ramblings <3

days of rest

mypinksky — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:39:59 GMT

:blink: life is so unpredictable. i love that. i haven't been updating or logging into tribe as much as i used to. blogspot is a good place to keep up with me, as well as facebook. i love all of you more than you know.

do not take it for granted. ever.

mypinksky — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 02:59:47 GMT

“ I opened my heart to you. I can’t just stand around like a fool, waiting for you to be ready." — Boy Meets World “and we’ll teach her how to glow in the dark and how to swallow firecrackers and to never neglect the first straw because nobody ever talks about the first straw, it’s always the last straw that gets all the attention, but by then it’s way too late." -- jeffrey mcdaniel “And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.” — Sarah Kane, Crave

squish

mypinksky — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:00:59 GMT

"Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it." " Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within."

my journey in becoming a birth doula

mypinksky — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 05:23:06 GMT

i originally started to write a beautiful post about the amazing experience that i had this weekend... i was in a weekend long very intensive doula training...but i really think that i can not sum up everything that i learned and everything that i gained from this training into a few sentences or even several paragraphs. i could talk about what i experienced for days (and i have been!). there is a CE (continuing education course) on feb. 22nd and im already obsessing over it. that is a month away and i am so thirsty for knowledge that a month seems like an eternity!!. for those of you that do not know exactly what the doulas role in a families life is, i really encourage you to go here.... http://www.dona.org/mothers/index.php i am truly honored to be a part of such an amazing birthing community in austin. i am very active in the post partum and breastfeeding advocacy groups here in austin and now i get to be on the other end of that or rather the beginning of that journey....i get to be there for births. i mean wow. this experience is just so big for me i can't even form complete sentences at the moment. i would also like to take the time to offer up my services for free of charge to any family that is in need of a doula. i need to attend 3 births to be DONA certified, so i would love to trade my services for the experience. so if you live in the austin area and are pregnant or know someone who is pregnant that you feel i may fit well with and vice versa, send them my way and i will off my services free of charge. email me for details :D

<3

mypinksky — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:08:34 GMT

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, & the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, & admit to being human & making mistakes, hold onto her & give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze & don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, & miss her when she's not there.."

happy new year!!

mypinksky — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:50:35 GMT

mmmm. that was the most amazing new years i have ever had. hands down. leave it to austin. as if i needed another reason to love this city so much. last night i was in the middle of 100,000 people watching the most amazingly gorgeous effigy i have ever seen go up into flames. i got to share one of the most memorable moments of my life with the entire city that i love. i mean really, i could cry right now thinking about how insanely important last night was. http://www.news8austin.com/content/top_stories/default.asp?ArID=228044 http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/local/New_Years_Eve_Austin_Style Shakti and i were in the first night parade downtown. we had such a blast!!! it was soooo much fun. shakti was a trooper too. next year lauren and i are in high hopes of having a breastfeeding section of the parade...so watch out next year, we will make it happen! tehehe. this year we were a part of the bamboo forest....to represent the recycling/reusing of bamboo which there is an abundance of in austin. hehe. the parade ended at auditorium shores where we watched the clock burn. shortly after and one of my favorite moments of the night were the amazingly beautiful singing tesla coils which give me goosebumps. my cheeks hurt today from smiling so big. at one point i was up front watching the tesla coils and i thought there were maybe 100 people there....and the tesla coils were under the bridge near the river....anyway i turned around and there were thousands of people behind me standing up watching on the bridge haha i was like ommmmmmmgggggggg. haha. seriously. i am so insanely thankful that i was able to experience these things with the entire city. only in austin <3 home sweet home. then we finished off the night at our dear friends, woody and laurens...so with some of the people that i love the most. i couldn't imagine a better way to bring in the new year. i hope that everyone had a safe and happy new years!!! i know that 2009 is going to be an absolutely amazing year for me. every year just gets better and better!! i did not make any new years resolutions as i feel that every single day i am pushing myself to be a better person and to accomplish greater things...to dream bigger and live bigger and to always go after what i want. i am an amazing person and i know that i am capable of a lot of really amazing and wonderful things and i will do them all i do not need a new years resolution to push me. today i learned an important lesson. i learned the importance of CtrlS. HA. i have family in town and my brothers gf was on my computer so i was using aarons for a majority of the afternoon and i was working on this really beautiful fractal that i was so insanely proud of. i had been working on it for hoursssssss. well i had left it up on aarons screen to show him (he had been out with friends this afternoon) and when he came home i was downstairs cleaning or something and he came up here and closed it bc he didnt know that it was MY fractal, he thought it was a template. boo =[ so i learned 2 lessons haha 1. i shouldnt be using aarons computer and 2. always hit ctrlS. ;p i have been making my own bath products the last few weeks. i have come up with a very simple way to make sugar scrubs that are so insanely yummy. yumyummmm....vegan bath products are the way to go. heh. life is so good.

