My Blog

I don't need to steal your spotlight.....

nocturnalgoddess — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:17:36 GMT

.....I create my own....and a brief tribute to my boy-friends ::::sssmmmoooccccchhhhh:::::. Sigh.....I haven't been feeling too well lately....I guess the past year and a half has caught up to me. So...I had to slow myself down, try and rest, and pray for better days. Something that seems to be happening naturally...as I quiet my mind... is a strong empathy with everyone. I easily feel you, without any effort. This can be a plus, or not. For 15 years, my ex didn't want me having friends, female, or male...I guess he just wanted me all to himself, or that's what it felt like. Every time a friend would start to get too close, he'd complain, fight with me over it, I gave up a few childhood friendships, just to have peace in my home. I had to alienate my own family, his too....just because they angered him. After awhile, I grew tired of it, and I now see where it got me....I draw many friends naturally, always did, the majority of my friends in high school were dudes, my tiny twist of tomboy made me popular with the guys. Think about it, me...6 foot tall red head, curves for miles, and I loved to play sports, hooky, wrestle, I cursed like a sailor, drank like a fish, and I was pretty while I did it all heh heh. Thankfully, after a little while, I was well respected...the guys protected me, only occasionally tried funny stuff, cuz if they did, and I didn't want them to, I'd kick their ass. Some of my best best friends growing up were guys, cherished pals....pals I had to give up, because I listened to society (and the ex) tell me who I can and cannot love. That has changed though....over the past year and a half, I've been blessed with some really awesome friends (along with the ones I was blessed with prior to the big bang effect in my life). My prissy girlfriends, uuhhh my sisters I love you so much. My dude friends...heh heh, some things never change, I'm blessed, truly blessed. At first it was hard, I was conditioned, programmed...I was sooo confused over the love I felt...GAASSSPPP more than one man!!! How can I love more than one man???? I totally forgot how!!!! But then my deceased brother showed me my teen years (he exists in my home), he talked to me about the good old days, made me drag out all those pictures of me I posted, and then some. This past month has been a huge transformation for me, I may be a little battle worn, but I'm still that perky teenager with lots of dude friends. I needed to revert back to who I was before I was knocked unconscious by society. I needed to remember that it was ok to love more than one man deeply, unconditionally, it's who I am. Think about it....what I do....it's who I need to be. Once I was able to do this, my heart sang. I'm a constant fountain of love. By being able to love like this, I'm never lonely, I have a natural high, a giddiness. You boys make me feel worshiped....because you love me, without any expectations on my end. I don't have to name names, you know who you are....but I want you to know, I adore you, you make me live. I love being able to embrace you, without any blocks, just pure love. Someday....I know one of you knuckleheads is going to want to sweep me off my ringed toes, matter of fact, I know exactly which knucklehead it is....I'm just waiting for you to prepare yourself. I just ask of you, my love....please don't ever ask me to give up my friends, male or female. I will be loyal to you, I promise...but I can't live without the love of all my friends, I am Love. Siiiiggghhhhhh. Now on to my quick rant....I have to....it's my job. I did get to go out recently, to share my love with the "spiritual" community. A night of sharing Reiki and my snakiness. It was lovely, I love it when I just melt into the music, blast out the light, and love my friends. There seems to be some trouble though. This isn't the first time this character lost their marbles right in front of my eyes, just because of me. It's really quite sad...really. Every time it's the same thing...this person HAS to attempt to steal my spotlight....fast anger, temper tantrums. All because eyes are on me? Every time its this person that is viewed as a nut job, by a good amount of people in the room with us. No....it's not a bellydancer. Eyes are on me, because I share beauty and light, created by love. There is not a drop of negativity in me. The room was buzzing with positive energy. Then all of a sudden...wooooossshhhh....in comes the "Tasmanian Devil" (to quote said person) swinging the energy baseball bat. Here's some wisdom doll face (I really hope this message gets to them)....taking drugs, and then spewing out words that rhyme (?????) does not make you a spiritual person. Your fake attitude (which you repelled many people with) of spirituality does not cover up the ignorant, arrogant fool that you are. Your aggression towards me, will hurt YOU and you only. Eventually, you'll burn out, and then fade away, just like all the other bullcrap I've watched come and go with the community. I will continue to inspire, love and help heal others....I am who I am, no false projections, that's why people love me so much, what you see is what you get, and I think the majority rules, I am a beautiful creature, both inside and out. My soft Mona Lisa smile brings out a smile with others, my love brings out tons and tons of love with others. Siiiiggghhh.....I worry when I see shit like this in the community....it gives the Divine a bad image. Wake up kids!!!! Wake up!!!!! Kisses.....Einanna

Endless tears......

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:03:23 GMT

Deeply saddened by my brother's and father's birthday this past week....I cry my eyes out as I listen to this song....for you, my two most favorite guys in my life. I can't get over the grief, my heart will never heal, until I'm Home with you. Kisses....Einanna ************************************************** Sometimes I don't want to face life Sometimes I feel empty inside But every moment is precious And everyone will turn to dust Dust myself up and I scream at the sky It's been so hard but I can't let it die Turn my head up, looking at the stars So many years, I still wonder where you are? Dust myself up and I scream at the sky It's been so hard and I ask myself why? Turn my head up, looking at the sun Waited so long, it's time to move on, move on Look at the sun, look at the sky Another day, another sign And every moment is precious And everything will turn to dust Dust myself up and I scream at the sky It's been so hard but I can't let it die Turn my head up, looking at the stars So many years, I still wonder where you are? Dust myself up and I scream at the sky Every day I ask myself why? So much pain pouring from inside Above me I feel the spirit fly ................Son Song by Soulfly

I love unconditionally......now wake the f@%k up!!!!!!

nocturnalgoddess — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 08:32:23 GMT

