Stuff & Things

Just another day

none11111 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 04:15:20 GMT

Walking to my local pub for dinner, down my street the other evening. Looking at the total beauty of things as they are; the street, the curb, the buildings, the pan-handlers, the tourists, the sky, the light. It occurred to me that none of this, nothing at all, nothing that has happened, was happening, or ever would happen has any effect on what I truly am, whatsoever. This is not a negative statement. The pure witness that gives rise to the feeling, the sureness, that "I am" never moves, is never affected, is never harmed, never was born and never dies. In that space of complete non-occurrence, all of the universe occurs, and that is what I am. The diner was grand, to boot!

A Day That Changed My Life

none11111 — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 06:04:44 GMT

When I was about twelve, my Mother had a boyfriend. He was a skinny little guy with the worst luck with animals. He had been attacked by Pit Bulls and Dobermans, and German Shepards (please note all the plurals, they are not exaggerated.) He had two metal ribs because a horse he was feeding a carrot decided instead to bite two of his God given ribs right out of his chest through his flannel shirt. He had been in several motorcycle accidents, and was once pinned under a truck, bent in half such that he was looking up from between his boots as a priest gave him last rites. The man had bad luck. He was also an amateur taxidermist, and I once watched him preserve a lobster. He managed to inject his own left little finger with the solution which was supposed to turn the lobster's tail muscles solid. He smiled through everything in life with a hearty, "Oh well." And, on the occasion of the accidental attempt at preserving his own hand for posterity, his reaction was just to chuckle, flex his hand, and say, "Well, it will either circulate itself out, or I'll loose the finger, and maybe the next one. Hmm." It was this boyfriend, who opened my eyes to basically the whole world. You see, I was a terribly shy boy. I spent my days in near complete mental isolation. I knew there were other people in the world, and I knew that they had some sort of interactions with each other, and I vaguely knew it was something that I wanted. All of that occurred outside of the world of my experience. One day, Roger (that was his name) was sitting at the table with me while Mom made dinner. He said, "Travis, I notice that whenever you walk, you always look down at the ground. Maybe you should try looking up sometime, see what's there." It was my habit, at the time, to walk myself the eight blocks to school everyday. The morning after Roger made his suggestion I walked the same exact walk to school, but this time I looked up. My God! The world! It was so fucking huge! The vastness of it, the beauty, the sky that would not stop. I was a twelve year old boy seeing the world for the first time. I was born again into a universe so much larger than the one I had known. It was joyous. Then I got to school, with all those mysterious others, and I looked back down. I sat with my head down through homeroom, and half way through the first period of school. We were working on some arithmetic, which I have always had a talent for. Because of that talent I was nearly done with the assigned problems about a third of the way through the period. I was looking straight down at a blank spot between two problems when it hit me. "What if I looked up?" I did. The room exploded in all directions. I thought, "There are so many kids here!" I smiled and looked around the room at the other children diligently working at their papers. My eyes drifted slowly, nonchalantly, And then, I saw her. I don't know her name. I never will. But, she looked up at me, saw me smiling and smiled back one of the most lovely smiles I have ever seen. My head snapped back down to my paper work so fast that my neck hurt for the whole next week. The next day at school another girl I knew by mumble, Shereif, walked up at me smiling and said, "Travis, what happened? You never smile, and you never look up." I turned bright red and shrugged. She said, "Well, whatever, I like it." That experience gave birth to my life long love of exploring possibilities of perspective, of viewing the world in other ways. It also sparked in me a love affair with relating to people, the whys and wherefores of it all, the forms it takes. I am eternally grateful to Roger, for that. He didn't last long as my Mom's boyfriend, and I never did see him after that. I am sure he was killed by a circus elephant, or something. Wherever he is, I hope he has some idea of what a difference he made in a small boys life. I still wistfully look down sometimes as I walk, especially when a girl smiles at me, but now it's with a twinkle in my eye.

