Quarter of a Century

So on the 23rd of this month, I hit one of the milestones that begins to define my life. Last year was my 2nd Jupiter return, and my Saturn return is still years away, but there's something remarkable about turning a quarter century.

I've started wanting more out of life, and out of myself. But I'm finding that my preparation is far from sufficient. I found the man I dream about, and he runs away from me. I live far from my closest friends, and my family is estranged from me, mostly due to my own lack of communication. I've fallen into the hole that most people fall into: a lack of meaning in life. I have direction, but without finding this personal meaning, I have no drive to go towards it. I had been groomed from the beginning to be a performer, and I am drawn to this life, but can't seem to take the lead in creating it for myself. I find people who are willing to help me, but can't seem to get up the nerve to ask them for their help, assured that I can only help myself achieve my goals. This arrogance, albeit humbling, seems to always counteract everything I try to do, and my depression is getting deeper and deeper as the years go by.

I guess that's all I've got for now.

A new way of life

I have recently separated myself from Sunburst. I have my reasons, he knows them, he disagrees. After nearly 4 years, we have called the little chess game of a relationship we held over. I never had realized how stifling he was to my inner growth.

On that note... I feel that I am coming out of my shell for a second time, the first time when I was 14. 10 years later a fulfillment seems to be at hand. I know the one I want, I know the path I want, I know how to get there, but there is still something stopping me. I feel for the second time that I am finally coming as close as I did at 14 to knowing myself. Except this time, it is embracing my tribe and my kin. I don't mean blood kin, for they could never comprehend this feeling, being too consumed with capitalism and escapism. I mean I feel that the pieces of my soul that have been scattered throughout time and space are calling to me, urging me to come home, home to a place that holds infinite power and strength. My tribe is calling, and I want them to converge and love each other. I feel an incredible urge to search for an urban sanctuary, away from the minds and substances that corrupt. To learn to receive what others have to offer and let them receive what I have to offer.

If anyone wants to know contact info, let me know. If not, I am available on here at times.

hey

for those of you that want to know what's going on in my life, it's all on myspace, but you've gotta friend me first.

Loves.

Fidget

Hi y'all

Yes, I said y'all.

I'm around. Bored as hell mainly, but that's what I get for being the antisocial bitch I really am.

I really am just posting this blog for anyone that wants to get in touch with me outside tribe.net. You know, like chat stuff. My yahoo messenger is Michaelangelicus1983. AOL Instant Messenger is gayarchangel05.

Sunburst and I are doing well. I really want to branch out and make friends but just can't seem to do it without clinging to something or someone. I've been here two years and can count all of the people I hang out with on less than one hand. I'm getting desperate, I'll screw anyone that wants to be my friend, ANYONE!!! Well, probably not. I'm just sick and tired of trying to convince my friends from out of town to move here, although I've been fairly successful in getting people to move here, just that so far the one's that I've moved here are jackasses.

Well those of you that are on my friends list, or that I invite to be a friend, I really enjoy your company and like being around most of you (I say most because I haven't actually met some of you). Get a hold of me if you want to go and do something that doesn't involve much cash, as I'm as broke as the rest of ya bitches.

Love and fornication,

Jeff