a summer day

It was warm in my garden today.
The head list of things that need doing, not the least of which was watering that bit of Earth and plantlets and small trees. But honoring the Moonday in the Sunlight by sitting, and breathing, and being.

Grateful for what is, praying for grace and necessities, grace being the greatest necessity in the time when there are more blessings than time.

Dreaming of Maui

Feeling wanderlust prick my skin and pull my heart. I feel I will heed the call of adventure just when I get established here, but I wouldn't ahve it any other way.

Hearing the wind-chimes and dogs and traffic, so grateful for the fleeting warmth. Wondering if I should start on my chores, but the soft ache in my womb keeps me still. Reminds me that I am human and woman, and here for a reason. Asks when I 'll replace this one woman show with a partner play, when this ache will be one of ripening and not emptying. Asks, or maybe that's my mind, if I'll find him in time for all this bleeding to be worthwhile, or if I'll be done some years hence having fulfilled every promise but this one.


Then I am reminded. The tomato blossoms, like this community, like I, need their nurturance to bear their promised fruit. The list of things to build a Temple I sometimes fear will betray, or perhaps that's just the fear of not being in control of something I am so vested in.
Making home in a momentary space, making space in a momentary life, making sacred in a momentary city - it's all training. and it's all worth it.

It's easier to keep hope alive when in sunlight. Being in the grid again weighs on me. counting pennies weighs on me. pretending I don't need a lover weighs on me. but even with the bleeding,
I
Feel
Light
today.

The freedom of hopeful surrender, again. All I can do is give up. Give 'up' to my heart, and the day, and the light.
And water the garden.


namaste

readiness

riding a bicycle in San Francisco is a whole new experience. the hills, oh, the hills. the challenge of making it up, and the terrifyingly giddy free-fall of coming down. the exhilaration and joy. the power from within. and fluid strength.

studying this past weekend with my amazing teacherbrotherfriend, to be a guardian, to awaken energetic sensitivity. Being so frustrated, again, by my senses that are feeling based and not visual based, as my other explorers described fantastic visions and all I could say was that I saw purple. The overwhelm of feeling so deeply, and not being sure where I end and the Universe begins, and how to process all that information and be healthy with it.
but breathing, and being, in the now. working towards total action and total stillness. staying out of ego and in universal. Being blessed by sacred family connections, and for a few moments, tasting my true nature. By the end, a surprising amount of healing had occurred, for myself and others.

Again the feeling that I am so close to waking up fully, I can see the surface above me and I hope I have enough breath to reach it. But of course, there is nothing to achieve.

I like to think that all of this matters, that I am a part of something amazing and that we truly are holding sacred space and healing the world through who we are and what we do. But we can't know, is the thing, we just have to wonder, and trust, and vibrate with truth and sing our love songs are one-songs and be.

So I ride my bike as fast as I safely can. And I give all that I am able with each class I teach. And I seek out moments to sing, and share poetry, and participate in ritual, and feed my friends, and facilitate healing.

today I resisted the temptation to get some desert from the store. and I worked on the Temple, and myself.

I made my whole roundtrip this afternoon without having to get off the bike for a tough hill even once. And whatever may be happening in our world, Galactivation or transformation or whatever you call it, I can only take it one breath, one moment, one revolution at a time (the wheel will continue to go 'round) and trust that when my moments arrive, I will be ready.


namaste

shifting

I have been on the Mainland for a season.

Spring passed in rages of storm and sweet, and scary and new and comfortable. practical challenges and amazing blessings.

I reflect on last Summer, where I spent this day wedding my best friends, feeling so alive and surrounded by family. Autumn Equinox saw me watching the Sun rise with elders on Kau'ai. Winter saw me in my little cabin by the river, surrounded by beauty and bamboo, but alone for a long Maui night. Spring I was preparing to leave Maui to begin the next phase of my adventure.

And now another Solstice has passed. 3 months in this city. 2 weeks of co-coordinating, praying, trusting, of throwing a party with no money and little advertising, and being amazed at who appeared at the call. Celebrating in my new home, around the fire. Sharing my magic and poetry and real space with friends brand new and very old. Feeling so grateful, and joyful, and alive.

