musings of a fruitcake

emotional co-flict

mikapixie — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:16:51 GMT

i am simultaneously very very sad and also filled with a disconcerting joy at Tristan's everpresence. He is soooo big, so with all he needs to be with and still the great loving fixer of the broken. I miss him soooo much but yet he is always with me like he always was in living person, this state of mothering is very confusing. He is my son, my teacher, my ancestor all rolled into one. i dream, i see, i hear... the warnth of his love touches my skin, the innocence of his wisdom walks through my mind and heart. this is a very new and different world now. i have to learn all things again. hmmm...

and another loveliness from allison

mikapixie — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 23:44:47 GMT

"...little bells and chimes soft like a whisper rings in my ears. For someone so small. You can lead the music now...anyway you want." ~*IN LOVING MEMORY OF TRISTAN*~

tristan's passing's magic

mikapixie — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 01:41:36 GMT

i want to thank you all for all your prayers thoughts and blessings youve sent our way. we are honored not only to have been tristan's parents but to have such a wonderful family in you all and all those whove come to help us now and in the past and future. many of our kin travelled many days to be here for the memorial and many whod not spoken to each other in years buried old hatchets and created renewed and restored relationships. a local church on the brink of dissolution, not only took care of us three times a day but came back together with renewed vigour and faith. new friendships reaching across the globe, seeds and love, and chickens and a goat named luke and mothers able to take new love in their children and faith and patience and it just goes on and on. tristan is a proud and accomplished man now, too big for his little body, fixer of people, situations and things still reaching out with his great love and mirth. i love him and all his makings and am filled with joy. everywhere i see his guileless eyes and smile and hear his sweet voice on the wind: excuse me but i love you mommie and it's ok. and i can still smile... thank you

from our sweet friend Tempus... thank you

mikapixie — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 17:49:28 GMT

Do Not Stand At My Grave Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. Anon

a horrible tragedy october 7

mikapixie — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 12:22:44 GMT

my dearest family, it grieves me immensly to have to post this today, we have lived on our lovely farm exactly 7 days, when yesterday morning, october 7 2006 our wonderful and beautiful son drowned at he age of only 3 and a half. we are not sure how we will make it through the future without him, but hearing from you all will help. please call us at 912 496 7085, or write to or stop by at reynolds rd r1 box 2100, folkston, ga we are but 35 minutes sw of the hostel. we will perform services here at the farm. we request memorials in the form of live plants or seeds so we can grow this farm in Tristan's memory. We love you all, Marika and Jester

4 and a half acres and a mule

mikapixie — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 21:35:46 GMT

land hunting, 4.5 acres, a pond, pasture, barns and bluberries. i think this is it finally, hour drive to work, biznez going great and meds working well. i guess i can't truly complain ceptin the absence of one of my boyz. someday soon tho i think he'll be here, when he gets done with his next heartbreak. here's hoping it comes soon or not at all. i think i do well as a hermit tho and i kinda like it provided i can put my greasepaint on every once in a while and sewings been fun too...pupp,ets, creepy dolls and refab clothes. gardens makin salad days, dog has hair on her butt and i still love knee sox and the teacups.

business startup is a bitch of a timeconsuming

mikapixie — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 23:50:48 GMT

me at work in my accomplished mood ha ha sweaty, dirty but happy not much time but exciting things in works, sba sucks, score rocks and working fulltime and starting abusiness is hard on everyone especially my lovely spouse who why i dont know still loves me and whom i dont know why i still adore. funnn funnn funnn but god glad to wear ever the clown at least lisalotta still has a sense of humour and a sexlife, me i dont know bla bla bla thanks blog

me gone long time

mikapixie — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:29:43 GMT

so ptsd sucks and i've been wallowing in it for a time with business all about me simultaneously frying my grits, brains, body, soul... time to move on and exit my temporary solitude cyclical ramblin i love all hallows though and that show was the one that dragged me by the short hairs bunnies are indeed sexy my honey breathes good fire and beds of nails are uncomfortably cozy, 'specially with spikeheeled nuns standing on my midriff... she wore no panties, i wore my pink furry ones and life is good again

sultry mornings...