The Only Goal That Matters

none11111 — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:45:35 GMT

Everything we do in life is built upon one foundation. Every thought, every action, every experience, every story comes down to one seed. That seed is “I.” Everything in existence, that we are involved in, springs from or is directly related to, “I.” This “I” comes before every thought we have about ourselves. Every opinion we profess. Every name we give. It is at the forefront of whenever we see a form and assess its nature and purpose. In every relationship of every kind, whether to ourselves, an object, or another “I”, is founded on our thought of “I.” We can say nothing of ourselves without this “I.” This is all a no-brainer, and painfully obvious, and not terribly interesting because it is so ordinary and banal. I am an “I.” Yeah? So what? No big deal. The big deal comes when we realize that we have no idea what this “I” is. All of our self-identifications come after this “I.” “I am cute.” “I am a tech support rep.” “I am a good driver.” “I am am loyal friend.” All of those statements, the ones after the “I”, don’t actually say what that “I” is, they tell a story about that “I.” I can go to great lengths describing Sarnath in India to you, but you will never know it until you have been. And, of course you will then only have a new story in relation to your “I.” This “I” is our basis, but we go through life telling stories about it, rather than finding out what it actually is. Since it is so much the basis of our lives, I think that this quest is the most basic (and important) one available. Without knowing this “I”, the root of it, the source of it, I will never be able to do more than tell a story about my “I”, to myself or anyone else. We live our live trying very hard to make the story that comes after “I”, acceptable, useful, successful and beautiful, without really knowing what this spring board is. What is this “I?” That question (in hundreds of forms) forms the core of almost all spiritual paths and is the heart seed of Atma-Vichara (self-inquiry) as given by Ramana Maharshi. The answer to that question is the final goal, the only goal that concerns reality. Without it, we live our lives as stories only, never knowing what “I” am.

Turtle Buddha Creates Kindness

none11111 — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:11:45 GMT

"Enlightenment and epiphanies can show up in some pretty strange ways. The Buddha found it under a Boddhi tree, Nelson Mandela in prison and spiritual guru Ram Dass through psychedelic drugs. Little did I know, mine would arrive in the form of a hard-shelled reptile simply trying to cross the road — a turtle." Shhhh, I’m going to tell you a secret. One of my wife’s nicknames for me is turtle. I’m not going to tell you why, but it is with great joy that I read this piece over at HelpOthers.org - A Turtle Who Taught Me Kindness. Enjoy! http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=9190

Online Satsang with John Sherman

none11111 — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:22:25 GMT

I just wanted to share this. It's a recording of the most recent online satsang with John Sherman. I got to speak with him this time, starting about 53 minutes in. Cheers! http://www.hipcast.com/export/P0b97c03ab440768a9bafa10635459b29Zlh5RFREYmVz.mp3

Reality: It’s Just A Step To The Left

none11111 — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:25:21 GMT

One of the most basic facets of meditation practice is the conscious act of becoming an active witness to your own mental processes. In our every day lives, we tend to habitually identify ourselves as the thoughts circling through our head. In meditation we quiet down and take a few moments to look at ourselves constructed from these thoughts, as an object, rather than from ourselves as subject. As we see what we held to be ourselves as an object, we become disavowed of the idea that it is us since we must be the ones seeing it. Our identity becomes an object of our consideration, and we naturally broaden our perspective, and this allows us to recede into ever deeper, wider, higher realms of conscious consideration. As Ken Wilber would put it, the subject of one level becomes the object of the subject of the next level. It’s a constant process of fading farther, and farther back to our true selves. Into the ever present, unchanging reality that the great sages of old have described to us painstakingly. But, if it’s true that our true self is this ever present, unborn, changeless perfection then there can be no stages to its development. It must have no moving parts. So, the idea of moving farther into the unchanging self we are seems to be incorrect. For me, the effect this line of thinking has is a sudden skip of tracks. The whole process of infinite regression, “it’s turtles all the way down!”, of ever more profound subjects becoming the object of the next more evolved subject reveals itself to be purely a mental construct of that very object; the chain of increasing development of the experiencing mind is a product of that very mind. That mind is not changeless. It is not the true self. The true self is aware of this whole process. It is present during the whole affair, the ground upon which it is all built, the source of its power, and the object of all the mind’s striving. In that clear moment of seeing the whole process as play, one is catapulted onto the other side of the game, out of the game and into naked reality. At least until the laundry needs folding.

Quote: Lao Tzu

none11111 — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:30:19 GMT

Empty your mind of all thoughts. Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. If you don't realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready. - Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu The simple practice of following the logical trail of where I came from, back to its source, and seeing the mutuality of that trail between me and everything else in existence is one of the most profound meditations I know. It's right up there with simply feeling what it is like to be, and to always know that I am. Getting a feel for the mutual source between me and an other makes dealing with life peaceably and with equanimity a much easier thing. The source lives behind all the veils of uniqueness and difference we hold as so precious to our handle on life, and reveals with naked clarity that truly there is not two, and we are all in this life sharing the same struggles. Living knowing that source is a great doorway to peace and the salvation of the world.

Letting Mom Die

none11111 — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:54:05 GMT

My Mother died this Monday, April 14th at 2pm. My brother, wife, and I were with here and witnessed her last moments. Her heart beat its last while I was holding her hand. http://www.traviseneix.com/letting-mom-die/

Short Story: Games Within

none11111 — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:13:40 GMT

I am trying a new online publishing site. Still working out the wrinkles, as you will see from the formating on the page, but if anyone is interested please check it out here: http://www.authspot.com/Short-Stories/Games-Within.104138 Any feedback is appreciated. Cheers!

