Random Observation:
One must take caution in coffee houses not to ruffle the feathers of the silent readers.
Perched like upstart pigeons (attempting to look more upper crust than those slate grey colors they wear),
working furiously over the next days spreadsheets or Sodoku (because their boss thinks it improves the "Brain Muscle").
Their faces are puckered into a sour beak - knowing that all this is never for pleasure, only business. Even their half-caf, soy latte tastes like shit, but it's to keep their figure.
They never appreciate those who come here for fun.

Things Not Commonly Heard in Polite Converstation Unless You Hang Around With Me:

"Shit! I gotta go, the pumkin is boiling over!"

"Hmmm. the Last Frustrations of a Geriatric Hippo."

"I mean, you're right, dairy can't be good for Boo....he doesn't have boobs."

"Where'd she go?" "Into the scrub with a bottle of red, looking for Toads."

"I got me a hammer right here that sez it fits."

"If I had a hundred dollars for every time....wait no...then I'd be a hundredaire....wait no nevermind..."

"It's a good thing men don't have their genitals on their hands - that would put an end to the manly high-five as we know it."

"Stop staring at me with your evil laughy eyes! I can't drink my tea! You're doing it on purpose!"

"Oh-oh here come the Danger Sisters....their first, middle and last names are all Danger....Danger, Danger, Danger!"

"I don't know, someone just crammed these flowers down my chest."

Mmmm....Puddis....it's when Tapioca meets a Guiness floater!

Rum-Tubbin': (Otherwise known as RT) When giant quantities of rum are ingested by patrons who are partially submersed in a jaccuzzi. Fun & Hilarity generally ensues. RT-ing is often thought of as a good way for all Pirate crews to relax.

"Sure me and my wife are into S&M. She sleeps while I masturbate."

"It's funny, normally you should stay away from anything with the prefix of hot & buttered; but with rum, it kinda makes sense."

Patron:"Don't you just wish it were just like victorian times all the time?"
Me:"Oh yeah,of course I do, but wihtout the consumption, rabid starvation & disease, gout, pox or unhealthy working and living conditions, sure....."

"Uh-oh Pistachio."