new blog.

mypinksky — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:30:08 GMT

http://quixoticone23.blogspot.com/ so fresh and so clean clean.

...

mypinksky — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 02:27:27 GMT

"The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die." -Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Maybe some girls aren't meant to be tamed.

mypinksky — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:36:31 GMT

"This ship is not for going places, but for getting away from them. When I stop at a port, it's only for the sheer pleasure of leaving it. I always think: here's one more spot that can't hold me." - The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

the little house that love built

mypinksky — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:06:46 GMT

will someone please buy the lalalalove of my lifes house from her. ;p PLEASE. as soon as someone buys her house she is moving here, to austin texas. i am not saying this to be cute or funny. i love this woman more than than i could ever express and the idea of getting to spend every day with her....omg. i do not know what it is about scorpio women that drive me mad. yummmmmmmm. im getting off track here.... if anyone lives in detroit and is looking to buy a house or is thinking of moving to detroit...contact me! its in Warren near 9 and hoover. letssss get this ball rolling ;p look at that beautiful woman. my god. i cant wait to drink red wine and listen to old records. giggling until sunrise. making furry costumes and meeeowwwing in our secret kat language that no one could ever understand. i want to make 5 million kat babies with her. ;p SO MOVE TO DETROIT AND BUY HER HOUSE!!!!!!!

tell me....

mypinksky — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:25:35 GMT

the time is now

mypinksky — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:39:22 GMT

can't sleep. anxious about work tomorrow. i have been working at WIC for the last several weeks and tomorrow is my first day to be the only breastfeeding peer councelor in the clinic. i know that i will be fine, i think its more excitement than anything that is preventing me from sleeping. i have been really loving this job so far. at connections i have to be very careful, when a mom says she isn't breastfeeding i move onto something else...but at WIC i am actually paid to be like "aaaand why not??" i am really excited to give women the tools and better educate them about the importance of breastfeeding. squeeee so heres to hoping i have a good day tomorrow. i should go crawl into my nice warm bed with my beautiful snuggli daughter <3 :lovelovelove: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbK5qmHRNyM listen to this song. its beautifulllll <333 The Time Is Now You're my last breath You're a breath of fresh air to me Hi, I'm empty So tell me you care for me You're the first thing And the last thing on my mind In your arms I feel Sunshine On a promise A day dream yet to come Time is upon us Oh but the night is young Flowers blossom In the winter time In your arms I feel Sunshine Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment last You may find yourself Out on a limb for me Could you expect it as A part of your destiny I give all I have But it's not enough And my patience is shot So I'm calling your bluff Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment last Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment ... last And we gave it time All eyes are on the clock But time takes too much time Please make the waiting stop And the atmosphere is charged. In you I trust. And I feel no fear as I Do as I must. Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment last. Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment last Tempted by fate And I won't hesitate The time is now And I can't wait I've been empty too long The time is now The tender night has gone And the time has gone Let's make this moment last And the night is young The time is now. Let's make this moment last. Give up yourself unto the moment The time is now Give up yourself unto the moment Let's make this moment ... last i hope everyone is having a good night and having sweet dreams. send lotsa good vibes to me in the morning :p

don't leave me improperly kissed.

mypinksky — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 21:08:30 GMT

i love him. i really really love him. someday, i will marry him. seriously. you guys watch. haha ;p http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGI2UGKb72w watch that video. i could listen to him talk for dayssssss.

