and life......

Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don't have any surface noise. I said, "Listen, mate, *life* has surface noise." --John Peel

with those who are ready on the dance floor."

-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

WEARING THIN
tangled in detachment
attraction a-tired in a gown of resentment
so tacky this statement
dated fashion
constricting the last inspiration
this glove conditioned to fit
blocked circulation
girdled with unfastened closure
you’re in there
enveloped
predictably unpredictable
yet when your clock strikes
its check in time
Hi.
whether it suits me or not
yes still here.
Always here it seems
(except for that once…..not to be forgotten as it afforded you a “new” second-hand gown)
….knocking softly, earnestly…
finally!…..opens the closure eagerly, casually
again (excitement) not again (wearily)
Please just come be over here
Enter this new space
(wiping the mirror clean)
Can I take your…..?
Shit-eating grins won’t starve for long
a mere gown is no restraint for the luminescence of love
we are slave to loves fashion
I can see through your gown
And now so do you
You knew it was sheer all along
I think it may tear at any moment
or not…careful running with scissors
no tolerance for an overzealous tailor
need to strip off this stale garb carefully
down with the eye-sore
expose inner attractions
the light that gives warmth
comfort to the flame
intimacy sparked
new flesh buxom for bustling release
the easy flow of breath in and out
quickening to catch the rhythmic slow
undressed here in the freedom
of naked attraction




EXORCISM
The image
nestles
alive as
painted pictures
so…
not so much
and…
more than enough
Lodged in my skull
Fracturing joy
Conjuring pain
gnawing view
impressed on screen
Cracked into two
appears in a rock broken
imaged in every raw angle
creviced
An ugly picture of you
This one now
A ghastly hue
Soggy faced loop
dreary with grime
Zombie headed fink
What’s a girl to do?
With leftover blues
Half eaten
From loving you.
When each new image
Replaces the old
Constant reminder
love turned cold
Same bright golden locket
Still opens the same
Smell stale murky
possessing ghostly frames
both sides a creep show
projecting forth
the vile image
in stereophonic
emitting
love lost
played
watched
repeated
in still pictures
cracking my head
to pieces
again.
In these times
when I must spew forth
words as channels
forsucking
totem of dead ghost
from haunting
from lurking
from imprinting
in the mental rift
arming myself
for exorcism
leave now.
away from mind space
am now wiping clear
dissolving demon face
fade to nothing
nothing
clear screen project
crystals suspend
clear and divine
twinkle light
here all the time
cast back in double
no triple and four
more grooves of light
radiate than before
recollect now
bounce back
revival of moving pictures
reconfigure raw
dissociate anew
sing with a hum
no shape
weightless
crystal clear hue





BY A THREAD
insides crawling
seething
heavy pricking aching
bubbling for a pop
at the plead for justice
but that would be loathsome
wouldn’t it?
There IS no justice
But…
HE did it
And it WAS pitiful
But before that
She wanted their bubble!
she was prepared to fly
with the love
from another love
a him
the one
my love!
this rare breed
whom
young girls
and middle aged women
draw into elaborate
frolics
where amorphous pink hearts
rise and swell
...at long last
discovered.
and now this
uncovered.
is IT the love of and in itself?
forced away--
or the bearer of love?
forced--
simply
a lost friend
the mirror of mine own heart
true love
with you.
YES YOU!
pure in reflection
we were there
.....and then
truth refracted
in a glare
clouded with prevarications
neurosis unfolding
into exhibitions
destructing the self
atrocities if you will
as pleas for help
for love
for mercy
AS IF
I the source of your pain
AND the remedy of yr spoiled perils
No faith in fabrications
Nor integrity woven
by a Spin Doctor's thread
Flailing fibers
Fall apart
Sure
Twist them into a rope
A temporary bind
A cord
Attachment
Yet still
Dangling by a thread