There is a Zulu concept, Ubuntu, that basically translates as "a person is a person through other persons", or "To be human is to affirm one's humanity by recognizing the humanity of others" -Who we are as a species and individuals is dependent on how we interrelate with each other.
so much of my challenge here has been feeling lonely, feeling I had no outlet for the wonder within me. At the party I had the realization that even with as shy and introverted as I can sometimes be, I am at my brightest, my healthiest, when I am with people that inspire me and allow me and see me.

My brother, who arrived just in time that night as he is wont to do, said it felt to him like I was really home. I still don't fully know what that means, though he made it clear that he was speaking on several levels. So beyond physical location, I feel home in my heart.

Happy Summer

namaste

Awakening Son: Solstice Celebration this Friday

-:-:-:-
Awakening Son : Solstice Celebration

Sun, Son, the longest day of the year, the Son of the Sun, the return of the fully embodied Divine Masculine - as healer, as lover, as creator, as compassionate King.

join us as we call Him in...


Friday, June 20th. 7:13pm till late
$10 - $20 sliding scale donation ($25 after midnight)


Also a Fun(d)raiser for Pantheogenesis Temple of Entheon Village
www.temple08.com/AwakeningSun.html
www.pantheogenesis.com



Music by

Lotus Drops
(Cyphertown)

Vibration Galactivation by Jonah Kai

Prayerformance Solstice Ritual by the Pantheogenesis Priestesses

Eye-Gazing Ritual and Performance by Destin Gerek and MegaStar Anastasia
www.EroticRockStar.com

Spoken Word by dreamtigHr and Lightseed

Massage, Oracle, and Healing Space.

This is a no shoes intentional gathering. Wear your Solstice best!

1613 1/2 Baker Street, SF.

We are seeking a few more people to co-create this event : contact me if you wish to contribute food, art, massage, ritual, or volunteer in other ways - lightseed at gmail dot com


-:-:-:-:-:-
please spread the word...

namaste

skin suit

Posing today in an art class. the meditation of holding still, naked, in front of strangers. Healing years of body image issues by letting people study my contours, and shadows, and proportions. Mutual gratitude for the service and rewards.

Juxtaposed with teaching, where I have voice more than body, but still all eyes on me. Still the talent of stillness, focus, and awareness. The challenge of confidence, and empowered surrender to the reality of the moment.

I made it through the end of my deep cleanse to have a day revolving around the body, as so many of my days do. How do we wear our suits with grace? The masters of Art and Yoga both praise the beauty of the body, the challenge of accurately portraying the body's full potential with our sometimes limited voices.

I offer gratitude again for walking, sometimes even dancing, on the path of a healer. As I embrace and display my curves for pencil and pupil, I feel again the joy of understanding true beauty.


namaste

prosperity

after an amazing gathering of the tribe, deliciously challenged by all that I desire and have not by choice or circumstance, again I examine the reality of a life of choice in a culture of force.
in other words,

momma needs a new pair of shoes,
and a few other things.

I have always chosen to do what I loved rather than simply a 'career', or some capitalist idea of success.
Moved to Maui, and now SF, with more prayer and faith than cash.
Trusting, and seeing, that when I live with joy and give all that I am in service and love, that I am provided for.

After the weekend, with so many conversations about the true meaning of wealth, I recognize again how rich I am.
so deeply blessed.

But the pursestrings are tight at the moment

and as I peruse craig's list for jobs and opportunities, my heart still demands that I remain true.
that I do what I love, and trust that the money and other forms of wealth will follow.

The advice I received today was to reach out to my friends, and so

anyone care to receive my offering? a Yoga class tailored to help you access your deepest truth, while helping me live mine.
www.lightseed.info

may we all find true prosperity, living our highest potential.


namaste

for a quiet afternoon

the Sun is shining in San Francisco
another day in the city
of great Gates and tall trees
day off in a city of dancers and dreamers
as diverse as the shadows of dappled sunlight on the garden's brick ground

a gypsy girl wonders how she found her way here. A tree girl, an ocean girl makes camp in a house older than her, but younger than the Redwoods a scant few blocks away.
Feeling the profundity in the profane, the mundane; the propane can be sacred fire, the BART a divine chariot, a bicycle one's trusty steed.
the day to day in this surprisingly normal quest for art and health and home and security and freedom and creative outlet fulfillment and adventure and love. and love. and love. Maybe I'll turn the corner off Haight and find him sniffing my favorite rosebush between the wrought iron fence posts. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be the success I have been calling in. Any thing is possible in the city by the Bay.