I've been a Reiki Master for almost two years now....it's been a looong road. My spiritual destiny had unloaded quite a story for me. My personal karmic releases, the loss of most of my family to death, and a whole new life, with so many new friends I can barely keep up. Divinity is keeping me busy! I'm busy with the living and deceased, our hurt emotions continue once we die, sometimes to the point of being a lost soul, wallowing in what went wrong. I can't begin to tell you how crammed this city is with hurt souls, the ones with the bodies, and the ones without. It overwhelmed me this past week....my compassion, and empathy got the best of me. Something I've learned from you guys....unconditional love. I've poured my every ounce out for you at times...when you needed me to channel it to you, to help you regain health, bring about emotional healing, or a kick start for some spiritual ascending....I've always outstretched my touch to bring you comfort when you were in need. I always will. When a friend called me on the phone the other day, in need of healing, I immediately opened my heart, without a thought, I send him my purest love and light. I totally forgot that last argument we had recently. Love is too precious....the abuse of love is what makes us so sick at times. Each and every one of us struggles with our demons, it's the demons that will kill us once again, if we allow them. Think about it honestly with yourselves, how many demons do you entertain? We give them excuses....names....medication...drugs....alcohol, and we continue to allow them to FUCK with out minds, and our lives. I find it amusing when we all do it together, a big group of us, letting the idiots in us creep out slowly, until we're a room full of out of control morons. Do we care how stupid we look? Obviously not...since we keep repeating the cycles. We know we're doing something wrong too.....but we figure "Who gives a shit??? My life sucks anyway!". Which isn't making much of a difference with all the crappy energy in this world, because we're just as crappy. I've said it before....I'm going to say it again....wake the hell up!!!!!! What are you doing????? Do you enjoy killing yourselves slowly? I'm making a difference, I've changed things about myself and my life, and my life is divine. Good things come to me, beauty thrives around me, peace within me. When I stopped acting like a brainless idiot with tons of excuses, life got a lot easier. I love you all so very much....I wish you all happiness, wealth, and good health (you know I'll do my best to assist), but some of you need to make some adjustments. We're not getting any younger. This world is looking pretty sad, we need to make a difference now, not after we act like robots, because it's what everybody else is doing, wake up!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!! I waited until Mercury went direct to express myself, so I wouldn't say the wrong thing, I get so upset when miscommunication happens. We can't putz around anymore.....something needs to give, something needs to change. Stop tormenting yourselves, and each other!!! I don't care what title you give yourselves...we all have a heart and love someone. Kisses.....Einanna

I smell you........A LOVE NOTE

nocturnalgoddess — Wed, 21 May 2008 07:17:39 GMT

I can smell your rancid breath behind me. Do me a big favor ohhh Lord of Lies...get a life, get a grip, I'm tired of you trying to catch a tiny little moment of my life and then twisting it into a big fat lie, just so that you can ruin me......over greed, and anger, tskkk tssskkkk! This I can promise you.....you can't touch me. If you try, your sorry ass will fail. I think it's best we come to a conclusion before all those lies of yours catch up with you and take a big bite out of you and your so called reputation. The facts are the facts....deal with it! I'm doing my best, pulling myself up from physical disaster. I'm honest, I have nothing to hide....so I like to dance, I'm not dead yet (oh wait...I'll dance then too!!!)! Just because I dance doesn't mean I'm not in pain. I just can't grasp the legal aspect of that....total and utter bullcrap! You obviously don't remember what it's like to be so happy that any physical pain temporarily disappears....that's how I feel when I dance. You're a piece of trash for trying to use that against me....the one thing that brings me joy. Would you prefer I sit on my pretty rump all day? Get fat and be in way more pain than I need to be? Let's see....a stronger mid section, i.e. belly, abs, hips may actually benefit my condition, but nnoooooo how can she be doing it!!!??? Your logic is insane, you're so angry and obsessed with trying to "win" this you don't even see how crazy you sound. My physical pain is still there, it's not going to go away...a botched fusion, and a spine full of titanium will pretty much guarantee this (along with setting off metal detectors). I think I should be allowed as a "free" citizen of the good old US of A to live my life the way I want to, comfortably, without some asshole breathing down my neck trying to take what I have away from me. The good old USA will also protect me.....guaranteed. IN GOD WE TRUST. Cuz other than me, God is the only one that knows the pain I have to live with. Cooperate....I'm not the one who is the sinking ship....I've had consideration for you during this little circus, how 'bout you consider me, I will "win" whether you do or not. I vent these words here in my blog.....because I can....because I know you're trying to use my own words against me by spying on what I say to my friends....because I know, if Justice wants to check up on me, they will do it here too. I'm honest to the bone.....I've done my best physically, and emotionally....I'm an inspiration, a miracle, but I am NOT pain free, far from it. As a matter of fact my entire spine hurts me so much some times, it brings me sorrow. But I stand tall (something I couldn't do prior to the fusion), and I'm proud of my beautiful body and what it can still do, considering a big truck broke it so many years ago. God forgive you for swearing an oath of truth in the Court, and then spewing out a ton of lies, hhhmmmm some guilt you must carry in that human mind of yours. I think it's best you stop trying to attack me, because God won't forgive you for that. It's over cowboy! Time to pay the piper!

Gggggaaassssppp cover me in roses.......

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:27:31 GMT

IT'S SPRING!!!!!! ::::kisses::::: Einanna

He was thinkin' of me when he wrote this.....

nocturnalgoddess — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 07:11:28 GMT

"She never mentions the word addiction In certain company Yes, shell tell you shes an orphan After you meet her family She paints her eyes as black as night, now Pulls those shades down tight Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes, The pains gonna make everything alright Says she talks to angels, They call her out by her name She talks to angels, Says they call her out by her name She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket She wears a cross around her neck Yes, the hair is from a little boy And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet Says she talks to angels, Says they all know her name Oh yeah, she talks to angels, Says they call her out by her name She dont know no lover, None that I ever seen Yes, to her that aint nothing But to me, yeah me, Its everything She paints her eyes as black as night now She pulls those shades down tight Oh yeah, theres a smile when the pain comes, The pains gonna make everything alright, alright yeah She talks to angels, Says they call her out by her name Oh yeah, yeah, angels Call her out by her name Oh, angels They call her out by her name Oh, she talks to angels They call her out Yeah, they call her out Dont you know that they call her out by her name ..." The Black Crowes This will always be one of my favorites songs...it always hits home with me. ::::kisses:::: Einanna

My Love Is Every Day.....