IT HURTS
Her heart still achy
After all this time
Her special space
Touched by love
Illuminated with warmth
Filled with content
For a time
then...
Smashed to bits
Scorned, scarred
yet
Her love lasts longer
Than the knife in her back
But that’s still there too
How long she wonders?
No use to fuck the pain
That doesn’t go away
Sure it hides and shifts
morphing
Disguising itself
Until days like today
In the brisk cold
Chin up
She is walking
A beautiful woman
And a warm heart
Aching in time
Gush it
Squeeze it
Pour it out
Stomp it out
Cover it up
Tears fall
Futile
Sit in it
Be with it
Befriend it
Tears fall
Futile
It hurts
And the gain?
She wonders
Must exist
In faith
but still
it hurts




THE BLINDED LIGHT
The grasp of hands
Holds a space
Blending of hearts
Illuminate grace
Feeling secure
Holding dear life
Endearing strife
Loving bodies cling
Within comfort stills
Without sharpens blade
Hold me holding you
Binding not blinding
The light internal
Between us
Eternal
Regardless
Soul illuminating soul
Beings curved in fractal
Through the end of the bend
A sharp edge
Watch out!
Don’t leave!
What happened to still?
Its here don’t you know?
Where did you go!
See in to me!
Im here!
Don’t go!
Blinded by vacuum
The lines sucked
Vampiring our light
Our grasp becomes fright
Fear oh dear!
Should not consume
Its consuming!
Transmitting reflected pain
Not the pain!
Oh dear rid the pain!
Love the pain!
The pain means its real
Don’t you feel?
The grasp scolding dear life
Cutting circulation
Fingers peeling away
Skin parting
Are you leaving?
You can’t leave!
You can’t change now!
You wouldn’t change before!
You!
The one in my grasp.
Endear. Endure. Embrace.
Damn it!
Gave you everything.
Take it.
Don’t you want everything?
You say you are light
Be real!
Filter the shite.
Through me through you
Receive the delivery
Don’t hate me!
I love you!
Just take this
Accept this
And no matter what
The light will reign…
Shattered
Lined out with blade
Just be what I need you to be
We’ll be alright
Snow-blind no sight
Add a useless ear while you’re at it
I know you want it.
Turning an evil twist
And cruel at that
How can you be so dark?
Alone is your choice
When together clamps
A suffocating vice
Selfish you
To choose parting
To destroy the mirage
And left alone
With self
In the light
How dare I?





THE FALL MEETS THE RISE
The manipulation is fierce
(pause for added intensity)
Warped delusions
Grand in proportion
Experience unfathomed
And I as recipient
Wonder…
Overcome or stand defeated?
Play or get played?
Participate or disqualify s elf?
Obviously not thy sport
Yet here I dwell
A twist of fate?
A taste of hell.
Ring the bell!
"Please!"
Begging undermines thy source
The I source
I and I
Equal.
Separate.
Beloved.
Soaring.
Falling.
The Fall meets The Rise.




A FRIENDLY DATE?
In The Fall
Ballard and Burlesque
Beckoned to the Lair
Bloody Sex
Banished tHug
Groping Grips sUrged
Fight Anger Lust Pain Hurt Fear
Depth Shallowed
Dead sExercise
Resonance Denied
Passion Boiled Surface
Mounting
Sex Bloodied Fear
Was this Love? Yes.
Am I Angry? Yes.
Beat on Flesh with Fists
Crying
Shrieking
Moaning
Raging
Beats on Flesh with Fists Pounding
Sounding
Smacked Dull
Wet Skin
Beat Rhythms Of Pain
Echos of Sorrow
Anger Cries
Smacked Flesh
Again
Again
Again
Tears Stream
And Then...
(dream sequence)
Wet Billowed Backs
Ached Sides
Laughing on the Floor
Smiles Deepen
Loins Relieved
Souls Laughing on the Floor

"If music be the food of love, play on."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night


"I have no pleasure in any man who despises music. It is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God. I place it next to theology. Satan hates music: he knows how it drives the evil spirit out of us."
Martin Luther


"Be yourself....everyone else is already taken." --Oscar Wilde


Ken Wilber said, "Transformative spirituality, authentic spirituality is therefore revolutionary. It does not legitimate the world, it breaks the world; it does not console the world, it shatters it. And it does not render the self content, it renders it undone."
|||{{{<<<***and this is the work I have cut out for myself***>>>}}}|||


"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." anonymous under 8 year old (via shayde)....can't say I really hate a person but I sure am working on it......


