beer fueled bastardry

BUSTED!

MisterLovegrove — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:43:37 GMT

For what i now understand to be a good reason, my apartment complex imposes a rather strict rule regarding how many cats one can have in relation to one's floor plan. Long story short, after a number of issues led to their discovery, i had to scramble to find places for the kittens. My efforts at putting them up on craigslist were foiled repeatedly by shitbags flagging my ads so that theirs might be moved further up the list. My circuit breaker box has begun failing and when the complex called in an electrician, he was apparently assaulted by a kitty generated stench to which i have become utterly desensitized, but which he found utterly unbearable. As a result, management sent their own guy in who also lives with a big pile of cats (but in a much bigger apt) and he confirmed that it was funky (and not in that good way) he also reported back that i was over the limit in terms of fluff-monkeys per square foot... *Pixie will be going to join the couple in the corner apt after they get their big ginger boy fixed (he's six weeks older than Pixie, but twice her size) *Butterscotch and Snowflake have been moved in with a new couple that live in the center courtyard and are doing well *Rudie was given to a neighbor, but suffered major separation anxiety from her sisters and tore the hell out of his apartment while he was at work, she has now found another home with a stay-at-home retiree who has a bigger apartment and a few other cats I still have Tonya and Spooky because they are all i am allowed to have and i don't know how they'd get along with anyone but me, as Tonya is Psychotic and Spooky is Neurotic (her errant, passive aggressive pissing over the last few weeks is the source of the stink i am now under duress to clean up ASAP, though that seems to have tailed off since i moved her children out)

Of Greetings and Goodbyes

MisterLovegrove — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:45:18 GMT

Five and a half years ago, a friend brought me a pair of black cats from an abandoned section of her apartment complex, one kitten and one adult. They came to me 3 weeks apart. First, the kitten, 3-months old, sleek, black and bursting with energy, who would go on to become the endearingly bitchy and cantankerous Tonya. Next came Shadow, who was at least 3 maybe even four or five years old and was, quite possibly Tonya's mother...Where Tonya had been taken in by someone at first, Shadow had been abandoned and was on the verge of reverting to a more feral state. Over the years, Shadow became the more social of the two, an absolute sweetheart if ever one existed. a cuddler, a blanket hog and a serious Catnip junkie. Lover of French fries, and of ice cream, known to throw herself bodily into a plate full of catnip as if all four of her legs had been shot out from under her with a cannon and alternately eat it and roll in it until she was good and high. When I'd pet her, she'd return the favor by licking my arm. She was everything good you could hope for in a cat, any pet in general or even of any friend. For the last few days though she was kind of withdrawn and found herself a hiding spot last night, she came out, panting and weak, struggling to breathe and laid down at my feet I took her to the vet, who told me that she was going into kidney failure and that her lungs sounded bad she passed away in my arms as the vet delivered the fatal dose of anesthetic and as i scratched her favorite spot behind her ears 'bye kitty.

KITTEH!

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:45:31 GMT

as anyone who has been in my photo albums over the last few weeks can see, i am beset on all sides by the deadliest strains of cuteness one can imagine....five kittens,. kittens, goddammit KITTENS! the little things are my Achilles' Heel so to speak...i can be on the verge of or in the full on effects of a homicidal rage but if you hand me a kitten, i'm totally undone...srsly years and years of near sociopathic violence and inhumanity to my credit, and i get all melty over kittens let me say that for you again in case i did not say it loud enough KITTENS KITTENS KITTENS!!!!! aaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh.

ah-hahhhhhhh...

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:29:41 GMT

I may be too old for that sort of thing, but it was my birthday, i was among friends and everyone had a good time. this kitteh sums up how i spent yesterday in the wake of the weekend (and fuck the green beer and the tens of thousands of drunken douche-bag frat-boys in fuzzy green hats and all of the accompanying projectile vomiting that goes with them)

