Blog-o-rama

someone grab the fire extinguisher

Pam-cake — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:15:27 GMT

i'm 37 today. hopefully i'm not 38... sometimes it's hard to keep track (actually happened to my mother once ~ she thought she was one year younger until my dad broke the news and ruined her birthday). feels like any other day. birthdays are so anti-climactic as you get older. sometimes i wish i could feel that excitement i did when i was a kid. guess that's one more of the wonderful things about having your own children. you get to re-do everything through their eyes... and that's pretty cool. which reminds me... congrats to LOLA!! lovely lovely baby girl. you're very blessed and i'm sure you know that. one more truly beautiful child to make this world a better place.

my red lentil yum

Pam-cake — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 02:37:50 GMT

so it's Valentines Day... and it's hip to do the red thing, right? so i made red lentil dal for dinner and i just have to share cuz it's so damn good and easy. i cook like my grandmother so i can't really get toO exact here but this is the gist of it... * 1 cup of red lentils (make sure you rinse them well) put some olive oil in a large pan and saute yourself some garlic. when it's light brown, throw in your rinsed lentils. saute for a minute. now add: *3 cups of broth. or 3 cups of water with boullion or whatever you do. let it boil. turn it down to a simmer. now add: * chilli pepper or pepper flakes to your taste and any other seasoning you want such as turmeric or cumin. get creative. * two big tablespoons of tomato paste. let it all simmer down for about half an hour and add more water if you need to. that's it. tonight i threw in a cup of corn for texture. not traditionally indian by any means but it tasted really good. you should have seen Neko chow it down. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

40 minutes to a Pam who's more fun

Pam-cake — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 18:41:42 GMT

i'm sitting here bleaching my hair. i've colored my hair consistently since high school. unfortunately coloring used to be just for kicks... now it's mandatory. i can't believe how gray i've gotten since Neko was born. it's insane. in the right light i've actually had friends say "oh my god, is that gray???" and point to this huge patch by my temple. it doesn't bother me to have it pointed out and i'm not one of those people who is horrified by her gray hair. it's just that now when i go to buy my color every couple of months i have to make sure to get the gray-coverage stuff. i just hope when it all goes it's the white blonde my father's mother had and not the steel color my mother's mother has. i don't know why i care... i guess i'd just rather go with the more Monroe of the two. i've always tried to get that platinum look but it's not worth completely destroying one's locks for. maybe tomorrow i'll add the fuchsia highlights.... why grow old gracefully? and hey... isn't that an awesome photo?? check out those thighs!! who says curvy women aren't yummy? sick bastards, that's who.

horrible. horrible. horrible.

Pam-cake — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 20:31:32 GMT

i am so DONE with this stupid winter thing. i went to bed Thursday with next to no snow on the ground and woke up Friday to 8 inches. i stepped off the porch and it went over the top of my boots. i was almost 30min late getting to work and i was one of the early ones. this has been the worst winter in a long time. usually the majority of Wisconsinites just shut up and deal with mult-feet of snow and -25 degree wind chill temps but this year it seems as if everyone is at their wits end. heating and electric costs are ridiculous. people are DYING in this city because of the cold.... an elderly woman died last week because she couldn't heat her home. innercity families are living in slum lord apartments where they are using their ovens and space heaters to keep their kids warm... this adds to the occurance of death from house fires. a coworker found a homeless man sobbing to Jesus on the street, lamenting the cold (this was the -35 wind chill day). so what does our local WE energies do? they raise electricity costs and up the cost of heating fuel. i hope the fucking CEO gets a good dose of karma along with all the oil execs who rolled in record profits this year... higher profits than ever before. depressing.

Jimmy Carter and his potty mouth

Pam-cake — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:43:50 GMT

hahaha. http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_got_what_america_needs_right

JACKPOT!!!