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:27:50 GMT

I don't need society to tell me what day to buy my lover candy, or wear something sexy (or nothing at all) for him. Every day is Valentines Day for me. If the world behaved like this every day along with me, we wouldn't be watching all these wars now would we? What the heck....I love you....Happy Valentines Day my sweets!!!! ::::valentines kisses:::::: Einanna.....Goddess of Love

F$@K YOU WORLD!!! You're not raining on my parade!!!

nocturnalgoddess — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:51:43 GMT

An important lesson has come out of my most recent experiences. I've re-trained my mind, I've reached a blissful place, a higher consciousness as you may...through my friends, my teachers, and by being the goddess that I am, I've fallen madly in love with my life. What I have been blessed with makes my heart sing. I'm well on my way to what I want to be when I grow up, and nothing is going to stop me. Yesterday and today, some of those nasty curve balls were thrown at me. This shitty world thinks it's going to dictate how I should play out my dance. Wrong again assholes!!!!! The deceit playing itself out around me in other people, is going to go down in flames....I don't give a rat's ass if you're a lawyer, or my cherished ex, if you attempt to lie about me, it's going to bend you over and show you who exactly is in control of this circus. Me : ). The greed I see too.....oh my, my, my.....how foolish of you. Where exactly do you think this self humiliating action is going to get you? No where with me, I can tell you that much. I'm not going to give away my secret. I will remain focused, I'm following my heart. All you stupid idiots that think you will get over on me, heh heh heh, I can't wait until that final decision, the day I will physically flip you the bird, cuz a goddess always wins. I've said it before, I'll say it again....I was put here in this fucked up world for a reason. Bitch slapping your demons is one of them. Healing with love, light and motion is another. :::::Pulling down my hip scarf just enough to reveal my pale bootie::::....kiss my ass world!!!! Love Eternal Einanna

A REPOST FOR BRI........

nocturnalgoddess — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:20:53 GMT

You know what the rediculous part is Bri? When I look at you, I can still say "I love you". Now that's a goddess for ya. Best bail while the bailin's good pumpkin : P >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> God money I'll do anything for you. God money just tell me what you want me to. God money nail me up against the wall. God money don't want everything he wants it all. No you cant take it No you cant take it No you cant take that away from me No you cant take it No you cant take it No you cant take that away from me Head like a hole. Black as your soul. I'd rather die than give you control. Head like a hole. Black as your soul. I'd rather die than give you control. Bow down before the one you serve. Youre going to get what you deserve. Bow down before the one you serve. Youre going to get what you deserve. God moneys not looking for the cure. God moneys not concerned with the SICK among the PURE. God money lets go dancing on the BACKS OF THE BRUISED. God moneys not one to choose No you cant take it No you cant take it No you cant take that away from me No you cant take it No you cant take it No you cant take that away from me Head like a hole. Black as your soul. I'd rather die than give you control. Head like a hole. Black as your soul. I'd rather die than give you control. Bow down before the one you serve. Youre going to get what you deserve. Bow down before the one you serve. Youre going to get what you deserve....Nine Inch Nails

The Bestest Christmas Present EVER!!!!!

nocturnalgoddess — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:59:11 GMT

As Christmas creeped up upon me.....I was lost without my big brother. So I talked to the Angels and the Divine, and in my sleep, my heart opened up to the most beautiful Christmas I have experienced in this lifetime. Starting on Christmas Eve....I surrendered all my worries...and I went with my dear sister, Victoria to one of the most sacred feeling places I've felt in centuries, all I could do was gasp to my girlfriend "oooohhh the angels, I feel them, it's just like Home". Here on this little island I live on..on a small piece of land, close to about the middle of the island, they have a shrine, a tiny stone chapel. There I lit 2 candles, one for my divine path, and one for the strength to carry me there. I cried to the Goddess and Archangel Michael, not sure where They were pointing, I agreed to continue to dance in Their honor. The shrine is surrounded with paths, and each path leads to small grottos, of the Blessed Mother...I sat and listened to Her guide me, Archangel Michael...he brought me to tears, promising me his protection, and one path leads to a life sized crucifix...there I stood in awe, as the Full Moon shined bright right above this statue of this man, tortured to death, the Love remained in His eyes...that is how He is always portrayed. I listened to many Divine messages that night...they I shall keep to myself. One thing that shines bright from me, the brightest it has been in this lifetime...Love. Love is what They want me to do....it's my divine path, it's how I will change this world in my own little way, it's how I will overcome my pain, it's how my heart heals from the beating it took from the man I loved. As I close one door.....with pure Love in my heart....many doors open for me. I'm blessed beyond words with the Love that pours into my life. I'm finding new ways to Love, more powerful than what I've felt in the past. Unconditional. Since Christmas Eve....I've been surrounded with so much Love, I'm just catching my breath now, getting ready for 2008. I'm surrendering myself to this Love, allowing it to grow stronger with each new day, new friends...yaayy!! I've got me such an awesome bunch to hang with!!! Where my talents will unfold...got me a new pair of silver Saroyan zills from Santa heeeee heeeeeeee!!!! Believe me when I tell you....this gift....this Love that has been offered to me....is the most precious, most beautiful, most cherished Christmas present I have EVER received. Shine on my beloveds!!!! Shine on!!!! Love Eternal Einanna

A Little Nudge from CoPpERs.....

nocturnalgoddess — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:51:04 GMT

