NEW WORKS N' stuff

BANISH DOUBT!

meowfix — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:48:18 GMT

ok, so the eye of the storm seems past. Her third round of chemo today and an eccocardiogram tomorrow, to check the fluid around her heart. She's got some numbness and pain, they worry it will keep her from doing the next 4weeks and the planned 6 week subsequent spate of treatments. Boo, this holds a lot of hope for us, in that it worked before! uggh, well it's a good team and they seem to be working aggressively now, to bring it under control, so we shall : BANISH DOUBT! seems that's my mantra, for now ... that and getting back to rehabbing more actively. I'm, not interested in the further progression of any sort of core and leg strength and stamina. Fuck! I have Ms! And keeping up the 'rewiring' has to be my job, whether or not i like it or think it's fun. I do miss my yoga, and have found a recumbent bicycle to do my cardio training on, at the Y. So, if you love me, and are willing, ask me about it, will ya? A little peer motivation is always good! do be gentle! i'm fragile, kinda ;) xo E erotic shorts this weekend! will attend friday, if there are still tickets and work hospitality saturday, if they'll have me?! ;) www.littleredstudioseattle.com

home tomorrow, in time 4 the GOLD show

meowfix — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:28:49 GMT

and a reading, my shower, my keyboard, my bed and my lover ... new poery to write and a show to do ... yay!!! home! www.littleredstudioseattle.com mom's painting of figure from bob burridge class 2007

recent kudos for LRS

meowfix — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:47:03 GMT

Congratulations! The people of Seattle have voted and declared you one of their local favorites! The 5th annual NWSource.com People's Picks contest is an opportunity for locals to stand up and be counted by voting for their favorite business and people. More than 80,000 votes came in this year in over 70 categories, from restaurants to entertainment, shopping, travel and recreation. And you made the top 10! You will be listed on NWSource.com for a full year as a finalist in your category. As the premier local guide for the Seattle area, NWSource.com attracts over 350,000 unique site visitors each month. These people are your potential customers - and they'll find you listed as the best of the best.

STANWOOD

meowfix — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:48:43 GMT

mom hads 2nd chemo mionday ... we're in Stanwood ... going to shave head (hair is beginning to fall out) and get her nails done -- she's lost 30 lbs already (cancerouS fluiD) this keyboard sux! wanted to update trying to get home to perform in GOLD show cxroos your fingers foir me! www.littleredstudioseATTLE.COM

zoom, zoom -- sadness comes with slowing down

meowfix — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:18:48 GMT

So, I've been running my engines full speed or pointedly resting since her diagnosis 5/2. I've been managing to keep my finger in the pot of lrs and do all the work of advocating and keeping her swinging toward life rather than away from it -- she's her 2nd chemo treatment monday, Better living thru modern chemistry ... now, I'm just SAD, boo -- guessing i just need sleep ~~ buzzing from the white show didn't let me rest til, night on 4am -- PROVIGIL, rides in to manage the swing, but leaves me bereft of energy and joy :( so, maybe I'll go back to bed?

she's home! off oxygen!

meowfix — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 02:00:35 GMT

well, the tempest has past somewhat ... she's battling nausea and getting the house where she needs it (equipment, meals, help, etc.) 2nd chemo on Monday I think she's lonely, too ... well ... that's part of the chronic nature of this type of scenario -- I relate, while needing to reclaim my own little piece of life, I'm working to be there for her, counseling her about meds, eating, exercise and loving ... being compassionate with herself and resting for the next treatment ... white show tonight! rehearsal today and then a fabulous garden party of a show ... hope to see you there, too! www.littleredstudioseattle.com

I'm a goof!