Pam-cake — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:42:39 GMT

it's the little things... i stopped into our local Marshalls discount store yesterday and scored not one but TWO bottles of one of my favorite perfume sprays... Comptoir Sud Pacifique Coco Extreme... for $9 a bottle!!!! this is unheard of. the last i saw this stuff it was at Sephora and was running $50. if you're not familiar with Comptoir Sud Pacifique, let me just say... it's like Tahiti in a bottle. it's like instant beach vacation. it's like, well, with the weather sucking here the way it has been for quite sometime these little 1.6 ounce bottles are the equivalent of Prozac for me.

cooking doldrums

Pam-cake — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 02:23:32 GMT

i mostly just posted that photo cuz it's funny although it sort of relates to this post... i used to be a really good cook. i used to read every issue of Bon Appetit cover to cover and then actually cook from it on a daily basis. then, of course, when baby came all of that took a back seat. once Neko started eating the same food as us i swore i'd make an attempt to get back to normal. i will say i'm probably better than a lot of the general population when it comes to cooking for baby. she gets organic/local/vegetarian foods and i'm pretty conscious of giving her a lot of variety in her diet. she's an adventurous eater for the most part... she's even had authentic Indian curry in an authentic Indian kitchen and loved it. she seems to have no problem with spicy food which a lot of people find kind of shocking ~ perhaps it's underdeveloped taste buds... who knows. anyways, where was i going with this..... oh, yeah... i find myself slipping into convenience foods. Quorn patties and organic tator tots. Frozen pizza. i need to get my desire to really cook back again. i'm hoping once the weather gets a little more springy i'll feel a little more like cooking. part of my problem right now is i don't want to leave the house to grocery shop. it's colder than a well diggers ass outside and for some reason this year i'm having a reeeeally hard time with it all. i am so hoping for a decent tax return this year so that we might actually go some place warm.

ladies who lunch

Pam-cake — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:23:30 GMT

Neko and I met Christine for lunch today... we got to be ladies of leisure for an hour or so. so nice seeing you!! thanks for the hospitality... and tell Scout thanks for the laughs. i lost count of how many times Neko said "doggie" on the way back home. we must do that again soon. in other news, i am trying to get my yoga mojo back. i've quit teaching completely and am going to try and focus on my own practice be it asana, meditation or atleast mindfulness. i can't believe how un-grounded i've become as of late. got to get my feet back on solid ground. Neko is showing the slightest interest in asana .. or atleast she likes to try and jump on my stomach when i'm in Bridge. i'd planned on an asana practice today but after shoveling snow last night and for over an hour this morning i'm think a hot bath might be more in order. perhaps with bubbles and a baby.

crabby as all get-out

Pam-cake — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 20:06:27 GMT

yes. that's me. this day started out well enough but then.... well, first of all it is frigid here. dangerously so. i had made up my mind that i wasn't going to leave the house today but then Bill said he had a Border's coupon he wanted to use. i'd told him to go by himself and i'd stay home with Neko... then she showed up minutes later with her winter boots, hat and coat in tow saying "go-go now?" and started crying when i said "no." not that she always gets her way, but i do try to get her out of the house on a daily basis. so i changed my mind and figured even if i wasn't in the market for a CD atleast she could burn off some energy. so we got ready and hit the road. we got downtown and i pulled into the Grand Avenue parking lot.. it's a joke... they charge for ramp parking to the mall which is part of the reason the place is always on the verge of folding. i park the car and get out. this is when Bill says "well, parking in the lot kind of eats up any savings from the Borders coupon, doesn't it?" i told him he'd better not take forever then. he procedes to pull a mini-tantrum and tells me he isn't going to rush his shopping. i ask him what he suggests i do since i'm not going to walk with Neko for blocks in -30 degree wind chill. "you didn't even look for anything else!" he replies, getting all pissy. this is when i get back in the car, start it and when he doesn't get in, i pull away. as it turned out i was able to find a spot approximately two blocks from the store. i park and try to find Neko's mittens for the walk. they're nowhere to be found. i've no idea what happened to them... they likely fell out in the parking lot and in my huff i drove off and left them on the pavement. nice. so i put my mittens on her hands, get her out and carry her to the shop. so now... i have to buy her mittens. parking in the ramp would have been less than a new pair of mittens. this just adds to my annoyance. i go to Old Navy and buy her new mittens. Bill takes his time shopping. At 1pm i tell him, "sorry to rush you but we have to go... it's past her lunch." she's exhausted by this time and starting to pitch a fit. he buys his CD and we go to the car. now... here's the icing on the cake. what disc did he buy?? another %*@# Bob Dylan CD. he's already got just about every freakin' album the guy has ever put out and from what i can tell so far the music isn't anything either of us hasn't heard before. it looks to be some remaster of a previous album. nice. he could have atleast bought something new and interesting. WTF. so now i'm in a pissy mood. i think i'm going to have a beer now before the Packer game even starts. i'm a fan by default. it's the law in this state. if you're not a Packer fan they deport you to Minnesota/Illinois/Michigan... all depends on which one you live closest too. it's the truth.