cmere

mypinksky — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:40:21 GMT

Henry, you have just left. I told Hugh I had something to add to my work. I had to come upstairs [to] my room again, and be alone. I was so filled with you I was afraid to show my face. Henry, no departure of yours has ever left me so shattered. I don't know what it was tonight, which drew me to you, which made me frantic to stay close to you, to sleep with you, to hold you...a mad and terrific tenderness...a desire to care for you...It was a great pain to me that you should be leaving. When you talk the way you talked about Madchen [in uniform], when you are thoughtful and moving, I lose my mind. To stay with you for one night I would throw away my whole life, sacrifice a hundred persons, I would burn Louveciennes, be capable of anything. This is not to worry you, Henry, it is just that I can't keep from saying it, that I am overflowing, desperately in love with you as I never was with anyone. Even if you had left tomorrow morning the idea that you were sleeping in the same house would have been a very sweet relief from the torment I endure tonight, the torment of being cut in two pieces when you closed the gate behind you. Henry, Henry, Henry, I love you, love you, love you. I was jealous of [Jean] Renaud who has you all these days, who sleeps in Clichy. Tonight everything hurts, not only the separation, but this terrible hunger of body and mind for you which every day you are increasing, stirring more and more. I don't know what I am writing. Feel me holding you as I have never held you before, more deeply, more sadly, more desperately, more passionately. I kneel before you, I give you myself and it is not enough, not enough. I adore you. Your body, your face, your voice, your human self, oh Henry, I can't go now and sleep in Hugh's arms - I can't. I want to run away just to be alone with my feelings for you. Anais

unconditional.

mypinksky — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 05:21:27 GMT

i am walking through this life, but i must admit that i am primarily living inside my head these days. i seriously feel like i am sleep walking 24/7. its very beautiful, intense.... im really nervous and excited. i feel safe. i am currently reading tropic of cancer by henry miller. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Miller i feel like a fool for never knowing about him. but its perfect timing that i decide to watch the movie based on the book....Henry and June by Anaïs Nin. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ana%C3%AFs_Nin i was a pile of mush through the entire movie. that chaotic, addicting love.... i had never really been into erotic books like this before. something has come over me. "Anais Nin: I'm passing through a crisis Eduardo. Eduardo Sanchez: Be careful Anais, abnormal pleasures kill the taste for normal ones" "June Miller: I've done the vilest things - the foulest things - but I've done them... superbly" "Henry on March 4, 1932 Three minutes after you have gone. No, I can't restrain it. I tell you what you already know - I love you. It is this I destroyed over and over again. At Dijon I wrote you long passionate letters - if you had remained in Switzerland I would have sent them - but how could I send them to Louveciennes? Anais, I can't say much now - I am in a fever. I could scarcely talk to you because I was continually on the point of getting up and throuwing my arms around you" "Henry on March 10, 1932, after they had becomelovers You make me tremendously happy to hold me undivided - to let me be the artist, as it were, and yet not forgo the man, the animal, the hungry, insatiable lover. No woman has ever granted me all the privileges I need - and you, why you sing out so blithely, so boldly, with a laugh even - yes, you invite me to go ahead, be myself, benture anything. I adore you for that. That is where you are truly regal, a woman extraordinary. What a woman you are! I laugh to myself now when I think of you. I have no fear of your femaleness" "Henry on March 21, 1932 Anais, I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me. [...] This is a little drunken, Anais. I am saying to myself "here is the first woman with whom I can be absolutely sincere." I remember your saying -"you could fool me. I wouldn't know it." When I walk along the boulevards and think of that. I can't fool you - and yet I would like to. I mean that I can never be absolutely loyal - it's not in me. I love women, or life, too much - which it is, I don't know. But laugh, Anais, I love to hear you laugh. You are the only woman who has a sense of gaiety, a wise tolerance - no more, you seem to urge me to betray you. I love you for that. [...] I don't know what to expect of you, butit is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me. " "Anais on March 26, 1932 This is strange, Henry. Before, as soon as I came home from all sorts of places I would sit down and write in my journal. Now I want to write you, talk with you. [...] I love when you say all that happens is good, it is good. I say all that happens is wonderful. For me it is all symphonic., and I am so aroused by living - god, Herny, in you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness, the the fullness ... Before, i almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on. I never feel the brakes. I overflow. And when I feel your excitement about life flaring, next to mine, then it makes me dizzy. " mmmmmm. yes. so i've found two authors to obsess over for a while, should keep me busy. we leave for colessence tomorrow. aaron has the day off of work. so we can leave any time really. im still not sure of details...but i guess i never really am. i just know i will see a lot of you there. <3 i have been home alone all night, and i must say....it has been wonderful. while the house is still quiet i think i should curl up into bed. i keep imagining my pillows so i believe that to be an indicator that i should lie. xxoxoxoo