another pointless rant

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:59:40 GMT

Nobody asked me, but here's what i think: *Fix your goddamn ballcap, already...you ear is in no danger of being blinded by the sun. *If you are wearing a hoodie with the hood up and a bandanna tied over your face, you had better be either a guerilla fighting an insurgency somewhere or otherwise prepared for the sort of genuinely subversive or criminal activity for which you might actually need to protect your anonymity. If you are a middle class suburban American kid and it's just something that you and your subculture do, you are all a bunch of fucking poseurs. *If you ever invoke the name of Bill O'Reilly as the source of a social or political discussion or argument, expect me to laugh at you. To anyone with their own independently founded reasoning skills that guy is as credible as any of the raving loons who pop out at me from behind dumpsters on occasion. *torture is useless because once their resistance (if offered) is broken, the person being tortured will say whatever they think you want them to say, regardless of accuracy, if it will make the pain stop *"Fergie" is oddly attractive but her music is some of the most utterly annoying crap that has ever crossed my eardrums. *Tim & Eric from [adult swim] are still not funny * Joe Lieberman should just come out of the proverbial closet and admit he is a Republican * Rudy Giuliani needs to shut the f**k up about 9/11 already, he did not do anything particularly heroic, he just latched on to it and milked it to wash away the taint of his previously insipid legacy as a raving douchebag. * The increasing relaxation of the rules regarding the consolidation of media ownership will prove to be a bad thing. The FCC has pretty much become Big Media's (News Corp, Gannett, Clear Channel) bitch. Even though he is no longer the chairman, the amount of enabling he did to that end just serves as proof that if former FCC Chairman Michael Powell was gonna be the end result, Gen. Colin Powell should have pulled out early during that encounter. * that Britney Spear's little sister is pregnant should not be news... because A) there weren't too many people i knew when i was 16 who hadn't already had sex; B) teenagers tend to take stupid chances and abstinence education is a failure anyway; and C) really, who f*cking cares anyhow? * I just saw the creepiest family portrait of presidential candidate Mike Huckabee and now i wonder: between his family's matching outfits, Rick "man on dog" Santorum's youngest daughter being dressed up in the same outfit as one of her dolls and Arkansas state Senator Jim Bob Duggar and his wife Michelle (whose uterus has been pulling double duty as a clown car, what with their seventeen kids) the ulta religious hardcore wingnuts have this creepy tendency to dress the whole family up in matching outfits

rusted armor blues

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 23:39:54 GMT

To put the weekend's suckage into context, i should preface what set me on edge in the first place. My little clique of neighbors and i were hanging out in our usual space on Thanksgiving evening, as those of us who attended family functions that day did our celebrating early and were already back with leftovers in tow. that part was all well and good. We were joined at our hangout by a neighbor i will refer to simply as Ms. J. or "J" for short after we saw her walking buy looking cold, tired and most of all...hungry. Her jerkbag boyfriend had shoo-ed her out of the apartment early in the day so that he could invite his ex over and would not let her back in until the ex was gone, something i learned he was in the habit of doing. J is a little tiny slip of a girl. just a hair shy of five feet tall and probably not quite all of 90 pounds. She didn't go out of her way to draw our attention to her plight, as she was trying to go by unnoticed, sort of like the pair of stray kittens that occasionally goes tear-assing around the corners of the courtyard whenever they think any living creature has laid eyes on them. After a little prying, my friend ET coaxed a tale of ongoing gross disrespect and psychological abuse out of her that had me pondering what it would feel like to rip the guy to shreds on general principle. Though i did not give voice to this urge, everyone could see it on my face, especially when the asshat and his ex came outside and the little bastard started giving us "the stinkeye" apropos of nothing, since J ducked out of sight as soon as she heard their door start to open, By her own admission he had not resorted to hitting her yet, but i was convinced that such an outcome was not far away and J already showed clear signs of being quite afraid of him, which just fueled my dislike for the guy. My other friends convinced me, based on information they had to let them apply a different solution that involved the unusual amount of foot-traffic of herky-jerky strangers coming by the apartment that day and perhaps involving local law enforcement to remedy that situation and that maybe since i am the de-facto party cook among my little clique if i could not perhaps spare some food for J. I confess that , waifishness aside, J is kind of cute, so i required even less persuasion than usual to head back to my kitchen to whip something up (i've acquired a bit of a reputation for being a good cook, as some of my neighbors and i in the back section of the complex sometimes do communal meals in our little courtyard) so, while i was tinkering in my kitchen, J hid out at E's place and the police just kind of spontaneously showed up and removed the a-hole from the premises. On the few occasions i had spoken to the guy, he seemed more than a little asinine and way over-animated, so i won't be too upset by his continued absence, as he just bears out my belief that i have never met a tweeker who was not also, in some form or other, an utter douchebag. So i went into friday still feeling a pretty potent hate-on for that guy when Crazy McCrackHead decided to get in my face and everyone else's on the way home from the store, and so i think giving up the idea of tearing into an even more deserving assmonkey may have been why i was that much less tolerant of the second guy's crap.

