Or how 'bout just a new pair of glasses?
AGAIN.
I'm sitting here alternating between typing and icing the shiner I probably just got after smashing my eye while trying to get the headrest off of my stupid back seat so I could put the seats down so I can load my car up to move.
It stuck so I was pulling HARD and then suddenly it was UNstuck, had smashed my eye and broken my glasses.
This is the second pair of frames that have broken for me in the last 6 months. My Dad just replaced the last ones 2 months ago.
Dammmmmmit!
And then my brother just called and was all gloating about he doens't have to deal with that crap anymore because he just got LASIK. Stupid brother with his stupid good job who can afford stupid lasik.
Ok... I'm done. It's just glasses. It's just $80. What's another $80 in debt anyway? Maybe I should just get a whole new pair with different, more durable frames since I don't seem to be able to keep these ones whole.
Back to packing...

Yesterday was a beautiful fall day here in Asheville. The leaves on the tree in the front yard, having all turned this warm, bright shade of yellow, twinkled just so against the blue sky in the sunlight. It was a good day to let go into spirit, and it is the day Lili chose for us to remember.
By now most of you know her story and how I fit into it, so I'll spare a review of it all.
The last week has been filled with prayers for her comfort and peace, and silent messages to Lili to just let go. There is relief at "being done" and sadness that we don't get to hold on any longer. And there are lessons yet to be fully understood for all of us involved.
I feel blessed to have had the chance to be here for Lili's last month... to have bathed her and dressed her for the last time this afternoon after she passed...
to have held her children so many nights as they fell asleep... to still be here to comfort them and all who happen through this house.
Thank you to all of you for holding me up, supporting me during this time.
Please know that every prayer, every good thought, every email and phone call, and every cent, that any of you sent, has made this possible. I know this is one of the defining periods of my life so far... a space where I will divide life into "before" and "after." I am forever changed for having had this experience and you are ALL to thank for that, simply for being in my life.
All money that was collected in the hopes of alternative treatment will be used for remaining expenses and then moved to a college account for the boys. There will also be an "in lieu of flowers" request for the same purpose.
Lili's body is resting at home until tomorrow morning, at which point she will be removed to be cremated. We will hold a memorial service on Saturday 11/12, here in Asheville. If you are interested in coming, please get in touch.

Last night I decided to get out of the house for a bit... go downtown, have a drink, walk around, see what I could get myself into. I had just pulled onto the highway and attained full speed, when I looked in the rear-view mirror. To my highest surprise there was a cat hanging from my back window! For a second, I thought it was inside, but as it began to fall, I realized it was not. The cat fell off, onto the road below, and then ran for the median. I was in shock. I just drove on for a few minutes, trying to figure out if that actually just happened. Then I realized it had and I had no idea what to do. Most likely this cat was Ollie, the 3 month old kitten of my godsons, who they love dearly.
But it was 11PM, very dark outside, and I was alone on a busy highway. I looped back around and tried to find a safe space to pull off and search, but there just wasn't anywhere to do it.
So I had to let it go.
It turns out that at that very moment, one of the boys' other cats, Hobbes, was giving birth to a new litter of kittens.
This circle of life stuff is crazy.
The boys have been so distracted by the babies that they haven't even noticed that Ollie isn't around today.

THIS is the hardest thing I've ever done.
Watching the life slowing leaving my best friend.
Having a crash course in parenting my godchildren.
Trying to make it OK for all of us.

It's exhausting. I'm tired. I'm sad.
I'm not taking good care of myself.

And yet, it's amazing... I am learning so much all day every day. I feel blessed to have this opportunity. I get to help my best friend make her peace with the world before she goes. I get to help her husband learn to live without her, learn to be a great parent. I get to learn how to be a parent too. I get to make a huge difference in the lives of these people who I LOVE so much.

When I made the commitment to be a godparent I hoped to never have to do this, to never have to drop my life to be here for them. I hoped that everything would be ok. Deep down I think I knew it might come to this at some point.

And here I am. I got the call on Saturday and left on Sunday on a plane headed clear across the country (I'm in Asheville, NC). Left my job, my house, my friends, all life as I know it.
I have gone from swinging single simple life to hectic parenting hospice world overnight. My other life seems so far away.

But, I know that my being here has made a world of difference and I know that my commitment to stay as long as is needed is the right one.

This is the most selfless thing I've ever done and even though it's also the most difficult, it's so wonderful too.

Thanks to all of you who have sent your love my way. I can feel you all out there holding me up. It makes all the difference.