Yes, finally after so much time keeping it under wraps, I present this theory to you. And I ask: why do so many people waste good time chasing reports of sightings at Area 51 and such, when there's perfectly good evidence readily available in the CD bins at Barnes and Noble or downloadable from itunes, of an unearthly being having lived among us ?

True, I have no facts, but what are facts really, except close-ended linear thinking, what is logic but arguments lined up in a narrow straight tunnel, pointing to one another? Besides, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, when it comes to us conceiving of life beyond our planet, to assume that there's any way of conclusively thinking out that which we can scarcely imagine. Yes, "proof by example" is wholly unacceptable by scientific measure; nevertheless I argue by example here, since for this topic that is all that anyone ever does.

I first got this idea, um, received this information about Bach many years ago when listening to the Mass in B-minor. There's no way a human could write that.

Just listen to a few minutes of the opening Kyrie -- here's a link to a rendition by Jeffrey Thomas and American Bach Soloists:

www.magnatune.com/artists/a.../hifi_play

C'mon, that supposed to have been composed by a human? No f**king way! And that whole bit about Bach driven by religious fervor? That's reverse logic in that it already presumes he was human. More likely, I think, that he was using the Christian canopy for cover -- after all, it wasn't exactly safe back then for a brother from another planet to be flat out of the closet.

For my second argument, I submit Bach's Magnificat. Listen to a couple of minutes of this version by the Amsterdam Baroque Orchestra led by Ton Koopman:

www.youtube.com/watch

Now, aside from the possibly mind-blowing experience of seeing so many open-mouthed Dutch people at once, here again Bach is resplendent, demonstrating musical powers far beyond the reach of any earthling.

Note the comments at that youtube post - one person states that Bach is a demonstration of existence of God. Now this is silly. Why complicate matters by bringing in both the immense question of God's nature and existence, and some murky notion of Bach as some sort of angel or messenger? Let's apply Occam's Razor here -- the simpliest solution is the best. Agreed: The music is so sublime, it is unworldly. Mathematical probablities favor the existence of life elsewhere in the universe. Ergo, Bach must have come from outer space.

There's a plethora of other examples (Bach wrote over a thousand works while fathering twenty children), but I believe this next and most powerful piece of evidence is all that is necessary.

Here is a selection of Goldberg Variations performed by Glenn Gould, who quite possibly was an alien or at least demi-alien himself, to be able to express Bach's music as he did:

www.youtube.com/watch

Convinced? You should be. But if not, I'll just leave you with this one last item to contemplate. Why, you might ask, would Bach, if an alien, choose to write such amazing music; indeed why did he compose at all? Well, really, how should I know? But maybe, just maybe, he was propagating, via a language known to extraterrestrial beings, the energy needed to traverse galaxies. And if that sounds ridiculous, compare our clumsy manner of space travel with the sheer levitational power of a Bach prelude, as illustrated here by number 30 of the "32 Short Films about Glenn Gould":

www.youtube.com/watch