friday night bus stop fight

MisterLovegrove — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 19:49:26 GMT

full moon, rambling tweeker scumbag coming up to me at the stop outside the grocery store demands a cigarette from me even though i didn't have a pack handy keeps telling everyone at the stop to "shut the fuck up" even though nobody is inclined to say word one to his stupid ass. throws his bicycle down in front of startled woman, gives her the hard look followed once again by the command to "shut the fuck up" steps out into the street and gestures at passing cop car, i would not have shed a tear if the cops had accidentally drifted over into the lane and flattened him or splattered him all over us. "i'm not afraid of anything, not my daddy and not afraid even of god...are you afraid of anything?...shut the fuck up" bus finally shows up, douchebag goes to put his bike on the rack on the front of the bus, i get in line with the rest of the people at the stop asshole tries to pull me out of the doorway of the bus to get on in front of me "i'm first...shutthefuckup" tired of him..."motherfucker, i don't care who hears me, if you touch me again, i'll fucking break you" i tell him his hand on me trying to pull me back again as i proceed up the step to the farebox i elbow him in the teeth right in front of the bus driver, fuck it, i don't care, he catches me with a quick but light shot to the jaw, tries again but i catch the next shot with a good block and lay the worst indignity on him. i pimp-slap the fucker and shove him back to the sidewalk, allowing the other people who he was trying to bypass to get on before him. bus driver lets him on but warns that if he makes one sound, he's off. i pick up my groceries from the little flat area in front of the passenger-side front row seat and make my way to the seat by the rear exit door. he bumps me absentmindedly..."sorry" he mutters softly "you're goddamned right you are" i grab my head and twist my neck, making a loud, rather wet cracking sound hat makes passengers within earshot cringe audibly, except for the woman who he was pestering most beside me at the stop she nods at me with a half-smile and then laughs in the guy's face, she didn't have a cigarette to meet his demand either seeing as how she was not a smoker so he called her a greedy whore who was just waiting for karma to pay her back for her lack of generosity. "Now that's what I'm talking about" she says out loud, provoking a sullen look on the idiot's face. i figured once i lost all that weight and muscle mass, dipshit people like that guy would quit trying to prove themselves at my expense, but i guess i was wrong. it's no wonder my bar-tab cut slightly into my rent money this week, so now i either have to pay a few days late or i have to bum some money from my brother and sister to cover the slight shortfall (about $40 in all) damn, my weekend sucked.

random playlist: Stampeding cattle (thru the vatican) edition

MisterLovegrove — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 20:49:26 GMT

"kinky..." 10. Asobi Seksu “Stay Awake” 9. Eurythmics - “Sweet Dreams (are made of this)” 9. Shiny Toy Guns - “You Are The One” 7. Soft Cell - Tainted Love 6. Gary Numan/Tubeway Army - “Are ‘Friends’ Electric?” 5. Goldfrapp - “Strict Machine” 4. Revolting Cocks - “Do ya think i’m sexy” (greatest cover of rod stweart ever) 3. Frankie Goes to Hollywood “Relax” 2. Nine Inch Nails “The Only Time” 1. Depeche Mode - “Master and Servant” BONUS TRACK: Rammstein - “Bestrafe Mich”

if anyone had any doubts about how awful i can be sometimes...

MisterLovegrove — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 19:56:57 GMT

i know, i know... it sounds pretty horrible, but little else beside the spectrum of negatives from minor annoyance to horror and despair came out of that particular time period anyway. I should have let him die that night, i should have let his appendix burst. with him dead, i never would have met the rest of that gathering of rampaging asshats who plagued me for a year and frayed the edges of my sanity almost beyond repair with him dead, the other idiot would not have stuck around too long either and thus none of those fucks would have leeched so much off of me and most importantly of all.... with him dead she would have never come back into the picture and i wouldn't have fallen for her, and if i had not fallen for her, who knows how much better off i would have been in the intervening years of tying myself in knots while simultaneously jumping through hoops to prove myself to her...and how ridiculous is it that she has been out of my life a hell of a lot longer than she was ever in it and by an ever widening margin now. ten years since that walk through the park and the stoned, giggling ramble up the rocky foothills at the edge of town talking, laughing watching the bats return to the shelter of the little caves and outcrops as the sun rose over the desert I could have stayed what i was and been fine with it, but no, i had to go and open that door and i guess it really is true about how one seemingly innocuous decision can alter every outcome thereafter ---------------- Now playing: Gary Numan - Are Friends Electric?

a sudden and uncontrollable urge.

