had to post this one more time..

this is a chant my teacher has us usually begin class with... she expresses that it forms a solid bond between teacher and student... you are all my teachers

OM SAHANA VAVATU SAHANA BHUNATTU
SAHA VIRYAM KARAWAVAHAI
TEJASVINAVADITAMASTU
MA VIDVISHAVAHAI
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI OM

Together may be be protected
Together may we be nourished
Together may we work with great energy
May our journey together be brilliant and effective
May there be no bad feelings between us
Peace, peace, peace

i was touched by a pixie last night... were you?

yesterday i found myself perusing the photos on the tribe 'heidi love'. a tribe started for the beloved that was brutally taken from this world and our community. i was not in any of the pictures. i've not yet been to bali and even though our encounters were full of genuine love and connection, i didn't know heidi as well as i would have liked.
last night i was having some quiet time outside, petting my cat and i was thinking of all those pictures and how i felt a little sad that i hadn't been to bali and that i'm too wrapped up in my son and life that i don't always look tribal-glamorous.. when suddenly i heard a twig snap and i looked to the left. then i felt a 'tap tap' on the center of my chest. i looked forward and saw heidi. she looked deeply in my eyes and said none of that stuff mattered and that we are all connected purely through the heart and the eyes. she thanked me for praying for her peace and then like a flash she was gone. i sensed a busyness about her spirit...as if now that her loved ones had set her free she was visiting everyone with gratitude and love. when i truly felt alone again i questioned whether that just happened.. of course it did! my higher self exclaimed. and then i began to sob. heidi's soul finding peace ment that she really was gone.. i never will be in a picture with her, we'll never have time on bali together, and isis will never get another heidi sandwich (which unfortunately happened only once).. i hadn't felt such deep sadness since my mother passed away last year. but i also have never felt so connected to my community as i do now. we are all walking bravely on this path no matter how jagged or confusing it gets.
i love you all so much.
many blessings to heidi on her new pixie adventures
here is a chant i have been saying everyday lately~

OM SAHANA VAVATU SAHANA BHUNATTU
SAHA VIRYAM KARAWAVAHAI
TEJASVINAVADITAMASTU
MA VIDVISHAVAHAI
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI OM

Together may be be protected
Together may we be nourished
Together may we work with great energy
May our journey together be brilliant and effective
May there be no bad feelings between us
Peace, peace, peace

wrote this a few days ago..

i am cooking polenta in a house named casablanca
kipahulu has a magick to it that i cannot express in words
was my birhtday yesterday..
the very last year of my twenties has now begun
life, overall is good
nice to have a change of scenery and see beloved friends
spent the day @ the smoothie stand
drinking coffee grown on the land and coconut milk made fresh this morning
i walked around the fruit orchard...ate a tangelo & surynam cherry
i missed mama maui
thunder just cracked somewhere over the ocean
been super stormy & haven't swam in the water yet
tomorrow.. red sands beach, if the sun makes an appearance
life under a tarp on the big island has been rough
but i am learning a lot about myself and life in general
picking weeds and watching my keiki plants grow
marriage has also been hard
always had trouble staying committed
a sagittarian boredom sets in and my eyes wonder..
but i am committed to my son and therefor to his daddy
my yoga teachers say 'marriage and children are the highest form of yoga'
deep breathing is crucial and acting with kindness
ravi - a little powerhouse, is speaking sentences
loves 'doggies' and 'cocos' especially when together
this sunday i begin 4 days of yoga with eddie and nicki
long, long overdue.. my body needs to stretch
release tension and unexpressed energy
riding the waves of my saturn return
questioning even my sanity
but surrounded and enveloped by a calming beauty
grounded with wind in my hair
sometimes i am sad when my heart longs for things no longer in reach
but once i relax and look around, i see i have all i need

walkin' talkin' dancin'

hi lovelies....
i am pleased to announce that ravi, our luscious little man, has started to walk. he also said his first word last week...."hot". it has been so amazing and beautiful to witness this small being transform and shift and learn the ways of life. yes, i am still of course deeply grieving the loss of my mother, but having the bubba-do around definitely helps eliminate the sadness. its so fascinating to watch him continually discover his world around him and wow, he is so adorable! he's dancing too. ravi enjoys the ramones, postal service, dandy warhols and the occassional bassnectar track. we've been having the best time here on maui, playing in the sand and waves, eating bananas and coconuts. island life is treating us well. i am also super stoked to have my yoga teachers, eddie and nicki, return to the island for a 3 week intensive. they will completely kick my ass (6 days/wk, 3.5 hrs/day) but i am soooo looking forward to it.
so much love and gratitude to all my tribe family~

don't say goodbye, say hello to the memories...

