I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all. — Leo C. Rosten

Buddha had an analogy.
Milk is milk. Then it gets churned into butter.
Butter is butter. Then it gets processed into ghee.
We reach points at where
the way we have been for a while no longer fits,
it becomes unstable and unable to continue.
Then we reach out into the unknown
and discover the next way we are to be.
Like a caterpiller becoming a butterfly.
Like a little girl growing up and becoming a mom.
Like a busy executive retiring to a beach.
Never fear the dance of change.

(Thomas Ragland)

***********************************

--this chain round my neck--

And through prison bars
Palms touch
Hand to hand
In holy palmer’s kiss
Forbidden love in
Earliest recorded form
Thanks to the Bard

And between the shafts of steel
Lips brush gently
Butterflies kiss
Electricity arcs
Ripe cherries burst,
Juice on our tongues
Blood in our mouths

And here stand I
Here, to the west
With you at the east
I, always sunset
You, the optimistic morn
Some day I’ll hope
Some day you’ll give up

Trains on a track
Deadly game of chicken
Only to miss each other
Once again at the last
Minute.
Minute details,
Once again determining futures

One last touch
One last kiss
Before this
Chain round my neck
Pulls me away,
Links branding my flesh

Your words a hollow-cored needle
Leaving void in their wake
Leaving a void in my heart
Once your domain

Scrub me down,
Shave me bare
—hair falling round my feet,
a nest for your soul—
Cleaned of your memory
Blood detoxed of your scent
Shaved clean like the holocaust,
Refugee from your love

And through prison bars
Palms touch
Hand to hand
Wave goodbye
I would if I could,
But I can’t

I can’t
I. Can’t.

Cuz now,
This chain’s round my neck
And it’s not mine to give.

(3/17/07)

***********************************

--We Speak in Poems--

We speak in poems
Even as ego restricts us
Constricts us
Convicts us and
Evicts us
From the ‘us’ that
Only ever existed in dreams
Forever and every after, my dear

I speak to you in poetry
Each stanza an attempt
To convey that which my lips
Won’t say
Can’t say
Have to say
Expressions in bondage
Emotions in chains

You speak to me in poetry
At least I imagine it’s so
Another aspect of ego?
Wishful thinking and
Wistful dreaming?
Reading between the verses
Reading between the lines

Sometimes empty space really is
Empty space

We speak in poems
Words dancing across the page
Artificial line breaks
Double entendres
To rhyme, or not to rhyme?
THAT is the question
(3/16/07)

***********************************
--She speaks to me in dreams--

She speaks to me in dreams, She
She visits at twilight
when all is quiet
when dreams come

She whispers of heaven, She
She speaks softly of
wishes fulfilled
purposes met

She strokes my skin softly, She
She imparts wisdom
speaking through her fingers
a dialogue in flesh

She brings tears to my eyes with her touch, She
She tongues silent discourse bringing
beautiful pain
terrifying pleasure

“communication is more than a two way street”

i loved her then, i love her now
from the other side of this barrier—self-erected
i loved her then, i love her now
across the miles of time and space

“but time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much”

She exists only in my dreams, She
She lives another life
as do i
as do i
(2/28/07

***********************************
--aBc--

Mothers pushing their babies
Out of the wings
Into the spotlight
Basking in the heat of their offspring
Vicarious life through teenage girls

Poor little girls
Singing for their suppers
Living mama’s dreams
‘I didn’t make it, so you’d better!’

No convertible necessary, this is how
Mother suffers a mid-life crisis

And when the little darlin makes it big
When the virgin becomes the whore to all of male America
What then? Will she be a proud Mommy Dearest?
She brought her daughter to her knees

Mickey Mouse ears ripped from her golden curls
Knee socks rolled up her slim thighs
—a mockery of their own argyle innocence—
Garter belts for grade schoolers
The untouchable touched, come hither eyes
Calling ‘pat me down, feel me up’
The untouchable touched

How will she ever escape
From what mommy made her?
Rebellion through marriage
Rebellion through drugs
Rebellion through sex
Rebellion through media messages
Look ma! I really AM a whore!

She always was such a good girl
She never could make up her mind
How many cries must she cry
Before her “HELP” is heard?

And when I read of her
(splashed across a gossip mag—glossy toilet paper)
I feel sorry for all the little girls
Whose mothers wanted glory in the face of age
How big a step is it from a kindergarten beauty pageant
To an oversexed singing school girl
Masturbation-fodder across the world?