"..our heart survives between hammers, just as the tongue between teeth is still able to praise." R.M. Rilke
'nuff said.


on watching my flowers bloom...
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed." ---Corita Kent


Confucius Say:
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."


and here we are...
When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal. -- Napoleon Hill



this is one I don't care to believe as a general rule....but in moments have felt it more than I ever thought possible...
“There can be no great disappointment where there is no great love” MLK


"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." ~ Helen Keller
ahh-men



this one reminds me of a boy I used to know...
"Love the earth and sun and animals, Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, Stand up for the stupid and crazy, Devote your income and labor to others... And your very flesh shall be a great poem." - Walt Whitman


is this the benefit of a broken heart?
" He who has not tasted the bitter does not understand the sweet." -fortune cookie


amongst the space where I exist...
"I now think of the brain as a receiver of the phenomenon of
consciousness, i don't believe that consciousness is generated in the
brain anymore than television programs are made inside my TV. The box is
too small." - Terence McKenna



"Man [sic] can suffer only a certain amount of culture without injury."
- C.G. Jung
(strange how injury can be so stylish)



sometimes I spend too much time looking for answers so then I stop it...
'Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of
a problem.'
-Jiddu Krishnamurti



"Don't believe everything you think" - bumpersticker on Mr. Youngs car
cuz sometimes I think lots of danky dark bullshit and pretty pink peacock shit that just aint true.



"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you"--Maori proverb
this has often been my mantra which is really great when it works, otherwise those shadows have a way of darkening the brightest day



"From its seeming to me- or to everyone-
to be so, it doesn't follow that it is so.
What we can ask is whether it can make sense to doubt it."
- Ludwig Wittgenstein, On Certainty
Ahhh Yes.



On objective aesthetics...
"Our problem is to find a way of supplementing
our observation of the mechanical universe
with some type of observation which establishes
our personal connection to the world."
-Christoper Alexander
(behold mine eye!)

drawn to vampires
what do i get out of it?
waste of perfect blood



mark line in the sand
no more pants down snuggling
still kidding myself



so soft so gentle
yet addicted to demons
empathetic tears


the power to choose
faith in the execution
sorrow lies between



anticipation
rough hands finger buoyant touch
won't wait much longer



attraction pull loins
swims in hungry giddy-ness
wet consummation



tearing up these things
winds in my corded spirit
almost whole again



found your hidden words
remembering your humor
had almost forgot


the smell of his scarf
love to absorb odor deep
i ignore choke hold



seeker seeks new find
for warmth tuning soul fire
hone creators best



forced back to myself
the stray at the end is me
closest far to go


a fine line between
wet drops splitting sharpened slope
broken halves from one


cabalistic link
chimeric implication
freeform mindbomb boom



1 and 1 and 1
3 is the magic number
vanish to appear



the weaver weaving
old loose designs now constrict
breaks in new style



those close now take space
strings slack enough to breath deep
smile....focus....go



and there in his words
your absence feels like cancer
i too malignant


************************************

fingers drenching into wet
rocking deepest canal
bursting forth gorgeous


it was the end of the road
"they" say form fits function
conjunction junction



new styles expand miles
faith turning a corner
and my hope won't die


she fell in love with a dream
forward back exist now
tradgedy precedes

**************


up for the downfall?
so you want to hi coup me
lets take it inside



clinging deep in heart
a cantankerous spit ball
covers the weak spot



starz longing for dream
mutual twinkle of eyes
demented black hole



in love with a man
infatuated mirage
bubble burst blew up



when darkness blankets
highest power is my friend
resonating soul


it's not what I thought
there is nothing wrong with me
erase projection


I was born today
thirty something years before
from the cake jump...NOW!


