in a funk tonight as the last bits of dignity are stripped away and old people return to old habits. i have no resources at all and while i have applied for disability benefits, they take forever. i will lose everything and will still for my car even though it will be repo'd
my other jeep has a transmission problem that i could fix, i even have all the parts but it is physically impossible for me to do the work because of my physical condition. also i have no insurance so i am trapped. public transportation involves too much walking and standing and my hip is out of joint. i hope this county counselor can do something, i am too old and lonely to continue to be forced to wander with the cloths on my back for the 5th time. i just don't have the strength to reinvent my self yet again. i pray i can sort through all this before i have no place to go and nowhere to get there. my mother said i was in crisis and i just laughed. its all relitive and it seems my range is so much lower than most. if a tragedy can happen, it will happen to me. i am so totally emotionally scarred that people are uncomfortable around me.
the ptsd causes me to sleep little and poorly. it also scares me sometimes. the doctors are arguing between themselves but either adhd or bipolar is indicated, or both. i have had no healthcare in the last 20 years and one of my hips is out of joint i feel like the fight is all in vane
i hope i am wrong.

if anyone notices a "kick me" sign on my back will yu tell me?

life gives such little return on investment that it really doesn't feel like i make any headway

so after years of resisting the my space craze and the face book rush, i have been enticed to join as a back up to tribe and its whims. i believe in the multi party system and will not abandon tribe but have had little luck with facebook other than to fun into people that knew me from high school (a good thing???) so, where are the "tribes" on facebook? i am mindfunk13 as usual. anyone that can spell my real name also gets a direct line as there are only 4 left in the western hemisphere

no longer will i tolerate friends that only have me around for "work parties" and conveniently forget to mention other types of gatherings
i feel no particular need to be used, and with this in mind wil be doing some "reaping" on my lists. if you feel that you are included in this list, i would speak up really soon with some explanation of bad manners or forever hold your piece
"Funk out

the Iranian opposition man is from the same rank and file government that has been in place since carter. they took a page from us, run any two people aganst each other and the man behind the curtain wins! yellow cake anyone?

I got 99 friends and nobody to talk to, kinda mind blowing but hey it is almost 2 in the morning. these are the hours i like the least, alone with my thoughts, running 4 monitors,2 keyboards and 2 trackballs gets dull quite quickly and the follow up calls from people who can't run a computer well enough to check their e-mail is getting to be more than my patience can tolerate. but redoing these antique towers does provide cig money and those go fast at this time of night. just a few more hours to go before the early birds get up and start makin coffee.if i could count the sunrises i have seen in one lifetime......or the months when i never see daylight..........