im having a bad morning.

mypinksky — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:43:19 GMT

how much of something negative is one person supposed to take? when is enough, enough? im sick of this shit. im so ready for something NEW. good trip hop / downtempo is seriously my soul, my everything. every single day while listening to music i get a pain in my chest, goosebumps, lump in my throat....i just want to cry and cry for no reason. its almost painful to not let the tears release but i feel kind of crazy. hah. i have a new lj layout that i am so in love with. thank god for all the pre-made layouts they have on that site now! im far too lazy to make my own lj layouts haha. but this one is quite fabulous. my journal is locked up tight so you can't read anything heh unless i really really like you, tehehe but you can see my layout anyway. http://rottenkandi.livejournal.com/ so, imma have a real job soon. im very anxious. im going to get paid to be a breastfeeding nazi. wooo. my dreams are all slowly but surely coming true. i will have the fairy tale damnit.

google calendar

mypinksky — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 06:35:00 GMT

dear google calendar, i am crazy in love with you. i do not know how i managed without you. that is all. thank you. love always, cassie

the event without a name

mypinksky — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 21:41:47 GMT

Artificial Music Machine and Bleep Labs present: The Event Without a Name at The Space Without a Name (701 Tillery Street, Suite A-3, Austin, TX) Saturday, September 20th, 2008, 6pm-8:30pm, $5 cover, all ages Featuring live electronic music by: Artificial Life Preserver (Psymbolic Sounds) Furby Youth Choir (Artificial Music Machine) Proem (n5MD, Merck) Audio toys by: Bleep Labs - showing off light-controlled synthesizer monsters and a prototype of the forthcoming glitchy 1-bit noise toy called the Bit Blob, designed in collaboration with Loud Objects (NYC)! Catering by: White Mountain Foods More details about the performers: Artificial Life Preserver has been working to preserve algorithms that behave like living systems since 1997. Insect-like drones and cell based beats drive environmental mixes of organized time units. Drawing from his experience as a member of the psytrance trio Initialization String, Artificial Life Preserver creates abstract, glitchy downtempo with a psychedelic twist. Furby Youth Choir is a small army of circuit-bent Furby toys which produce a surreal and stochastic cacophony of tones, buzzes, squeals, and glitched-out demented laughter. Members of the choir are still dusty from their recent performance at the Burning Man festival in the Black Rock desert of Nevada, but they are once again ready to frighten both children and adults in Austin. Proem is Richard Bailey, a computer musician formerly based in Austin but recently relocated to Houston. Since 1999, Proem's releases on Hydrant, Merck, and n5MD have garnered high praise from both music critics and fans, cementing his position in the upper echelon of IDM. Further information: contact@artificialmusicmachine.com