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:22:52 GMT

while i will never feel the urge to completely shave my head down to the shortest possible stubble ever again** unless i discover that i am going seriously bald, i am feeling inclined to take my shears, slap on my #2 cutter guard and free myself of a good portion of my hair. There are enough people around this town sporting the jail-house-fuck-up look that i don't care to add myself to it, but i've said this before. (once when i was 17 when i signed up for a particular variety of government employ wherein i received a buzz cut and looked a lot like everybody else before being told that certain crimes i had committed but not copped to made me a liability...a fact i find ironic in light of recent political scandals of the last 3 or so years and the second time not long after i kicked the junk...then it was a symbolic thing, but i promptly grew it back out when i realized that i looked like a bunch of people for whom i did not particularly care) [yes, i'm occasionally a judgmental prick, but unlike many other judgmental pricks, i can and will readily admit to it)

one versus the other

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 04:07:26 GMT

more fun with the Father Coughlin of the 21st century

FALAFEL!

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 03:52:17 GMT

more fun with der kulturkampf-fuhrer

Hey, Bill O'Reilly, eat this...

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 03:46:22 GMT

i hear this picture really pisses you off

maybe it's just me...

MisterLovegrove — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:15:43 GMT

but between having the misfortune of seeing his face and catching a moment of his bullshit while channel surfing and reading some of his predictions and opinions with regard to American Foreign policy, vis-a-vis his apparent belief that a spiraling cycle of bloodshed and death=progress in Iraq and that a few more simultaneous wars would be a good thing, something about William Kristol's face fills me with the urge to slap the ever living shit out of him were i ever in a position to do so. After four years, it has become clear to me that stopped clocks are right more often than Kristol or many of his Neo-con jackoff peers...and maybe it's just me, but in all of my 35 years, in all the various social circles and strata in which i've run, i have never known anyone who reads the Weekly Standard, so i can only surmise that he is kept afloat by the same sort of wingnut welfare social networks that give these vapid weirdos a venue in which to spew their idiocy

heh - never get sloshed while reading Frank Herbert

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 01:40:35 GMT

i must not drink beer is the mind-killer beer is the liquid death that makes me totally oblivious

more LOLs

MisterLovegrove — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 00:55:35 GMT

LolCthulu - http://isometric.sixsided.org/forum/read.php?1,640 "Your sanity has a flavor NOM NOM NOM" may be the funniest goddamn thing i think i've seen in a while

bringing it back (just because i feel like being rude)

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 00:49:35 GMT

Cue up a copy of "Strangeways Here We Come" and jump to track seven "...so drink drink drink and be ill tonight" heh. (since i've never been one to make claims of being any sort of paragon of maturity, tact or enlightenment, i don't feel the least bit of compunction about figuratively pie-facing someone for my own perverse amusement)

reversals, five years on

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 23 May 2007 18:37:45 GMT

five years ago, i was sick and tired. the tiredness was a consequence of the sickness (prolonged spike in blood sugar as a result of being a then un-diagnosed, untreated diabetic going into ketoacidosis) i did not know until very near the point where i ended up in the hospital how close i was to death. although, at the time, my position as a puppet on a frequently jerked-about string left me feeling like death might just be a relief. though i must admit that now i am glad i didn't give anyone the satisfaction of my having curled up and died now, i have gone back to being some of the more figurative sorts of sick that i was once known for, and like then, i get by on very little sleep though i am a tiny bit woozy and disoriented, i am actually doing well for coming off an insomniac episode that saw me only catch an hour and forty-five minutes of sleep, and not all in one solid stretch. i feel the same weird disconnect from reality right now that i felt the time i showed up to work at the video store ten years ago ttripping on acid

apartment life drawbacks

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 23 May 2007 01:06:04 GMT

they guy who lived in my apartment before me was a real douchebag, his ignorant friends who live outside the complex and come knocking at my door at odd hours looking for him even though he hasn't been there in seven months are also real douchebags and stupid to boot. i will reserve a scenic spot in hell for these people His ex-girlfriend who moved in with a different douchebag to an apartment on the other side of the wall from me is a complete fucking moron who doesn't have the common fucking courtesy to not dump her goddamn kitchen grease down the sink, which means that eventually one of us in the general vicinity of her kitchen sink gets to wake up to or come home to a sink full of someone else's dirty, nasty dishwater...several of us have complained to her and she just laughs it off, not to mention she and the new d-bag are regularly drunk and when they've been drinking they're fucking obnoxious, rude and even a little pushy with their worthless pearls of drunken "wisdom" and advice seriously, given the choce between taking the advice those two dole out when they're tanked and trying to bludgeon myself to death with my own genitalia, i'll take the bludgeoning because, hey: what's red and orange and looks good on morons? FIRE! my next door neighbors are cool, though and so are about half of the rest of the people in the complex, i haven't gone out of my way to meet too many of the others, and except for Bill and Lina who are the source of the grease problem and the bad advice, i'll give everyone else the benefit of the doubt now if maintenance would get off their asses and clear my drain, that'd be peachy

