Here is a little poem to start off your reading pleasure wrestling confidantes…

“Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the warehouse
Only a few creatures were stirring
Including a rat and a mouse
The artists were all tucked in their futons with care
In hopes that unemployment checks soon would be there…”


The FFFF present:
Anti-Christmas XXX-Travaganza
December 23rd Doors open wide at 9:30pm

5:30 pm – 7:30 pm: Make up/ Costumes/ Set up Studio
7:30 pm: Full run thru
9pm – 10 pm: Mingling and mixing and drinking
Listening to punk rock/ or anything but Christmas tunes- bringing a very anti-holiday party vibe
10 pm: Wrangle everyone into the studio
Studio has been done up like winter wonderland
10:15 Show begins…

Scene One:
Mr. Gameshow music and lights.

Mr. Gameshow introduction and recap of last show.

Mr. Gameshow announces “Welcome to Holiday Land”

Soundtrack comes up “Just hear those sleigh bells jinglin”

Christmas Façade is carried in by angel and Haruna in winter gear.

Caroller comes out singing…
Mascot earnestly sings along and leads crowd.
Then enter Little Girl with jingle bells singing along.
Last to enter is Mrs. Claus singing, w/cookies, knitting…

After the song fades away;
Little Girl says in the sweetest voice:
“I wonder what Santa is doing right now on the night before the night before Christmas?”

Curtain opens on Santa jacking off to a Christmas Movie soundtrack.

Curtain Closes after mascot and audience reaction. (Characters on stage don’t see what is going on.)

Lights out.

Mr. Gameshow lights up.

Music chainsaw effects and Lords of Acid song bumping.

Mr. Gameshow Announces: “Merry Christmas and welcome to Holiday Hell”

Lights go crazy.

Mr. Gameshow segways into 1st match:

Announces Mrs. Claus…

Announces Tiny Tina…

FIGHT

Mrs. Claus WINS…
Tiny Tina dies and Mascot runs over to cry over her dead body.
Lights out.
Spotlight on lifeless body.
Then an angel leads Tiny Tina off the stage while playing a flute and Mascot leads everyone to make angel noises.

Mr. Gameshow segways into “Ugliest Christmas Sweater Contest” –
Mr. Gameshow music.

Contest led by Mascot; Drag Queen Slut gives out prizes and poses for pictures with winners and participants. Anyone who wears an ugly sweater gets a picture and the UGLIEST sweater wins a prize.

After contest Mr. Gameshow announces Caroller.

Caroller enters singing and explains her interpretive dance caroling.

Caroller then says in the sweetest voice “I wonder what Santa is doing right now on the night before the night before Christmas?”

Santana “Black Magic Woman” music comes on and Carlos
Santana enters playing guitar…

Caroler says “Not Carlos Santana! Santa!” – Carlos Santana leaves…

Curtain opens on Santa with a stripper grinding her ass on his crotch (Lords of Acid music) and saying things like “Oh yeah Santa, I’ve been naughty this year, Oh Santa, Santa…”
Curtain closes.

Mr. Gameshow announces Made in China Elf.

Caroler scalds elf w/cider and hot chocolate. Elf is on a lot of coke. Elf tries to strangle Caroler with lights and they both get electrocuted by the wet spot from the cider.
They both die.
Blackout. Spotlight on dead bodies and Angel.
Angel playing flute leads off Caroler first.
Mascot leads people in angel noises.
Angel leads off Elf.

Virgin Mary apparition appears on wall and from loft and holy music is heard. (“Ave Maria?”)

Mrs. Claus enters and obnoxiously proclaims Victory by default; since the opponents are both dead she thinks that she has won the FFFF belt and title.

Mary enters and says “This is my holiday bitch…”

Mr. Gameshow segways into final match between Mrs. Claus and the Virgin Mary.

FIGHT

Mary strangles Mrs. Claus with baby’s umbilical cord and wins.

Mary runs around triumphant and puts the baby in the manger while she celebrates.

The babykiller picks up the baby Geezus and eats him, making a mess everywhere.

Mascot announces the nature channel narration (something along these lines…)“The predatorial nature of the babykiller is most apparant in this scene in an Oakland CA warehouse while eating the baby Geezus. Notice how the mother is not disturbed by this behavior while celebrating her wrestling victory. Since abortion was not an option when 16 year old Mary got impregnated by god- she had no other option but to deliver the child- thus creating Christmas a giant marketing ploy from Hallmark and Wal-Mart and American Society in general.”

End w/ Mr. Gameshow music.
Drag Queen Slut yells:
“CAN YOU HANDLE THIS AMERIKKKA? THE FFFF ARE GONNA FFFFUCK YOUR SHIT UP THIS CHRISTMAS BABY! Happy FFFFuckin Holidays- Now go get drunk!”

Curtain call –
Haruna Modono
Bill Dougherty
The Babykiller
Charles Granich
Rusty
Rebecca Lippert
Novella Carpenter
Lana Shively
Mr. Gameshow

Mr. Gameshow hands pie down to Haruna who pies Santa.
Rusty enters with pie cart filled with pies and throws them at people- offering them pies to throw too.

Pictures with Santa and wrestlers afterwards. Also sleigh rides in the truck.