucker. He might as well be Pavlov's retarded dog.

Anyway...the Connelly Incident...
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The House of Sand and Fog was set in Northern California up high not far from The Citadel.

That's where they naturally filmed it.

At a locals casting party for extras, Mac struck up an unusual conversation with Connelly. He has never revealed what the substance was except to say that it involved a convoluted discussion of Kierkegaard's Diary of a Seducer and his own private recipe for Swedish cardamom Bread. Later the two were seen out back playing one-on-one basketball. I believe he let her win, but only by four.

When Manfred brought the car around, early I might add, he spied Connelly and got out to both introduce himself and find a way to drive an immediate wedge.

"Oh Sahib!" he cried aloud. "Who indeed is this most wonderfulnesses of women?"

Before Mac could stop him he continued.

"Oh you are the goddess what Mac speaks of so very very often...usually late at night when he is alone!" he exclaimed.

"Manfred!"

"Okay okay...I just here you mumble" he said quietly.

"Yeah, yeah..c'mon Manfred stop with the act" Mac said.

Connelly chuckled and sort of half-blushed.

Mac panicked inside, started to sweat in odd places, but held it together.

"I should go," she said. "I have an ealry call. Then she held out her hand. He took it and slid a glance toward Manfred that said "I will fucking kill you in ten minutes."

Manfred giggled.

"Can I give you a lift back?" Mac asked.

"Oh I have a driver," Connelly said.

"Care to trade?" Mac asked sarcastically.

"Yeah sure...that would be fun!" Connelly bounced.

Mac felt a tightening in his chest and the sudden urge to chain Manfred to the back of the Jeep and take him for a long scrape.

"Oh!!" Manfred cried out..."what a wonderfulness this is in all its splendor!!"

And he absconded with JC and left Mac to deal.

________________________________

The story continues...

So Mac wakes up the next morning, after walking home in the fog and settling in at 4 a.m. with a glass of scotch.

The apartment is unkempt. Manfred has left all his dishes in the sink. He is unaccounted for even now. Several Soap digests litter the table and a bag of fresh incense. Mac lights one but it smells like cow dung. He flushes it down the toilet, takes a pill and collapses.

When he awakes he is alone at in The Citadel. His roomate is gone to work, Manfred and the Jeep are unaccounted for.

He considers throwing himself off the balcony but figures the drop is not nearly severe enough.

He considers that if there was not a landing inbetween it would be enough. He wonders if he could do it in stages, then decides against it on pain principles.

He has no car and Manfred has gone awol.

But he has his mountain bike. So he grabs it and heads down the stairs before realizing that both tires are flat.

He walks two miles to a station that has a pump, but they need quarters...two of them...to pump simple air.

He begs a woman in a huge SUV and she relents.

She curses under her breath as he leaves.

It starts to get hot but he moves ahead. Mile after mile he pumps away. It gets colder and colder and it actually feels good to him. It cools his fever.

When he pulls up to the house he sees Manfred walking down the drive of the house and quickly grabbing Connelly's arm in anger.

Mac is overcome and he bolts for Manfred and tackles him in the dark gravel in a mad rush.

Suddenly others are on him pulling him off. In a daze he looks off West and sees Manfred standing serene against a long fence.

He has attacked Sir Ben Kingsley and utterly mortified Jennifer Connelly.
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Oooo...ooo..what next?

Two security guards pulled Mac from the ground and hustled him into the house of sand and fog where they promptly called the police.

Kingsley walked in and said, "Are you nuts?"

"I'm sorry sir," Mac said. "It's just I thought you were Manfred and you were attacking Ms. Connelly."

"The film crew didn't clue you?"

"I thought he had busted into the set," he said wagging his head. "Instead it turns out to be me."

There was an awkward silence while the security guard called in to the police station.

"I mean no disrespect," Mac said, "but you and Manfred look an awful lot alike."

"Who is Manfred?" Kingsley asked.

"He's, er...well..." he shook his head again. "We joke that he is my 'man-servant'," he said flatly.

"You have a man-servant, yet you ride a bicycle. Is this typical for Marin?" Kingsley asked with steely precision, a look not unlike several he does in Sexy Beast.

That image shook him, especially since he was handcuffed. He tried to think of another film...and got it.

Death and the Maiden where Kingsley was handcuffed to a chair and interrogated by Sigorney Weaver.

"I feel a bit like Dr. Miranda in your movie"

"They will be along soon enough to administers your rights," Kingsley said slyly.

Mac laughed.

"That was a good one," Mac said.

"And if you remember, despite his protestations Dr. Miranda does confess and is guilty."

"Well I am only guilty of mistaking you for Manfred. If you could just have Chester over here fetch him it would become clear."