in all directions

MisterLovegrove — Fri, 18 May 2007 23:43:56 GMT

i need a good workout program, but i also need the cash to swing that. I've hit that last ten or fifteen pounds of weight around the middle that won't quite go away with what i've done up to this point and i'm stuck for the last month and a half at 218 lbs even (i want to get down to between 200 and 205 or build back some muscle mass and be a well toned 220 to 225) i'm not losing any more weight lately, but the funny part is that the way i've been eating, i'm not gaining any back either and if anything, over the course of the last six months or so, there have been days when my appetite is utterly ridiculous. One day i was so hungry i consumed nearly enough calories in 24 hours to gain back three and a half pounds and managed to lose a quarter pound instead, the next day i was considerable less hungry and gained back the quarter but none else. i need to put up another new pic of me after i chopped off the rest of my hair.

if there actually is a hell

MisterLovegrove — Wed, 16 May 2007 21:04:30 GMT

then i hope somebody who shall not be named is getting it rough from a gay teletubbie

Sometimes it's funny

MisterLovegrove — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 19:30:47 GMT

to think that once, before i became a faceless bureaucrat, i was an outlaw. and in the transition i have been a lunatic and a lost soul among other things. there are days when i miss being truly dangerous

219.5

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 00:35:58 GMT

net loss 78.5 lbs over 62 weeks (counting since Jan 01, 2006) 14.5 to go... i am wearing 36" waist pants again for the first time since 1991 somehow my waist expanded into the 38-40" range when i was living off Ensure cans and mashed potatoes during my 2 year dance with the Horse and then when i got -sorta- clean i also quit smoking and spent a lot of time with the free-weights and the gym machines and blew up to gorilla proportions...325 to 335 lbs of belly fat and upper body and quadriceps muscle-mass which was also when i really started taking a lot of the gorilla jobs in earnest so for a brief period, i was wearing 48"x34" (before crashing back to 245 after a very gigantic biker put me through a wall and out of the bouncer biz for several years) but have spent most of the last 10 years rising and falling from 250 to just shy of 300 and back again and wearing 40, 42, and 44 waists as my weight fluctuated. I've never had as much of a safe and sustained weight-loss as this, so other than trying to regain some muscle mass and definition, i don't see the weight coming back this time Of course, i still need to cut off some more hair and maybe even ditch the last of the beard because i still look a bit like one of those goddamn Geico cavemen

so far, so good

MisterLovegrove — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 01:39:59 GMT

except for the exceptionally warm weather, which is only gonna get worse around here until October or so rolls around again, life is good, or at least it will be once my paycheck deposits because it means i have finally paid off the most important of the expenses i incurred in the process of moving. only thing that might get me into any trouble lately is this raging case of the SST's (springtime satyr-like tendencies) i've got, especially as it relates to the otherwise-involved woman in the apartment across the corner. between how ridiculously cute she is and the fact that my weight loss has made me feel like i haven't felt since i was a teenager, things are feeling a little crazy, but i like it (Editor's note: the cute girl across the corner should not be confused with my odd friendship with the Jesus Lady down the row) i need to get out more also, this weekend will see a significant portion of my hair chopped away and the beard going on hiatus as well i may even do the unthinkable in the next couple of weeks and get my first tattoo... most likely the less complex of the two Kanji for "raven/crow"

The "Pendejo" Look redux

MisterLovegrove — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 18:05:40 GMT

This is directed at no one person in particular, but generally at my fellow barrio-dwellers Si me has preguntado, i would have told you: **Cops actually like stupid ass cabrones who wear their pants too low because it makes it too hard for them to run away effectively when they get caught fucking up. ** I can understand wearing your baseball cap normally or even flipped backwards, but wearing the bill of your cap sideways? Dude, there is no risk of your hearing being impaired by bright glaring light unless someone shoots an industrial grade laser-beam into your eardrum **if you're gonna wear the fucking hat, wear the fucking hat all the way, don't over-tighten the band and then just perch the cap precariously on the crown of your head. What? are you trying to look like a gangster version of Cantinflas with his tiny hat? Newslfash, mensos, he was trying to be funny. Meanwhile, with your too-tight hat worn sideways and too high on your head, i have to say that you're so cool we could call you a culo