EEEEEEEK

Pam-cake — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 13:14:10 GMT

my blogging ebbs and flows and it seems i'm on the "ebb" right now. it just occured to me yesterday that i should get on here and write a few thoughts again. after all... it's good for me. it's about the only outlet i have when i'm home. it's 6:30am and i just gave Neko her morning bottle so i have a few moments before the day starts off at warp speed. the weather has been most unseasonable here. this weekend was in the 70s and it was border-line too warm. i hit the road for Madison as Bill had to work the entire weekend and spent time with my brother... also Bill. Saturday was pretty lazy and we spent the evening visiting my brother's coworker's home. they are from India and invited us to dinner. this was my first experience with real authentice Indian food in an Indian home and it was wonderful. everyone was so gracious and friendly. Neko was on her best behaviour which was good as there were many people there (some of them just off the plane). Neko loved the curry and the hostess was very pleased and amused with how she scarffed it down at her young age. she's a good eater. Sunday we headed off for the Norwegian apple orchard for Neko's first "picking" experience. we met my high school friend John and the lovely Jennifer there. again, it was quite warm but we were happy to have a rain-free day. we got a lot of great photos and Neko had fun riding in the radio flyer. it was a riot to see my friends again. it'd been nearly a year since our last visit. we all went for beer and a late lunch afterwards and i was disappointed to see it all end. my husband Bill had a horrible weekend and did not get home until 3:30am from inventory Sunday night. he then had to get up and go to work early the next day. he has not seen Neko very much lately and she has taken to calling everyone she sees who is male "dada". i'm sure it's just a weird phase. he should get to spend plenty of time with her this weekend as we are traveling to Eau Claire to visit my folks. Halloween is just around the corner and we are not going to dress Neko up for it. not officially anyway. maybe i'll put her in something goofy here in the house but that's about it. i am however making plans to celebrate Dia de los Muertos. we are going to adopt this Mexican holiday and celebrate it with Neko. it will be a good way for her to learn about the people she never got to meet and will hopefully help to put a positive spin on the whole "death" thing. i'm excited. i supposed it's kind of weird to adopt the holiday of a removed culture but we're going to do it. in closing, i hope all is well with everyone. i've got some blog reading to do!!

the holidays

Pam-cake — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:45:37 GMT

believe it or not i'm already thinking about xmas and what to do as far as gift buying. sort of in relation to my last post and my belief that it is really ridiculous for adults to feel as if they need to drop serious dollars on each other in the way of gifts... i've been thinking that for xmas if we can swing it we'll participate in the the annual gift exchange with a bit of a change. i think we're going to split the gifts 40% for the gift and 60% for charity. i'm not sure how this is going to go over but i'm not sure i really care. a recent statistic came out on the news here in Milwaukee that 25% of our city population is living in poverty. i find that horrific considering we are supposedly living in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. there is no excuse for children going hungry in this city while people are buying million dollar condos and driving Hummers. i hope that these people are giving but i fear they're probably not. i think in general it's probably your average middle class individual who is supporting the majority of charitable organizations in the USA. anyways... i think we're going to step out on a limb and do it. the recipiants may not like it but i doubt anyone will say anything for fear of looking greedy. one thing's for sure... it'll make me feel a whole hell of a lot better about the holidays. i wish Christmas could be more like Thanksgiving with people getting together for a good meal and to enjoy each other's company. my brother bill had it right and i hope as a family we can make the switch in the future... he said we should all just get together and have a nice dinner out, skip the gift giving for the adults and just give reasonable gifts to the children of the family. amen.