birthing quilt

mypinksky — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:27:19 GMT

i was really touched by this womans story. the outcome is absolutely gorgeous (in many aspects). here is the link: http://littlelumpkin.blogspot.com/2008/06/birthing-quilt.html and for you linkphobes: "It's finally completed. After 6 years of working on it. I started this quilt after the birth of my first child. We had planned a home-birth but ended up with a ton of interventions and a cesarean. For a long time I blamed my fear of motherhood and birthing on the "failed" outcome. But then, over time I came to realize as I now realize about everything- All things happen for a reason. My first birth experience led me to begin this quilt. I wanted to reflect on the power it takes for a woman to give birth and the incredible link we must have between own minds and our bodies at the time of birth. They must be working together through the whole process. The way I explored this concept in the quilt was through the use of vines which represent being rooted in ones self. I felt like the the vines growing up around the birthing mother signified her connection to the earth and the birth as an ancient ritual. I also used the embroidered Joan of Arc quote "i am not afraid, I was born to do this" as a background element and it becomes the mantra of the quilt. It doesn't matter how many times one gives birth, there is always that element of shock and fear which must be overcome while your in the thick of it. It's that mind/ body connection. When I became pregnant with my second child, I again began working on the quilt. I spent many hours thinking of the inspiration behind the quilt and hoping to finish it for the big event. My first VBAC. (vaginal birth after ceserean) This time i was going to concur my fears and embrace the birthing process fully. Follow my bodies lead and let nature take its course. My second birth was amazing, everything I could have hoped for. The quilt was however was still not completed. Later that same year when my husband Kurt died, I assumed i would never finish the quilt. I assumed I was finished having babies (a crazy thing for a 26 year old to assume, I realize, but being a young widow is a tough thing to wrap your head around). When I dug the birthing quilt out three years later, I intended to finish it in earnest this time. I unfolded it from storage and discovered that the safety pins with which I had secured the fabric layers had rusted and left spots of orange throughout the quilt top. At first I was disappointed and I think I actually cried upon seeing those spots thinking I had ruined the quilt by storing it so hastily. Now, I love those tiny rust spots. Suddenly the quilt was alive. It had aged along with me over those years between my last baby and this next one. The quilt had weathered the storm with some scars to show for it, just as I had. Six years ago, Kurt helped me paint the figure of the birthing woman, because I couldn't quite get her proportion right. At the time I started the quilt I didn't like the fact that I needed his help, I wanted to do it all by myself. That sound so childish now, but that's the way I felt. Now, three and a half years after his death, as his older brother Lorenz and I prepare to welcome our first child together into this world, I am again reminded that all things happen for a reason, and Kurt's contribution to this quilt is priceless to us now. It feels so good to have completed this quilt. It will hopefully be a source of inspiration for my children and their children as they grow and experience the birthing process- becoming mothers and fathers themselves. It's storming outside now. A lovely moody night to birth a baby, I think. My contractions started last night and have been coming slowly but surely all day. This labor is slow and seems to have started only as my body's reminder to me that I need to stop running around trying to prepare for this baby. So I'm staying cozy in my little nest of a bedroom tonight, hoping to hold my new baby soon."

i love my new home <3

mypinksky — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:38:12 GMT

aaron and i moved!! for the last month we have been busting our butt working on the new house and now its absolutely perfect. i have never loved anywhere that i have lived as much as i love this house!! we are not 100% moved in yet, but i'd say about 90%. we still have my compuer, aarons studio and the printer to move....but other than that we are all set up here. we will definitely be having a house warming party. probably in the fall, when its not so hot and we are all settled in. i am soooo happy to live somewhere with no carpet!! hardwooooods baby <3 my trip to michigan was funnnn. it meant a lot to me to get to spend some one on one time with miss heather. she truly is one of the most amazing people in my life. i love that she notices details about me...it makes me feel really really special. when i post a new photo she says things like "cassie, stop biting your nails!"...and she loves it when my hair is dirty <3. we spent an entire day together.... i can't wait until she lives in austin and i can see her on a regular basis. i love her honesty, her depth and how strong willed she is. i have always looked up to her. i truly feel really lucky to have her in my life. as usual by the end of the trip shakti had just had enough. its really hard on her being away from home for that long. she asked for aaron every single day. it broke my heart. she walked around doing the sign for Dad saying "dada, dada, dada". poor girl. i think i have decided that from now on, if family wants to see shakti they are going to have to come to ME...no more flying to michigan for a week and messing up shakti's routine. i seriously LOVE drawn together. we downloaded a couple seasons and the last several months i keep watching them over and over and over. haha so ridiculous. josh meredith and govinda are playing at the parish this thursday. comeeee dance with meeeeee <3333 omg. im delerious. must sleeeep.