And when I read of her
(in the tabloid-newspaper—journalism abridged)
An interview with her ex reveals all
A sex maniac, apparently, a drug addict
Remember her when...
Look at her now…

In the line at the grocery store you’ll see her
Blond hair everywhere
Except where everyone expects it
She’s got nothing left the world hasn’t seen
Blond hair everywhere
Or none at all
Out, out damned spot
Shave yourself bald like a newborn
They won’t give you your childhood back

I wish I could.

Such a heartbreaking little girl, babymother
Let her hide, let her run away
Allow her to heal in peace
And where will that leave her children
2 young 2 pay for sins not theirs
Not hers? Then whose?

Early to rise, early to bed
We just might kill them faster than
Their shooting stars crossed the sky
Faster than fame could die

We’ll make them infamous, and then…?

They’ll learn their ABCs all over again.
(2/26/07)

***********************************
--Goddess Stickyfingers the Omnipotent--

Some days I draw black curtains
Around my life
Some days I choose to live in
Memories
Remorse
Compunction
In a world of analysis, I am Queen
No one dares defy me
And on these days, I absorb the light
With my never-ending midnight
Forever and ever after

And then there are those days
When the sun peeks through clouds
Blinking blindly at its own glory
Basking me in mine
We are like children, we
Unaware of our own beauty,
Talent, intelligence, wisdom

There are those days
When I feel like dancing in the streets
Composing my own trite oldies tunes as I go
Richard Simmons has nothing on me
And the world is my lollipop
Open w…i…d…e

And when I tire of my dance, I think I’ll
Dip my toes in an existential stream of consciousness
Just to watch the ripples ripple
Gentle waves expanding
My feet will impact all, you know
Odor-eaters be damned!

Hopscotch hopping on one foot
Jump-roping through eternity
Sipping my grown-up Slurpee,
Fighting through the mango-strawberry-tequila haze
And licking away at my snow cone of regret
Watch it melt in the brilliant sunshine
Frosty the Snowman knew he too would dissolve one day,
Right?
Sticky fingers
I’ll suck them clean of the memories

And I’ll smile
(2/26/07)

***********************************
-Scar Tissue of the Heart-

What will it take
To heal the wounds that
Time has only made deeper?
A cavernous rift between us
Crammed to the brim
Overflowing with manure and cement
Concrete jungle of regret

Where once there was love
Now lurks scar tissue
Rigid
Indifferent
A barrier to compassion
A blockade against understanding
A barricade built against empathy
Growing like a cancer
Mounting
Spreading
Metastasized tentacles
Grabbing at my heart
Waging a war against my center

I have a dictionary
I have the Wiki
At my fingertips
Fast as I can type
It says:

“Healing is the process whereby the cells in the body regenerate and repair to reduce the size of a damaged or necrotic area. Healing incorporates both the removal of necrotic tissue (demolition), and the replacement of this tissue.
The replacement can happen in two ways:
1. by regeneration: the necrotic cells are replaced by the same tissue as was originally there.
2. by repair: injured tissue is replaced with scar tissue.
Most organs will heal using a mixture of both mechanisms.”

If this scar tissue is a
Function of the healing
For which I pray so fervently
Am I to understand that with
A wall around my heart
I am well?

Am I healed when I cannot care
Any longer? When I cannot love
Any more?
Am I healed when I cannot trust?
When I cannot feel?

I seek regeneration here
Here
Here I am
Laid bare before you
Splayed open before your eyes
Begging forgiveness for my sins
Begging forgiveness for yours
And forgiveness is merely a
Concept
A faulty one, at that
How can you forgive life?
How can I forgive another
For the path he must walk?
For the choices she must make?

My dictionary says to heal is
To make healthy or whole
To free from ailment
To settle
To reconcile
To cleanse
To purify
Can we make right that which has been so wrong?

Can we ever cure the disease
That we’ve contracted from ourselves?

And now I kneel here before you
Fingernails rending my breast
Seeking out the scar tissue
Let me pile it at your feet

And let the healing begin.
(2/22/07)

***********************************
--Make a Splash--

Each day
Each day I spend
Filtering each decision
As your property
What does this mean?
How will this affect
His life?

Each day
Each day I spend
Working to achieve
HAPPY-ness
WHOLE-ness
PEACEFUL-ness
For I know that
These things in me
Are prerequisites to
Your happiness,
Your wholeness,
Your peace, and your pleasure.

Each day
Each day I spend
Dreaming up ways to please you
Endeavoring to please myself
So that I may serve
In a way that honors you.

And when you touch me,
You spread that honor
Tenfold.

And when you approve,
You fill this heart with
Joy.

And when you correct
You fill your property with
Humility.

And when you discipline
Your remind your girl of
Her place.

At.
Your.
Feet.