Position Situations to Gain More Contentment

none11111 — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:58:19 GMT

Leo, over at ZenHabits, has a great post today - The Incredible Power of Contentment. Leo gives some good advice on what constitutes contentment, and how to achieve it. I like the section on how, “We choose whether we are happy or unhappy” particularly. Judging from some of the comments he got, I feel there is lingering confusion over what that means. People often leap on that statement (which I have made to friends as well) with responses that begin with, “But, what about this…”, or “Well not if you’re this…”, or “you can’t be happy if…” The commonality of all those statements is that they have a hidden element of choice that most people take for granted. read more - http://www.traviseneix.com/position-situations-to-gain-more-contentment/

The Worst Thing About Negative Body Image

none11111 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:08:47 GMT

Due to my history of morbid obesity, and recovery from morbid obesity, I have a good deal of negative body image issues. I do not find it easy to see myself as attractive, or even "easy on the eyes." In unguarded moments I tend to regard myself as rather ugly. It does not help that, having lost over 200 pounds, I have some excess flesh that hangs in of ways from my frame. Some days are better than others. Some days I can be more accepting of how I look, but my default state is that I am physically unattractive. But, the above is not the worst of it. There is a deeper, darker aspect to negative body image that I did not understand until very recently. A few days ago I was walking from my living room, into the bedroom. My wife's vanity faces the doorway I was using. It's a beautiful vintage piece with a 3/4 mirror in center, and two half mirrors on hinges to either side. On the night in question I was going into the room fresh from my nightly shower, and was naked. Most days I don't give the image in the mirror much of a glance, but this night it caught my eye. The thought that flashed through my mind was, "How could anyone find that attractive?" That is the worst part of negative body image. Not finding myself to be aesthetically unpleasing, but questioning the judgment of others. Something inside tells me that there is something wrong with another human being when they act as if, or say that they, find my body attractive. I think that something must be either wrong with them, or that they are lieing. This is a terrible wedge that works its way into my relationships. It makes it difficult, on a deep level, to authentically relate to others, especially in potentially romantic, or physical ways. I do not know how to approach rectifying this situation, but having the presence of those doubts projected outwards on others is a step in the right direction. Now I know, consciously, that this thought structure is in place. The most obvious way to deal with it would be to remove my negative body image completely. But, that is a hell of a lot more easily said than done, as long years of experience has shown me. I think that instead, I need to work and accepting the words and deeds of others more. I pray for the willingness to believe that the reactions of others are authentic. One of the most long lasting scars from my youth about body image was an incident with a neighborhood girl. I had long had a crush on her, and everyone knew it. Especially her host of guy friends. One day she came up to me and said, "I like you, Travis. I think you're cute, you know, like a hippo." I remember the moment with crystal clarity. I remember the fall of her features as she saw hoe my expression melted from smile to numb and deep hurt. I recall hearing the snickers from the gaggle of boys across the street. Later I figured that they must have put her up to it. In the moment she saw how hurt I was and tried to say something soothing, but I don't recall what she said. My world had gone numb. Everything was a kind of dull roar. I have nearly drowned several times in my life, and interestingly the roar in my ears that day had the same quality of the roar you hear when drowning. I must have stopped breathing. She wandered off and I went home in shock. That moment has never left me. I forgive her for what she said. She was a child, and being pressured from her peers, and like all children afflicted with stupidity and cruelty. I own my reaction and know that it is I who have carried it to today. I know it was just a single moment in time, but it colors what I hear from others when they intimate, or outright say, that they find me attractive. I am still waiting for the joke to be reveled, for the hammer to drop. At least the snarling beast is out in the open.

Open Letter to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor

none11111 — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:35:39 GMT

"Thank you for your great efforts! Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, From the bottom of my being I offer gratitude, thanks and deep bows to you. For a long time I have been a student of several streams of "spirituality." 1 - Self-Inquiry as offered by Ramana Maharshi, and the teachers from him. Specifically Papaji, Gangaji, and (my personal favorite) John Sherman. 2 - Neurolinguistic conditioning and "reality tunnel" selection as ranted by Robert Anton Wilson. Especially his work on developing Timothy Leary's 8-Circuit Model, and his advocacy for Optimism. (With a side of General Semantics, thank you very much. 3 - The Integral Model as championed by Ken Wilber, and the teachers at the Integral Institute. With special attention to how individuals relating constructs the dominant reality of any particular locale (from the functional working of a household to the interconnectedness of all life on a global scale.) 4 - Aikido as a method for re-owning my own body and working with principles that are conducive to harmonization of energy flows, and interpersonal dynamics. 5 - Marriage. The single most powerful growth utility in my tool bag and total immersion in what it means to live as an expression of love. The video I just watched of your presentation at TED, brought tears to my eyes and stunned me with how much it synthesizes all of the above. I look forwarding to reading your book (which I just ordered) and just wanted to drop you a note of thanks. Please keep doing what you are doing, it is a force of change for the world. - Travis" I heard about Dr. Taylor's presentation at TED a few weeks back from an announcement sent out in the Holons newsletter associated with Integral Naked. I was giddy to see that the video was up from a note posted by a friend at an online community I am active on, the Now For You Forum. I watched the video with growing awe, and brimming tears. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is truly a paragon of the possibility of personal enlightenment and realization, and is a glowing beam of hope and light for this world. I hope you enjoy her talk as much as I did. Peace! The Vid - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