radomness from yours truly

mypinksky — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 05:24:59 GMT

my hair is getting ridiculously long. i don't wash it for daysssss, sometimes more than a week. it really grosses aaron out but i love when i touch the under part of my head and feel natural dreads forming :p and now that im a non-smoker it always still smells yummmmy. last thursday i danced until i thought my legs were going to fall off. sweat just poured from body. dancing like that is like church you know...and i had both a lot of praying and confessing to do! i am slowly but surely finding other forms of meditation so i don't drive myself too insane being a home body, but none of them compare to the way i feel after a night of earth pounding energy through my feet! i have been invited to a breastfeeding conference here in austin. its a really big deal to me. another step in becoming a lactation consultant is 4 phases of training from the texas department of health, this is the first training of that. :D the topics discussed at this two day conference include: Scientific Basis of Breastfeeding Latch-on, Positioning and Feeding Patterns Counseling the Breastfeeding Mother Composition of Human Milk Maternal and Infant Pharmacology and Toxicology Management of Maternal Conditions That Impact Breastfeeding Breastfeeding In Special Infant Situations Maternal and Infant Anatomy Impact on Breastfeeding Nutritional Needs During Lactation Pumping and Storage of Human Milk Cultural and Familial Influences on Breastfeeding Promoting Breastfeeding in the Community aaron is wonderful enough to take two vacation days at work so he is able to watch shakti and bring her up to me during breaks and lunch so that i can nurse her. im seriously so thankful. he knows how important this is to me. i am going to michigan next week. sunday thru sunday. im so insanely anxious. since shakti has been born i have really grown to love and appreciate my family in a light that i had never seen before. my grandmother and i are so alike its ridiculous. i have always considered myself to be the black sheep of the family and i wondered where it came from haha :p well, its totally my grandma. her and i have grown so close in the last 2 years. we talk on a very regular basis and i have even written her hand written letters to tell her just how much i am inspired by her and love her. i know she is proud of me and the things i have accomplished since shakti's birth and that in itself is such a gift. so, i can't wait for her to see shakti :p when i talk about the importance of breastfeeding and homebirthing my mom and dad just look at me with blank looks on their faces haha but i actually held a very long and intense convo with my grandma about it. its so nice to have someone in my family understand what im saying. not just listen, but comprehend the words that are coming out of my mouth and get involved in the convo haha. and of course i cant wait to see the love of my life miss heather lockie smith <3 aaron isn't coming with me. he doesn't want to take vacation time for that...and i guess i do understand. it just hurts my feelings. we have been together for the better part of 5 years and he has never met my family! crazy huh? (well aside from mom and dad) i can't believe i am still awake right now, its nearly 1am. i have spent most of my nights in bed awake lately. there seems to be so much going on in my head, i can't get the thoughts to slow down enough to let me sleep. its okay though, they are all really good thoughts/daydreams/ideas. so i guess i can't complain! tell me a secret. write me a letter!! <3

breastmilk, it does a body good!

mypinksky — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 06:09:51 GMT

other amazing uses for breastmilk.... Eye infections: Squirt in an open or closed eye. If the eye is closed have the person lie back, squirt it, then open his or her eye. 4 times or more per day. Plugged eye ducts: Squirt into the eye crease at the nose. Do this 4 times one day and 2 times the next. Conjuctivitis (”Pink Eye”): Same as Plugged eye ducts, but continute with 4 times daily until the crust is gone. Sties: Same as Conjunctivitis. Sore/cracked nipples: Rub into nipples and air dry. Scratches: Squirt and air dry, bandage, etc. as normal. Scrapes: Same as scratches. Burns: Same as scratches. Gouges: Same as scratches. Diaper rash: Squirt and air dry. Mosquito bites: Squirt on bite and rub in. Stops the itching. Ant bites: Same as Mosquito bites. Ear infections: Squirt or pour into sore ear. Can follow with warm (not hot) olive oil and garlic. Yeast infections: I don’t know the logistics on this one, yet. Acne: Wash face with water, then follow with breastmilk squirted onto a cotton (be sure it’s cotton, that synthetic stuff can scratch the surface of your skin and cause problems) puff and apply all over face. Sore throats: Anyone who will let you can be helped by a squirt of breastmilk. Either by direct squirt or if applied from a sterile plastic cup. Stuffy noses: Squirt into nose and suction or squeeze out as you would with saline. Sexual lubricant (male and female): (males) squirt directly onto penis; (females) hand express breast milk into a sterile cup…use as you would use KY Jelly, vaseline, or AstroGlide. Contact lenses: If you have an irritant under your lens and forgot your eyedrops, take it out, hand express to get a nice little stream going to rinse contact off. Eye puffiness and redness: Express breastmilk and pour over eyes. Does as good of job, if not better, than tea bags! Breast cancer: Recent studies suggests that just the simple and natural act of breastfeeding can benefit mom as well by providing protection against breast cancer. Tooth decay: Scientist have tried to grow bacteria in breastmilk and have been unsuccessful! Cold sores/Fever blisters: Express a small amount of breastmilk onto clean finger and apply immediately to cold sore. Ends pain and helps speed the healing process. Chicken pox: Use as you would Calamine Lotion or some other ointment. Leg ulcers: Someone has claimed of hearing about a breastfeeding mother putting breastmilk on an elderly relative’s unhealing leg ulcers, it cleared them up too. I don’t know how long it took. Chapped lips/skin: Express a small amount onto fingers and wipe over lips or skin. Do not rub it in…leave a little wet. (This feels great on my chapped lips and it normally only takes a day or two to clear!)