And when the humble-jumble
Of our day-to-day life
Melts, dripping into puddles
Around our ankles,
—When Daddy tells me to wiggle my toes
And make a splash—
When you find the time to
Stop the world,
Stop the clock,
Stop my heart
(As you do so well)
The mundane details of the world
Cease to exist

And when you
Make me cum for you…

And when you
Make me hurt for you…

And when you
Make me bleed for you…

And when you
Make me scream for you,
Beg for you
Plead for you
BE for you,

I’m at home.
I’m at rest.
I’m at peace.

And afterwards, when I sit
Gingerly, mind you,
—Oh so gingerly—
When I sit, you infiltrate
My body
My spirit
My mind
Little bits of you
Exchange of electrons
Transferred from this seat
Through tender assflesh
Rushing into me
Transmitted
Through the brands of your singletail
On my ass.

Oh yes, THIS is what it
Feels like

Oh yes, THIS is what it
Means

To be your slave.

(2/5/07)

***********************************
-E-liminate the Negative-

Why, when I look in the mirror
Do I see what isn’t there?

Why, when I look at my life
Am I blind to all its positives?
The unconditional love of the man
I always wanted
Promises and plans for the future
Comfort, stability, success, structure
Will I?
Forever is a long time.
Have I become just another yuppie ingrate?
Nothing is wrong, so I must create
Something?
Anything?

And my father always said
“Ac-centuate the positive
E-liminate the negative”
(Don’t mess around with Mr. In-Between)
But I can’t seem to get it down
And so I fuddle
I muddle
I wade through life
Forgetting to enjoy it as a whole
Finding pleasure in
A moment here
A detail there
But where’s the JOY?

Why the discontent?
Why the weary eyes?
Why the drained soul and drowsy brain?
Playing hide-and-go-seek with my verve
And I can’t seem to make it through
The count
1…2…3…
*snore*

(1/29/07)

***********************************

-Calgon, Take Me Away-

A heart in chains
Beating in her chest
Unable to shake free
From the bonds of
Unrequited love
Let go.
Let go.
Let GO.
Fearful is she
For what lies beyond the beyond?
Beyond the death
Of that which never was?

Through the eye of the needle
And the eye of the storm
She traverses life on her tightrope
With naught to lean on
But the balance of the scales
And the assurance of his hand
Alongside each other
Holding hands from across
Their parallel paths
Up all night grooving to
Celestial harmonics
At the house of the rising sun

And at any moment
A reality hacker
Could keystroke her way in
Virtual virus designed
To bring you to your knees
Remember to back up your data
Remember to prepare your safeguards
For it’s the Dawn of Eve
And this social vampyre will suck you dry
Bleed you dry
Leave you dry
Dry

Living in a seven year drought
Praying for nothing more than
40 days and 40 nights
Of rain
‘Calgon, take me away’
Bring me to a place
Far from here
Safe from the hackers
Safe from the vampyres
Safe in the balance of his scales
Safe in the care of his arms

Free

Freedom to live
Freedom to love
Freedom to embrace
A goddess is waiting
Breathing her fecund breath
Blowing upon the seeds of her labor
And breathing them
Alive

(1/19/07)
***********************************

--Tears For a Child--

He looks at me
His eyes so wide
A fountain of
Unconditional Love

He looks at me
His eyes so wide
Trust and
Giving and
Nurturing and
Love

He looks at me
Arms wide open
Embracing the world
Accepting of all I have to give

A sponge for my
Attention
Knowledge
Effort
Love

He hungers for it all
And encourages me to give
More
More
More

An angel in effect
An angel walking the earth
An angel looking to me
An angel asking for -my- tenderness
Inspiration
To strive for continual growth
Unconditional Love

And when he asks for it to last forever
I wish I could give him that for which he
Yearns
I wish I could do more
I wish I could give more
I wish…
(8/13/06)

***********************************

--Dreams Realized--

I close my eyes and
She’s there,
Waiting for me in the dark
Poised to bolt should I
—for a second—
Permit the light to filter in.

I close my eyes and
She’s there,
I can trace her silhouette by mem’ry.
My blind eyes the feather
Whispering across the silky curve
Of her ass,
The subtle hint of cleavage
In three-quarters form.
I can taste them now,
Nipples puckered with
Anticipation…
Lust?
Glutton for them, I want to
Savor these heavy
Breasts of a woman,
Not a child.

I close my eyes and
She’s there,
Eyes downcast as she
Modestly offers all.
Could I read them
(windows to the soul)
I might touch the flame
Sparking ignition to this fire
(spontaneous combustion of the loins)
She sings the song of my spirit
—this siren—
She sings the song of my spirit.

I close my eyes and
She’s there,
Drinking her deep: melodic tonic.
Lay her open and
Drink her deep
“Eat of my body”
I stand frozen in fear
“Drink me deep and eat of my body”

My fright will raze this perfection,
Terror to defeat the
Love?Lust?Passion?
Once again.

