I am so amazingly frustrated with my health today. Fuck those fucking fuckers with common ailments like diabetes. I pick up a medical text on endocrinology, and I get 250 pages of diabetes and a fucking paragraph on hypopituitarism.



So I hunted around for some statistics. A disorder is considered "rare" if it affects less than 200,000 in the US. Here are some statistics on my ailments...



secondary hypoadrenalism 1:100,000

secondary hypothyroidism 1:25,000

secondary hypogonadism 1:40,000



Me: 1:100,000,000,000,000



World population: 6,602,224,175 (July 2007 est.)



Let's line those numbers up, shall we?

100,000,000,000,000

6,602,224,175

Notice something there? Notice that I am more rare than the entire world population? Now granted, go through the world population throughout time and I'm sure you'd find another me... but it would take some digging (pun intended).



I always dreamed of being special and unique as a teen, but this is *not* what I had in mind.



So fuck you in the face, helpful news health segments.... Don't you dare try to sell me some bullshit of how if I just-did-this I would feel soooOOOooo much better. Because it won't fucking work with me. I AM a unique fucking snowflake, much as I may hate it.



“When I’m watchin’ my TV

And that man comes on to tell me

How white my shirts can be

But he can’t be a man ’cause he doesn’t smoke

The same cigarettes as me

I can't get no... Oh no no no!”



So keep your "breakfast is! the most important meal of the day" crap. Don't you think (no... nevermind... I know you don't) that if all that ails me could be solved by eating breakfast, I would have figured that out by now?!?!?!? Just because I have a brain disorder doesn't mean I'm a cretin.



And please GOD, could someone tell the medical profession that we'd likely trust them more if they'd cop to the fact that they don't know everything? I mean really... just because you have an MD after your name doesn't mean you're a minor deity (much less a major one). And just because you can circumlocute* a subject with all your faaaAAAaaancy medical terms (which aren't nearly as fancy as you think they are) doesn't mean you've fooled me into thinking that you know what you're talking about.



*I can use multisyllabic words, too, fuck-face...



Spewing out the same bullshit time after time doesn't make you any more convincing either.



So please, can you just fucking admit I'm a black box, there is no cure, treatment is difficult as hell, and that I might actually have some decent ideas on the subject since I've been living in this unique body for 3 DECADES and you've seen me for 30 minutes at a time every 6 months for only the last 3 years?



I don't know about you, but I've never known an academic degree to be as reliable as first-hand knowledge. That's one reason why scientists conduct these funny things called "experiments"...



Because the map is *not* the territory.



I can has health now plz?



[ETA]

So what would be the effect of growing up without cortisol... having that deficiency masked by growth hormone? Having your thyroid run on growth hormone for most of your life? Growing up in a female body without estrogen? What are *all* the hormones produced/controlled by the pituitary/hypothalamus? Which ones aren't? Just what does DHEA do? How many hormones does the thyroid produce (including breakdown products like T3)?



WHY DIDN'T MY MOTHER GET A C-SECTION FOR A BREECH BIRTH?!?!?



[AETA]

And screw you, writers of House, M.D.... the dude in the wheelchair who got "overheated" and threw himself in the pool? NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!! Because adrenal insufficiency causes COLD intolerance. Not heat intolerance.



Morons.

Stop reading my journal.

This is fair warning.

Continue and there will be consequences.

"Charmingly scathing"



And the head hurtiness can stop now.



[ETA]

Cool acronyms from a rount-table discussion on Rap and Social Responsibility

PIMP - Positive Intellectual Motivated Person

NIGGA - Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished



And I have to say for the record, Nelly is one smart dude. I don't agree with everything he says---I think some of his ideas he needs to explore to a greater degree---but I'm impressed with him. It's obvious he's seriously thought about his responsibility as a celebrity to social issues within the community.



I jsut wish all the folks at the discussion realized that Rap is not the youngest music genre. Techno is.

Spent a large portion of the weekend vomiting and in excruciating pain. Was able to avoid the ER (vomiting usually means do not pass go, do not collect $200, straight to the ER) because I was able to keep my medications down through sheer determination of will.



The vomiting *should* have triggered an Addisonian Crisis, but strangely enough my BP and HR were extremely elevated (139/95, 102bpm resting). So this morning I put an emergency call into my endocrinologist and neurologist.



I think my medications are all off, and I probably have a severe electrolyte imbalance *opposite* of what's typical for someone with my conditions (Addison's patients are told to avoid potassium and keep a regular intake of sodium. I believe my sodium is likely very elevated---past tests have shown double than the high end of normal---and my potassium levels dangerously low---throughout my hospital stays all year long, my blood-work constantly came back with dangerously low potassium levels that were difficult to raise even with potassium supplements.)



I have all the symptoms of stimulant abuse (even though I don't), even on days when I haven't taken any, including caffeine but excluding cigarettes. When the pain isn't debilitating, I experience hyperactivity, insomnia, restlessness, tremor, depression, dizziness, headache, irritability, palpitations, tachycardia, arrhythmias, hypertension, cramps, diarrhea, dry mouth, metallic taste, nausea, vomiting, urticaria, and ascites.



Besides the pain and vomiting, I've also been experiencing severe heat intolerance. My apartment is around 50^°, and even that can be too warm, particularly for my feet and head. It's been hovering right around freezing at night, and I've been sleeping with the window open, feet uncovered and bare. Warm water from the shower is *painful*.



I've also been dealing with edema again. I can't see my ankles. My feet and toes are so swollen it's difficult and very painful to walk. It feels like the bottom of my feet & toes are covered in swollen blisters. I can't extend the fingers of my hand completely. My lower back is *screaming* at me, with my knees providing backing vocals.



So yeah.... I've been unreachable and will probably continue to be until this is cleared up. I don't mind calls, emails & text, but don't be surprised if I don't answer. It's a rare moment when I have enough spoons.



If anyone has any insight into my symptoms/conditions, I'd love to hear them. Otherwise, good health juju is always welcomed.



<3 Pam



[ETA] I also react opposite to opioids and stimulants. Opioids make me hyper. Stimulants make me drowsy. Thoughts as to biological causes?

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