what constitutes a "weed"

Pam-cake — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:39:20 GMT

i got home today from work to a notice on my mailbox from the city of milwaukee saying that if i don't cut down every "weed or grass" on the property that is over 9 inches tall they are supposed going to send someone in to do it and charge me for it in addition to a $50 fine. now, i'll admit that my yard is a little overgrown as it is impossible for me to get out there and actually work with Neko in tow but it is not to nuissance status... not in my book anyways. i'm feeling pretty persecuted. i'm living in the murder capital of Wisconsin and they have time to harass law abiding citizens over the length of their grass? i've got a feeling my neighbor filed a complaint. this is the woman who sharply pointed out to me when i moved in that the wild grape vine that i was letting grow on my chainlink fence between our properties was a "weed". shortly after i put up a six foot wooden fence so that i could garden in peace without her opinion on my plant choices. the space in question... although they are supposedly counting my entire backyard... is by my garbage cans along our garage near the alley which just so happens to be right by where she parks her car (even though the spaces are separated by a chain link fence. it has been growning all summer with ivy, wild flowers, hollyhocks, catnip and yes... i'll admit it... a few weeds which had gotten a bit tall but not as tall as the flowers. i also have a feeling that the grass in question is the patch of ornamental zebra grass that i have growing along the door which is IN MY YARD to the garage. i also absolutely refuse to be dousing my yard and walkway with Roundup when Neko has to walk through it every day!!! tonight i'm obsessing about this whole thing because i've dealt with the city before on things like parking and it never seems that there is anyone with any wits that one can reason with. i have a feeling this could all get blown way out of proportion. i'm terrified right now that i'm going to come home some night to a huge bill and a fine and a back yard that has been raped. the notice made it seem like they can just come in and do whatever they want whenever. in the meantime the yahoo down the street has a crapped out blazer full of trash sitting in the alley by his garage and there are any number of other homes on our block that are as bad if not worse than my horrible yard. grrrrrrrrrr. god forbid one's yard isn't anything more than a patch of perfectly manicured chemically treated grass.

Postsecret

Pam-cake — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:06:18 GMT

too often i run across a postsecret that leaves me speechless...

wallowing in morbidity

Pam-cake — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 03:37:35 GMT

the Minnesota bridge collapse is hitting pretty close to home for me. i have so many friends and family members who have been effected in one way or another.... luckily all of them still have their lives. i myself have driven over the bridge so many times with the most recent being less than a month ago. my deepest sympathies go out to all of the victims and of course i am especially touched by the almost certain death of 2 year old, Hannah, and her mother whom I believe was pregnant. i can only hope that if the victims who are missing are indeed dead that their end was swift and painless.... if they are not dead i pray that they can hold out for rescue. i'm trying hard to be hopeful. it's getting harder as the days go by. on a personal note i'm feeling that i need to take a break from network news. every night i turn on the ten o'clock news to some new horrific act being perpetrated against a child or infant. tonight, besides the above mentioned sadness, a local woman who fell through the cracks of the system has been taken into custody for neglect and death of her toddler. the night before that it was the case of a ten month old who was sexually abused so badly she had to be flown to Milwaukee from Northern wisconsin to have her vagina reconstructed. i could keep going back indefinitely reciting the cases. it makes me physically ill the things people do to children... the most helpless among us. cases like the above sexual abuse scenario really test my belief system. i have a really hard time believing that someone who would do such a thing has any right to life... this from someone who once used to get on her soap box and spout about how she would't ever condone death to anyone for any reason. i know it's bad karma but lately i've been thinking a little bad karma might be worth ridding the world of sex predators. excuse me... i think i need to go and hold my baby.

