The latest brainstew

The Rock and the Hard Place

   Tue, April 3, 2007 - 8:25 PM
So, I'm debating what I should do about something. Doing the wrong thing means allowing two people, both of whom I care about, to be happy. Doing the right thing means making them unhappy. As it is, I'm acting pissy because I feel they've put me in an awkward position. So, the question of what to do is really making me crazy.

They are both lovely people. He is the president of an organization, and she is a vp, like myself. They are now dating, and because they are spending a lot of time together, he is talking to her about things that are, rightly, under my umbrella, as well as rather dropping the ball on informing me of issues that have come up about things I'm supposed to know. For instance, one of the items that I am supposed to oversee is the relationship with various other campus entities, and suddenly, she is taking care of several of "my" meetings. Yes, I see it as poaching on my territory, but really, what bothers me is that I cannot do my job effectively if the president isn't communicating with me. It makes me look bad, but even worse, it makes them look suspicious, and I LIKE both of these people. I care about them. I think they make a lovely couple, I just think they need to not be doing it NOW. There's only 2 months left in office...couldn't they wait?!

Oy. So, do I say something to them, or not?



4 Comments

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Tue, April 3, 2007 - 8:27 PM
Should you say something?
If you are very close to one of them and can talk about it in a nonthreatening way, I'd maybe mention it. Otherwise, if there's only 2 months to go, try to grit your teeth. Of course, if you're like me, you'll try to grit your teeth and then explode some day! Probably the best thing to do is to talk about it gently without laying blame. The "I feel" language of psychology works better than the "you do this to me" argument language.

Good luck.
Tue, April 3, 2007 - 9:04 PM
Send a letter to the pres saying, "Hey! Cool! I still get paid, right? But she'll do it for me, right? The two of you getting to gether is the best thing that ever happened to me! Let me know when I need to come back in to work."
Wed, April 4, 2007 - 7:18 AM
I think you should definitely say something. But nothing about their relationship or your insight as to why this has started happening - just specific examples of where you take issue, the meetings, feeling you need to be more in the know, that recently it seems that tasks that you enjoyed are going to someone else. You could even innocently :-) ask about it as though you are concerned - you noticed this happening, and you are wondering if it is because the prez felt you weren't qualified to handle it....you know, that kind of thing. just enough to get his mind thinking and realizing what he has been (probably unconsciously) doing to your territory. I would just be really polite about it.
Wed, April 4, 2007 - 12:29 PM
You could address the Pres using questions - like, "did the responsibilities change? did I misunderstand ? "

or sort of address it front on - "Since you guys are together, things have changed. I see Ms. X doing this and that, which was in my area. What could I be doing to effectively to continue to support the organization?"