** I've been 95% drug-free (steady supplies of caffeine, nicotene and the occasional little drinky not included) since around the same time as this song came out, but i can't say the urge ever really goes away... that said, some people really should shove the happy-talk about their personal growth and how evolved they think they are until they can truly say they've beaten something other than their lover **

(yeah, i went there... what the fuck are you gonna do about it??)******

DOPE HAT

I peek into the hole
I struggle for control
The children
love the show
but they fail
to see
the anguish
in my
eyes
Fail to see the anguish
in my eyes

I scratch around the brim
I let my mind give in
The crowd begins to grin
but they seem to scream
when darkness fills
my eyes
Seem to scream
when darkness fills my eyes

(it's no surprise)

Fail to see the tragic
turn it into magic
My big top tricks
will always make you happy
But we all know
the hat is wearing me

My bag is in the hat,
it's filled with this and that
My vision's getting fat,
the rabbit's
just a monkey
in disguise
Stars and pills
and needles
dance
before our eyes
They will bite the hand
if it is slower than
the quickness
of their scrutinizing eyes

Fail to see the tragic,
turn it into magic
My big top tricks
will always make you happy
But we all know
the hat is wearing me
Chicanery
will always make
you
happy
But we all know
the hat is wearing me

(1994 Berkowitz/Gacy/Manson)

Because of who i have been and what i have done in my past (and occasionally in the present) I will refrain from selling myself to you, the few readers who pass this way, as any kind of saint or good example.

After honest self-reflection, i can tell you that i am not a very nice person nor have i ever claimed to be.

My willingness to point out my own flaws and failings is not self-deprecation, but the result of honest introspection.

My whole modus operandi since i became what passes as the nominal definition of an adult is to spill myself out before the world and challenge whomever happens along to accept or reject me for who and what i am, for good and for ill.

Apparently though, my doing this without having spent time in therapy or under the appropriate prescriptions renders my ideals invalid in the eyes of some, but i'll just consider the source when any of those criticisms comes down the pipe.

To a religious person, i have committed nearly every conceivable sin, so, since i originally came from a religious background i will forgo any claims to having any redeeming value and since i am just generally a perverse opportunist, i will also refrain from claiming to have any great deal of personal integrity.

However this does not mean i will hesitate to point out when someone else is being a raging hypocrite. I am a devil among men and the devil's first role is that of the accuser.

I live in a hot place and my eyes and ears eventually hear much more than was intended for them.