meowfix — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:46:32 GMT

I started a post 'new poetry' and lost it, looking for the poetry I'd written in a notebook, on another's poetry, and in my 2nd journal. By the time I got back to the computer -- it had posted a blank page with nothing in it! Go figure. Any way I think I'll think on the poetry a bit and tell you the update. See, I'm thinking of starting to ask my 'further removed family' to this blog, by way of convenient updates on my mother and my own ever changing further progression through illness. And the poetry is often to raw and intimate, for some to even want to see. And well, I'm mostly a poet, but ... Hmmmn guess that means, I may be growing up a bit, if I'm worried for decorum? 'Course Bukowski said that was the death of a poet, artistically. Mother is on her way home, in Stanwood, having started the discharge procedures this morning somewhere, around 6 this AM. She called after one, did i call it? She was in the car and on her way home without oxygen and sleepy. Her PET scan showed the tumors to be localized around the heart and in her colon, as we might have suspected. Doesn't sound like the lungs are involved at present, so that's good (must have been the draining of fluids-- both medically and naturally ;) -- ask me about this if ur interested) She's an order to start outpatient chemo at 9:30 next monday after which she'll spend the day with me. I'm hoping, resting mostly, and my painting some, too. -- if I get myself reorganized and in a position to slow down. She'd all her orders from the Dr. as I'd requested from equipment cause the hospital pharmacy wasn't willing to bill Medicare, but no matter, the social worker assures me if she's the order, she'll get the equipment. This will make everyones' life easier -- showering is can be one of the most hazardous things humans do these days, particularly i they're infirm -- and I'm not strong enough to do anything for her support wise. anyway ... i'll think on the poetry --- nobody ever comments here???? if it wasn't for private emails telling me they read it, I'd really begin to worry! kisses, I love you for caring enough to be reading xxxE photo: realityonastick.wordpress.com

Pending

meowfix — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:59:56 GMT

Pending Well, my bodies protesting and I'm really sure, I have to listen, so, I'm home. Cold sores, incontinence and stumbling can't really be glossed over, boo... My mom is headed Stanwood, from the hospital today. I got myself to her, last night, with some chicken 4 dinner, she'd requested, but was turning ashen by the time we were done. So, home, I've come for more rest. She looked so much better, tho and was off the oxygen. The PET scan shows the tumors are localized and where we thought them to be, in her colon and around the heart, now we just push the chemo, which she'll do outpatient, here in town. So, this AM, I'm trying to advocate for the things she needs b4 discharge by phone! ugghh almost made myself get someone to take me to her, so frustrating by phone! but, i persevered and i think it's happening. now, just laundry and toes and rest ... the white show (poetry!!!) and a night in paris (LRS -- i could just listen to beautiful music) and rest! * ca friend is lobbying for all kinds of poetry other stuff, but i am a gimp and i do have ms, despite my protestations ~~ and may HAVe to bail from something www.littleredstudioseattle.com

ooohhhh b e d ...

meowfix — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:14:04 GMT

Eileen is off to bed, body is done, and protesting visiably -- mom is out of the woods, for the moment! she needs to do her nails for the white show, but sleeping is hard to do with your toes in the air ;) breathe, this too shall pass ... xxx E www.littleredstudioseattle.com www.brownpapetickets.com

Dr. Goodman to the rescue!

meowfix — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:58:32 GMT

The cavalry has come! Dr. Goodman at Swedish, whisked her from his office by wheelchair to the hospital, to a room and began draining the fluid off her heart! I left last night, with the idea I'd return this am by 7am to hear what he's got in store for her, hopefully chemo b4 the weeks' out! Amen! It's the next round and I feel we may prevail with this new team! Here we go, I'll be with there until Friday am when her best friend from IN will stay with her until Sunday am! thanks for your prayers, keep having happy thoughts and yes, I am smiling, again! Knowing we've done our best, my sis and I! kisses y'all ... pray for her highest good, we're prepared but, hopeful it will be to stay with us! E

the Emperor was off his throne!

meowfix — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:48:51 GMT

this battle to keep her moving thru it all was nearly lost today ... thank goodneess for acupuncture and good friends, I've more hope tonight that the battle will continue for at least another day ... keep me in your prayers and send strength to mom to not give up!

moments

meowfix — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:49:50 GMT

my world has shrunk to moments hospitals, wants & desires, capablities deficiencies I'm at loss doubts abound hope a raft through the rapids shore seems so far off working to not worry progress cause the river of time will flow without help from me and love is a constant not to be doubted its' power unmatched its' timing unfathomable much like its' bottom

