Fishy Genocide

never leave me in charge of living things. I forgot that fish need heat :(

For Future Reference

There are some subjects I'm just insecure about. One of them is my tastes in music. If I play a song for you that I obviously like and you don't like it then just say "I don't like it." Commentary about how it's inane or derivative or trite or other such subjective derision is really unnecessary. OK?

Giving Thanks

It has been a very rough year for me so the list of things I am thankful for might be shorter than usual. I am thankful for Bryan for being exactly what I needed to recover from my previous two relationships. I am thankful for Scottie who stays by me no matter how bizarre, moody, crazy, or despondent I am. I am thankful for my mother who, bizarre and outre as she is, raised me up to be the creature I am and has always loved me... once she got done hating me. I am even thankful for my father, though I despair of ever understanding him or liking him; money may not be a very good way of showing love but I won't scoff at it either. I'm thankful for Phil, my friendly neighborhood misanthrope, for being just as moody and tortured and overly intellectual as I am. I am thankful for the Burner community who has taught me that there are folks as freaky as I am who are still mostly functional and decent human beings. Most of all I am thankful beyond words for Koren who taught me that I could still fall in love and that Jem had not taken that joy with him into death.

Love

I'm in love. Totally, stupidly, utterly, completely, suddenly, unexpectedly, without reserve, absolutely unconditionally, and like I never have been before. The world is made new. This time I am not love-sick, but love-healed and love-whole. For the first time in my life I am genuinely happy to the roots of my soul, and I think I may stay this way.

Rant 2.0

I am sick. I am sick of it and I am sick of you. All of you, not one or two, no this is for fucking everybody. I am god damned sick of this shit. I am sick of all the people who want to own me and I'm sick of all the people who want me to want to own them and I'm sick of all the people who say they don't and change their mind the second they have to actually put up. I am sick of being the weird one, I am sick of the excuses, and I don't give a fucking DAMN if you weren't raised like me you've had a whole damned life to get the fuck over yourself, stop being selfish little bastards, grow a spine, and stop acting like two-year-olds bickering over the Legos. I am sick of being nice and understanding and supportive. I am so fucking sick of "processing" that the next person who uses that word with me is getting a dictionary shoved up their ass. I am sick of my culture and my species and all the god damned chimpanzee mentalities that we not only propagate but DEFEND. I am sick of people being hurt because I am who I say I am and do what I say I do instead of being who they secretly thought I really was but just wasn't saying it. I am sick of fighting an uphill battle for everything, I am sick of wiping other people's emotional asses for them, and I am sick of playing bellhop for other people's baggage. I am sick of giving you more time. I am sick of being patient with your shit. I am sick of all the problems people make for themselves because they need the god damned attention. I am sick of NEVER finding other people who actually feel the way I do about love and I am so terribly mortally sick of all the people who say they do and are fucking lying to themselves and to me and I am sick of finding that out too late. I'm sick of being rational. I'm sick of being fair. I'm sick of listening to everybody else's side of the story. After a decade of this bullshit I am sick unto death of being odd man out every time it comes to love. And don't you fucking DARE tell me everybody feels jealous and it's a natural emotion and it's perfectly fine because that's bullshit, jealousy is the part of you that never got over throwing a temper tantrum because you aren't the center of attention and the star of the show and how dare other people play with your toys.

And tomorrow I'll apologize and say I don't really mean all this and that I realize I'm asking for things people just can't give and being a horrible hypocrite but right now I don't fucking care and I'd set a match to the whole race if I could.

Hot Damn!

Myriad Mercurial
Some of you may recall a while ago on tribe.net I posted some thoughts about a "relationship questionnaire." people.tribe.net/ms_myriad...4c960b5379
I received a letter from a gentleman who runs zapoly.wuzzle.org/ telling me he has linked my questionnaire, hopes I don't mind, and has been using it himself. He also took the liberty of cleaning it up and providing a template here: docs.google.com/previewtemplate
w00t! A piece of writing that is at least nominally mine has made it all the way to South Africa!