conflict juxtapose
slaughterhouse juices anguish
the love beyond ripe


relentless ache
stuffing heart into thimble
pull back....gasp.....pull back


sharp nails scrape
crimson liquid drips from wound
she is picking scabs



so deep this well runs
you...my cup runeth over
tears fall and fall...fall


complete disrespect
deepest commpassion for soul
impossible grasp


sacred images
occupy space for new love
flames licking faces


vibrator melting
blue rubber drips on hot log
dissolves past romance


ceramic bunny
place upon the highest shelf
now rubble on floor


face and skull is bruised
he said it didn't happen
psycho or liar?


cute pink little voice
blood driping from sharp nails
his name is gloomy


jumping up and down
discharges pent up bullshit
sweat falls toothy grin


freaks at the playground
her goof ball has a puncture
a flat goof...how wierd


old program allows
repeated endangerment
new version loading


beneath sunglasses
welcome uncomfortable
want this ice lolly?


posing a question
without waiting for reply
answered for himself


rooted with deep core
women are complicated
basque in she essence


psychic connection
scientists crave specimens
big white rat prodded


fated lovers meet
the abused trades for abuse
big fish little fish


he cracks her heart wide
devours fiending tender meat
vampire at play


she plays with fire...
with her against judgement burns
those same scars again


anger rage within
bow to electric guitar
blue tears stream intense


stoking the fire
unleashes burning embers
longing for burnout



Sun bright on new day
Depression melting away
New slap on the back



Deport gatekeeper
Psycho in my second base
I govern this space



My inner smile
Perseveres in the darkness
Many lives spent here




Sex in the City
So many tastes touch the lips
Swallow what she craves




Even with girl new
Mad cravings for love he threw
With disgust for self




Dog sleeps so soundly
Dream of days with peaceful heart
Man will set him free




Drunk on wine with screw
Giggle with a heart that knows
He is lost or dead



Say what I feel
Manipulation received
Homegirl don’t play that



Cries demented lies
Poor dear must have been thru it
The horror lives on



Snarl anxiously
Giddy at the height of stairs
push your fluff on me



buzz of nicotine
racing flitters in my blood
chemical settles



Masturbate for me
Dunking fingers in the whole
Breath quickens for more



Put your face up close
Drunken intoxication
How’d you like me now?



Open gash spread wide
Outpouring with wet fragrance
Poised erect to dive



Sadness squeezing heart
Pulling soul into vortex
She prays for relief



Blind twist of fate
Depressed for over a year
Pivotal Assault


Turn my words around
You don’t understand at all
Stand straight before you


Seized up in the back
She tells me its about grief
Grief for a love slain


Know that I love you
Be still look me in the eyes
Get fucking real


Again and again
Cease bitter bullets to heart
A gain and a gain

Only I have ceased to question stars and books. I have begun to listen to the teachings that my blood whispers to me. My story is not a pleasant one. It is neither sweet nor harmonious as invented stories are. It has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams - like the lives of all who have stopped deceiving themselves."

Herman Hesse

From and interview with Lonny Jarret, MS,LAc on the role of Traditional Chinese Medicine:
"The great step now for our medicine is out of the relative and into the absolute. You simply can't have a truly holistic/integral medicine without spiritual realization and a serious practice. I'd say the giant leap now has to be from a merely systems theory "holistic" perspective to an absolute, impersonal, cosmo-centric perspective. The great step now is beyond the small self to the One Self. What is the relevance of one-on-one medicine when the existence of the patient's species is seriously threatened? Over time, I have come to see that there is only one patient, one movement of conditioned mind, one ego and one authentic self. We need to jettison 4,000 years of classical mess, at least for a moment, to see the way we can best serve right now. Of course, institutionalized ego in the profession always will endeavor to preserve "what is and what has been" and resist change. So, if we want to change the profession, the country and the world, the real revolution is to seriously take ourselves on as practitioners."

The Present Is The Best Time For Action

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann - 1927

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

YAY AREA!