Wheel In The Sky Keep On Turning

none11111 — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 22:31:08 GMT

The period from the eighth century, to the second century BC is referred to as the Axial Age. During this time, in several points around the globe, man’s search for an answer took a major turn. The Buddha, Lao Tzu, Confucius, Jesus (a bit outside of the time frame), the Jewish Mystic masters; these figures rose as the most noticeable examples of the change in direction human kinds search took. Rather than looking to the Heavens, to God, or gods, to spiritual powers, or ancestral spirits, man began to look within. This can be visualized simply as a line pointing up from the person in question, who made this change. Previous to this age their hopes, prayers, and seeking was directed outward, to the heavens. As this turning took place, the line inverted. Now they looked for the truth, for the answers to their most desperate question, within. Rather than begging the gods for favors to end their suffering, they turned to the root causes within. And, as they made this transition they found the answer and shown as bright points of the possibility of a life without suffering. But, look what happened to their neighbors. That same line of inquiry was distracted from the heavens, and instead now pointed at these shining examples. That is where the turning stopped. Instead of looking to the Heavens, man now looked to man in desperation for a way off of the seemingly endless track of suffering. In order to find the answers that these shining examples gave, we must not stop with them. We must not be satisfied with living as they did. The turning must be completed if we are to receive the full gifts they offer. "Behold, O monks, this is my last advice to you. All component things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Work hard to gain your own salvation." - Buddha With the Buddha’s words in mind, I humbly make this suggestion: Do not be satisfied with another’s success on this quest. Do not take comfort in their end of suffering. Look to you own truth first and see what they saw as they saw it.

Jack LaLane is Still the Man!

none11111 — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:20:57 GMT

I love Jack for many reasons. He's my kind of crazy, and a hero and role-model for me. One thing I have always loved about him is his bald faced honesty. "It's a pain in the gluties. But you gotta do it. Dying is easy, living is tough. I hate working out. Hate it. But I like the results." This from a piece in the Wall Street Journal in September of last year. http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB119004434024629877.html Take a look at that and consider the source. This man basically invented the fitness industry in its modern form. And there he is, telling it like it is. There are many other fitness gurus whom I enjoy that are the opposite of Jack in this regard, sometimes to a fault, and I enjoy their enthusiasm. But, when I am down in the dumps of no motivation land, a cheerleader sometimes will not do the trick. At those times I need someone to hand me my gym shoes, give me a smile and say, "Yeah, I know, it sucks. Let's get to it." I am reminded of my other favorite inspirational tidbit. Paul Anderson, arguably the strongest American ever, was a huge proponent of squats. He believed there was no better way to develop strength, and that without them one could never reach their full potential in raw strength. Part of his workout routine was doing nothing but squats on his families farm for a full day, every other day. He would get up, go out to the yard and do heavy squats with farm equipment, go back in and eat, take a nap, and repeat for all day long. I read an article about him where the interviewer said, "You must really love squats!" Paul's response was, "You know, I have probably done tens of thousands of squats of all types in my life, and I have hated every one. I loathe squats. But, I know there is no other way to get real strength." There is something very special about being dedicated enough to your goals to do what it takes, regardless of how you feel about it, always keeping your eye on the goal only. So, the next time you are feeling less than enthusiastic about whatever practice you are undertaking why not fully accept that you don't want to do it, and go ahead anyways. The results are what you are looking for,