Stanwood to carry the flag!

meowfix — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:44:00 GMT

I'm headed to my mothers' side in Stanwood, we're looking for an ocologist stat ... been 5 weeks since the diagnosis ... just got her out of the hospital after 10 days -- her breathing is still F@*%&*! say prayers! Eileen

2 weeks up!

meowfix — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 23:58:37 GMT

Wow, that spasm is growing the one that pushes through to my being Into my back and out through my breast my chest, that spot near the souls’ warehouse her call today, reminding me that love, no matter its’ profundity Is like a spark, and potentially not a flame and so, fleeting it’s immediate gains perhaps untasted, presently may not burn, long, but still it'll be a 3rd degree and likely scar going to bed sans any sort of anything but a book, a pen and paper, reminded i have to let myself rest my bodies in protest

what a difference a day makes!

meowfix — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:41:39 GMT

well, my sis spent the day doing the kind of things she's more adept at, with mom at the hospital all yesterday! spoke with my mother last night, she was SO much butter, seems her meds had gone wonkie, made her seem out of her head ... well, her partner lobbied for stying with her last night, so I let him with the idea, I'd go in today ... off the suction tube from the wall to her lungs, well! She;s being RELAEASED yay!! Prayers are powerful, if you wanna know just ask me! thanks for holding my chicken little hand! Eileen

Juggling Priorities

meowfix — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:07:26 GMT

Juggling Priorities So, Mom is officially in battle with the dread C and we're stakin' out the hospital with her, determined to keep her moving! Can't say she's having an easy time of it, but there is some hope and we're clinging to it with her, like a raft thru the rapids'. Say a prayer and think Happy Happy Joy Joy for us, no worrying! That said, I've been taking the night shifts with her and sleeping days, and working to advocate for her, as I would for myself and she has for me, in the past. Wow, finally my well honed advocacy skills' come to bear. With the support of friends I've been able to keep my responsibilities to the studio, and managed not only rehearsal, last week, but the Gold Show (if you missed it, well it was a spectacle much like the old days of the studio) and then Saturday night, I filled in for a poet at the Thirsty Mug and manged to get myself on the Radio (Everett KCSR? and it will go onto the web after that, oh boy!) I feel so, happy in some brilliant ways that are about self and career and so, so conflicted about moral issues, & SAD about the other more immediate struggle. This ought to spawn some amazing poetry, when I've finally the time and energy to write poetry. I did manage to finish a painting which now hangs in her hospital room! Provigil, Amantadine and xanax are good allies, at this point, and I'm managing the swing, seemingly. I'm getting better at leaning into their calibration, every day. So, come see the White Show, even if you've seen the others. It's amazing enough for me to think my being there, might matter. Why not come see it, my haircut, and give me a hug! www.littleredstudioseattle.com photo: healthypr.wordpress.com Hospital Beds cartoon 8 - catalog ...

the Psychedelic Show and Provigil

meowfix — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 21:49:07 GMT

So, one of the poets, who'd stepped up to cover anothers' spot in the show, well her mother had a stroke, BOO, seems everyone is dealing with big LIFE stuff, and so, I rallied, took a provigil and the help of another poet, to polish a little 'throw away poem' into something worthy of the studio, so I could fill in -- I had so, much fun and felt I'd come home ... and the Provigil (originally developed for narcoleptics) made it possible, although I really had to be careful cause if the body can't it just can't, oh you're alert and able to rally, but ... well, I still have MS --so, i really leaned into the crutches and didn't do any superwoman stunts, plus I had the watchful eyes of a sincere friend watching, stewarding and paying attention to my reactions to the many energies, which can sideswipe me and counseling me where to spend my finite energies ... I had so, much fun and was surprised to hear it was a 'wonkie' night it all looked so, good! The show was amazing fun and the poetry, stitched into the body of the piece was amazing --- I am humbled by the talent we've managed to attract, husband and cheerlead, into performing with us -- if you haven't seen this one, do! www.littleredstudioseattle.com