I close my eyes and
She’s there,
Bound in the chains
Where I last left her.
Thighs slick under my gaze,
I want to dip into her there
To feel her warmth
—sacred wetness—
Something we can share?
Almond and sesame flavored skin
So soft, so welcoming,
Wizened with age and experience
And Love.
I want to lose myself in this here:
This astral plane of connection,
Barrier-free for once…
Until the daylight, at least.
I live each day for our nighttime trysts,
Live to whisper the secrets of the Universe
In the context of orgasms and release.
Captive by connection
(evolution by sex)

But the morning too will come
And with it, the light.

I open my eyes and
She’s gone,
Back to a life of her own
Fancy figment of imagination
Leaving me wet,
And once more without her.
(8-2-06)

***********************************

--(Unconditional) Love--

I love you
I know you don’t feel it but I do

I love you
I know you won’t believe it but I do

I love you
I know you don’t want it but I do

You came to me in my dreams the other night
Said ‘leave me alone!’
And so I do

But I love you
I do

You said you loved me once
Like the sister I never had
And I guess that’s right
Cuz I certainly never had you

We thought it was all about
The apex of the triangle
But it wasn’t
At least
Not for me

You had the purest love I could ever give
Transmuted into the purest hate
Two sides of the same coin?
Anger pain detestation that
I tried so hard to give to someone
That didn’t want

In perfect love, in perfect trust
I haven’t shown either
I’m not perfect,
Despite whatever I may have said
Being told to fuck off
By what I felt was a piece of my soul
Destroyed a piece of me I’ve yet to regain
And when that trust was stamped out
I acted outside of love

My sincerest apologies
Belong to you
And with them you have my love
To do with as you please
You do

But obsession is over
You said ‘leave me alone!’
And with love I will
Respect you

And I know this won’t make sense
It was all a figment
Of my head and
Of my heart
Anyway
But please know I wish you only happiness
Only health and
Only joy
No matter how you think of me
Or don’t

Cuz I want you to feel bliss
I do

Cuz I want you to feel peace
I do

Because I love you
I do
(7/28/06)

***********************************

--Through Eyes of Sea Glass--

Today I see the world through unfocused eyes
Like what I might see looking through
That beer bottle over there,
Washed up on the shore,
Pounded by tumultuous waves and now
Appearing as
The reflection of a fun house mirror.
Hazy, crazy, bleary, teary eyes.

I skate across the world today,
Not ethereal, no. Merely
Unable to feel my feet on the ground
Unable to connect with the Earth
Or with her inhabitants.
Foggy.
Misty, cloudy, murky, smoggy.
Yes, foggy.

Why do I find myself with the
Inability to reach out
To myself?
Why do I find myself with the
Incapability
To shake myself awake?
To do those things I need to do to
Feel ‘right’ within the world, to
Treat myself with the love and respect so
Necessary to give freely of myself
And from myself
And for myself.

And somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Somewhere deep inside me,
I lurk, veiled in this toxic fog
Scratching and clawing my way through the
Not-quite-transparent silk walls
Microscopic fibers weaving into that tender
Flesh beneath the nails. CSI would love this evidence,
Eh?

And somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Somewhere deep inside me,
She lurks, the me that’s me beyond me
Inside me yearning
The me that’s me beyond me
Twisting, turning, always burning
Aching to escape the prison in which
I keep her, an incessant punishment for
A lack of indiscretion in which the
Truths uttered annihilated
A friendship that never was.

Is that it? Is that the answer?
Am I drowning in self-imposed penalty
For a crime I’m told was never a crime?
I hold myself responsible for
Mine own actions
I hold myself responsible for
My tongue, my fingers, my lack of
Self-control.

Self control
Self control
Control of self is the key
It is, after all, that which I live this life
To learn
Right?
Discipline. Submission.
Slave to that which cannot be controlled.
It is my task, my charge to find myself.
It is my duty, my obligation to find myself.

To shake myself awake.
So that I may give freely of myself,
And from myself,
And for myself,

To you.
(7/7/06)

***********************************

--Anticipation--

Anticipation. Elation. The Creation of something new. Dedication. Determination. A Foundation for what ifs and what is. Escalation, Evocation, Levitation to another level. Exploration, Examination. Visitation of the realms beyond. Transformation, Emancipation when we reach that final Destination. Fascination, Stimulation, Appreciation for Communication without words. Deviation. Domination. Violation? Mmmm….Humiliation, Degradation, touch Sensation…it’s a Collaboration words can never describe. Subordination, Objectification, Depersonification:

Exhilaration.

