The Soapbox (preach, Red Man)

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Mark Pincus on Mark Pincus

Hey all you Mafia Wars and Farmville Sheeple! Want to see Mark PunkAss brag about ripping you off, offering you malware, and scamming you in to lock-step conformity for his gain? This is the same guy who plagiarized my announcement under his name when I was attempting to save his abandoned Tribe site and then didn't deliver my promises and never so much as acknowledged me.

Yeah, the premium subscriptions for ad removal was my idea. Sorry you didn't get your shirts.

Here's the article (props to Chris Crismond):

and here's the video:

Now that people are discovering what I've been saying for a year and which I VERY PAINFULLY DISCOVERED ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, Pincus is now acting all contrite (that he is not interested in contributing to anything which doesn't line his pockets) :

And even went so far as to post about how he's so aggressively fighting the problem:

Meanwhile the $75,000 that the guys who ponied up for the opportunity to keep tribe afloat because Mark wouldn't invest any of his money in to it is spent, the site is back to being unstable, and I am quietly thankful that I walked away with less than 100 hours of work donated to learning the lesson.

Don't abandon tribe because of this. Just stop paying the $5 a month, let the value sink to nothing in Mark's pocket, and tell the fucking world.
Thu, November 12, 2009 - 12:31 PM — permalink - 7 comments - add a comment

Premium Subscription

Let me call it an experiment that I implemented but was not given the opportunity to administer. Now Darren is leaving tribe. Pinkus and Trader have passed the reigns on to the first guys to pony up $75,000 which I'm sure has been spent by now.

But Tribe's going to have to survive without my $5/mo. They've implemented none of my ideas except for taking five dollars and blocking ads. I'll take another look at ads in my threads, because honestly I'm not on tribe very often anymore.

Enjoy that jet, Pincus. Good luck with the poker app and the mafia wars thingy over at FB. You're a dick, albeit an incredibly wealthy one.
Fri, May 22, 2009 - 10:34 AM — permalink - 5 comments - add a comment

Here ya go, Jackie (A blog post regarding my son)

Every few weeks I have a nightmare regarding Alex. I haven't seen him in eleven years now and I spNak'd his bitch mom in court yesterday over a child support issue.

Usually these nightmares make me wake up crying. Last night's was a good dream, just bittersweet upon awakening. He was a little guy...just how I remember him...struggling to express himself. The thing is I always knew what he meant. He was a little scared because he couldn't find his shoes. As usual, he was afraid of getting a spanking (nice one, fucking heartless banshee). I kneeled down in front of him and smiled. "that's okay...close your eyes". He closed his eyes and we whispered in conspiratory levels to each other:

"Do you remember having them?"


"Do you remember what they looked like? Think hard"


"Do you remember where they were?"

"Yeah", and he ran outside to get them, little chubby legs pumping along.

I awoke and got in the shower. That's when I remembered the dream. I smiled and thanked my God for giving me such a good dream. Then I wiped a tear from my eye and washed my hair. Miss ya, buddy.

Did I mention that my ex-wife is a heartless bitch?
Wed, March 4, 2009 - 4:30 PM — permalink - 8 comments - add a comment


I've been thinking about this while working this morning. Given their tradition of bigamy, wouldn't it make more sense to refer to themselves as a Morwomen?

Thu, February 5, 2009 - 11:42 AM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment

Fletch (or Why Chevy Chase is the suckiest person in the history of everything that ever sucked including the fifth season of Night Court)

I was but a lad. A lad that read everything handy. We were on our way to the airport to go on vacation and I heard an advertisement on the radio for a new book called "Fletch". It was a mystery about a drug dealer who is tapped by a prominent business man who wants Fletch to kill him. Huh? WTF would anybody hire somebody to kill him? I made a mental note of the title and picked it up at a store while on that vacation. That was my introduction to Fletch. Or Irwin Maurice Fletcher ("people call me Fletch"). He was an investigative reporter who was undercover as a heroin addict amongst the homeless on a beach in LA. He was also a ladies man, a rebel, a smart ass, and one hell of an investigative reporter. The book read like a breeze and you literally didn't find out what and why until the last ten pages or so.

I was hooked.

There were several other Fletch books to follow, and a spin-off character named Flynn also had his own series of three or four books. All great mysteries, all full of humor, thrills, and general entertainment. By far this was my favorite author in the mystery genre (Gregory McDonald). Then Chevy Chase released his take in the movie Fletch.