Diversion

meowfix — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:29:10 GMT

Diversion Want some? I do. I often indulge in some form of diversion. Living with a chronic illness, has me gathering diversionary tactics like children scrambling for candy when a Pinada' spills open at a birthday party. Indeed things like watercoloring, yoga and poetry are some of my mainstays. These tactics are a solid part of what keeps my head out of a major depression. Right now, I've more reason than ever, to seek more diversion. In the past I've been distracted by diversion such that I've let some things' slip, but this time, I'm trying to stay clued in to what's going on with my mother while not dropping my balls' for my steady attention to her. Ecco sta' Blog: So, theres' a BBQ and open mic at the studio, this evening, my favorite place for diversion of the finest caliber! It sounds to be a lovely evening of good food and some fun entertainment! Yes, I am going to do my favorite thing : Read poetry, maybe even sing while shmoozing with friends -- the greatest diversion of all! I'm told some others from the studio, will also be in attendance. And knowing our audiences are always full of talented folks, I'm excited to see what will be in the offing and who, has what up there sleeve! It's events like this have brought us some of my favorite additions to the troupe! Wondering who we'll see and what! Why not come say hi and bring your favorite shtick? www.littleredstudioseattle.com

i'll be right back! in the meantime ...

meowfix — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 06:42:49 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjmzDpRXkbI&NR=1

oh, I can't sleep, I'm too, excited!

meowfix — Sat, 31 May 2008 11:32:03 GMT

So, I'm really excited to be back for such an amazing show! My body is really rallying to the task and I'm feeling better than ever! I know slow down, Eileen! The white show is a tremendous amount of fun, it's intelligent, and sexy, irreverent and sweet, they're clever new handlings of stock lrs fare, some terrific visuals and some thought provoking undercurrents ... some kinkiness and it's well, fun! the dance numbers are terrific and the band and Heather, and all the live music wow ... not to mention the poetry set! ;) The script has been a fun thing to watch developing and to nudge along to this really generative space of erotic savyness, collaboratively. There is SO much talent here, and e're getting really good at birthing art and shows and, well, theatre! I hope everyone will come, particularly those, I've not seen in awhile, this is a show that will make you proud to be a part of LRS and want to come play again, in whatever capacity. There is a freshness and vitality, that's just perfect for summer and the next chapter! Come! Kommen Sie! Come play with me! Dai! Ci veddiamo a piu' presto cosi! :) xo Eileen come feel the love!

A Saturday night for the glam gimp!

meowfix — Sat, 31 May 2008 08:32:06 GMT

So, I need sleep in order to pull off my part of this show. But I'm so proud or what the studio is doing, well, I just can't not say anything, so for what it's worth, here's a place holder, a description of the show by another cast member. I hope you'll come and play and watch and say Hi!, too! I cut my hair, just to be more period -- it's hella cute! Little Red Studio The White Show May 31st @ 8:30 PM "Even educated fleas. . .do it." Welcome to Donn's Hampton Estate for a weekend party that will include dancing, singing, lawn sports, tea, a seance, poetry and more. Ove the course of 2 days and 2 nights, lives will be forever and miraculously changed. The wearing of white between Memorial Day and Labor Day brings up many memories of decades past and societal mores. Summer beach vacations, sprinkled with lavish parties and secret rendezvous, entice us to remember our own days and nights of coming out and to peel off the layers of winter to see what's peeking at us underneath... In bygone eras of our history and of our lives, we remember that moment when innocence was lost, while so much more was yet to be discovered. White or light colored clothing is encouraged. A no-host wine bar will be supplied by Serafina Restaurant. Please arrive between 8:30 and 8:45 at our offices and gallery at 406 Dexter Ave. N. and we will escort you over to the main space as we prepare to begin the evening. Where: 750 Harrison Street How Much: $30 Tickets can be purchased in advance at Brown Paper Tickets or reserved by calling (206) 328-4758 hope to see you! www.littleredstudioseattle.com photo: www.istockphoto.com

Miraculous!