Subordination.
Tonight.
Always.

Anticipation.
(6/24/06)

***********************************

--the power of a word--

that word, he keeps using that word—you know—the one. the one that makes me quiver. shiver—want to deliver—the giver of goosebumps and those slivers of fear. that word: _ _ _ _ _ (period)

the power of a word

sacred surrender to his sovereign sagacity
letting him lead me leashed by lasting love
ascending apace above my acquiescence
victim to his victor, vowing virtue on my veins
eager entry to eternity, enamored by the ethers

the power of a word

dread? anticipation? how far apart do they exist? we are all two sides of the same coin—rich or poor—wise or ignorant—old or young, tall, short, fat, fit, uptight, relaxed, top, bottom, master, _ _ _ _ _ (period)

the power of a word

servile
loving
assiduous
vibrant
en_ _ _ _ _ d

the power of a word

that word, he keeps calling me that word—you know—the one. the one. the one. always when i least expect it, he’s trying to perfect it. who am i to correct it? do i really reflect it? I will not disrespect it—reject it—when to me he does direct it. his voice. that word:
_ _ _ _ _

(period)
(5/11/06)

***********************************

--Peace--

Wrapped in the sweet embrace
Of peace
A warm blanket
Allaying all fright

Letting go of the
Victimization
That breeds
Anger

Letting go of the
Fear
That comes with
Vulnerability

Beautiful vulnerability

Allowing it in
Allowing it in

Peace washes over me
Like waves in a
Sea of tranquility

Peace washes over me
Like the lapping of a
Warm bubble bath

Allowing it in
Allowing it in

Candlelight flicker flame
Burn away my sins
An offering sent up
To the heavens
Where unified consciousness
Resides

And I
And I
And I feel so clean inside
Washed free from the pain
Washed free from the fear
Washed free from the anger

Wrapped in the sweet embrace
Of peace
Open to the universe again

Free to be me.
(5/1/06)

***********************************

--Mmmm…(a stream-of-consciousness)--

Rock on. … Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s what I meant. Rock. On. Cloudy-smiley-goofy brain, yes. That’s what I have. Nonfat latte, nectar of the goddess. Another; Sweet, warm trickle… Down my throat. Across my Sore, marked, ass…Wiggle delightfully Welts, Streaks, Bruises: Memories each. —Sort of— Hazy memory. Clouds of smoke. Use into another Dimension, Vibration. More tonight; Stranger love. Earth love. Energetic love. Spiraling into the center, The center of the shield. Grabbed in his fist by the Leather round my Throat. Back into His realm; Back into
His domain, His dimension, His vibration. His. His. Hi. H. h. . . .
(4/15/06)

***********************************

--A New Day--

As the sun sets, so shall it rise.
As the moon wanes,
Waxing is sure to follow.

As the world turns,
Like sands through the hourglass,
So are the days of our lives.

Soap opera bubbles lift me away
(drama queen that I am),
Embroiled in the dreamworlds

Of others.

Wrong of me to feel it:
Not my space, responsibility.
Not my world, disgust.
Wrong of me to feel it:
Must grow beyond such things.

I wake up in my bed
Eyes clearer,
Heart cleaner,
Soul lucid with the exfoliation of reality.
And find it all has disappeared;
Dissipated;
Dispelled and
Dispersed.

Into the puff of incense
The veil of ritual,
The swirls and curls of love
That are my life.
(4/8/06)

***********************************

--Traveling Inside--

Traveling inside, inside
Deep beneath the shell.
Follow into the core:
Recognition of self.

Who is she?

Traveling inside, inside
A game of hide and seek.
Under a rock, inside a trunk:
Self on its path.

Path serpentine, the roots of an oak,
An infinite number of choices
In life;
Inside, traveling inside.

For every action, there is an equal
(and opposite) reaction.
Yes?

Laws of energy, of matter,
Of existence.
They all boil down
To the same cosmic soup.

Celestial prayer from the inside;
Traveling inside, inside
Deep beneath the shell.
Forget what self projects,
Remember the soul within.

Seeking truth,
Seeking truth always,
And avoiding those
Who see themselves as
Holier-than-thou, holier-than-all
21st century gurus.

Enlightenment? Bah.
Try again. And again.
Traveling inside, inside.

Diversion. Distraction.
Disruption. Disturbance.
Still on the path.

An infinite number of choices.

I do not fear you.
You hold no power in my universe,
Vulnerable without your venom
Impotent in this, your dream.

Pinch yourself:
Can you awake?

Comprehension!
Create your own reality,
It’s best for you to do so.
I understand now,
Your life is safest that way.
You need such ice castles,
I will not melt them away.
Protected within the frozen crystal,
A princess in your tower,
You shall remain.

