Okay, so this is not going to be popular with young boys and middle-age dads. I can accept that. For some time now I have enforced a ban on weapon toys and aggressive play. I believe that play is practice for life -- kids play dress-up to try on their own versions of adult roles. They learn the mechanics of structures by building with blocks or Legos. They're expressing creativity, learning sportsmanship and strategy, they're imprinting these experiences and they will use these skills in their interactions with people. I don't see any good reason for children to practice aiming and firing a gun.

Now, I will concede that I'm okay with my nephew and niece learning to shoot their rifles in the context of hunting with their dad. It's a part of their family culture. My brother-in-law is one of those responsible game hunters who makes as much use of the animals he takes as he possibly can. He is respectful of the animals, and he's careful with guns and is teaching his kids these values. That's different.

Violent video games, toy guns and knives, trash talking and put-downs -- what are we teaching kids about conflict resolution? What kind of disconnect are we setting up for them if we tell them one thing, and then they practice another?

Fact is, Americans are highly desensitized to violence of all sorts. We see it all the time in the images that surround us. We are immersed in it, and we have come to believe it's just something to accept. It's not. It's something we can change, and we need to change. And I think this starts with the youngest members of our society.

It hasn't been that hard. We don't have any toy guns or weapons. I've heard the argument that kids can make a gun out of a stick if they want to have a gun, or even just point their fingers and use it as a gun. So, the rule is that we don't play games where people hurt each other. It's amazing how flexible kids can be when they're confronted with this. Maybe you can find a game where you all work together? And they do.

There was once a classroom scene playing out in my daughter's bedroom, with a teacher who was berating her students for being so stupid. I intervened. I don't like the way that teacher is talking to her students. Well, the teacher is mean, but it's just a game. We don't play mean in our house. Don't you think the teacher would be a better teacher if she was nice and helpful to her students? The thing is that the mean teacher game was bound to degenerate into hurt feelings at some point. Once redirected, the classroom went on for hours, other people took turns being teacher, and we wrapped up the play date with friendships still intact.

I've heard the argument that violent games and movies are simply entertainment. I guess I have to wonder why we find that entertaining. Are we really such a nation of adrenaline junkies that we thrive on a mental diet of death, destruction, and degradation? Can we really expect our kids to distinguish the real from the surreal when faced with a conflict they can't wish away?

I grew up on the cusp of the video game craze: I remember Pong, and I've played WarCraft for hours at a time. We had squirt guns we aimed at each other. I didn't end up being a homicidal maniac, and most people won't. Was my life truly enriched by these activities? I think not. I'll never get those hours back, and I see now I'll never use those strategic skills in my real life. It's escapism at its worst, and it's not worth it.

I think kids who practice kindness and play nice grow into adults who do the same. I think kids who practice cooperation and collaboration develop sensitivity to others, and get to know each other better. You have to do that to get along. Kids who practice leading with their ideas instead of their fists don't need to bully to get their way. Especially if they also practice listening and sharing. There's no down side to it.