My beloved friend CoPPerSgyPSyAnGel (not sure if I got the letter cases right heh heh) blogged this for me today...it surpised me, and then spoke in volumes to me. I'm touched by the love behind it...thank you girl!!! You hit the nail right on the head! It's also something that gives me the reason to continue this damn job...what ever the hell they throw at me....I surrender, and walk....3/4 shimmy full steam ahead, we just need to focus on the goal. It's friendships like this that get me through ; ). HugZ aNd KiSsEz Einanna ********************CoPPeR's bLoG******** in the infamous words of John Wayne "Don't Let the Bastards get You down" Listen to the chorus, you can hear it in His voice...........I feel the same way and this song really says it for Me. Lets put on some ass stomping boots, Tank Girl style! and get to kickin' (I'm quite sure, we would have no problems rounding up a pussy cat posse') Alter Bridge -*- Rise Today youtube.com/watch The wind is blowing cold Think we lost our way tonight Think we lost our hope to sorrow Feels like were all alone Running further from what’s right And there are no more heroes to follow So what are we becoming? Where did we go wrong? YEAH YEAH I WANT TO RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD YEAH YEAH OH WON’T YOU RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD? The sun is beating down Are we ever gonna change Can we stop the blood from running? Our time is running out Hope we find a better way Before we find we’re left with nothing For every life that’s taken So much love is wasted YEAH YEAH I WANT TO RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD YEAH YEAH OH WON’T YOU RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD? This world Only love Can set it right This world If only peace Would never die Seems to me that we’ve got each other wrong Was the enemy just your brother all along? YEAH YEAH I WANT TO RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD YEAH YEAH OH WON’T YOU RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD? YEAH YEAH I WANT TO RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD YEAH YEAH OH WON’T YOU RISE TODAY AND CHANGE THIS WORLD?

Ohhh crap, she's having another hissy fit.....

nocturnalgoddess — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:01:06 GMT

2007 is close to over. My path has been shoved in my face, whether I like it or not...I have a purpose here in NYC. I'm going to say this as eloquently as possible, so not to offend anyone. Uuuuhmmm I think I've already used the "WAKE UP!!!!" expression a couple of times already...so I'll try something else. Do you seriously freakin' think this is something to worship money over???? Making a sale...that's all I see in this "spiritual" community. Charging large amounts of money to bring about spiritual change....eeehhhmmmm, forgive me but.....what part of this freakin' problem doesn't sound right?????!!!!! Selfishness will NOT change this city. Selflessness will. There is a big difference between making money to live on, and rubbing our grubby hands together over the piles of money we're stashing. If I charged every time I gave my essence to someone or something for spiritual intentions, I'd be a rich girl! I've shared my Reiki with many of you for healing and release, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. I never charged, because my divine path is to make a difference, and that only comes from purity, and unconditional love. Pure freakin' power baby!!!!!! So far mostly, what l I've seen in this community is "me, me, me" (there are some splashed here and there that are giving). Dear friends who were once a big part of our neighborhood are leaving NYC, disgusted with the hypocrites, and greed. I'm not even going into the big ego, power struggles.....that alone is the hugest joke I've seen in centuries! The fatter your ego....the less power you wield my friend. A change better come....and it better come soon. It's time for the "spiritual" to share. Stop taking!!! You're really starting to irritate me. Love Eternal Einanna....."the screaming banshee" (my Mommy gave me that title heh heh).

The Dakini.....

nocturnalgoddess — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:14:10 GMT

"A dakini (Sanskrit: "sky dancer") is a Tantric priestess of ancient India who "carried the souls of the dead to the sky". This Buddhist figure is particularly upheld in Tibetan Buddhism. Dakinis can be likened to elves, angels, or other such supernatural beings, and are symbolically representative of testing one's awareness and adherence to Buddhist tantric sadhana. To see the Dakini as a being who revels in anger or violence for its own sake is to misunderstand the imagery. Hers is not a glorification of anger and violence but a transformation of it." http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9064689/sadhana ...meaning of Sadhana. Hhhmmm interesting....reminds me of part of my divine path. It seems I've got the keen senses that acknowledge other's demons, and then I just point them out, in a non-egotistical manner. I've got my own demons to beat, unfortunately I am human too. It's just weird, sometimes I bring out the "worst" in people, my vibration just sorta brings it to the surface. So...you can either get pissed off at me, call me a bitch, or....you can listen to my messages, and be thankful for my honesty...and then hopefully acknowledge and release those freakin "bad habits" that keep you sucked into that cycle of karma of yours. I do that "dead souls" thing too....heh...maybe I am a Dakini? ::::rolling my eyes::::: I say this with Love....Einanna Ooooohhhh but there's more.................. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakini

Creature of Venus

nocturnalgoddess — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 06:28:25 GMT

Oooooooohhh it's midnight, and I am feeling the Venus in me, as She responds to Her beloved Mars going retrograde....."my beloved, balance the aggression inside and out with Unconditional Love". I gotta say...ssssigh...this world is making me very weary. I'm tired, my dancing shows it, my wings are drooping. I've been focusing on just my hands and arms moving lately, I've connected somehow, with a communication, an expressing...using my arms and my eyes. They tell a story. Saddened by how others in my life seem to struggle with Love, they think Love just goes away, or denies the Love they feel, or blocks the Love I (or others) express to them....it's happening all around me, not just one person. Love NEVER goes away, if you think it does, it will make you sick. You NEVER stop Loving someone, you adjust the Love, try it, life will be much nicer that way. Love is the ultimate tool....if you try to hurt me, I will Love you, I will feel the compassion for you, because you struggle with a monster of your own...a monster who feels vengeance or anger is the only way to solve things....as your blood pressure rises, my Love for you is strong, and I pray that you withstand the strain physically. No matter how large or small the battle is, whether it's a battle between two countries, or two people....when Love is the focus, all else will fail. Me Loving you, as you struggle, will dilute the power of that monster, and ultimately bring peaceful resolution, both within you and outside you. I will never give up on our Love, no matter how we shared it. If you're afraid to Love me....give it a chance, stop stereotyping Love, it's not going to be what you expect it to be, trust me on that one. You know me, through many lifetimes, Love that ancient is so powerful. My Love for you will conquer all...banish anything else between us, and this planet we live on will once again become Heaven on Earth. I kiss my hand, then I gently sway my arms, in your direction...as the waves of Love wash over your pain. Don't deny it, adjust it....we as humans have been misguided about Love, it's why our bodies wither and die. Love Is Eternal Einanna

You Promised Me....

nocturnalgoddess — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 07:46:20 GMT

You kiss me...every night, I feel your energy wrap around me, and merge with mine. You fill me with euphoria, so I can face yet another day when I awaken. You follow me where ever I go in my dreams....your beautiful, warm smile, your deep eyes, they guide me, when all else fails. When I'm drowning in tears, you're there to hold me in your arms, yet only in slumber. You watch my every step....warn me of things way ahead of time, you'd think after all the times you were right, I'd listen to you. You know that's the rebel in me, my love. My protector....you stand tall, and powerful, ready to kick ass...just for me. That's how you got my attention, that's how I know...and it's why I share with you. We balance the give and receive with each other....naturally...flow and ebb. You breathed light into my dying body, painfully pushing me back into a life I did not want to continue...promising me your love, so that I would walk my sacred path. My guardian angel (yyyeeeehhh right)? My spirit guide? It's the only way I can think of you....to believe anything else just brings me sorrow. Love Eternal....Einanna

Demons and ghost...oh my....yyyaaaawwwwnnnn...