And I,
I shall travel inside, inside.
Unfathomable discovery,
Reaching beyond the bounds
Of time, of space, of identity.

We are one, we are;
But you need protection.
And I, I need exposure;
Exposure to the dark,
The underworld caverns of your regime.

The light, the life, the love.
Is my domain.
(4/6/06)

***********************************

--From Light--

I will live from a place of light.
I will love from a place of light.

I will walk from a place of light.
I will talk from a place of light.

Here in the light,
Darkness banished,
I endeavor to spread this love.
I endeavor to spread this light.

Fear is the demon which
Kills all things.
Fear is the demon which
Builds walls (between us).

I am the light.
We are the light.
Safe from the darkness,
Help me vanquish the fear.

Even the Pheonix
Burns with the light.
In her pain,
Even She does not deny.

We are all the light.
Part of each other (and everything).
Part of the light.
Give of yourself,
Take of his body,
As ye sow, so shall ye reap
Donors, Martyrs, Charmers.

We are all the light.
Step forward with me,
Help me vanquish the fear.

I walk from a place of light.
I talk from a place of light.

I live from a place of light.
I love from a place of light.
(4/3/06)

***********************************

--Change--

Farther, farther
Push it harder, harder
Over the edge and
Under the line
Change
Change NOW

Farther, farther
Push it harder, harder
Seized by the scruff and
Rebuffed at the base
Of my neck
Bark, BITCH

Is it any wonder?
Wonderful world
Stones melted to sand by
Peaceful ocean waves
Tumultuous change
And time
Time

Change.
Let it go.
Just change.
Go with the flow.

Is it any wonder?
Integrated planet
Trees hardened to granite by
Still mineral water
Calistoga petrification
And time
Time

Change.
Let it go.
Just change.
Go with the flow.

Is it any wonder?
Narcissistic race
Species driven to extinction by
Altered weather conditions
Harmless greenhouse gasses
A sculpture in chlorofluorocarbons
Disinclination to change…and time
Time

The good, the bad, the ugly
The indifferent
Glass half-empty, or
Glass half-full?
Flexibility is the key
That door opens everything

Change.
Let it go.
Just change.
Go with the flow.

Bark BITCH
Change NOW
Suck it up
Learn to grow

It may be worth fearing,
But you’ll never know.
Let it go.
Just change.
Go with the flow.
(3/13/06)

***********************************

--I’m Sorry--

I removed the gag and
Lulled myself foolishly
With the friendly words
And lack of reaction:
Security and relaxation to begin it.
My stupidity;
My optimism,
My selfish desire
For my life to be
—My. Life.—
Once more
Has wounded again.

And pain was not the intent.
Joy was the motivator.
Pain was not the intent.
Foolhardiness was the weapon.

And now, knowing this
I am again
Robbed of the freedom to
Live how I wanna
Love how I wanna
Censored by conscience;
By morals,
By ethics,
By experience.
I thought freedom had
Finally arrived.
Boy, was I wrong
And now I’ve hurt—
Again.
And now I gag myself—
Again.

And for what it’s worth:

I’m sorry.
(4/2/06)

***********************************

--Tethered Liberty--

She sleeps there at night
Collared,
Leashed,
Tethered to his bed.
Positioned for use,
His porcelain fuck-doll.
Fast.
Hard.
Loud.
Pounding ‘til she screams,
Again and again,
It is over when HE should choose.
And she’s on another planet:
In another realm,
Zone,
—Twilight zone—
Far from home.
Safety in his arms,
Hunger in his eyes
—Rabid beast—
Reflecting her own starvation,
Longing.
Yearning;
Thirst
For this union.

And in silence,
They scream.

As he lays her down,
Tucks her in,
His own little fuckdoll
Opens her eyes to breathe,
“Thank you, Daddy.”
His own little fuckdoll
Tethered to his bed.
Tethered,
Fettered,
Leathered,
Leashed to her collar.
Leather round her neck
Like his hand,
Warm and soft
Firm.
Pulse beating beneath
—Controlled by lifeforce—
Her pulse his.
Tethered to his bed
—Controlled by breath—
Her breath his.

His.