Reunion in MPLS

Pam-cake — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 21:41:35 GMT

last week i met my friend and former college roomie Sandy for coffee. she mentioned that she was going to Minneapolis for the weekend. surprisingly my weekend was open so i told her i'd be game to go along. so Friday we popped Neko in the car and hit the road for Mpls. we stopped off in Eau Claire and dropped Neko with my parents for her first overnight and then were off the next morning in less than rested condition. my friend Margarey (the Mpls girl) had twins over a year ago and this was my first chance to meet them. they were of course adorable. Saturday was a whirlwind. after meeting the kids we headed off for coffee and some chit chat. then a visit to Uptown for some shopping. then to St Paul for high tea and the St Paul Hotel. then back to Mpls to rest for a bit. then off to Cafe Maude for dinner and intense conversation. then a bit of shopping at Patina. then off to Nye's Piano/Polka bar. then back to the house to hit the sack. the next morning it was off for breakfast at the Good Earth after which we left for Eau Claire. Neko's overnight was a success. we had lunch with my parents and then hit the road for another four hours. my own bed never looked so good. i was so happy to have my usual Monday and Tuesday off with Neko in order to recuperate.

Jesus Camp

Pam-cake — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:50:07 GMT

i just watched Jesus Camp tonight and i have to say i found it more than a little disturbing. Becky Fischer (the director of the camp) and her cohorts feel like another Jonestown waiting to happen. she goes around the country preaching her fundamentalst evangelical beliefs to Sunday School groups and then pretty much handpicking those of the children that she believes have the makings of soldiers for Christ. she pressures the kids to attend camp and then once the kids arrive in North Dakota she and her minions pull out the big guns of guilt and fear. it's straight up brainwashing and i was disgusted to my very core. the kids are not allowed to be kids. anytime they begin to act like normal children they get the life sucked out of them with some sort of "sin is death" lecture. you can't tell a ghost story because ghost stories don't honor Christ. you can't read/watch Harry Potter because warlocks are the devil and the old testement put warlocks to death... nevermind the fact that for all of the Jesus slinging they do they should be following the New Testement and the actual words of Christ... teachings of compassion and love. love your enemies. turn the other cheek. befriend the "unclean". i've always hated how some people love to take the bits of the bible that suit the cause and leave the rest. anyways, all of that aside... i just couldn't stand the sight of the children in torment. five year olds sobbing as they're being drilled on the proper pro-life stances. glances of fear from one to another when the director puts the kids on the spot for not taking Christ to school with them... making them get up in front of the assembly to repent. i just kept wondering... how many of these kids are going to break under the pressure. suicide. addiction. mental illness. depression. to see such guilt, fear and suffering on the faces of such young children made me feel ill. if there is a hell i hope ol' Satan has a special place set aside for people who cause such suffering to children in the name of god. i guess i'll just have to believe in karma and that Becky Fischer and all of those like her will get payback three-fold and many lifetimes to think about their wickedness. it is nice to know that Ted Haggard ended up being knocked off his pedestal due to "immoral conduct" ... homosexual relations with a man he paid for sex over a three year period AND the purchasing of methamphetamines. it's so sweet when the Holier than Thou fall.

