Ok so I just found out through an old friend that the first boy I ever loved, the first boy I ever kissed, the first boy I ever made love to is in jail for stabbing to death a friend of his in San Jose.

I am in complete shock right now, as I knew him better than anyone else did and he was a very sweet and kind person who loved his mother, hated his dad for cheating on his mom, and fiercely protected his little brother. Through the years we kept in touch off and on, and each time we would talk he would tell me "Meghan...I've never been the same since we broke up, I felt like a piece of my soul is missing. I hope someday the stars will align and we'll figure it out" I of course would brush this off as the ramblings of someone who wanted a piece of ass, but with this event I am starting to wonder if in fact those feelings were genuine. I feel partially responsible because he asked for my friendship numerous times and I consistently turned him away, feeling that he only wanted to see me for sex or to reminisce about old times. Today is a very sad day for me, and I'm sure his family is devastated. I'm not sure what to do...

The picture above is from when I was 17 and he was 16 at a school dance....