Spiritual Being

mypinksky — Tue, 27 May 2008 16:33:57 GMT

the burn is always a big deal to me, emotionally. it signifies many changes in my life as each year flipside has been the start of a new beginning. in '04 aaron and i met, in '05 we decided to be monogamous / only date each other, in '06 i got pregnant a few weeks after flipside and i missed '07 due to my daughters birth. so what is going to happen to me this year? heh. i must admit i am on the edge of my seat in anticipation of what this year has in store for me. i feel uneasy that aaron was not there to experience the burn with me as it does hold so much significance in my life. maybe i will move to the netherlands. i will nurture my dreams and ideas. i will build a tree house for shakti, we will plant and care for our garden of the most gorgeous flowers and delicious vegetables together. i will dance under the stars and i will greet the sun every single morning and be thankful for the start of the new day. i want shakti to grow up without being sucked into and brainwashed by the material world. lets goooooo. this is not unrealistic. i woke up with this reminder in my inbox, and i must admit it has struck a lot of emotions...so i thought i would share. We are on this earth, in our physical bodies, because our souls have things to learn that we could not learn in any other way. It is through our physical body and the physical world that we can experience life. Purely spiritual beings are just that - they are in a state of being rather than doing – in a place that is beyond the limitations of time and space. But when we incarnate on the physical plane, we are automatically subject to the laws of physics and the world of dualities. In this place, we know what happiness is because we have experienced sadness, and we understand the value and power of light because we have known darkness. Knowing this, we have the opportunity to let ourselves be spiritual beings having a physical experience. There is no pain in the spiritual realm, because we know we are one with the limitless source of the universe. But here, in the material realm, our sense of limitation and separation allows us to feel our emotions and to learn about love, forgiveness, and compassion. We go from a spiritual state of oneness to learning how to be in relationship with people who are different and distinct individuals. We learn to understand ourselves through our relationships with the world around us—its seasons and landscapes, challenges and opportunities. And through our journey to find our place among so many others, we begin to recognize our own glimmer of light in a constellation of stars. Once we remember that we are spiritual beings, we can revel in the experience of being human while knowing we are all connected. We can live from the place of oneness while truly appreciating the beauty of diversity, the bittersweet feel of love and loss, and the elation of triumph over challenges and adversity. It is through these opposites that we experience life itself, and we can ride through the dark times with the understanding that it will help us to appreciate the light of life and love and spirit more fully. We are here now because we made the choice to experience an earth life, so now we can choose to enjoy the journey as completely as possible.

flipside whaaaaaat

mypinksky — Mon, 12 May 2008 16:27:07 GMT

ok. so. aaron and i still do not have tickets. i am always the one that is like "ohhh it will work out, it always works out. if its meant to be, its meant to be." but i gotta tell ya, im starting to panic!!!!!!!!

keep your reality away from me

mypinksky — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:08:35 GMT

"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet." Andy Warhol