So I am learning more and more that true happiness comes from within. When one bases their joy on things happening in the world around them, than their happiness can be lost simply by losing what it is they have. To analyze this thought further, it is applied to EVERYTHING around you. Things, people, food, anything. I am not saying one shouldn't be able to find joy in these things, however ones joy cannot be based on them.

"Be happy with what you have. If you lose something, be happy with what remains. If you lose everything, be happy to be alive. If you find out you are dieing, be happy you get to transcend the human experience." -Me

I now need to apply this to my life. I need to look within, search deep, and just find joy, peace, self-love, pure happiness. A happiness that cannot be taken away for it is one that is based on me, and nothing else. A type of piece to shield myself from the outside world. This is far easier said then done. As I sit here at 2 am, knowing I need to be awake at 5 am, I find no desire to sleep. I just want so badly to understand it all.... OR more accurately, just be one with it, considering it may be impossible to fully understand. Their was a time when all I wished for was to find my soul mate. I wanted to find that one person that is perfect for me, and I am perfect for her. Someone to be my everything..... This is no longer my primary wish. There has been a very slow transition that has occurred in me lately. As I find more and more that the outside world will just continue to let me down as long as I am reliant on what it has to be happy, I learn that this includes my one. If I am reliant on this other person for happiness, than what happens when they disappear? Will being with them even truly make me happy? The fact remains, I need to find true happiness within. Fact is, I have not yet found this inner happiness. I still look to the outside world to fulfill these desires I have created based on the lies society feeds us.

To be honest, I am not even sure exactly what it is my main wish is anymore. I suppose some call it opening my spiritual eyes. Some call it finding inner peace. Some call it transcending. I call it necessity. I call it natural progression. I call it the place we all need to find to be truly happy. It won't be until I find this, that I will be able to truly appreciate what I do have. It won't be until I find this, that I will be able to truly be with my one.

Love, Peace, Happiness, Unity, Wholeness, Spirituality, Caring, Trust, Compassion, EMPATHY.......
With a working mind, and a ticking heart
-Steffan