Just then Ms. Connelly walked in which both excited Mac and made him wish he was in another country...Preferably a neutral one like Sweden.

"I think I have an explanation," she said with a smile. "I met this man last night and he was a perfect gentleman. He loaned me the services of his manservant Manfred who drove me back to my hotel."

Mac looked up at Connelly and smiled then at Kingsley.

"Apparently Manfred did not understand the deal," she continued, "and she stayed out in the Jeep all night so he could bring me here this morning."

"So?" snapped Kingsley. "What does this man have to do with him attacking me?"

"Well Manfred does look a great deal like you," she said then kinda bit her lower lip. Mac almost fainted, but held in.

"Let me go get him and I think you will understand," she said then smiled at Mac. "And let's get those handcuffs off him.

"Hey Chester!" Kingsley said, "get the cuffs of Dr. Miranda will you?"
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The genius of Manfred.

Manfred walked in a few minutes later with Chester and Sir Ben Kingsley began to laugh.

"He looks like me?" he said. "Ha! Oh yes, I suppose a bit," he said shaking his head and looking away.

"Oh indeed by jove sir! What a wonderfulness to meet you here in the flesh!" cried Manfred in his typical Ghandi-like fashion. "Why did Sahib tackle you in the dirt?"

"He thought I was you and that I was attacking Ms. Connelly here," Kinglsey said calmly.

"Oh No Sir!" Manfred said defiantly. "I would never disturb Ms. Connelly. "I JUST bring the car around." Then Manfred lifted up his pant legs and began to hop around doing a little dance around the living room chanting "Ghandi-Gee, Ghandi-Gee! Ghandi-Gee!!"

Mac looked away in disgust. Connelly looked down at her feet. Chester put his hand on his billy-club. Kingsley stood up.

"Well I think we have all had enough," Kingsley said.

"Manfred?"

"Yes, Ghandi-Gee?"

"If you would be so kind I would like you to take this gentleman home safely. We will explain to the police that it was a misunderstanding."

"Yes, Sahib," Manfred said grinning.

"And now you must go and we will go," Kingsley said steady. "Later today I have to put a plastic bag over my head and suffocate. I feel quite prepared to do that scene now."
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De-briefing...

Mac stood up and walked toward Connelly and the door.

"Thanks," he said quietly when he reached her.

"What was the name of that book?" she asked.

"Oh, in this case I'd choose another by Kierkegaard... The Concept of Dread."

"I actually read some of that in Grad school," she said.

"Perfect." he said even. "I'd stay and discuss it with you but the police will be here any minute for me. Fitting huh?"

She laughed and they shook hands. Then Manfred said "Sahib!! An autograph!"

Mac pushed him out the door without a word and they walked down the sidewalk toward the Jeep.

"Autograph?! Idiot!" he muttered low and lean. "So why didn't you come home Manfred? Weren't you hungry! Didn't you miss some episodes of your favorite shows?"

"Oh Sahib, you are so silly!" he exclaimed. " I have Tivo in my room! No no no no, Indeed I wanted to tell the wonderful Ms. Connelly all about you."

Mac looked off to the side as if talking to God and said "You see what I deal with?"

When they got to the car Mac said "I'm driving," as he unlocked it and slide in. He thought about making Manfred ride the bike back but didn't.

"Can you get the bike and put it on the back rack please?" he asked. As Manfred scampered off he saw him waving to Ben Kingsley who had come outside. Mac's head slumped into the steering wheel.

The bike racked, they tore off down the road toward San Rafael. Then he just had to ask.

"Okay, so what did you tell her?"

"Oh in sublime moments of self-revelation and utter disclosure I did in full gloriousness depict you in all your splendor!"

"You told her about my ex-wives in other words."

"Oh YES!! She was most intrigued, especially about the incident in Mazatlan!"

Mac groaned. "I suppose you told her all about Miami?" he said glumly.

"Nope."

"No?"

"Not enough time."

"Great," Mac said.

"But Tahoe-Condo...yes."

"Do you hate me Manfred?"

"No no no no Sahib!" he exclaimed with joy. "I love Sahib! You are my Mortifier!"

"You mean role-model..."

"Oh?...oh okay...that too," Manfred said more quietly.

"Anything else?" Mac asked looking out the window.

"Ummmm...thinking," Manfred said looking out the other window. "Oh YES!! I told her that you are a Horny man!"

"You mean holy man," he said under his breath.

"Oh yes!! Indeed!! Yes, that is what I should have said! But I did, in goodness and conjugation depict the deep level of your spiritual horniness!"

"So it all worked out then," Mac said sardonically.

"Did for me."

"How so?"

"I got her phone number."