What the fuck? Chevy Chase as the sexy ladies man? Chevy Chase as the intelligent undercover investigative reporter? Wait a minute...Chevy Chase as FUNNY? Nope. He fucked the Fletch movie into the ground, and then managed to make a sequel that was three times as bad. The films paid a slight amount of attention to the premise of the story line, but the Fletch movie was a rip off that killed the Fletch book franchise. Chevy Chase is a smarmy, smug, cocaine-addled stand up comic who lucked his way to fame. The only movies where he managed to pull of being entertaining were the two Vacation movies written and directed by John Hughes. The same John Hughes who wrote Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles wrote some of the greatest National Lampoon stories ever printed. My Penis, My Vagina, and the two stories that made the only two good Vacation Movies are just a sampling of the edgy, dark humor this guy wrote. Conversely, Chase was the only anchor around the neck of the comedic classic Caddy Shack. He is a fluke and every year he goes without making a movie is a good year for movies. He is every bit as bitter and difficult to work with as the (once funny-now just as smug and unhappy) Bill Murray, and every bit as relevant as (once the funniest straight man in the business, now pretty much retired) Dan Akroyd. He's done. Washed up. Good Riddance.

I've carried my resentment on this for a few years. As little as six months ago I thought, "man...he probably bought the movie rights from McDonald and there will never be a resurgence of that great, original character and mood. Now today I got an email from an old friend who shared my love of the books and my hatred of the movies. Kevin Smith was originally slated to make Fletch Won (a prequel...NO CHASE!). He wanted Jason Lee to play the young Fletch, Miramax wanted Brad Pitt (no!) or Matt Damon (maybe). Now Smith is off the project. Josh Jackson is rumored to be the new Fletch, as is Dane Cook and Ryan Reynolds. God, I hope these are rumors. Please, please, please make this a quasi-humorous mystery instead of a quasi-mysterious comedy.
Wed, January 14, 2009 - 11:37 AM — permalink - 0 comments - add a comment

The Zombie Apocolypse and Zombies 2.0

I used to be okay with zombies. They moved slowly, they were dumb as bricks, and a simple broken pool cue through the eye socket was enough to take down one. All of the other zombies would stare at their fallen zombie-brother, make a half hearted attempt to avenge his re-death, and then shuffle off to find either a sick woman or a black guy (because they were always guaranteed kills for zombies). Besides, I'm a fire dancer. Zombie flesh isn't like human flesh. Zombie flesh is more like cheap kero mixed with linseed oil. A flick of a cigarette ash was enough to create ZombiePyre. If you didn't happen to have a cigarette all you'd have to do was put the zombie in a 55-gallon drum and leave it in the sun for ten minutes and it would spontaneously combust. Hell, a child could decapitate a zombie from fifteen paces with a boomerang or a sling shot.

That was then. Now we have these Zombie 2.0s. These fuckers are fast. Not only are they fast, but they are incredibly strong and markedly cunning. It’s only a matter of time before they start using net books and smart phones to communicate coordinates and we’re all in for a world of Zombie-Hurt. Plus the product line was expanded to include zombie animals. Dogs and rats are dangerous enough, but zombify them and they become lethal killing machines with super agility and the ability to burrow better than we ever could. I’ve explained to my cats that I love them but I will have no problem killing them if they show the first sign of becoming zombies. And there is no such thing as a vegetarian zombie. They no longer go for brains alone. They want the whole enchilada. In fact that’s all we humans are to them…slow moving, vegetable-craving enchiladas.

2.0 Zombies do have some new weaknesses. I don’t know if it has to do with any cross-breeding they did with vampires, but zombies are now incredibly susceptible to sunlight. It burns them on contact. Of course this means that we won’t have to worry if a zombie apocalypse happens while we’re all at burning man, but we won’t know about it until we head back. I guess they could sneak in to BRC in RVs during the evening, but could they keep quiet during the greeter’s check? We just don’t know enough about these new breed zombies to form these types of presumptions. Even if they do come at night, hell…we’re at burning man. We burn shit all night long.

But we shouldn’t let BRC allow us to grow complacent. Classic Zombies were only infected when actually bitten by zombies. This new breed of fancy zombie appears to become infected usually by something as innocent as a new beauty treatment, some type of inoculation, or even airborne viruses. And once they are infected, the quickening happens…well…quick. You barely get a chance to tell your 11-year old daughter that you love her and next thing you know you’re attacking her with brut zombie-strength. Even if you do manage to outsmart these super-zombies and take a bunch of them out (I suggest a 30-.06 to a propane tank from 1000 paces), you still can’t touch them. Just one whiff of zombie rot might be enough to infect you. We just don’t know yet. One thing is for sure…a single drop of zombie blood (or slime…whatever pumps through their undead veins) in the eyeball or ear canal and PFFFT! You’re toast.