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 07:10:39 GMT

Sleep deprivation always tunes me in more with the unseen....and this week has been beyond sleep deprivation. Starting last Friday, my home was once again Einanna's Bed and Breakfast for squirrels. It was just one squirrel, and then two, they were hunkering down for the winter, and I needed to move quick. They were coming in through my neighbors wall (he's letting his unit fall to shit), and into my ceiling, right above my bed. Unfortunately, it took till today, Wednesday, to get a roofer here to repair where they were coming in. I had a slight ordeal with a dishonest and disrespectful contractor...so that was a day's delay, but at least I was protected from getting ripped off. A big chunk of change later....my home is squirrel proofed. Aaaahh the joy of being a homeowner. They'll just move in next door, my neighbors house is full of holes...he's a worthless piece of crap who has no respect for anyone, not even himself. Eeehhh as long as the squirrels keep away from me. So since I am right smack in the middle of the twilight zone, I had tah share...lacking sleep, stressed with life....yet I am surrendered to the Divine, I am numb with silence, my spirit is strong, my body is exhausted, where do I look for the strength to carry on? In the arms of the angels. The only thing....when I fall back into angelic embrace, they (angels and spirits) talk to me, tell me things, show me flashes of visions (which all come to pass)....about the world around me, and my life. It seems, the more time I spend with the angels, the more my mind becomes way different from everyone else. I don't carry the demons with me anymore (I strangle and banish when they come around), yet I watch everyone else struggle with theirs. I feel compassion for some, and want to bitch slap others (the ones who keep doing the same thing, over, and over, and over, blindly), like my neighbor, instead of cooperating with his neighbors to seal the building from damage, he comes out of his house and argues with the roofer, the squirrels are coming in somewhere else, because his arrogant ass says so. His stupidity is going to bite him in the ass, literally, and real soon too. That's exactly what the angels and spirits communicate to me....the way things are right now, with the world, and the universe, your demons are going to mess you up, no longer will it be a cycle of foolish stupor, no more "uuuuhhhh I had no idea I was doing this", we're going to be responsible for our behaviors. Half assed excuses won't cut it any more. I see it manifesting all around me, the energies are setting themselves up. Let's take a peek at the good old seven deadly sins: pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth http://www.deadlysins.com/sins/history.html . I'm gunna replace the word sin (sooooo catholic) with the word demon. Do we get it kids? Where is the imbalance in our lives? Those are our demons. No need to give them cute little names. The time is now to balance it, if we don't, those demons are gunna do us in. I'm not shitting you....wake the hell up! We're in deep doo doo if we don't, so many of us here on Tribe say we're spiritual, prove it!!! We need to purge, and then show the way. So that's that....the channel of the week....courtesy of the neighborhood squirrels. It's so nice to listen to the silence without the pitter patter or gnawing of a squirrel along with it. My home is truly at peace this night ::::big content sigh:::::. I'm gunna go put on my fuzzy footie pajamas, it's getting cold fast here in NYC, I'm lacking fat this winter, bbbrrrrrr it's gunna be a cold one....and I wish people would stop making such big deals about ghosts (watched some TV tonight), ya wanna do them a favor, when chasing them around, help them go to the light, that's another thing that's too dense on this planet, too many spirits drifting, too many wandering ghost. Help them, they're people just like us.

NEVER...will I be afraid to dance in public again....

nocturnalgoddess — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:26:31 GMT

I've been experiencing close to severe pain throughout my entire spine, due to all the stress I've been enduring....and since I was asked for medical evidence by the judge for my dear ex's lawyer's plethora of nasty fabrications...I went to the doctor today. He then sent me immediately to have a series of X-Rays on my entire spine. During the X-Rays, the discussion came up about the "defective laminectomy" that was documented in 2004 about my surgery. So...the radiology specialist said to me "it's just a matter of time before the defect catches up with you...you'll need another surgery". I said "nope...no more surgery for me, can't do it.....my bellydancing helps it". He then gave me that cute little "ooooooo a bellydancer" smirk that every man gives me, and then he said " the dancing, the stretching it provides for you, it's probably the best thing you could have done for your spine". I'll have more than enough medical evidence for her honor....but it brought me to the sad reality I've been trying to avoid for 4 years....I've got a botched bionic lumbar spine. My dancing is my life, my joy, my bliss, my beauty...it soothes my heart when it's been squashed by a man, it has restored my confidence to beyond goddess, it releases the grief I've been enduring time and time again for the past year, and ddddaaaaammmmnnnn has it given my a divine shape. I will NEVER be afraid to dance in public again....my dancing saves me from yet another possible life threatening surgery, I am a miracle, and will continue to be...as long as the stress of this miserable world doesn't get to me, I will overcome a botched surgery. I will push my shoulders back, lift my little tah tahs high, and shake my curvey bootie, until they cremate my stiff pale ass. I followed my intuition with this bellydancing...and it's saving my life....I hope. Live life to the fullest my beloveds....take the Love offered to you, and return it...life is too short and precious to block the bliss that surrounds you. I love you all dearly, Einanna Photo by Susan Buck