His.
(4/2/06)

***********************************

--florida--

darkness.
shadows,
skeletons of growth.
green giants peer through the black
—hellions from beyond—
life everywhere.
he’s takin’ me down a flat road,
a straight shot towards home;
urbanity can cut through swamps.
and this car is a bullet,
a shot through the heart,
through the soul,
through the country:
he’s goin’ home.

he says that’s a “florida moon”
glowing
bloody burnt orange
peeking through the
shadows,
skeletons of growth.
burnt blood orange
“drink your OJ, dear”
at midnight
in the land of perpetual sun.
(3/19/06)

***********************************

--i breathe--

inhale.
exhale.
i breathe.

i breathe through the pleasure,
and I breathe through the pain.
i breathe.

each successful breath, extended life,
each fruitless gasp, impending death.
i breathe.

i breathe in the healing,
and breathe out the hell.
i breathe.

a little bit of love,
a little bit of hate.
indifference, i breathe.

i breathe in his power,
i breathe in his love.
i breathe.

every breath a miracle,
every breath a gift.
i breathe.

with my consent,
he shuts me off.
with his permission,
i breathe.

cut off my breath and i die
cry.
sigh.
fly.
high, high, high.
why?

i breathe.

i breathe in his power,
i breathe in his love.
i breathe.

inhale.
exhale.
i breathe.
(3/15/06)

***********************************

--what do you see?--

what do you see,
when your eyes lose focus?
when you relax to the point
where the edges all blur?

what do you see,
when every thought dies?
when you don’t even care
where reality lies?

and what do you see,
your own private Oz? am i there?
under the yellow brick road?
over the rainbow somewhere?

am i sitting there watching?
silent? alone?
through the eyes of the tinman?
heartless, as shown?

am i sitting there watching?
tender, and mild?
through the eyes of a seeker?
with the heart of a child?

or are you on your own,
solitary in flight?
enjoying the peace
of meaningless sight?

am i vain to consider
that i play a part?
is it smug just to wish
i’ve a piece of your heart?

what do you see,
when you just “let it be,”
could i filter in?
i’d like to see…
(3/15/06)

***********************************

--I Tongue the Void--

A cherry.
Crimson, juicy, firm
I bit into its succulence
To feel the juice explode
Over my lips. Rivulets
Running like blood.

I bit into its succulence
And, transfixed by the
Heavenly syrup,
Shattered a tooth upon
The stone.
Rivulets of juice
Replaced by streams of blood

What was once a molar,
Now an empty space;
Root exposed, swollen,
Throbbing with the memory
Of . What. Was.
The memory of a missing self.

And I tongue the void.
Again and again,
I tongue the void.
Remembering the past,
Aching for the missing self.
I tongue the void.
I delay the healing;
I wallow in the agony,
Afraid that I will forget
Forget and…
Try once again?
Or perhaps…
Forget that cherries exist.

And so
I Tongue the Void
(3/13/06)

***********************************
--Fit for Human Consumption--

Lay her down
Hair splayed out around her head
A snow angel
(Without the snow)

Legs spread
Wide
Wider
What I find there,
A garden;
The world’s most delicate
Orchid
Sweet aroma wafting
Wafting to my nose,
The perfume of her desire,
Infiltrating my senses
And I am consumed.

I am consumed by her
…Wetness
…Lust
…Spirit
…Tears
…Eyes

A blindfold on those eyes
Silken ropes around her wrists
She will not impede
My consumption of her flesh
The smooth petals of her insides
Her body
Her pleasure
My consumption
Hear her scream

Songs to my ears, her screams
Beautiful melodies, her begging moans
Her pleading brings me joy
“Please! I cannot take it!
I cannot take a moment more!
Not one more…”

And she orgasms again.
And again.
Exquisite torture, her pleasure
My pain

I want to make her feel.
And I want her…
To want me back.
(3/13/06)

***********************************

--Forever--

A fist in my hair,
Hand under my chin
His eyes lock into mine
Deep, deep
Oh so fucking deep
He can make me
Ride his fist like a puppet
He’s reached up to
Snatch my soul
Through each orifice
Through my eyes
Through his actions,
Not his words
What meaning have words?

It is actions that count…
But how sweet, sweet
Oh so fucking sweet
When lips brush my ear
And he breathes the words
“Forever, my love.
I want forever…
My property forever”

A fist in my hair,
Hand under my chin
His eyes lock into mine
Deep, deep
An abyss of endless deep
And abruptly, I comprehend
“Yes, the ‘F’ word,” he says,
“Forever.”
And takes me as his own
(3/13/06)

***********************************

--Landscape of Home--

green hills rolling
landscape streaming past the car
windows
eyes are the windows
to the soul
the soul of the land
rich and fertile
farm the land
grow for your children
raise them well
the strong shall inherit the earth
the meek shall…
…farm the soil?
proud work
real work
strength of character
strength of soul
seen through the windows that are eyes
and these eyes
watch the rolling hills
watch the streaming landscape
on a car trip
through the place i call home
(3/4/06)

***********************************

--climb--

climb
climb up little one
one upon my back
backwards riding into the sunset
sun set into darkness
darkness filled with points of light
light specks of life
life other than our own
own tenderness
tenderness of being
being swept up
up upon my back
…
climb little one
little one climb
(2003)

***********************************

--Cold--

My heart is going cold
Searching for a place
Where I can’t be hurt any
More and I don’t care
Yet, before a heart goes cold
It hurts, it hurts like hell
And I’m tired of hurting
And wanting and loving
And the tragedy is
Not my hunger for apathy
But the reason I desire it –
You.
(2003)

***********************************

--The Butterfly--

That day he caught a butterfly,
As gently as could be,
She perched upon his finger
He crooned to her softly,
…Of her beauty,
…Of his love

He stroked her and caressed her,
Fed her, and sheltered her
She grew to depend on his love.