I continue to study martial arts very diligently. I’m stronger and better trained than most, but what if we get zombie flies? We’re royally zombie-fucked, that’s what. I guess the safest place would be in a Hummer with a machine gun turret. But that’s only gonna take us as far as the next gridlock of abandoned vehicles. And forget about getting out of your huge-ass, well-equipped military vehicle to try to move some of those cars, because just like Classic Zombies, Zombies 2.0 love hiding in abandoned cars.

All I know is we need to learn more.
Fri, January 9, 2009 - 12:33 PM — permalink - 3 comments - add a comment


I'm going to start off by saying I've got a lot of respect for cops. They have a tough job with little support and have to execute it in a very ethical fashion, often while under scrutiny from biased parties. The temptation to over react is always in the background and their ability to swallow their pride is commendable. I've often seen cops step over the line; I've even argued and threatened them (punitively) when they have. The only times I've been in jail were for traffic tickets that have gone unpaid and I've never spent the night in the slammer on the wrong side of the bars (remember that I once worked at Folsom). At BRC I've gotten somewhat aggressive with them (verbally and only when I was goddamned sure I was in the right and had level headed witnesses). Yeah, there are some bad apples in there. The problem is that those bad apples have the same guns as the perhaps 85-90% that are stand-up guys simply trying to do their jobs, go home, and sleep at night.

I have a big problem with gang bangers. I freakin' hate them. I hate the whole 'turf war' bullshit, I despise selling little rocks of death so some asshole can go buy a C350 while he's still living at his mom's house. I don't like the predatory way they induct children into their ranks so they move up a notch in their particularly harsh version of AMWAY. I am disgusted when I see a bunch of them swaggering down the street scaring the hell out of decent people who are just trying to get on with their day. If you and a group of your friends band together for protection, cool. I've got no problem with that. If several people band together for predatory purposes that makes them cowards and bullies.

So I guess a few people got in an altercation on BART on New Year's Eve. Were they bangers? I don't know. Were they loaded and hyped from a night of partying? Most likely. Was one of them cuffed and shot in the back by a BART police officer? Yep. And here is the video to prove it:

The word "Pig" comes to mind. And that asshole just made every single other BART police officer's job ten times harder. When BART settles the lawsuit (it will never see a jury verdict), it is going to take money out of their budget. When that money comes out of their budget it will cost them services, eliminate positions, or force them to increase fares. All because some murderous thug who is strangely referred to as a two-year 'veteran' (maybe at McDonald's, Police Landia it is a twenty year hitch and 10% in means fuck all) killed somebody already in custody.
Wed, January 7, 2009 - 4:24 PM — permalink - 5 comments - add a comment

Bored bored bored

I'm sick. Lena gets to put up with me tossing, turning, SNORING, moaning, coughing. And I'm bored. Daytime TV actually makes sick people feel more sick, so that's out. The cats are avoiding me because they realize I'm bored and that gives them an opportunity to torture me. I'm going through email correspondence for work, doing the phone thing, etc. but I am BORED. I want to be at work/in the dojo/playing guitar/anything but laying in bed on my stupid laptop pretending I'm being an effective commercial broker. This is a face time business and I'm way too worried about money to be sick and not at work.

Somebody tell me a story or something.
Tue, January 6, 2009 - 9:44 AM — permalink - 9 comments - add a comment


Just ran across this on Yahoo. Garry Trudeau has a nice collection of them as well:

President George W. Bush will leave behind a legacy of Bushisms, the label stamped on the commander in chief's original speaking style. Some of the president's more notable malaprops and mangled statements:


• "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." — September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

• "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" — January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

• "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." — Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.

• "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." — Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

• "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." — April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

• "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." — April 18, 2002, at the White House.

• "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." — Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.

• "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.

• "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.

• "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." — April 20, 2005, in Washington.

• "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." — Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.

• "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." — Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

• "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." — June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

• "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." — Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

• "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." — June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

• "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." — September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

• "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.

• "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." — May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.

• "And they have no disregard for human life." — July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

• "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." — June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

• "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." — July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

• "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer — prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." — Sept. 3, 2008, at an emergency operations center in Baton Rouge, La., after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.

• "This thaw — took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Oct. 20, 2008, in Alexandria, La., as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.
Mon, January 5, 2009 - 1:26 PM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment
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