Hyphy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hyphy (pronounced HI-fee; IPA: [ˈhaɪfiː]) is a style of music and dance primarily associated with the San Francisco Bay Area hip hop culture. It began to emerge in early 2000 as a response from Bay Area rappers against commercial hip hop for not acknowledging the Bay for setting trends in the hip hop industry.[1][2] Although the "hyphy movement" has just recently seen light in mainstream America, it has been a long standing and evolving culture in the Bay Area. Bay Area rapper Keak Da Sneak takes credit for coining the term when, as a young boy, his mother would often tell him he was hyperactive. He would repeat the word "hyper" as "hyphy". To this day he continues to use the word "hyphy" to describe his behavior. [verification needed]

Hyphy is distinguished by gritty, pounding rhythms, and in this sense can be associated with the San Francisco Bay Area as crunk music is in the South. Contrary to popular belief, the musical aspect of the movement has very few similarities to crunk music, as it is dictated by more uptempo beats. An individual is said to "get hyphy" when they act or dance in an overstated and ridiculous manner. Many in the Bay Area would describe this as acting "Retarded", "Riding The Yellow Bus", "Stupid" or "Going Dumb". E-40 is seen by many in the Bay Area as the "door opener" to a much bigger movement yet to be exposed to the world in its entirety.

Culture

A particular feature of hyphy culture in the Bay Area are sideshows or sydeshows, when one or a series of cars do multiple doughnuts by braking and turning at high speeds. Other car maneuvers include "Yoking" and "ghostriding". Hyphy culture, like much of rap culture, focuses heavily on the usage of alcohol, marijuana and ecstasy. In particular, the influence of ecstasy is emphasized through hyphy's heavy sexual proclivities. Dancing and partying are important aspects of hyphy culture, though it is not necessary to be on drugs or alcohol to participate.

The top Bay Area hyphy producers include Rick Rock, Traximillion, E-A-Ski, Starski, and Sean T.

Slang

Like many Bay Area trends, Hyphy has a unique culture of slang. Below is a partial list of notable slang terms in hyphy culture: [3][4]