the mother-in-law

Pam-cake — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 12:05:44 GMT

i'm about at my wits end. a tiny bit of me is probably blowing things out of proportion but i've been assured by my husband that i'm justified. yesterday we went to bill's sister's home to celebrate bill's dad's birthday. i'd been kind of dreading it because the last few times i've seen bill's mom things have been more than strained. she lives in her own little world and pretty much has no common sense. it's gotten way worse over the years but she's always been a little "out there". at this point she probably wouldn't have to say or do a whole hell of a lot for me to become irritated with her. i really try. i told myself yesterday than i would make more of an effort and then we walked through the door and this is how things played out... 1. we came in the house to see Bill's dad who is awesome, i must say. he's so great with Neko. he was talking to her and basically getting a few moments before being discovered when bill's mom realized we were there and came at us with everything she had. she starts calling Neko's name over and over in this high pitched voice like she's a dog... she always does this and has been called on it by other family members repeatedly but continues to do it -- this is a prime example of how she doesn't listen. she never listens to anything anyone says or asks of her because she's always too busy trying to "help", talk at and generally suffocate the person she's attempting to connect with. apparently her nervous behaviour and needy-ness goes back to childhood and her latch-key kid homelife. i feel sorry for her that she had to grow up like that but i don't like having to suffer through her lack of basic social skills. 2. she sees the sundress Neko is wearing and immediately says as i'm digging in the bag for her sweater "I HOPE YOU BROUGHT A SWEATER FOR HER!" in this annoying tone as if she's patting herself on the back for bringing it to my attention that it's breezy out and Neko might get chilly. i am a horrible mother yknow... i tend to dress Neko improperly most of the time and toss her to the elements. 3. she once again has an outfit for Neko. this is in itself a very nice gesture EXCEPT that i've told her millions of times that Neko is wearing an 18month size and she never listens to me! at our last visit she showed up with a T2 shirt. i reiterated that if she wanted Neko to be able to wear her gifts she needed to buy 18month. our summer is short. she'll probably still be in 18month by the end of it. so here we go again... she buys her 24month. not the end of the world. it'll be big but she can wear it. the point is SHE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS!!! it's the principle that is pissing me off. 4. she brings teething biscuits for Neko. Neko has front teeth. at this point teething biscuits are a hazzard. she can bite off big chunks and then they're too hard to chew. she'd be better off just getting her a real cookie. whatever. it's the thought that counts right? so i give Neko one against my better judgement and she bites off a huge chunk. i'm trying not to overreact and bill's mom says "she likes them!! well, it's a good thing grandma brought them for you!" right. because otherwise she'd have nothing else to eat since i don't feed her properly either. 5. we go outside and before i know it bill's mom shows up with a huge thing of blowing bubbles. she starts blowing them at Neko. i'm standing there once again trying to control myself as she gets closer and starts blowing them right toward her face. i turn to grab a drink when i feel water hits my foot and turn to see bill's mom flinging the wand back and forth through the air trying to get the breeze to create bubbles. she's sweeping the wand right at Neko's head and then sure as shit she hurls soap all over Neko's face. it gets into her left eye and she starts crying. bill's mom says "oh, she got a bubble in her eye" and starts trying to wipe her face with a kleenex from her pocket. i said "you got soap all over her face!" with a total scolding tone which i think may have gotten through because she clammed up and stepped aside. i took Neko in the house and tried to wash her eye. i don't know what kind of toxic waste they put in those bubbles but the whole left side of her face got red and blotchy and her eye swelled. her eye kept watering and her nose running for the next hour as i began totally giving bill's mom the silent treatment. 6. i'm sitting and stewing because of the bubble incident trying to enjoy my drink. bill's mom notices what i'm drinking and reaches over to slide the bottle so she can read the label. then, she picks it up and pours herself some of my drink!!! now granted, she only poured herself a sip but christ almighty!! how rude is this??? how many of us would do this? without asking just help yourself to someone elses drink. even if it is a family member you should ask!! it's so incredibly rude. i was totaly simmering by this point. she then proceded to keep picking up my bottle to read the label. i was nearly about to sit it down in front of her and tell her to fucking have it when she became distracted... by the bottle cap. she picks it up and looks at it. looks at Neko. looks at the cap. looks at me and says "hmmm... there are some sharp edges." i don't know how i contained myself. she's sitting there contemplating giving her grandaughter bottle caps to play with when there are a zillion other safe things around. stupifying. 7. she gets up and begins preparing a plate for Neko. i'm getting so irritated again just writing this. every single fucking time we see her she insists on slipping Neko food. this would not be a problem with most people but as i've shown up to this point she has no fucking common sense. this is all beside the point however.... Neko is my daugher and when i'm around i will prepare her plate. end of story. this may be a quirk of mine and may show that i have some control issues when it comes to Neko but it's something i like to do and i'm entitled to. plus, i'm so annoyed with Mary Beth at this point that there is no way in hell i'm going to give her the joy/privledge of feeding Neko. she hadn't earned it with all of her antics. i told her i'd feed Neko from my plate. she continues so put food on the plate she's preparing. i said again. "i'll feed her from my plate". she stops what she's doing and puts the plate down in front of me on top of my plate. i picked it up and set it back by her. i wanted to throw it at her. bill begins serving me and i start feeding Neko who is aggitated at this point due to all of the previous ridiculousness. Mary Beth transfers food from the plate she started onto my plate. i'm seeeeeeeething. i finish feeding Neko, do not touch her food and get up and go in the house to stay. from that point i just avoided MB like the plague. i knew that if she said one more thing i might go off on her and say something i'd regret. i don't know what to do about her. at this point i don't trust her with Neko. i'd never leave Neko with her without bill's dad around. he seems to be the only one with common sense. Mary Beth is like a child. leaving Neko alone with her would be like leaving her with an eight year old. an eight year old could manage but could you really trust their judgement? right. i keep hoping that maybe once Neko is older and more durable things won't be so strained. i don't want Neko to sense how much Mary Beth annoys me but kids are smart and once she's older she'll be more aware. i need some serious advice.