Field Report: Satsang with Gangaji

none11111 — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:22:18 GMT

I went to see Gangaji in San Rafael on Sunday the 10th. Amazing. I choose to trust Google maps directions rather than those on her website and promptly sped right through San Rafael. I turned around, got her site up on my blackberry and followed the directions there (now coming from the north). I missed the starting meditation, so I stood in the lobby of the San Rafael community center with 15 others waiting to get in. My seat was in the last row, and strategically behind one of the video camera lights, so she did not see me raise my hand repeatedly. Next time I will arrive an hour early and sit up front! She spoke for about 25 minutes and then opened the floor for people to come up and sit with her. A few days ago I was speaking with my wife about the thing in life I find most fascinating - the way in which people relate and how they connect to one another, and what gets formed in that space. Gangaji said that lately she has been thinking about inquiry in terms of not just what we are, but what we can be to (and for) each other. Kind of a cool synchronicity. She was incredibly skillfull at catching people up in their straying from the inquiry, and kept very gently, but absolutely firmly, bringing them back to it. Several people got it right there on stage, and Gangaji would ask them to look out at the crowd with the light pouring from their faces saying, "Share that with them too. It's infectious." All in all, a terribly beautiful way to spend a Sunday evening. Life got even better when I got home of course, I got to make dinner for my wife and myself and then we spent the hours until bedtime sitting on our couch and reading next to each other. Life is perfect.

Spread some Peace!

none11111 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:48:23 GMT

Hello dear friend, I wanted to spread some peace to my community. ;-) There is an organization doing good things for the world. 10 Million Clicks for Peace. You can check them out here - http://viralurl.com/Travis/29043097/ You might also be interested in lighting a candle for peace at http://www.gratefulness.org/ Specifically you can light a candle here - http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng I lit one this morning. ;-) http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=5274236 In case you feel like fighting world hunger, and improving your literacy at the same time, check out http://www.freerice.com/. Get the correct meaning of a word and they will donate 20 grains of rice to the United Nations Food Program. My sincere hopes go out to you that you may have peace and well-being in your world. Love & Light. Reverend T-Bone, ULC

Just A Friendly Reminder

none11111 — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 07:04:02 GMT

I want to start with a couple of points of agreement for a line of argument. If you disagree with any of these points, then that is your experience, but the conclusion will obviously be faulty. If you believe the points to be true, then I believe the conclusion is sound. Here we go. All of the great ones, from Buddha, to Lao Tzu, to Jesus Christ, to Ramana Maharshi, to Confuscious say in their various ways that all problems, all suffering, all conflict & pain come from one source: the misidentification of what we are. We mistakenly come to the conclusion that we are this specific type of person, this shape, this job, this life. We do this because we must as a matter of survival, because we need a referent. Our body-mind is structured for survival as a paramount drive, and a mental topography of this versus that serves that drive incredibly well. The power to make distinctions is incredibly useful, but we become enmeshed in it and assign to a subset of the things we encounter our very identity. However, the great ones say that, because it is us that does the assigning, we must not be the things we assign our identity to. If you accept the above as true, then the next point must flow from it. You do not have to accept it, but for now you can try it on and accept it as so. The next point then is that if it's true that the origin of all suffering is making a mistake in identification then the cure is the truth of our identity. The way to disentangle oneself from the net of suffering is to know what you actually are. Now, if that second point is true, and I find it to be so in my own experience and that is borne out by the words of the sages; then it follows that only you can affect your own escape. No one can know for you what you are. No one can have that experience for you. They can know it to be true. They can have their own experience of the true identity, but they cannot have yours. They can even know what yours is, but that does you no good. The truth of what I am, is the truth of what I am, and not of what anyone else is. The same is true for every sentient being, and cannot be any different. No one can give you what you are. And, since it is only what you are, no one can take it from you, hide it, hurt it, change it, or affect it in anyway. You are always what you are. Now for my actual point. If the above three are true then teachers never teach you anything about this. How can they? They cannot have this experience for you, they cannot give you what you already are. The only things teachers, no matter how great can do for you is remind you of this. At best all they can do is remind you of the problem and its solution, which is always readily apparent and obvious. You. You are what you are, and the only one that can know that is you.

The Way of the Courageous

none11111 — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 07:08:33 GMT

Open Letter to John Sherman

none11111 — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 23:23:13 GMT

John, Thank you so much for your effort in transmitting the teachings of our mutual hero Ramana Maharshi. You are right, it is so very easy. All it takes is feeling what it feels like to be, just as you say. All the fuss after that is story. A lot of things have flipped over in my life lately, all wonderful, mostly mysterious, and just fine. For the longest time I was searching for an end. An end to suffering, and end to confusion, just an end. As you say, I was searching for a final solution to "fix the mind." But, the funny bit was I had absolutely no plan as to what would happen after that. I had fanciful dreams of the results of what it would be like to reach the "end of the quest" but nothing I could really picture. I just wanted an end. Today I see that what I really am has never changed, will never change, can never change. In the ongoing play of this unfolding life I think of how very long ago life started on this rock, and how very long it was just rocks before that, and burning gases before that. And, all through it, this same simple being. Now I can see no end, and that makes me supremely happy. No doubt that is more story, and no doubt it will pass, but this feeling of being will not. Thank you. http://www.riverganga.org/