meowfix — Thu, 29 May 2008 07:37:24 GMT

Miraculous! Remapping the Brain and Feldenkreis! SO, I went to my 3rd or was it fourth, class and decided to buy $38 card, before I even had the class. SO sure am I that, I'm on the right track to wellness of a different flavor. Today, lying on the acupuncture table post a German exchange*, I noticed my legs disposition. It was so, different than in class last night. I felt myself more vindicated in having spent the $. The left leg, post a non walking interruption, usually just falls open, having little or no tone. It was falling open last night and I had little muscle control to do otherwise. Today it was pointing almost up with little to no effort, unlike what it took to simply hold it there for a few seconds, last night. In class, we had done a series of, I'll call them clam shell, muscle exercises that were difficult. (I'd smelled my shampoo come to life scent-wise, which makes me think I was perspiring a little.) Today, I felt I had more muscle tone. It wasn't just flopping! Yay!! Anyway, today speaking German. Not just translating German, but speaking with Dirk my acupuncturist as I had once upon a time, when I was younger. I was struck by how much more easily the whole language thing was, today, after that Feldenkreis class And by how much more easily and gracefully, naturally, I was moving. It seemed to me somehow significant that a remapping of my body would effect a remapping of the language, would affect the remapping of the body and I started giggling! Suddenly the Ren & Stimpy Happy Happy Joy Joy! song made me giggle out loud and I felt joyous! tonights' rehearsal for the white show was spectacular! I'm very excited by the whole thing! www.littleredstudioseattle.com

happy

meowfix — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:34:31 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNZckG9wJM8&NR=1

brownie sundae!

meowfix — Wed, 28 May 2008 08:57:25 GMT

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 Brownie sundae so, why don't i just go out and have that Brownie sundae with extra toppings? My shoulder throbs as I think of the fall I've just suffered and try to convince myself not to care for the calories. This disease sucks! I deserve to check out and indulge. Who does it hurt ultimately, if I never get up again? If I get fat and never move again, for loss of control? If you don't move it, you're gonna lose it! I probably can get away with not moving at least a few hours, when I'm thirsty or need to pee. However, what I find is that the less I move the less I am in control of my moving. Thinking about this leads me ultimately to the ultimate desire to determine for all time, for myself what I want at any moment, in the moment. It is this sort of fluidity of motivation, keeps me in charge of me. That sort of communication with another who will manage what you want in their way, to their understanding, sounds at the least well it just sounds horrible ... I've a new show opening this weekend. It's not really workable to step off the treadmill like George Jetson and be the stuck cog. I keep working to remember, I'm really good at what I do! I need to remember if, I keep spinning my plates and not too fast, I will manage a terrific performance, and that is all I can ask, at any time : my best performance. So, here's to keeping up! Work hard, but not too, fast and love what you're doing! come hear some terrific poetry! An evening of live music, presented by sexy musicians the ' Red Delicious! ' See some original scripting and concepts by a local interactive art collaborative headed by Kerry Christenson aided by Gin Kern, Heather Ward Richter, Mae Hochstedler, Eileen Fix, MOST ImpRORtanTLY the troupe of the little red studio and set into the luscious red velvet and gloss of our new home at 750 Harrison, Produced by the heroic Jeff Hengst, this millieniums MIchaelangelo and premiere artist (new works being unveiled)! Bar supplied by Serafina! I still want a bite of brownie, though!!! www.littleredstudioseattle.com (the white show) http://ksg.nationalmssociety.org photo: http://www.hardrock.com.hk/menu/index.php

I want ice cream

meowfix — Wed, 28 May 2008 07:20:00 GMT

I want ice cream I want ice cream and feel I deserve it I went to a class about reconnecting my body And walked out and fell down It’s just the fucking foot drop Tripped me up No big deal, I get it, the ms has it’s own agenda But Fuck! Now I want chocolate to soothe my soul Some definitive proof I’m not fucking up Or I am, but it’s ok Fuck! Makes me want to give up so boring! falling down and getting up again! 30 times doesn't even count the first time i learned to walk boo Mefr 05/27/08