Herb of the week....Mandragora

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 03:03:20 GMT

Mandrake Botanical: Atropa mandragora Family: N.O. Solanaceae Description Medicinal Action and Uses Cultivation ---Synonyms---Mandragora. Satan's Apple. ---Part Used---Herb. ---Habitat---The Mandrake, the object of so many strange superstitions, is a native of Southern Europe and the Levant, but will grow here in gardens if given a warm situation, though otherwise it may not survive severe winters. It was cultivated in England in 1562 by Turner, the author of the Niewe Herball. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The name Mandragora is derived from two Greek words implying 'hurtful to cattle. ' The Arabs call it 'Satan's apple.' ---Description---It has a large, brown root, somewhat like a parsnip, running 3 or 4 feet deep into the ground, sometimes single and sometimes divided into two or three branches. Immediately from the crown of the root arise several large, dark-green leaves, which at first stand erect, but when grown to full size a foot or more in length and 4 or 5 inches in width - spread open and lie upon the ground. They are sharp pointed at the apex and of a foetid odour. From among these leaves spring the flowers, each on a separate foot-stalk, 3 or 4 inches high. They are somewhat of the shape and size of a primrose, the corolla bell-shaped, cut into five spreading segments, of a whitish colour, somewhat tinged with purple. They are succeeded by a smooth, round fruit, about as large as a small apple, of a deep yellow colour when ripe, full of pulp and with a strong, apple-like scent. ---Medicinal Action and Uses---The leaves are quite harmless and cooling, and have been used for ointments and other external application. Boiled in milk and used as a poultice, they were employed by Boerhaave as an application to indolent ulcers. The fresh root operates very powerfully as an emetic and purgative. The dried bark of the root was used also as a rough emetic. Mandrake was much used by the Ancients, who considered it an anodyne and soporific. In large doses it is said to excite delirium and madness. They used it for procuring rest and sleep in continued pain, also in melancholy, convulsions, rheumatic pains and scrofulous tumours. They mostly employed the bark of the root, either expressing the juice or infusing it in wine or water. The root finely scraped into a pulp and mixed with brandy was said to be efficacious in chronic rheumatism. Mandrake was used in Pliny's days as an anaesthetic for operations, a piece of the root being given to the patient to chew before undergoing the operation. In small doses it was employed by the Ancients in maniacal cases. A tincture is used in homoeopathy to-day, made from the fresh plant. Among the old Anglo-Saxon herbals both Mandrake and periwinkle are endowed with mysterious powers against demoniacal possession. At the end of a description of the Mandrake in the Herbarium of Apuleius there is this prescription: 'For witlessness, that is devil sickness or demoniacal possession, take from the body of this said wort mandrake by the weight of three pennies, administer to drink in warm water as he may find most convenient - soon he will be healed.' Bartholomew gives the old Mandrake legend in full, though he adds: 'It is so feynd of churles others of wytches.' He also refers to its use as an anaesthetic: 'the rind thereof medled with wine . . . gene to them to drink that shall be cut in their body, for they should slepe and not fele the sore knitting.' Bartholomew gives two other beliefs about the Mandrake which are not found in any other English Herbal - namely, that while uprooting it the digger must beware of contrary winds, and that he must go on digging for it uptil sunset. In the Grete Herball (printed by Peter Treveris in 1526) we find the first avowal of disbelief in the supposed powers of the Mandrake. Gerard also pours scorn on the Mandrake legend. 'There have been,' he says, 'many ridiculous tales brought up of this plant, whether of old wives or runnegate surgeons or phisick mongers, I know not, all which dreames and old wives tales you shall from henceforth cast out your bookes of memorie.' Parkinson says that if ivory is boiled with Mandrake root for six hours, the ivory will become so soft 'that it will take what form or impression you will give it.' Josephus says that the Mandrake - which he calls Baaras - has but one virtue, that of expelling demons from sick persons, as the demons cannot bear either its smell or its presence. He even relates that it was certain death to touch this plant, except under certain circumstances which he details. (Wars of the Jews, book vii, cap. vi.) The roots of the Mandrake are very nearly allied to Belladonna, both in external appearance and in structure. The plant is by modern botanists assigned to the same genus, though formerly was known as Mandragora officinalis, with varieties M. vernalis and M. autumnalis. According to Southall (Organic Materia Medica, 8th edition, revised by Ernest Mann, 1915), the root: 'contains a mydriatic alkaloid, Mandragorine (Cl7H27O3N), which in spite of the name and formula which have been assigned to it, is probably identical with atropine or hyoscyamine.' The roots of Mandrake were supposed to bear a resemblance to the human form, on account of their habit of forking into two and shooting on each side. In the old Herbals we find them frequently figured as a male with a long beard, and a female with a very bushy head of hair. Many weird superstitions collected round the Mandrake root. As an amulet, it was once placed on mantelpieces to avert misfortune and to bring prosperity and happiness to the house. Bryony roots were often cut into fancy shapes and passed off as Mandrake, being even trained to grow in moulds till they assumed the desired forms. In Henry VIII's time quaint little images made from Bryony roots, cut into the figure of a man, with grains of millet inserted into the face as eyes, fetched high prices. They were known as puppettes or mammettes, and were accredited with magical powers. Italian ladies were known to pay as much as thirty golden ducats for similar artificial Mandrakes. Turner alludes to these 'puppettes and mammettes,' and says, 'they are so trymmed of crafty theves to mocke the poore people withall and to rob them both of theyr wit and theyr money.' But he adds: 'Of the apples of mandrake, if a man smell of them thei will make hym slepe and also if they be eaten. But they that smell to muche of the apples become dum . . . thys herbe diverse wayes taken is very jepardus for a man and may kill hym if he eat it or drynk it out of measure and have no remedy from it.... If mandragora be taken out of measure, by and by slepe ensueth and a great lousing of the streyngthe with a forgetfulness.' The plant was fabled to grow under the gallows of murderers, and it was believed to be death to dig up the root, which was said to utter a shriek and terrible groans on being dug up, which none might hear and live. It was held, therefore, that he who would take up a plant of Mandrake should tie a dog to it for that purpose, who drawing it out would certainly perish, as the man would have done, had he attempted to dig it up in the ordinary manner. There are many allusions to the Mandrake in ancient writers. From the earliest times a notion prevailed in the East that the Mandrake will remove sterility, and there is a reference to this belief in Genesis xxx. 14. ---Cultivation---Mandrake can be propagated by seeds, sown upon a bed of light earth, soon after they are ripe, when they are more sure to come up than if the sowing is left to the spring. When the plants come up in the spring, they must be kept well watered through the summer and kept free from weeds. At the end of August they should be taken up carefully and transplanted where they are to remain. The soil should be light and deep, as the roots run far down - if too wet, they will rot in winter, if too near chalk or gravel, they will make little progress. Where the soil is good and they are not disturbed, these plants will grow to a large size in a few years, and will produce great quantities of flowers and fruit. Culpepper tells us the Mandrake is governed by Mercury. The fruit has been accounted poisonous, but without cause.... The root formerly was supposed to have the human form, but it really resembles a carrot or parsnip. See BELLADONNA. Taken from... www.botanical.com MANDRAKE.....one of my most favorite of herbs. Love Eternal Einanna