Cutting Out God

none11111 — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 07:31:03 GMT

The problem is, God is so present we lack the faculties to perceive him. Since he is so present, he appears absent." - Father Thomas Keating We are born into this world separated. Our interface with the world is split into parts, even to the point where a sound seems different from a sight coming along disparate vectors and interpolated through different organs. We see this and that, front and back, black and white. The power of differentiation is incredibly useful for our survival, and it is an ability we seemingly cannot get away from. When we look for something it is only natural that we would look for it as distinct from everything else. A thing which we can find. Often our first step in finding God is to make God other, and separate God out. This method of searching is not conducive to finding the ultimate suchness of existence, the source and substance of all, which creates and is everything at once across all moments. But, how can an organ that is made of a thing, using transmissions that are that same thing, be aware of an object that is also that thing? With the eyes of God, using the light of God, how can we see God? We cannot. What is always, in all directions and is the cloth from which all is spun, cannot be perceived as separate. However, there is one place where we can look that will always tell us where God is. The one thing that never changes, and which all sentient beings can perceive even if they cannot communicate that perception. That one thing is the simple awareness of the fact that we are. All sentient beings know that they exist, that they are, and they know it without interruption, incontrovertibly. They may not always be sure of where they are, why they are, or even who they are, but they always know the raw truth that they are. God is ever present, and intimately available as the simple feeling of being which cannot be separated from the fact of being. There is no way to cut God out, and we would do well to stop trying.

Square Peg, Round Hole

none11111 — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 07:20:01 GMT

It has become clear to me that in the field of spirituality two mutually exclusive areas of development often become hopelessly confused. These two aspects of development are both equally important, both comprise the totality of our existence, and have absolutely nothing helpful to contribute to each other. On the one hand there is the clearing up of misidentification. Using the language of self-inquiry it is the simple course of getting clear on who and what you truly are. By asking some version of the two main questions, "What am I?" and "Who am I?" one can become, overtime, disavowed of the false idea that we are just these lives. At the base of experience of any sentient being is the simple conviction, and feeling, of being. All the rest may be subject to doubt and interpretation, but on this one point all agree. That simple truth, stripped of all coloration, story and embellishment is what we truly are, and that raw truth is the same from any beings point of reference. We are simply that we are, and that we know it. That is the unchanging, faceless, unborn, uncreated, absolute which you are. On the other hand we have our day to day selves. These individual instances of existence with all their vigor, voluptuousness, trial, tribulations, tragedies and triumphs. It only makes fair sense that untangling the mistakes in understanding and structure that creep in to all our complexity should be untangled, or refined, or developed. To live good lives, working toward clearer understanding of the phenomenal world and working on ourselves in that arena is the appropriate thing to do. But, they are not the same. Categorically. No amount of fixing your mind, or beliefs, or moral integrity will tell you a single thing about what you really are as long as you believe yourself to be that mind. It's simply not possible. Likewise, no amount of realization about your own true unmanifest being will make you deal with your negative tendencies any better. These are two completely separate streams of research. They may be complimentary, and in truth it may not be possible to get terribly far along one line without feeling a need to address an imbalance in the other, but they are not the same. And, it seems to me that a great deal of misunderstanding and strife is caused by mixing the two up. You can't fit a square peg into a round hole, no matter how much you try. The wonderful thing is we have all been given ample amounts of both square and round pegs. The other difficulty I think comes up is in applying the methods of one front to the issue of the other. Bad business. Both aspects of this paradoxical self need their own methods, and it has been my experience that they are complete opposites of each other. What has been working for me on one front is a disaster if applied to the other. The richness in a spiritual life, in my opinion, comes from the divinely schizophrenic balancing act of working on what seem to be diametrically opposed issues. Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? You are the one truth of the one this-here-now ever created occasion, and you have bills to pay. Get to work. ;-)

What The Baha'i?!?

