Well, I have a Sony notebook that has actually served me very well for the

most part. However it's getting a lot of wear and tear from my dragging

it around to the dungeon and strip clubs. The DVD drawer got torn out when

it got caught on the inside of the bag I keep it in. More recently it

powers down when I attach the battery. That means I have to use it plugged

in and power down every time I move it. Anyway, it's no longer portable

and it's time to send it for service. I have been dragging my feet though

because I didn't have a desktop I was happy with until a couple of days ago.









I spent a lot of today backing stuff up and moving important things on to

external storage drives or putting them on the desktop. I got a fancy

widescreen monitor too - yay. Anyway, tomorrow morning I will back up my

poor notebook and drop it off at the service center to be shipped off to

Connecticut (I think) where it will stay for up to two weeks. That means I

will spend my few days visiting family san computer (eeek). However it

definitely needs to be repaired so I should stop procrastinating.











Sigh...

Well, it's that' time again..well, sort of. There was no pageant held last

year which means two things. First, technically, that means I'm still the

reigning Miss Nude World. Second, it means after almost a year hiatus

(which I have thoroughly enjoyed) I have to get on stage and represent my

title before I pass it on. This year the pageant is in West Virginia and I

have been living in beautiful sunny Los Angeles, CA. I'm not even sure I

can wrangle up a week worth of winter appropriate clothing. I have also

chopped off all of my hair extensions and colored my hair a rather festive

shade of fire engine red. Traditionally, pageant strippers have very long

hair. It's part of the top shelf stripper uniform. The uniform also

includes breast implants, false eyelashes, spray tan and at least one

questionable tattoo. I kid.







Anyhow, I'm just not finding the fevered motivation I had to do this thing a

couple of years ago. Perhaps I just haven't been on stage in a while.

Maybe I'm spoiled by the video work and web site success I have had here.

There is no question that California's weather keeps me planted here. I

feel out of practice though, and a little out of shape. In 2006 I devoted

myself to winning the title and my efforts consumed much of my life and my

time. I have to such carrot to chase this year and am lazily content to

remain here at home. Lol







So, this week I need to find and restore my stripper mojo. I need to

decide which gowns I will bring and which shows I will perform. I am

actually looking forward to MCing the pageant. I enjoy cracking jokes and

talking on a microphone. Maybe I need to find other reasons to get excited

about things too. I could shoot naughty videos with some of the other

girls. It's always nice to see the other pageant regulars. Every pageant

I do is exhausting, but I usually feel pretty good at the end of the week.

The best part is coming home and seeing my best friend and my furry little

zoo.







Tomorrow I have some time so I'll dig through my costumes and look for

inspiration.







And I suppose, we shall see what happens...







xox

http://xbiz.com/news/86338

Well, yesterday was productive.







We shot six new videos for my site. I really have to get more creative and

shoot more stuff of myself.







I tend to sort of pick a theme when I spend a day shooting. Yesterday's

theme was party dresses and dates. I wore several different party dresses

and (since I love plot) my scenes all had a "plot". In one I was stood up

by a date, in another I was about to go on a date and I was nervous and the

rest had equally silly themes.







Anyway, I'm looking forward to editing them and getting them posted.







xox

Fall is a rough time for me every year. I get discouraged easily and

sometimes act downright irrational. I always discover who my true friends

are each November because they continue to return my calls even though I can

be a bit of a downer to hang out with. I had assumed that since California

has lovely weather year round that I wouldn't experience my annual low when

Thanksgiving rolled around, but I'm still not my usual cheery self, even

here.







Last year I was traveling much of the time in the fall so my new California

friends didn't really have to see my mood change. So, this year I'm

finding that I really don't have anyone to call or reach out to. I have

also found it particularly frustrating that I keep trying to connect with

people who clearly don't have a lot of patience for people who aren't close

to perfect all the time.







Human emotions have always been a huge source of frustration for me. They

just don't make any sense so I just can't always cope with them. I fall in

love with people who aren't always nice to me. I occasionally feel insecure

for no good reason. I don't always appreciate the truly reliable loving

people in my life.







Today I'm going to attempt to turn over a new leaf. I'm going to stop

running away from things (drinking for the wrong reason, allowing myself to

get overwhelmed when few deep breaths could give me time to regroup and not

freak out, neglecting myself physically) and treat myself like I deserve.

I have always admired those people who treat their bodies like temples and

actually think seriously about everything that they put in to it. What

that will mean for me is fewer chemicals (alcohol, junk food) better

nourishment (a thoughtful diet) healthier relationships (goodbye abusive

vampire types) and a serious return to my rigorous exercise regimen (trapeze

and circus school full time again).







Ok, I'm going to go back to bed since I really didn't sleep well last night

and when I wake up hopefully I will have dreamt about these things.

Hopefully these changes will help me improve my outlook and mood. Sadly

they will mean I'm going to have to make some new friends with similar

interests, but hey, I have always been good at meeting new people.







Wish me luck!