November 23, 2006
I arrived in the Bay Area three years ago deeply committed to completing my educational goals. Ever so often, my mind would drift into my world of kinky fantasy, so I began to wonder where I can meet like minded people. It took me sometime to muster up the courage to go to a Munch but finally I did, December 16, 2005, Mahogany. I meet many nice and interesting people at this Munch who swiftly picked me up and made me a part of their family. Life was really looking up; I began to have a social life, and a new welcoming group of friends to enjoy. Being from Los Angeles, I lived an androgynous existence, never before had I really considered Butch-Fem. Under the breath and in the minds of many members of Mahogany, their thoughts were saying…”Who is she kidding? She is not bisexual! She’s butch!” …Then, February’s Munch brought a pleasant surprise…for all…I meet for the first time Ms. Shdiva. She is a hi-fem, the exact type of woman I find to be extremely attractive. Her name had been mentioned several times in a very positive way and part of me was anxious to meet her. We sat side by side, had a very warm conversation and left things at that. Late April my world began to come unraveled and I was told to talk to Shdiva, she would be able to help me. So I did, we became very good friends from that moment on…she had become that special friend that had been missing in my life since the death of my brothers (5 of the most wonderful and dearest gay men God granted me as friends). Shdiva and I had become pretty close. I had a romantic interest (crush) in another woman and this interest was not materializing into a deeper relationship. It was during a late night phone conversation when I said to Shdiva, “I would like to be your submissive.” This shocked her because up until now it was the belief of most people including myself that I was seeking a male dominant. But the real shock was yet to come, shortly after saying this I added, “I also find you very attractive and would like to date you.”…Well as life, love and the grace of God would have it, we have been together every since that day. Oh…pHs…I am now self-identified as a butch woman.
Shdiva is the angel I have been awaiting. Her spirit brings a strong sense of hope to my life. No matter what struggles we have had to face, she has been the one with the breath of life that keeps us going….going strong. We are so good for each other. The laughter, the fun, the commitment, the devotion, the care and concern, and most of all the compassionate love. My partner has been given a gift to love the unlovable and to see goodness where others dare to go. She is committed to humanities and refuses to let others get away with bad behavior or poor manners towards another. She is a true believer in “love one another”. She commands that others, through her deep compassion, look deeply into their actions and find a simple way to make good of a bad situation. Her heart is full of care, love and concern for those around her. She is very poses, confident, self-assured yet deeply sensitive to the feeling of others. She loves community and family. My angel (Ms. Shdiva) and I became domestic partners on October 13, 2006. It is our belief that this is the legal binding but the spiritual binding will be shared with our families and friends on July 28, 2007.
In a special dream, I dreamt that some day I would meet a partner that shared my values of the world, who could see the same vision of what the world could be like, and desired to be and do what was within their power to make a difference in the world. I desired in my heart a like-minded person, who thought deeply about life, was deeply compassionate, had a strong understanding of what it means to be Black in America and is willing to not candy-coat American racism or allow others to minimize their participation in racism and racist views. My dream has come true and we together celebrate our lives as one. I love you with all my heart Mistress Shdiva Black.