none11111 — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:17:20 GMT

Some of you may have read earlier that I recently became ordained in the Universal Life Church. I got my ID card in the mail, and proudly show it off to anyone that stands still next to me for more than fifteen seconds. Making this move has had a profoundly confirming effect on some of my own religious/spiritual beliefs, and has led me down some interesting paths. One of these lines of inquiry has been trying to look for religions with a truly open stance. They are few, and far between. The Universal Life Church is all embracing, its only directive to "do what is right." I also came across the DoNoHarm website, whose only message is (you guessed it) "do no harm." Fair enough, and very basic in its global appeal, but also very sparse in details. In poking around more I indulged by curiosity about the Baha'i movement and found a good website about them here. Founded by the messianic figure, Bahá'u'lláh in 19th-century Persia, emphasizing the spiritual unity of all humankind, the Baha'i faith purports to teach an open acceptance of all peoples of all races and creeds. The central theme of Bahá'u'lláh's teachings is that humanity is a single race which should now be united in one global society. Awesome! Just what I was looking for. I excitedly dug into the various web pages I found. Sadly, after about three minutes of excitement I came across this gem on the Wikipedia entry for the Baha'i faith: "Sexual relationships are permitted only between a husband and wife, and thus premarital or homosexual sex activity is forbidden." Uh, oh. Following the thread a little deeper we learn: " ...it is clear from the teaching of Bahá’u’lláh that homosexuality is not a condition to which a person should be reconciled, but is a distortion of his or her nature which should be controlled or overcome. This may require a hard struggle, but so also can be the struggle of a heterosexual person to control his or her desires." - Letter of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, 12 January 1973; Lights of Guidance, p. 366, #1222 Ok, so, you're welcome as long as you are straight, or curb your inclinations. Uh, huh. The Baha'i church received some flak over this issue (likely from some homosexual people who would like to be accepted in a religion that says everyone should be accepted), and released a statement in 1996. Here are some excerpts: * "...the sexual impulse is a God-given one... The appropriate circumstance for this is within marriage, the legally, socially, and spiritually sanctioned union of two adults of the opposite sex. Other expressions are neither valid nor to be encouraged." * "The moral and sexual education of children cannot be taken separately, and must be based upon heterosexuality, fidelity, and the family unit." * "This is taught by the world's great religions, and is part of the basis of a stable and civilized society." That last one strikes me rather particularly. One of the central tenets of the Baha'i faith is that Bahá'u'lláh came to teach the most advanced message available directly from God. However, that last excerpt reads, to me, as "Well, yeah, this is the new deal but we don't think we should rock the boat, or anything. The other guys say it's supposed to be that way, so we will go with that." Bollocks. I have run into this wall, in various forms, and for a variety of issue (sexual preference, gender equality, racial superiority, religious righteousness) in any faith which reaches a certain, very low, point of codification. It seems that as soon as you start to elucidate how a particular spiritual doctrine should play out in one's life, some yahoo comes along and slaps down some line of "us vs. them." The only paths truly free of that are the most simple of insights, such as those given by the Universal Life Church, Robert Anton Wilson, DoNoHarm, and Self-Inquiry. I suppose there is a certain poetic justice in that, though. For, if what the great ones have said is true, then we are already saved/enlightened/awake/realized. We are, already as we are, part & parcel of God. We are the shining face of the one occurring ever-present occasion of Spirit. We are the Way. From the perspective it makes sense that we should not be helped by, or even need help from, any set of codes or rules. We should stand on our own feet and see, directly and without mediation, what we truly are. And, from that place of grace we will be naturally led to live our lives well and good. For, of it's true, then we are all One and there is not Two anywhere to be found. In that light it only makes sens to not be cruel to your neighbor, for your neighbor is you. Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the law. Do what is right. Do no harm. Tag, you're it! Links - http://www.donoharm.us/ http://www.ulchq.com/ http://www.bahai.org/

Self-Esteem: We May Have It Backwards

none11111 — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 00:08:29 GMT

Kudos again to Leo, over at ZenHabits. He posted a great article today - 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence http://zenhabits.net/2007/12/25-killer-actions-to-boost-your-self-confidence/ Coincidentally I was reading an article about self-esteem over the weekend in What is Enlightenment? magazine. It was a piece by Maura R. O’Connor - "Are We Feeling Too Good about Ourselves for Our Own Good?" In the article she discusses the origins of the term self-esteem. The phrase was first coined by William James in 1890. It was a measure of number of successes of personally important goals versus failures of same. In other words, self-esteem was seen to be built up by success, and eroded by failure. The concept was embraced in the circles of psychology in the mid 60's, and slowly morphed over the years to the point that it's meaning was reversed. Self-Esteem became a component cause of success, rather than a result. Parents were encouraged to laud their children, telling them how inherently special and important they are to build self-esteem. The result was not what was hope for. Instead of producing a generation of star performers, a generation of entitlement was produced. Kids no longer felt as much need to prove themselves because they were already special, unique, important. Instead of earning self-esteem, its after effects were pre-given. This sets up a seriously deep level of disillusionment as the children grow into adulthood either not bothering to make effort, or being terribly confused when that effort meets with failure (which is statistically bound to happen to everyone and is a natural part of the learning process) and lie is given to the idea that they are already great. It leads to a breakdown in inherent trust for early authority figures, and leaves one ill equipped to recover from the occasional set back. Then, a vicious circle gets up as the false foundations of self-esteem are revealed as pipe dreams and the adult must now come to grips with the fact that success is not inherent. Now, don't get me wrong, I do truly believe that each and every emergent form of Spirit is inherently important and capable of great things, but I don't believe that those great thing must occur as a matter of course. I consider myself a victim of the above cycle, in gross and subtle ways, and I see it in many of my peers. Because of the reversal of the meaning of self-esteem, and it's nearly global application in this country, we have been left as a generation of people who either promise far in excess of our capabilities, feel no need to prove ourselves ever, or become bitterly resentful of unfulfilled promises on a subconscious level built on hollow hopes. For my money, the tips Leo gave about achieving small goals are the best bet (14, 15, 20, 22, & 24). Self-esteem is a measure of overall success, and adding to the pile of things to be proud about will have a snowballing effect.