Your little pal....jealousy....

nocturnalgoddess — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 06:39:03 GMT

As I submerge myself in the new life I begin, there's something that keeps popping up (dancers, pagans and mundane folk alike), and quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of it. JEALOUSY. I want you to take a good look at yourself....showing me jealousy tells me one thing...you are insecure. Period. I can't believe the things I see and hear. The best part, is you cling desparately to this little demon, and this little demon and all the other ones you entertain are slowly destroying you....not me...you. Ooohhhh but you'll use witchcraft to feed your little demon, guess what...can't touch me....and honestly, using the energy of the Divine to effect someone else in a negative way, other than protection, is only gunna bite you in your chunky ass. I've considered the law of attraction here....and there's no jealousy on my part (I find yours amusing), I'm confident...I'm blessed...and it shows in my dance. When you watch me dance, all you see is bliss, no fear, no insecurities, and I do try and share it with the world around me. I just think I have a lesson to express to the ones I speak of....GET A GRIP...before you lose control all together. That little demon "jealousy" shows in your eyes, your actions, and it's not very becoming. Sigh....so that's that....we'll see if my words make a difference in the world. Eeeehhhh if not this way...I'll make differences in other ways. This is what darkness is all about.... Einanna

Ssssssigh

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 04:51:04 GMT

Ssssooo its 12:49am....which means....it's my freakin birthday. I've never been alone on my birthday, I always had my big brother waiting on the answering machine in the morning with his "you belong in the zoo" ditty to start my day off...and then the partying would begin. I do hear him belting it out in the beyond....but his physical body is no longer with me. I guess this is where my "gift" of channeling the otherside comes in handy....cuz that's where all of my loved ones are. Here's a pic of me, and my Dad, and my big brother....my protectors now watch over me from the beyond. Life just isn't the same without him or my Dad...my two most favorite guys ever. I miss you.....I love you....I hear you Einanna

Fearless

nocturnalgoddess — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 04:03:45 GMT

You know what guys? I slept on it (subject of my last blog), and I decided...I'm not letting anyone hold me down, I will not hide what I have become (priestess/bellydancer). My slow, smooth movements are my way of releasing the Divine into the world. How can I hide that? They try to use it against me, because they've got nothing else to grasp at, as they sink down into their pit of self created demise. I'm above that....and that's where I'm taking the injustice. You're going to eat your words, you're going to choke on your lies, bend over fellas, cuz I'm in control. Getting the flu knocked the wind out of me, I admit, I was ready to fall victim...during my time of forced rest/peace, the answer came to me. My recent picture has been reposted, too sacred to hide. The Party Is Over.....Einanna

"IN GOD WE TRUST"

nocturnalgoddess — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 06:11:11 GMT

Instead of owning up to their responsibilities (like a man), someone I know spends tons of money on a lawyer, and gets him to LIE. I am besides myself with the LIES lawyers spew out of their filthy mouths, just so they can make money, with LIES. So what if I am physically broken, lets make up some huge bullcrap story, and finish her off....and the best part, they LIE to the judge, right to their face. I have faith that these well educated judges see through the trash these lawyers vomit out. The guy responsible for my bionic (sarcasm) spine, he did the same thing...paid the lawyers to LIE. Have I seen justice for my broken spine? Nope...not a dime...and its been ten years. Where the hell is the truth in the justice these days??? My experiences....violent liars...that's what lawyers are, at least the ones who came across my path. They yell at you, degrade you, try and break you with words and false accusations....right in front of an honorable judge, and a jury too...and they get fat with their LIES, and the fill there lives with greed, they buy big houses...how do they get the money for those houses? What really gets me....is I honestly try and climb back up, with bellydancing, something that takes my permanent pain away for a few moments. These LYING pieces of garbage try and use it against me. "If she can dance, she's fixed". Where the hell did they get this "law" from??? I guess I should just sit on my broken ass, get fat, give the hell up, that way the LIARS have nothing to use against me (ooohhh but I'm sure they'll dig). They come here to Tribe, look at the pics and blogs I want to share with my friends, and they twist them...so they can use them against me. My entire life, I've been an outstanding citizen, honest, not one blemish on my record, I was a legal secretary for almost ten years, isn't that ironic!!!! I was planning to apply for law school just weeks before my crippling car accident. I planned on bringing honesty to the legal system, because I worked with some garbage for almost ten years. Don't get me wrong, there are a few (very few) honest lawyers, I believe they will be the ones to make a difference. These are the lawyers and judges, I pray are here to protect me. I've got a big mouth...and when someone tries to mess with me, I'm going to talk, until I feel better. I've had enough, do you honestly think your LIES are going to win this battle??? Nope!!!! I've got nothing to lose, you, my friend, LIE to a judge, that might just get you into a bit of trouble. Even though the internet is used to spy on people way too often....I'm going to use it as a tool....FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!! JUSTICE!!!!! Due to the fact I'm not naming names, or giving specific details, I can chatter away. I'm delerious with the flu...I'm so tired, and this is the result. IN GOD WE TRUST (is what is written in gold letters above the judge's bench). I love you Einanna

BUT.....she's bellydancing!!!!

nocturnalgoddess — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 05:01:14 GMT

