Ego let God out of the box

Ego is our teacher, without it we have no limitations… without limitations, all things are possible. Ego is necessary to teach us worth, value and uniqueness. However, if we decide to offset our strive for the balance of polarities then we will not learn what is needed to learn from our teacher. Look at the patterns we keep creating or “the things that keep happening to us” whether we create them or they just keep showing up, when you take notice, you can find out what each situation hold for you to extract the marrow. When there is an absence of limitation, all things exist as ONE. It is God, out of the box. We try and constrain that concept, yet I AM … IS… no exclusions. SO ego is here to serve us yet if we serve it, we offset the balance… more pain… more suffering,until… you get it.

the great american journey

original post June 10th, 2005

After many mini dramas and obstacles we left at @ 1 am and entered Panama City Florida @ 8 am. We did however gain an hour and couldn't get in to Falling Waters park for another hour. The park was home of Florida's largest waterfall. Evidently it was quite large but we didn’t stay long enough to see what it really had to offer. I believe that at least half the crew had anticipation about this journey and a Florida park with mosquitoes and pine trees wasn't holding much excitement. When we started this trip I proclaimed that the only "plan" was to be in Dallas by the 10th for the shoot. That was my only obligation. I wanted to be able to just go with the flow and see where it took us, be open to all possibilities. An interesting observation with this concept is that everyone still has their own expectations and understandings about what's going on and what they want to do. The most vocal usually wins out and that usually leaves the least vocal, irritated or cheated. We are all ( 5people) learning important lessons in communication. We are learning how to assert what we want to do and listen to another's desires as well, then come up with a democratic solution which still requires a certain amount of sacrifice somewhere along the way. Democracy is not always the best solution when all people are not voting. We traveled four states in less than 24 hours: Florida, Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana. We breezed through the French Quarter, bought some post cards, took pictures and then went to Baton Rouge and camped in Tickfaw State Park. We were set up about an hour and already eating dinner. I had driven most of the early part of the trip, through the night and early Am. Night driving is more my bag and I had my ADHD med to keep me focused and not in my own little lala land. Yet, when we finally settled at the end of 24 hours and I had not slept or eaten, I was in meltdown mode. My heart was racing, my body was pissed off at the misuse and the message was clear "EAT AND PARK YOUR BUTT ON THE COT AND TAP A NAP!" Eventually I leveled out and I was listening to all the frogs signing... and I was telling Heather how cool it was to drive through huge fields of fireflies... when Scotty came in to the tent to get us. He insisted that we come outside and escorted us into the black forest canopy and it was aglow with sparkling lights like a well strung Christmas tree. To me, it seemed as if I was in a magical forest or a scene from Ferngully and fairies were converging everywhere! There were also occasional flashes of lightening to further increase the dramatic effect. Pinpoints of light would pop in and out of existence and the sky would flash. We got up and grabbed a bite to eat at our campfire and headed to Lafayette. Once there, we ate @ Prejeans and had the traditional Cajun Cuisine which was sumptuous. We sat in the car trying to plot out our next adventure. The deal is... it's great to be in the moment and just go but we have a SUPER limited budget, so little things like "where do we sleep" are things to consider. Still have not gotten our IRS return and waiting on a check from a henna client. W/O those monies, it makes it much more of a challenge to be spontaneous. We have had a few moments of frustrating communication failure, but looking at the whole picture, I think we are all happy to be where we are. We all feel fortunate to have the opportunity and love one another. We are driving in a Ford freestar together for two months and that... in itself is quite a challenge, one that we are all up to tackle. It's all good. I am enjoying being with my family, seeing new sights and gaining new experience!

lessons

June 12, 2005 on the road in texas
I am reflecting life with a cup of coffee…' pondering my sore back and still neck in a tub made of Epsom salts and a glorious bath mix I got from this awesome little store in San Francisco. As I lay there and tried to soak my body loose, I was drawn to my meditative state, which was well needed. It seems for me that in effort to “do” I forget my ability to BE as well. My resounding lesson for this year at least has been that I need to have faith. I am conscious and in control of my awareness. I have choices in they way I believe, and perceive, my surroundings. I have constant instruction and lessons that are available to me when I listen and take the time to be open to my world of possibilities. I can only really me responsible for the way I view my world, for it is unique to only me. I don’t think it’s wrong to share our experiences of faith yet I believe it is folly to try to convert another to my beliefs. How can I assume that I am any more worthy of a title or authority to instruct them in how to perceive their own faith? The world we share is that of community connected by thought, or spirit if you will, however you term it, it comes down to energy. At least in my world it does. Energy breaks down into static and movement and when they connect there is a reaction resulting in movement. It creates a reaction that spurs more energy off into different directions to create new moments of static and movement and so on and so on. On the level of human existence that I can perceive. We are all dual in nature, we represent the whole. We are bound by perceptions of liitations that are passed on to us as truths and we adopt them as our own. Why? It is perhaps easier to accept another’s concepts if they sound pleasing enough and not have to go through the “pain” of finding out your own truths. We try to avoid pain so generally, it’s much more of an option to choose a more pleasing and comfortable path. And there is nothing wrong with that. Pain is necessary to the process of growth, it not the only experience available but it is what is the catalyst to growth. It is up to us how we choose to perceive pain, and what we do with the result of it. Now if either of these experiences is off balance, it will lead to destruction, which is necessary for rebirth. I have taken other routes in life and they were right for then but not for now. This moment is unique and right here and holds it’s own resources for new experience. Every experience will have its cycles and opportunities to create more energy. In all these cycles, painful, happy, and full of all the scope of emotions that will serve to teach me more about the connection between my physical reality and my conscious reality. I feel responsibility to listen to my intuition. It is as just as much apart of me as my physical body, and likewise, I pay attention to my physical body as it point my in the direction of my spiritual body and it’s resource of power and energy in the manifestation of my it’s existence. If I listen to my body it will tell me of places I need to focus on in my spiritual reality to bring more balance of my polarites. If I listen to my spiritual body, it will tell me areas in my physical body that need more focus and energy to restore balance. It is my own yet part of many. I believe that without limitation, we are universal and ONE made of static and flow. I cannot separate myself from my existence. I am experiencing a physical reality and learning how to live in that reality so on the balance, I also experience my spirit reality or conscious realities and the result of their merging is a charge emitting more energy. And it goes on and on until it doesn’t. But to keep the balance, it does, the realities only change to a new experience. Each new experience is necessary; they all hold their own purpose.

today is the first day of today

many new events, challenges and surprises coming my way. Dealing with the challenges right now, finding the lessons and seeing the blessings. It's all gonna be just fine:) I was told by the police to have a hard heart and not trust people or i will always be victimzed, but i can't live like that, however, there are lessons to learn and challenges to face and I know that my current trials are for me to not allow abuse and to stand up for myself, even when it's people you care about hurting you. It hurts me that three years of second and third jobs to provide my little boy with some entertainment that he enjoys...has been ripped away. It hurts me that I have shown compassion and been slapped in the face. Excuses are silly, truth is the only excuse I desire and then being responsible for your decisions. Pain, hurt, growth. Sometimes, it's not the right thing to do to just let things slide, other times it is, chose your battles wisely and fight them when necessary. all about balance :)

the pic is for brent in memory of him and his beautiful soul, i love you bro, you are free now and can fly with no limitations!
xo
b