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Niema

offline 155 friends
joined on 09/07/05
last updated 06/13/08
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buds

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seedlings

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rain

springtime
:::::The first tease. A blush.
A rush of warm and melt; gushing past on the sidewalk.
the first green.
. Peeks in a grey now white now blue no still grey sky.
Like a kitten at a can-opening concerto - Curious, but afraid of the sudden sounds.
The year's first real sunset
I mean with the cloudkissedgold
. Like the cheeks of the first person you kissed on a cold recess in sixth grade.
Sparkling with the promise of youth.

The first warm nights. Dreaming
of young lovers
Real or imagined
In the deep places

Hoping the Sun will rise on a warmer day.:::::




ginger
:::::The first geese fly
. Harbingers of Autumn
. Sun setting in a long, soft sky.
Gently the Summer leaves
. One element at a time.


. The first tears fall
. Harbingers of Ending
. Love ebbing in a long, soft goodbye.
. Gently my lover leaves
. One piece of me at a time.


We do not mourn Summer for long.
Autumn, in all her finery, quickly enraptures us. I will adapt to the cold, quiet nights. And embrace my spacious bed.
Retaining the warmth, like the lingering taste of ginger, until the fire burns me again.

Though this singular, soul-searing season leaves us now;
Summers, lovers, shall be welcomed forever.:::::




yurt
:::::I know not if it be before or hence,
But in one life you and I
live together in a yurt we have built in the wilderness.
. Wild free ness.
I know not where, or when;
But I know the why.

We are as old as the rain
As pervasive and permanent as the wind. And as perennial.

These hands have seen many houses
These bodies have built many dances.

I know not before or hence.
But in one life we are together in the wilderness:::::




love let her
::::::You are a poem
a composition
an exposition of the revelry
a piece of the mystery, revealed in each flick of hair in each turn of phrase, a play of shadow and light.

just as no sun can reach every leaf on the tree,
so can no one
illuminate all of your crevices and curves but each question brings me closer to the truth I see in you feel in you,
it whispers out in your undertone.

I extrapolate as we penetrate the darkness with our voices, the places where we meet become event horizons.
Divinity means 'sees no division' this life a revision, of our history, our hierarchy, our pedagogy. I ask and you only say
"more light, please."

You are a poem.
Created anew each time I turn the page take the stage, say yes to the mystery and not the assumption with just enough gumption to know when to tell me "no, not yet, we will learn more when we are ready."
The heady presumption of falling in love is nothing compared to the constant discombobulation of a life lived in exploration - this theory, this question, this magic, this veil-lifting exercise - now that we know who we are, what do we do with our power?

let me be your composition,
tear down each of my constructs and let each of my limits be a word, in no particular order. Each of my glances a clue, each of my prayers a step closer to the mystery of you.

You are a poem!
a play of forms and swirls and color and shadow and light giving just enough to make me figure it out. Asking that I grow each time I listen to you, demanding that I pay attention because I only get to hear you once in this magic 'now'.

You say "We are just flowers unfolding," and I wonder
how do I reach your stamen without corrupting your petals?
I am no bee. My poetry is too coarse, too obvious

I want all the light all at once, to dissolve in your ocean, to be so overwhelmed by a single ecstatic breath of your atmosphere that I loose any illusion of separation and become a million stars in your sky.

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compost

Seeing the magic is a choice.

The first time I heard the phrase "holding space" was in my Yoga teacher training. My teacher was specifically referring to Savasana, that in the time when students are resting they are most receptive, and our duty as teachers is to keep the energy of the room safe and sacred. At the time I had only the faintest idea what he was talking about, though I had been introduced to meditation at a young age and believed in the power of magic, the actual, visceral experience was foreign to me~ let alone the idea that I might actually 'hold space' for a large group of people.

Now, years of teaching, a variety of medicine journeys and countless rituals and exercises later, I realize that I hold space all the time. It's just what I do. I seem to derive my sense of identity now from the space I hold for my students and loved ones, an apparent experience of healing in someone I have been tending to can make my day.