I can hear you say it....I guess it's hard for someone to fathom why, and how I bellydance...especially when you're not in my shoes (another blog for my non-tribe fans). My lumbar spine was destroyed (the rest of my spine damaged) in an automobile collision...ten years ago, my body broke, the most horrific pain ever experienced...four years ago on November 13th (aaaahhh my lucky number), they patched me up, a seven hour surgery stabilized my spine (some more horrific, screaming pain), it stopped the chain effect of my discs popping like water balloons. I had to learn to walk all over again...like a child. I'm a strong willed bitch (my Aries moon)...when I stood straight up four years ago, still wearing my body brace, I played my first bellydance dvd, and fell in love....and with that brace on, I pushed my hips from side to side, and I haven't stopped dancing since. I've got seven years of dancing to make up for, seven years I couldn't walk, never mind dance. I lost seven years of my life to severe pain, a pile of books, and my recliner. Today....my spine still hurts, the fusion was "defective" as the X-Ray report puts it. I still need to take pain meds...but my bellydancing is my saving grace. When I dance, I feel no pain, my body is beautiful, whole, and full of light. When I stop dancing, the pain comes back. There is no way I am completely healed from what that heavy truck did to me on May 27, 1997, he just damaged me to the point of no return. The stress some selfish jerk-offs are putting me through right now is bringing on some pretty awful pain for me....I pray that my bionic (heh heh sarcasm) spine stays strong, because if I do break something, you bet your sweet ass someone is gunna pay. I will hunt you down (it won't be physically), and I will share my pain with you. I will haunt you for all eternity. I've been through enough...I deserve comfort for the rest of my days in this body, and I will receive this comfort, as I fall back into the arms of my angels. Bellydancing is my therapy, it stretches and lengthens my muscles and ligaments along my spine and hips, relieving the pressure, not to mention giving me some pretty sexy curves. My Egyptian style of dance is slow, sensual...gentle on my body. I feel, when I don't dance, my life is painful, when I dance, I don't have to take so many pills. So stop making such a big deal....NO, I can't go back to my old 9-5 legal secretary career (nor a part time job), I'm in too much pain for that, I'm still broken. Yes, I can dance, and it feels so blissful, and I think we can all agree on one thing, I look pretty when I dance. So leave me the hell alone, let me dance for the short periods of time that I do...it's the only time I'm not in pain....or would you prefer that I just sit still, curl up in a ball and rot away? I have nothing to hide....besides, you can't hide a 6 foot tall, red haired bellydancer, I'm like a neon sign. I'm honest. What ya see is what ya get...I do my best to be independent, it's hard enough trying to take care of myself. I'd appreciated a little assistance, and I believe I will receive it. Love Eternal Einanna

Another Dimension....

nocturnalgoddess — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 06:29:44 GMT

Something unexplainable happened today as I bellydanced....I was working my upper body, was doing a reaching to the above movement, with hip lifts, a nice gentle stretch, and all of a sudden I heard myself let out a loud sigh, which sorta melted into the sitar music I was dancing to. I began to lose consciousness, as my sigh echoed, like something from a dream. I was numb with bliss for a good 20 minutes to a half hour. This is what I feel occurred. For almost a week now, I've been surrendering my life to the Divine. Not worrying about a thing...don't care what the selfish world has to say, or may attempt around me. I know why I'm here, what I have to do...and I know I will be taken care of. My test of Divine devotion...endurance of my faith....I have passed with flying colors. During this bitch of a test, I've been thrown into experiences that pushed my weakest points. Only this time I stood powerful as the goddess I am. Never again will I fall victim of my past hurts....my heart, mind, body, spirit and soul are balanced, perfectly. I have a reputation....as a bellydancer, one that moves slowly, like a snake, I flow with the music that points the way for me. I'm known for my healing abilities, more so than my dance. My reputation is built on the bliss I bring to my audience, not the moves. A slow hip circle, and the Reiki brings the satisfaction and bliss of an entire harem. I'm also know for my honesty, I don't sugar coat anymore, no time to....I used to worry about what others felt about my ways, no more. The majority of the time I am at a higher consciousness, receiving messages from the unseen...if I don't express what I hear, I'd be a liar. This world is setting itself up for some more ass kicking...way too much selfishness. If we don't stop and think about every thought and action, then we're fucking ourselves and the planet. I pass this message along to you...with hopes that I make sense. My bellydancing is my physical therapy it heals me....the pain my broken body feels is wiped away when I dance. I try to maintain that pain-free place, but my body has been through way too much. So the least I can do is find that bliss while I dance, and share it with others....hoping that maybe someday...someday, that pain won't come back when the dancing stops. I've touched Heaven....when I danced today, I surrendered to my God. He is manifesting into my physical realm....just not sure exactly how. In whatever form He may take, my humble temple awaits the day of Sacred Reunion, He as my God, me as his goddess/priestess. Devoted... Einanna

Sssssoooo like ....oooohhhh wow!!!!!!

nocturnalgoddess — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 03:56:15 GMT

As I bellydanced today....attempting to balance my mind and body...I gazed out to the pine tree in my back yard, it's about 13 feet away from my door....and I see something small floating down to the ground. So I look up, and right in front of my pretty little eyes, I see this breathlessly beautiful hawk, and he's tearing the hell out of a squirrel. I gasped and watched this divine bird as he dropped down onto my fence...and then onto the ground to finish off his dinner. As I stood in awe....I heard his message loud and clear. So...I gathered some info to share with you. "In ancient Egypt the hawk was the symbol of the soul. The hawk was also a symbol of victory to the Egyptians, as it was to other ancient cultures, because the hawk swoops down on its prey with ferocity and power. The hawk can also mean that you should view your life from a higher perspective. From your elevated vantage point you may be able to see possibilities that you are normally unaware of."......The Secret Language of Signs by Denise Linn "Hawks are one of the most intriguing and mystical of the birds of prey. They are the messengers, the protectors, and the visionaries of air......It may pop up as a totem at that point in your life where you begin to move toward your soul purpose more dynamically....There will unfold within you the ability to tear off the heads of any snakes (hey...I like snakes) in your life, or anyone or anything seen as an enemy (ooooowwwwcchhhh that's gotta hurt!). Your comments and actions will be like the hawk's beak and talons - strong and powerful (uuhhh yehhh!) but with the capability to tear and/or kill...It awakens our vision and inspires us to a creative life purpose.".....Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. I gave honesty and respect a chance....a week....and the result was just thrown back in my face with more lies....so uuuuhhhmmmm what do you think Mr. Hawk means to me??? Bird of Prey Einanna....DD