The Only Unmediated Experience You Ever Know

none11111 — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:32:42 GMT

Unmediated Main Entry: un·me·di·at·ed Function: adjective Date: 1648 : not mediated : not communicated or transformed by an intervening agency Every experience you have, every feeling, every emotion, every impression is mediated. When you touch a cool piece of smooth metal, all information regarding that experience is passed to you through your sense of touch and a comparison between the state of your flesh and the state of the object. That sensation then passes through a layer of filters composed of your past experiences, and knowledge. Before anything gets to your conscious awareness it has been filtered, digested, categorized and defined by some set of mediating agencies. Even the thoughts in your head have their origins, and interpretations, within the mediating circumstances of your past experiences, psychological back drop, and current situation. The actual you, the pure awareness of all objects, never receives any impressions without passing through, and being mediated by, your central nervous system at the very least. Most experiences will also pass through your checkpoints of cultural definitions, past knowledge, learned reaction, and gut instinct. Nothing gets into your awareness unless it has passed through this host of mediators, and the distinct experience is changed & interpreted by each along the way. There is only one thing, one experience that occurs for the basic awareness that you are, that ever comes to you without mediation. The one thing that is purely known, without filters, without alteration, is that you are. Everything else is changed to one degree, or another, before it gets to your conscious awareness. The only pure sensation available to you, ever, is the raw fact that you exist. You know that purely, without doubt, and previous too all occasions which arise. You are. That simple truth is the only truth you have. In the path of Self-Inquiry it is said that all problems in life, whatsoever, have as their origin a mistaken identification with something other than the actual self. In other words, taking a mediated experience to be what you truly are. The act of getting in touch with the unmediated experience of being, whenever possible, slowly erodes the mistaken identification with any experience, or ideal, that is outside of the pure awareness that we really are. To put it another way, anything which you can find, and identity, is categorically an object (because you can see it) and therefore not the pure subject, which is you. By the simple act of repeatedly stopping all activity, and turning awareness at the raw experience of being, the disease of false identification is eroded, and finally cured. It is akin to taking a medicine. We don't necessarily know all the ins & outs of what the medicine is doing to us, we just know that it works. By taking a few seconds, whenever it occurs to you to do so, and turning full attention to what it feels like to be, all false identification will fade over time. And then, you will still have all of your mediated experiences, but just without being invested in their outcome by the mistake of thinking that you are them. That is the path, and the aim, of self-inquiry.

Whew! I Won!

none11111 — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 06:53:35 GMT

nano_07_winner_large.gifWith one minute to spare, I won the National Novel Writing Month for the third year running. I crossed the line one minute before the midnight deadline, with a first draft of Special Delivery, with a word count of 50,068. Several things were different about this year's novel. It was my shortest by 6,000+ words. This was the first year I started the first year I had a false start. I got 400 words into a novel I had planned on writing for a whole month before the contest, doing a good deal of research and outlining. I got those 400 words down very slowly, like pulling teeth, then realized I would never make it. I cared too much about getting it perfect. So, I bailed and blazed into a story I had been thinking about telling for the last two years. Everything just rolled on great, this story was the first of my efforts where I really feel like I might have a book worthy of a full re-write and filling out. The words flowed out, and the ideas came bursting out of their own accord. Then, I typed "The End." That was at 46,000 words. It was too short. I added an epilogue, which was a hoot to write, then a prologue, which was also fun. That brought me to about 48,200. An interview of the team (it's a super hero story), an interview for the position of base receptionist, and a battle with one of the super villains I had passed over in the first pass finally got me over the line. Just as I typed in the last witty line I looked down at my computer clock, saw the time was 11:58pm and flipped out. I got the file onto the NaNoWriMo website's validation widget with 60 seconds to spare. Each year has been a different experience. I had a great time this year, but I hope that next year I remember to not go so last minute. Definitely not good for my stress levels.