But today, as I felt my thoughts float on a breeze to Hawai'i while my students were resting, I was brought to attention by a sharp Shiva slap against my mind. I was reminded of the awesome responsibility and blessing it is to do what I do, to be what I am. That while this holding, this healing emanation that I am comes easily and usually effortlessly, it requires a level of impeccable focus - precisely because it is easy now, the work of focus is so much greater.

After class I reflected on another old teaching from Theatre training - the suspension of disbelief. It is the work of actors, designers, directors, to create a space where the audience can forget they are sitting in chairs in a theatre watching people in costumes walk about a bit of draped wood floor with painted canvas walls, but they are actually witnessing whatever the story happens to be unfold before them. It is the work of priestesses, and even Yoga teachers, to make people forget that they live in a world of physical temporal reality and help them remember the infinite power of consciousness that we are. To remind them, rather us, that we create our reality whether we are conscious of it or not. To create butterflies where only caterpillars are evident.

As I ponder the next bit of amazingness unfolding before me, as I feel the awesome responsibility of stepping up to a whole new level of such conducting, such space holding, I am reminded that it begins within me. So I breathe deeply. I went to class tonight to recharge. I ask for guidance and protection and clarity and the ability to be that voice, to hold the space, to be a beauty full instrument. I choose to believe in the infinite abundant magical heartfull courageous intelligence of the Uni-verse

and hold the curtain open.


namaste
Wed, March 11, 2009 - 1:12 AM permalink - 0 comments
 
oh, Maui.

the first thing you notice when you get off the plane is the quality of the air. It has a smell, no, a flavor, that defies description. Juicy, if air could be juicy. The constant wind that plays in your hair and caresses your skin. The scent of passion concealed as a flower.

I arrived exhausted, from a night of no sleep and months of pushing myself to do, to get established, to set up a base in San Francisco. My first 'vacation' as an adult, and boy howdy did I need it. Picked up by a friend-potential lover- no, wait just good friend- and immersed in the sacred healing waters of I'ao River.

My first full day was spent on a boat - one of the blessings of this trip was that I had many experiences I missed out on when I lived there, like going on a boat. (really). With gorgeous Sasha playing her sweet melodies and whales breaching all around us. And sweet, sweet glorious Sun. How I decided a foggy city was a good place for me I don't understand, I am definitely a heliotrope.

mmm, Mystic Garden Party. One of those times when I tried to volunteer or teach, but the Universe decided I would not work in the obvious way. So I got to play. Though, for me, work and play are often the same. I participated in 2 amazing sweat lodges, listened to Ram Das, and an Hawaiian Auntie (elder) speak simple yet profound wisdom. Love everyone, and tell the truth. I sang a lot, prayed, and danced. I spent most of Valentine's with a dear Beloved journeying in the arboretum, and had a few good healing conversations with the Aina (land). In the second sweat lodge, such a clarity of prayer that I have only felt before with medicine. Calling on myself to be the aspect of Ma that has grown from raped priestess to Warrior woman and is blossoming into Queen, and the aspect of Ra that has gone from conqueror to confused son and is growing into compassionate Healer-King to step up as my partner. On the last night, I had a potent psychic look me over, and say only two words, that kept reappearing the rest of my adventure. Just these words - true love. Mystic, indeed.

I hopped on the hippie caravan, and found myself with that same Beloved camping in beauty in Kipahulu. I slept with the sound of Ocean or River most nights in Hawai'i, enough to know that when the time is right, I will sleep near water for the rest of my days. But, I digress.

I wish I could put into words what Hawaii does to me, when I get away from the crowds and shut off my brain and can truly BE with the magic of the place. This time I had the blessing of sharing much of the experience with a dear Beloved friend, even to the point of flying into love with him - not surprising, considering it's me, and he's amazing, AND it's a very romantic place. - There I go, digressing again, but the islands do that to you. Make you forget what you were 'supposed' to do and cause you to breathe deep and be. But, there was a massive waterfall, and then another hidden one that required scrambling up the river's edge.

