this mama bug is raging full blast and is officially outta my personal control.
every time i see a baby i turn into a puddle of "Awwwwwe n' Sighhhhh"s
how i've spent twenty some odd years
dodging those swimming seeds only to crave one
just the magic one
to synergize with me inside my fertile womb bombastic.

an ex said ten years ago
that if i'd ever want to have children
he'd help me to conceive.
tho' just when i gained enough determination to ask,
he flipped the script before i even put words to the inquiry..

a friend, one sweetly fine specimen of a beautiful man,
would be oh so choice
only we're all too hesitant
on account of interpersonal/professional relations
as well as dis-ease that's possibly genetic
and that part of me that says ask anyway
lays defeated by a more cautious air..
dang.

"why is it so hard to get hold of some sperm?"
i blurted without restraint one day.
a friend replied
"i've got sperm and i like you kaya. i'd be happy to give you mine."
his girlfriend and i turned to him in shock and fell silent.
"((that's sooo great but you're so so young and
i don't think you realize the profundity
of your spontaneous offer))" i thought to myself.
really though, i just couldn't see it
even when i tried to.. y'know?

Cally told me that a friend proposed with abandon
"i can help you two!!"
i imagined the surprised look on his wife's face
when he made such an exclamation!~
well after halfway wrapping my mind around the possibility,
i excused his exuberant expression of generosity
knowing it was more the wine that did the talking
rather than his clear mind.

i know i'll be mama in a year, maybe two.
i feel it in every ounce of my being.
i know i'll be a phenomenal one too ready to take on all challenges with great care
this feels for certain.
now i only wish i'd know which man to ask and/or to say Yes! to...


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