I'm going to make the shocking confession of a secret here. I actually am not a big fan of pirates. I think it has something to do with that hugely, terrifyingly open, deep expanse of water.

I am a big fan of the whole "kidnap the damsel and screw her brains out while introducing her to the concepts of captivity and making her like it" thing. That's pretty hot. Especially if the pirate who's kidnapped you decides to enforce things with pretty pieces of rope wrapped around your wrists, a knife at your throat, and threats of a good flogging if you misbehave. (On second thought, though, that might induce me to break the rules a little bit. I'm such a bad captive. Sigh.)

Anyway, tangents aside. I might be a better pirate, than victim. The victims are so... tedious. So, in honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I have determined that my pirate name is Bloody Mary Kidd, long-lost daughter of the notorious Captain Kidd. I shall now go buckle my swashes. Thank you for your time and consideration.

*with a swooping bow, feathered hat brushing the deck, a twinkle in the eye, I depart for the main cabin, dragging along a rather likely looking lad, just for the hell of it.*