He placed her in a cage,
Spun from the finest glass.
He’d arrange her with a dental pick
Because he cared -so- much.
Poking and prodding
Displaying for all her wings.
There she was, the butterfly
A most beautiful and fragile thing.
One day he lifted the glass,
Said, “Shoo little one, you’re free!”

And was shocked to find his butterfly
Had fallen right there to pieces.
(2003)

***********************************

--A Girl Needs A Mommy--

Mommy, I’m scared.
Scared you’re gonna go and leave me.
You’ll leave and be gone forever,
And all hell will break loose.
I’ll be sitting in a field of nails,
Hands covering my head,
Protecting myself from the
Harsh rain of missiles and bombs.

Nuclear. Breakfast. Cereal.
No mommy to pour the milk.
“Eat your glow flakes, dear”
No mommy to pour the milk.

To hug me, to shelter me
To stop the burning acid rain
With a slicker? An umbrella?
Mommy!
Please don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me alone
In a world of war,
In a world that can’t go on.
You got to live your life
And now I’m left with this?
I’m scared.
I’m so scared.
You’ll leave me
—you can’t help it—
You’re gonna leave,
And I’ll be all alone
Just me, the bombs and the fallout.
Technicolor mutant grapefruit.

Mommy, I’m scared.
(2003)

***********************************

--A Blessing--

Blow upon me, winds of the North
Caress the silky skin of a child,
The holy Mother brought me forth
With love: sweet, tender and mild.

Blow upon me, winds of the East
Caress the silky skin of a child,
The holy Mother tames the beast
With love: sweet, tender and mild.

Blow upon me, winds of the South
Caress the silky skin of a child,
A holy kiss received from her mouth
It’s love: sweet tender and mild.

Blow upon me, winds of the West
Caress the silky skin of a child,
Her caring is always best
It’s love: sweet, tender and mild.
(2002)

***********************************

MARION ZIMMER BRADLEY:
There is only one acceptable motive for any investigation, scientific or otherwise, and this is the only motive acceptable on the Path: 'I desire to know in order to serve.'

MARIAN WRIGHT EDELMAN:
Service is what life is all about.

ALBERT SCHWEITZER:
A man is truly ethical only when he obeys the compulsion to help all life which he is able to assist, and shrinks from injuring anything that lives.

ALEX NOBLE:
If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.

ANTIGONUS OF SOKHO:
Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward.

BARBARA BUSH:
Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

Life moves, undulates, breathes in and out, contracting and expanding. This is its nature, the nature of what is. Whatever is, is on the move. Nothing remains the same for very long. The mind wants everything to stop so that it can get its foothold, find its position, so it can figure out how to control life. Through the pursuit of material things, knowledge, ideas, beliefs, opinions, emotional states, spiritual states, and relationships, the mind seeks to find a secure position from which to operate.

The mind seeks to nail life down and get it to stop moving and changing. When this doesn't work, the mind begins to seek the changeless, the eternal, something that doesn't move. But the mind of thought is itself an expression of life's movement and so must always be in movement itself. When there is thought, that thought is always moving and changing.

There is really no such thing as thought. There is only thinking, so thought which is always moving (as thinking) cannot apprehend the changeless. When thought enters into the changeless it goes silent. When thought goes silent, the thinker, the psychological "me," the image-produced self, disappears. Suddenly it is gone. You, as an idea, are gone. Awareness remains alone.

There is no one who is aware. Awareness itself is itself. You are now no longer the thought, nor the thinker, nor someone who is aware. Only awareness remains, as itself. Then, within awareness, thought moves. Within the changeless, change happens. Now awareness expresses itself. Awareness is always expressing itself: as life, as change, as thought, feelings, bodies, humans, plants, trees, cars, etc. Awareness yields to itself, to its inherent creativity, to its expression in form, to experience itself. The changeless is changing. The eternal is living and dying. The formless is form. The form is formless. This is nothing the mind could have ever imagined.

~ Adyashanti
Copyright ©2003 by Adyashanti. All rights reserved.