And another epic, EPIC whale adventure, this one with so much family and so many whales I about near exploded with joy. I actually exploded with joy several hundred times on those weeks, but a highlight was sitting with miss Ra full in the wind at the front of the boat singing to the whales.

and Source, hmmm. That was a much more challenging experience. The week of cold swims and nights on the ground caught up with me, not to mention hitching in the rain (downpoint of trip, for sure) and I spent the beginning of the festival in the tent with a nasty head cold. and it rained. and it rained. and rained more. and the food was disappointing, the music mediocre, and blah blah blah in my head complaining, until I had to completely surrender. And realize it was all my expectations and desire. and that I hadn't participated in it this year, I was in a completely different headspace from Source of the previous year, so of course it was a different experience. Sunday, a few beautiful conversations and another sweat later, and I felt the magic, or at least the medicine, I went there for. Remembering that to the ancient Hawaiians, water meant wealth. So I was rich, indeed.

and Monday morning I busted out of there and inch-hitched (never be in a hurry on Maui, unless you are ready to be schooled) my way to Lana'i. Another windy night on hard cold ground (note to self, *always* pack Thermarest) But in the morning... dolphins!

We saw a few of them way out, and I grabbed my gear, and looked. They seemed so far, further than I had ever swum from shore, even though the cove was protected and the waters relatively calm. But I swam out, stopping a few times to check direction and be sure they were still there. Praying for them to stick around long enough for me to see them up close. I would make little clicking dolphin-esque sounds, and sure enough, one would leap and spin in the air in the distance. So I kept going. And just when I had gone too far, and was wondering if I should turn back, they appeared! All around me, and under, at least 80 of them. I was so happy, crying so hard I had to take off my snorkel. Saying thank you, and 'hi, hi, hi there' over and over again like the big joyful dork I am. By the time I got back to shore I was very tired, and ecstatic. That group went out, and 200 or so came back and were with us most of that day and the next. I swam with them around me 6 more times, and got to share Celena's first experience with her. Dolphins are such beautiful, graceful, fascinating creatures. The way they look at you, curious yet wise. Sleek and elegant, and so very playful. And I got to lie in the Sun, and share a Keawe wood fire and feast. Face whipping winds aside (another note to self about tents, even on the beach) it was a truly magical Lana'i excursion.

Back to Maui, and one more night with my Beloved friend. How an air mattress can feel like true luxury after nights on the ground! Being with him was quite an exercise for me in truly unconditional love, and releasing attachment. I love, I just love, easily and deeply. And he is a special one, so easy to love. Such a strong, gloriously beautiful man. No hesitation, I flew into love like Icarus for the Sun. As we parted ways, crying like I do, I am proud of how much lightness and gentle space I held for both of us. My call for clarity, his reply that though he loves me he has no space in his heart or life for a woman right now. More tears, more letting go, and the acknowledgment that we are friends for life, but just friends. And so I sent him on his way with a lot of gratitude and love between us, and laughed and prayed and cried on the beach for hours. The many ways I have learned to let go. This passionate heart that loves so, so much. But, it seems, I wouldn't have it any other way.


I spent most of my remaining days in I'ao Valley, relishing in sleeping in and easy walks, with a little Little Beach jaunt in between. It was really clear on the beach there that I was ready to return, that living in California is the right choice for me at this phase of my life, as much as I love the Ocean and Sun and Aina, Maui is not my home at the moment.

My last day, sitting for hours in the Valley, with a little rain and a lot of sighs, and huge beautiful trees, and the spirits of the ancients whispering to me to listen, to breathe, to remember who I am. Almost, almost seeing the menehune (fairies) with physical eyes, though definitely feeling them so present, so wild there. My angels reveling in the easy expansion of that place. Feeling so simply and completely alive.

And now, back in my princess palace oasis of a room. Glad to be home, though wistful in a soft way. Being really kind with myself as I dive into my life here again. Holding the commitment to keep the Aloha, to take it easy as I create the deep work my life is growing into, and not giving to stress or busyness but moving with grace. Teaching this morning, I felt the full importance of time away. The clarity, healing, and perspective I gained on my life. What is important, where I need to put my energy. Who and how I truly love.

The say that you only regret the things you did not do. I certainly did much on this trip, my only regret, that I had direct control over, was not having the foresight to continue with the family to the Big Island. But it allows curiosity for a future adventure, a little will o' the wisp for me to dance after down the road.