mikapixie — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 17:22:23 GMT

i remember, back in mombasa, kenyan sultry mornings, how good it was to sneak a gintonic from the locked, picked liquor cabinet and watch fat shortsleeved kneesocked bermuda wearing british men wiping dewey sunburnt faces, sipping their own, in the blistery shade before lunchtime... florida augustheat takes me there and i sip mine today...

intelligence unintelligently applied

mikapixie — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 16:11:39 GMT

is just another way to be arrogant/ ignorant? at least i THINK this is true, after reading over 300 posts on a seemingly endless rant by people of considerable knowledge and intelligence about annoying use of language. i was tipped (and ticked) off by the post of a plain 'merican speakin' person's peeve w/ a couple of non native'merican speakers use of "dated" slang. my questions are as follows: do we/ should we really criticize non native speakers: -for their "annoying" use of our language when at least they SPEAK a FOREIGN language well enough to use slang, dated or not? -when they have the BALLS to brave ridicule by the ignorant and mostly only ONE language speaking (and that not even well, most times) 'merican locals, for their "annoying" pronunciation? - and they at least bother to speak OUR language in our country? (unlike most 'merican touristas) i just don't know... and shouldn't i spend my time better NOT even worrying about this topic and stripping the bed instead? OH YEAH, AND SHOULDN'T YOU BE TELLING THE "DATED"SLANG USERS THEIR SLANG'S DATED INSTEAD OF GOSSIPING ABOUT IT ONLINE TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE AND CAN SLANG EVEN BE DATED WHEN IT CONVEYS THE MEANING YOU'RE TRYING TO CONVEY AND ONE CONTINENT'S CURRENT SLANG IS ANOTHER CONTINENT'S YESTERDAY...SHOULDN'T I STOP CAPITALIZING AND get to work...

hanging gardens of marika

mikapixie — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 22:49:10 GMT

i love to look past the screen and see among the twinkle of small lights, that watermelon has a baby hanging in plain view with stars and moons and we can only hope it stays relatively small or they may be fallen gardens. the egg plant white is also in labor and the tomatos lag behind, pennyroyal is profuse and sweetly smelling chases of the monster mosquitos causing great thankfulness by my milky redhead skin. maybe i should turn off the sprinkler before i wax too maudlin and poetic!

so how strange is living in the south east

mikapixie — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 22:23:52 GMT

for a world travelling artist, clown mom gardening selfemployed person it can get weird. i thought california was conservative but i guess that was just la... ahhh drat these interruptions will be back... later, oh why do i keep trying to do this in the daylight hours. dumb girl... it was just a thought to rambleon... coagulated paint...

inventory of clownpanties

mikapixie — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 12:29:47 GMT

collection of panties, belonging to a clown: one pair silver vinyl w/ties 2 pair cotton polkadotted boxers featuring a plethora of pastel and neon colors 1 pair fuchsia cotton w/multi dots inside chainlink grid 1 pair satin turquoise with orange, lime and blu polkadots 1 pair lime boyshorts with turqoise, limer, blu and fuchia polkadots 1 pair midcalf bloomers black w/white polkadots 1 pair midcalf bloomers white w/ lotsa antique lace 1 pair white nylon grannypanty with multi polkadots 5 pair horizontally striped hanes men's cotton knit boxers w/button fly in red +blu +black 1 pair blck velvet dipfront briefs w/ pale pink polkadots and ruffle trim 1 pair blu snakeskin cotton boyleg 1 pair orange briefs w/ monkey and turquoise trim and bananas upon rear end 1 pair black monkey boyleg with hearno/seeno/sayno evil HAHAHA and lotsa bananas 1 pair multi monkey in multi color cotton 1 pair converted white cotton catholic schoolgirl briefs w/ lotsa appliceed black wide ruffled lace upon rear end (not that i'm a catholic) 1 pair black vinyl boyleg 1 pair pink vinyl boyleg 1 pair pink bunnyfur boyleg 1 pair silver lame' boyleg 1 series of multi purple/ rose/ red/ black harlequin satins i think there's more in the thong department but the fabric's too small for accurate inventory and who wants to know the color of "floss"! ahh lisa... clowns are VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE!!! and their spelling's atrocoius ;0)

the kneesock black...

mikapixie — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 20:36:14 GMT

black kneesox, hmmm i think they should be a mandatory fashion accessory for the shorts/ short skirt wearer, with dark shoes... just an idea... which brings me to contracts...