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ONE DAY IM GOING TO HAVE TO GET UP AND NOT BE AFRIAD TO START LIVING MY LIFE . OR ELSE MY EXISTENCE IS JUST A WASTE

HUBIRUS

I consider myself to be humble in reality. I don't present myself as such online always, but i get told by numerous people that I am.

So why is it that when something bad happens to me I take it as an afront to my very existence in this universe that it was me and not somebody else. Like I'm that important that the powers that be sought out to ruin my life becuase im some how more than others are. When the reality is that sometimes (but not all the time) SHIT JUST HAPPENS and it happend to happen to me. end of story or it least it should be but i make myself out to be Sisyphus eternally rolling that boulder up hill or Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders for enternity. I am not the star of some greek tragedy. I AM A DUDE WHO PROCRASTINATED AND GOT FIRED. I need to learn to accept things for what they are instead of looking for something thats not there.

My personal vanity disgustes me sometimes.

i kind of feel bad about posting this. but yet feel compeled to do so.

I'M SO FUCKED, but i kind of like that about myself.

Swimming in the Shallows

I don't have to be loved, I don't need to be liked, I just want to be wanted by someone I want.

PATIENCE IS VILLAINY

HE WAITS JUST OUT OF SIGHT. FOR ME TO FALL, TRIP, OR STUMBLE MY LIFE TO THAT PLACE WHERE I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THEN TO LET HIM DO AS HE PLEASES.

I SLIP AND COME CLOSE BUY NOT CLOSE ENOUGH.

NEVER ACROSS THE LINE, BUT ALWAYS TO IT.

I SEE HIS EYES WATCH ME FROM THE DARKNESS WANTING ME TO JOIN HIM WISHING ME TO UNDERSTAND, WILLING TO GIVE ME A HAND. BUT I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE AND IT WAS TO HARD TO COME BACK AND COST ME TO MUCH

HE WILL NEVER GO AWAY.

ALWAYS THERE EVER READY. BUT HIS TASTES DO NOT SIT WELL WITH ME

I WILL NEVER GO BACK.....I HOPE

convergance of thoughts

the darkness does not hold fear for me it holds shame. i see my hate for others and loathing for myself.

my pride that is to much for any one person. those thoughts of which i do not speak to anyone. the darkness is the brightest mirror that reflects the deepest reaches of my soul. to much for me to behold so i close my eyes and fall asleep

The Year Of Me

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!! as Rick James would say "ITS A CELEBRATION BITCH'S" and offically the year of me yes at 12:01 in Greenwhich, England the United Nations Security Council procliamed that the year 2008 is the sole propety of one Barrett Ethan Lodge Kingston Alexiander II and as such any act I commit in said year I can not be prosecuted for in perpituity through out the universe as long as it does not result in death or permanent dismemberment of another individual(except for clones) or the Financial or Social collapse of any First or Second World country.

In Other words......THE WORLD IS MINE

what is it

i dont know if im just a dreamer, naive, or a stupid sap for watching so many movies as a kid but i believe in love and true romance and that you can find that one person for you. I believe there maybe a couple people out there for you.

but theres one that fits you best and i want to find him no matter how many times i get hurt or have to make a fool of myself becuase its worth it to me all the pian and drama that i might have to go trhough to realize whats right for me and the difference between what i want and what i need. use to seem like a mounumentous task but if theres a chance that one day i get to share my life with a man who excepts me as i am flaws and all.

then its love

BLIND SIGHT

OUR HABITS AS HUMANS TO DEFINE THE WORLD AROUND US. TO LABEL AND COMPARTMENTALIZE EVERTHING WE EXPERIENCE IN TO WORDS, OBJECTS, TIME, AND SPACE LIMITS OUR SELF FROM ACHIEVING TRUE INSIGHT INTO OUR OWN EXISTENCE. WE ARE BORN WITH OUT BARRIERS, WE ARE BORN ABLE TO SEE AND THEN WE BLIND OURSELVES WITH EGO, AND PRIDE,

ARE FEAR OF NOT KNOWING OR I SHOULD SAY THINKING WE DONT KNOW AND TRYING TO PUT OUR HYPOTHOSIES ON PRINCIPLES THAT CONTROL ARE UNIVERSE ARE MORONIC.

WE HAVE BLINDED OURSELVES TO THE TRUTH AND LOOK FOR THE ANSWERS ELSEWHERE WHEN THERE ALL AROUND US

BLUNT But TRUE

LIFE-That shit is scary son!

Ode to a Savage

SELF IMPROVMENT IS MASTURBATION! SELF-DESTRUCTION IS THE ANSWER.
From Tyler Durden in Fight Club