In the meantime, there is so much amazingness on the horizon. Isis Oasis events. Performances. Rituals and healing ceremonies. My first trip to Peru later this year, retreats and teaching and creating opportunities for transformation. I am ready to grow fully into my role as a member of this community, to truly step up and offer the fullness of my blossoming. I don't exactly know what that looks like, though I have a good idea. I know the Blood Mysteries are a big part, the healing of the connection of the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine is a big part. And joy, helping us all grow through laughter and playfulness (like the dolphins) joy. And remembering, of course, that all you need is true love.

namaste.
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 10:54 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
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the weather

Beautiful SF sublet, Nov 25 - end of year ( housing » apartments ) Hi friends,

We are seeking someone to share this fantastic, peaceful... read more
listing posted Sun, October 26, 2008 - 8:50 AM
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sunshine

"I find one vast garden spread out all over the universe. All plants, all human beings, all higher mind bodies are about in this garden in various ways, each has his own uniqueness and beauty. Their presence and variety give me great delight. Every one of you adds with his special feature to the glory of the garden."

:::Anandamayi Ma



"Like the monk in his or her monastery, we can find ways to make our affection visible and felt. We can be affectionate toward our friends and neighbors and in such simple ways sexualize the neighborhood. We can be outrageously affectionate towards our lovers and spouses and thus give the world the model it needs for living from the heart. We can nurture our affection for animals, things, and places. All of this affection brings into human community a vision, a point of view, and a philosophy discovered in our most sublime meditations and readings. It is the anima soul to the animus intellect, the heart-spouse to the mind-lover, the visible body to the hidden spirit."

:::Thomas Moore, "The Soul of Sex"






"Can you find another market like this?

Where,
for one seed
you get a whole wilderness?

For one weak breath,
the divine wind?

You've been fearful
of being absorbed in the ground,
or drawn up by the air.

Now, your waterbead lets go
and drops into the ocean,
where it came from.

It no longer has the form it had,
but it's still water.
The essence is the same.

This giving up is not a repenting.
Its a deep honoring of yourself.

When the ocean comes to you as a lover,
marry, at once, quickly,
for God's sake!

Don't postpone it!
Existence has no better gift.

No amount of searching
will find this.

A perfect falcon, for no reason,
has landed on your shoulder,
and become yours. "

:::Rumi
:::Translation: Coleman Barks "The Essential Rumi"




"The national murder rate will plummet when 'The Hedonistic Midwife Channel,' a new cable TV network, begins to broadcast live childbirths 24 hours a day."



"Evil is boring"
and


"The Universe is conspiring to shower us with blessings... Figure out exactly how the Universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings"
:::Rob Brezsny, "Pronoia"




"Even, After all this Time,

The Sun never says to the Earth
'You owe me'


Look at what happens with a Love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

:::Hafiz

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My Testimonials

January 21, 2008
Truly a Supernatural being sent to this little island to share her love and light~~~~I am so humbled by her beauty that all I can do is reflect and honor it.
I love you, sweetly, Aloha
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a jungle flower

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this little flower

Gender
Female
Age
29
Location
about me
I am a cosmonaut. A lover. An artist and intellectual. Yogini. healer. daughter of the Earth. and a clown. I am constantly awed by the beauty of life. I have experienced many times how the Universe is constantly conspiring to shower us with blessings. I am actively destroying my umbrella.


I began teaching yoga, taught myself to ride a bike, went to Burningman, and met the most amazing community of
artists/lovers/warriors/revolutionaries/superheroes
all within the past few years; I feel as though I have just been born. Am being born every day.

I, and you, we are creating this world with every thought, every wish, every breath. I am exploring life, co-creating, with as much compassion, grace, and love as I can. Turning my fears into strengths. And I dance and sing every day.


I smell of smoke and sand
The lines of my life newly etched on my hands
Eyes that resemble oceans deep fathoms of space
I am a cosmonaut In every time and place.
I exist
Unique of all
discordant yet precious to the orchestra of light
I am here Expanding the edges Releasing all fear
You explore the reaches of your Uni - verse.
I'll sing my One - song in my multivoice until I find you;
our cacophonous souls creating harmony.
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My Requests

05/06
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members » Niema link to this profile: http://people.tribe.net/niema