this is what my mom wrote in letter to her daughters and grandchildren. we had the funeral a few days ago and i head back to maui tomorrow morning. i miss my mom so much. but i do know that she is floating around me, inside my heart...i am so grateful for all the memories of my mother, she was a pretty neat lady. it has been really good to spend time with my sister who lives here in utah. and her two kids love playing with ravi so much...its been nice. i do look forward to walking on the sand instead of snow. tried to grab an ice-sickle today and put my entire leg in the snow...was pretty fun tho.
again, thank you so much to all my beautiful family out there. i love you.
here is a pick of my family when they were visiting the island. my mom is the sweet one with the white scarf on her noggin.
~xo~

she's gone.

thats is what my sister said to me yesterday afternoon. i had already been scrambling around, getting a red-eye flight to arizona to try and see my mom before she let go into the great unknown. she had been in the hospital for the past few days and they had kept saying just for one more day....then my dad got a call at the 3am yesterday saying that things had taken a turn for the worst. it was like she was drowning and well, just couldn't do it anymore. it still hasn't fully set in. my mom is gone. i wasn't at her bedside like i had hoped. i was in maui. staring at the sea, sending her love and strength. we leave for utah tomorrow for the services.
now it seems, breath has never been more important to me. i know in time, it will get better....but i miss her so much.
thanks to everyone for sending their love, prayers, and good vibes. we still need 'em. i am just so happy that she was able to spend a week here with us and got to see Ravi enjoy himself with all the wonders of the island.
much love to all of you.

a call for prayer

my mom has been fight lung cancer for over two years and now they are telling her that the chemo treatments aren't working. she can either try another drug that is even more toxic or she can stop treatments completely and just live it out. she's now willing to try some alternative therapies but she also thinks its too late. she's a strong lady but it's all starting to wear on her.
i just ask you to send up a loving prayer for her and our family. i know that all of you are powerful visioners and i am so grateful for having you all in my life.
its been a rough rollercoaster ride and although i'm ready for it to stop, i love my momma deeply and don't want to lose her yet. if anyone has gone through something like this, i would love to have some insight.
aloha from maui, h

decibellllllllllllllllllllllllll...yum yum

i just got home from the decibel fest segment @ neumos....SOOOOO GOOOOOD
this sexy cat from germany, Apparat - kicked my ass hard! amazing head shakin' foot stompin' hip grindin' yumminess. i love laptop beats and tonight i fell in love even more....Ravi just turned 6mos and its gettin' a little stressful - tonight was a treat for me. we have a babysitter for sunday night and i can't wait to see who's gonna make the best noise. Apparat will be hard to top.
if you're in or close to seattle, i highly suggest checkin the DBfestival....these guys know how to book it.
luv luv sleepytime...........

ho hum....

we were all geared up to go to shambhala...tix, nanny, and all....but at the last minute, i decided not to go....i was feeling overwhelmed with all of the unknowns involved with bringing a little one to such an expansive place....and as soon i decided it wasn't meant to be, i felt a huge weight of worry disappear. even though we had our tickets since april and even though i was to be involved with portal opening....i had to think of my baby and make a tough choice.
and now reading on tribe and hearing bits of comments about the festival, i question whether or not we made the right choice....well, i know i did....but geez....sounds to me like it was fucking amazing!
and now Burning Man is approaching and we're not going to that either....i know in my heart that it would have all been do-able with the babe, but definitely not a breeze....i have so much emotion about all this...........what a change to become a mommy....i feel so good and grounded about it all but at the same time i feel like a bratty teenager who just wants to run away and join the circus again.
ho hum....much to ponder....meditation and yoga have become key....and making Ravi giggle.

FYI~photos coming

my computer decided it needed a break until today....soon i will post a buttload of photos so all my lovely friends, freaks, and family on this here tribe.net can see through the little window of their computers into my life as of late.
mostly i'll post pix of Ravi...my love, my muse, my son.
and yes, i said buttload....lately, i've reverted back to old skool sayings and words from my youth as i look around at today's youth (here in hip-hop-happenin' seattle) and see them wearing THE SAME clothes i wore way back when....soooo trippy.
ahhh well, it feels good to be writing again and hope to have this all updated before the sham.fest.....which i must say....i am SOOOO excited about!
luvings to all who read this~~~h.