There are so many things on my mind that I just need to vent, but I'm afraid.

...of exposing myself...

...to people who probably don't care...

...of misrepresenting myself...

...of sounding ingrateful...

...or even obsessive...

It's starting to get to me, the thoughts I keep inside. I don't have a best friend. I don't have someone who has and will always be there for me. My life has been too transient to allow for that.

So I'm left here with these thoughts confused, eating away at me. My social training tells me not to give anything negative as a first impression. I have stood by these words of wisdom for more than half a year - and now, hardly anyone knows me. All they know is what I do. My thoughts are a world unknown to them.

This lends to people taking me for granted. I don't express how much I think of them, so they assume that I am not working for their best interests in my every free moment. They assume I do not value them as much as I do. This is intentional to a degree - so long as I can eventually show the fruits of my labours for them, the look on their face would be quite simply precious... however, this cannot be the case every time.

Even though I live by the concept of altruism, it still hurts when my labours for others go unnoticed and underappreciated - because I live to see the look of joy on your face, and to hear your intelligent reflections on the inspiration I provide. I have said it before in many other mediums, and I will say it again here:

My mission in life is to create wealth in positive emotion and useful thought, and to help those who want to be helped become who they want to be.

The fault however, is not on you. I am simply not doing it right. I have to become better at inciting inspiration. Maybe exposing my thoughts and motives will help to show just how much your two cents really means to me. Critique me. I am more than willing to learn how to make you happy, and help you lead the life you have always desired - or never knew you could have.

You know what they say - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. My concept of it is slightly different - if you can't find it, be it. I wish I had a friend like me for myself, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Perhaps not even in facsimile. And this is starting to drag me down. What about me causes people to be so distant? The answer is probably so obvious that I'll kick myself for it later...