It takes prisms to cast the rainbows here. The warmth comes from heaters, or friends, or within. The birdsong is muffled by traffic, but I hear it. And flowers find a way to grow betwixt sidewalk and housewall, so it seems I can, too.

And while there's no river, no bamboo or lilikoi vine, I can see trees from my window. I feel safe and overwhelmed all at once, enfolded and intimidated, challenged but ultimately welcomed.
and the Sun is shining in San Francisco today.


namaste

home?

breathing into a new space
where he and she can truly be we
the cycle, where bull meets mare
some call it Beltane
we have always danced, you and i
but now our collective conscious galactivation is rising
our alchemetic transmission is sinking in and wombifestation is truly possible

in other words, we are dancing together, he and she
maybe for the first time
and it's making a magic, a joyful noise that can transform any deathdrum beat

the parallels
the joy that keeps getting stronger as the days get warmer
even in the city by the Bay

maybe I am just happier
learning my way around and feeling welcome in this strange land of surprising smiles and lively eyes

perhaps I am simply blessed to be in a bubble
while the war wages on
but the street art says 'greed is wack'
and the stranger said 'hello beautiful'
and I have so much with so little, such rich below the line
so maybe there is hope

and the news is just to make you think the darkness is eternal

cause i see day breaking in your eyes
and this booty shaking revolution feels so good
and i'm surrounded by conscious clowns that recycle and share and tend

and though I am still raw - perhaps I always will be- and though i am still shy
a part of me that is older than this hair and this body tells me that this time, we can make it if we honor the past and the future and we truly dance *together*
so, for now, in the ever-swirling ever-magic flow

it seems I am home


namaste

the good view

landing again
seeking home
places to teach
people to trust

different this time
colder, but stronger. more humble and more powerful.

Hawai'i felt like the grand adventure
this feels like coming home.

staying near Buena Vista Park for a few days, realizing that I really did leave my heart in San Francisco.
so now I'm here
awed by it all, overwhelmed in a good way, surfing trusting.
I know that before I know it, I will have a super full schedule doing everything I love to do, booked from wake to sleep

so now I enjoy walking slow, taking it in
letting my smile melt exteriors

feeling moments of fear, but mostly gratitude. feeling so, so blessed.

hearing 'welcome', and 'we're so glad you're here'

carrying Hawai'i in my heart, still soft and sweet.
but here, and ready



namaste

water is only healthy when it flows

there is one moment we long for
everything falls into place
we seek the love that we already are
we seek the love we are
let me dissolve
all this noise is silence in your embrace

-:-:-:-:-
make your words worth the breath spent
the ink spilt as precious as heart's blood. the flood
of communication an indication
of your authenticity
let me see you in every phrase you choose
don't waste our time with superficial hugs or artificial rhymes
when you embrace me with your arms or song I demand that you mean it.
If you can't speak your truth in our moment of contact stay shut until that melody bursts forth, breaking the barriers around us both.

-:-:-:-:-
there is one moment we ache for
so close to death from our exploding hearts
the moment we are truly alive
is when we finally let go
let me dissolve
open the door between form and reality
let me dissolve
all this chaos is order in your embrace

-:-:-:-:-
I feel you
in that space between asleep and awake
after the dreams, while I am still warm, and the as yet unmet day awaits creation
For a moment it seems my limbs are entertwined with yours,
but then I remember to be alone, and they are sheets again
so instead I let you in through the early sunlight, and the falling rain

-:-
not one, nor two
I see the you in me, the me in you
we are not god, we are within God
but God as made flesh within your body
makes my self-same skin sparkle.
My effulgence is your exhalation
my song is your sweet morning breath.
The light of Sun and Moon caress me,
the waves of Ocean and Rain inundate me
but nothing dissolves and penetrates me
like the light of divinty that shines from your eyes,
like the waves of oneness that splash from your embrace.
We are spirit made flesh, and I know that most deeply when ours are joined.

-:-:-:-
there is one moment we pray for
every prayer leads to this
we seek the end of our longing
but how can the pilgrim ever stop praying?
my gospel is in your arms
let me dissolve...
all is Beloved

we are the unveiled heart
-:-


namaste