boys are such wimps

Pam-cake — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 02:04:57 GMT

bill has the flu or some such thing. he got the chills on thursday night. woke up with dry vomiting on Friday and a severe headache; he came home early from work. friday night was on off chills and fever all night, headache and body aches/pains. today the nausea was gone but he still has the headache and listlessness/fatique. i'm sure it sucks but... I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME!!! i swear... he's such a wimp when he's sick. he keeps moping around the house, audibly sighing and moaning with this pained expression on his face. when i say "if it's that bad you should be upstairs sleeping and not exposing Neko and I." he just continues to hang around putting on his little show for me. i wish i could be more sympathetic but these days i have a hard enough time mustering the energy to take care of Neko let alone waiting on him hand and foot too. plus, the flip side is that whenever i am sick he doesn't wait on me or even make that much of an effort to take care of Neko; i just end up having to suck it up. all i have to say is i hope he gets better and damn soon because if this goes on much longer i'm going to put him out of his misery.

what song would you strip to?

Pam-cake — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 22:46:04 GMT

i know this is trashy but i can't resist. post your results!!!! http://www.blogthings.com/whatsongshouldyoustriptoquiz/ i'll post mine when i finally get the guts to take the quiz =)

let her eat cake

Pam-cake — Thu, 24 May 2007 02:29:25 GMT

Neko turned one today. i'm still in denial. i can't believe how quickly the last year went by. i spent the majority of the day trying as hard as possible to remember last year this time. "7am... at this time last year i was just getting to the hospital" "2pm... at this time last year i was languishing in labor being flipped from side to side and thinking that if it went on much longer i was going to just go home" "5pm... at this time last year Dr Mickelson came in and said, well, let's give it a shot and i pushed like nobodys business because #1: i was "done" and #2: i was freaking out at the looming chance of C-section" "5:50pm... at this time last year Dr Mickelson said LOOK. LOOK. and i saw her lift Neko up and felt the release and thought... no way that just came out of me" "8pm... at this time last year..." well you get the picture. i dropped her at daycare this morning and felt exactly like i did the first time i left her there. i wanted to cry. i drove to work with visions of kindergarden, elementary school, middle school.... asshole kids picking on her and hurting her feelings for the first time and all of the crap that life can dish out... and not wanting her to have to experience any of that bad stuff. wanting to hold her and protect her and keep her small like that newborn baby of one year ago. sigh. i love her so much i feel turned inside out by it.

sigh....

Pam-cake — Mon, 14 May 2007 21:55:13 GMT

it's 87 degrees here today. no lie. it's downright crazy. i'm not complaining because i know that by mid week we'll likely be back in the 50s. anyways... i packed up my dolly and headed out to meet bill for lunch. we grabbed a few things at Beans and Barley and then went to the park at the end of North Ave overlooking the lake. it was lovely. i had a beer. nothing like a hint of a beer buzz at noon on a hot spring day. Neko crawled between us on the blanket sneaking pieces of burrito, potato chip, banana bread and yogurt. eventually the lure of the dandelions became too much so we watched her crawl through the grass, picking flowers and trying to stand long enough to shove them in her mouth. i always caught her just in the nick of time. i wish every day could be like today. i wish we could just be independently wealthy and not have to work ever again... just spending long days with our dolly.

Chicago excursion

Pam-cake — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:01:40 GMT

yesterday was beautiful. Bill got us tickets to see the Vollard show at the art museum. we got on the stick early and were in downtown Chi-town by 11:30 after the usual parking fiasco... holy crap. $22 to park!! i couldn't believe it... i knew it'd be expensive but i had no idea. guess it's been a while since i've been downtown. we took in the show first thing and Neko was such a trooper. she sat quietly watching the crowd filter through the galleries and only a couple of times did i have to put Cherrios in her mouth to keep her shushed. after four hous she'd had enough and we made it outside again to an 80+ degree day. like i said... it's been a while since i was downtown. Millenium Park wasn't there then. what an amazing public jewel. we took Neko in the huge wading fountains and she had the best time screaming and walking through the water with me struggling to keep up. then we lounged under the blossoming trees on thick green lawns. it was perfection. we took the Lake front home and stopped off in Kenosha for dinner and a beer with a college friend. little girl slept like a log. mom and dad did too.

finally a reprieve

Pam-cake — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 03:23:18 GMT

i seriously thought i was going to lose my mind last night. the throbbing in my head from the tooth gone wild was near unbearable. i got the filling Wednesday. Thursday night vicadin and beer didn't even take the edge off. Friday night six ibuprofin and beer and my toothache only scoffed. i fell asleep from pure exhaustion from a Thursday night of nary an hour of sleep. this morning i woke up ready to call the dentist (it takes a lot for me to go in... i'm an anti-dentite) and lo and behold it'd calmed down to only a dull ache. by mid day i couldn't decide if it was my headache from the sinus cold or my tooth hurting. now it's 10:19pm and i'm finally beginning to feel human again. tomorrow the temps are supposed to be in the 70s. things are looking up.

the spring sneezies

Pam-cake — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:23:40 GMT

i knew i wasn't going to be lucky enough to side step the spring cold season all together. Zicam will only get you so far. honestly, the stuff saved me from two other horrible viruses this winter... my time was up i suppose. add to this the fact that i got a huge filling on Tuesday and it seems one of the nerves deep down in there is freakin' out. my jaw has been throbbing since yesterday afternoon. in addition to feeling like crap little grrrl has found her voice with a vengeance and has been yelling at the top of her lungs since i brought her home. no reason. she's just testing out her vocal cords and is quite pleased with herself. if this keeps up i'm going to be treating myself to a vicadin and a beer.

when it rains it f*cking pours

Pam-cake — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 04:15:45 GMT

so yesterday i find out that Bill's car is going to cost $1K to repair... seems it's been running on only three of the four cylinders. no good. today, i'm having lunch and lo' and behold the back side of one of my molars chips off for no apparent reason. i know that this is a crown waiting to happen. good bye another $300 at least. on top of all this we got the mother of all spring snowstorms... the sloppiest, heaviest sludge possible. this in itself is not terrible but it's going to mean that April isn't going to be as light on the energy bill as i'd hoped.... good bye another $300. ever feel like you're hemmhoraging money?? make it stop!!! the only good news is Neko is little miss healthy and happy... now if i can only keep her this way until the cold season passes. on the advice front... as in i need some... miss bunny bread has decided she's too busy to nurse. is this just a phase? like, "damn the crawling/cruising thing is fun and i just don't have time for a drink!" or is this the beginning of the self-wean... i shudder to think. gaze into your crystal ball and give me the verdict 'cuz mine is broken.