* "Boo" - your bitch
* "Beezy" - A bitch or a whore.
* "18 Dummy" - Going dumb by drinking Jose Cuervo 1800 Tequila, also known as "Dummy Juice." The word was made popular among Bay area citizens by The Federation.
* Doobid/Dubid - A combination of the words "dumb" and "stupid"
* Direct Traffic" - to explain or give directions.
* "Dummy Gone" - A mixture of Patrón tequila and Hyphy Juice (a grape and green apple fusion energy drink which is highly popular in the Bay Area). The combination equates to a sense of euphoria from getting dumb and gone (as in inebriated), hence the name. This concoction was popularized by The Team (band) in the remix of "Hyphy Juice".
* "Flamboasting" - All manner of showing off.
* "Gas-brake dippin'" - Driving while quickly alternating between stomping on the gas and the brake. Also known as "Yokin'".
* "Gee-Diddly" - To start a sydeshow. Also known as "Scrapin'".
* "Gerbazlle" - To act foolish. (Gerbazll'n)
* "Gettin' it" - To be under the influence of ecstasy.
* "Get/Gettin' Twisted" - Getting high. Refers to the act of "twisting" (rolling) a joint or a blunt.
* "Ghost ride the whip" - Driver walks alongside slow-rolling car with the door open, giving the appearance that the car is driving itself. Passengers ride with all the doors open and sometimes leap out of the moving cars, sometimes dancing on top of the hood.
* "Giggin'" - Dancing wildly. Also known as "Turfin'" or "Turf Dancing", a form of dance created by youth on the streets of Oakland, California, involving pop-and-lock-influenced footwork and fluid-like arm movements, inspired by the Hyphy Movement mentality of "going dumb". Oakland's equivalent to South-Central Los Angeles's krumping.
* "Going or getting dumb/stupid/ignorant/retarded/hyphy/Ridin' the yellow bus" - is the main concept, which means having a good time while ignoring society's negative opinion of "uncivilized" behavior.
* "Gouda" - (Goo-dah) Referring to Cheddar, Cheese, The Ducats, Skrilla, Benjamins, C-Notes, Grip, Greenbacks, Cash-Money, in reference to money.
* "(Hitting) the Drop" - A dance move that consists on one crossing their legs, then falling on their knees. They then bounce using their knees and feet, and then twist their legs to get back up.
* "Supa sick wit it" - Means appealing, awesome, or can related to hyphy (see above)
* "Hurt" - A variant of calling somebody "lame", or otherwise a distressed person.
* "Hyphy train" - A wild, mobile party with a long line of cars with all the doors open, in which occupants ghost-ride, flamboast, dance on the hood and roof, and otherwise get hyphy.
* "Pud" - Variant of calling somebody "gay", although not literally homosexual.
* "Runner"/"Ripper" - A girl who is known to get around.
* "Scrapers" - Vintage four-door American sedans with whistling pipes, oversized spinning rims and a powerful stereo system. They hang low in the back and send off sparks when one is "gas-brake dippin".
* "Scrape/Swang" - Turning a sideshow/sydeshow.
* "Slapper/Slumper" - A song with particularly loud bass and/or Hyphy connotations.
* "Slappy (goin slappy)" - Acting out in a wild manner (see dummy).
* "Stunna shades" - Unusual looking glasses that people wear when they get hyphy. Oversized dark glasses that help accessorize the sagging jeans and white T-shirts that are part of hyphy fashion. "Stunnas" are frequently aviator .style glasses, but often more elaborate or attention getting.
* "Stunting/Turning Tight Ones" - Turning donuts, figure eights and other car tricks. Allen Gordon, former editor of Rap Pages magazine, says, "If you can spell out your name in tire tracks in the street — you're the man."[cite this quote]
* "Thizz" - Street slang for being up on Ecstasy, popularized by the late Andre "Mac Dre" Hicks. Thizz is also the name of Mac Dre's record label.[5]
* "Thizz Face" - Coined by Mac Dre to describe a "look on your face like you smell some piss". Originated from the face that one makes when putting an Ecstasy pill in one's mouth, due to the bitter taste. The term and facial expression have been appropriated to mean several other feelings and situations. Also known as doing the Cheney. [citation needed]
* "Thizzle Dance" - A dance associated with Mac Dre's song by the same name, the thizzle dance (thizz dance, thizzing, closely related to going dumb) involves wearing a strange facial expression and waving one's arms and legs in a bizarre or unusual-looking way. "Thizzing" is also associated with shaking one's dreadlocks and/or getting on the ground.
* "Whadiddadiz?" - like "what it is" or "What is going on".
* "Yadadamean?/Yadadamsayin?" - A phrase popularized by Keak Da Sneak meaning "Do you know what I mean?" and "Do you know what I am saying?" The 'dada' usually signifies rolling the letter 'R', however, for effect and for people who cannot roll their 'R's, the informal 'didi' (pronounced did-I) is appropriate.
* "Yay Area" - The Bay Area of California.
* "Yee" - Originating from the streets of Richmond, California meaning "HEY" or "WASSUP".

This is merely an introduction to the slang associated with hyphy culture.

Can I be an Anarchist and a Pacifist all in one breath?

Fuck the system. Fuck the Government. Fuck the status quo. Fuck everything that is. The age old question for me at least is whether it is better to leave em or join em. Fuck this country….it is my home the place where I have chosen to create thyself…created this…sure I may be lucky to be here and to dwell in "all this" but it is corrupt and manipulative and geared to shove me into a box. A box where I play the program. Okay so Im in the box and I don’t like the box…do I petition to the makers of the box to let me the fuck out or do I destroy the box and leave….maybe to some other box with unusual wrapping paper where it will take me another group of years to figure out that I am actually in another fucking box with an imprinted texture of wrapping paper that is evermore coming akin to the wrapping that I knew before.

Okay then, destroy the box and create a hammock with some mosquito netting or a palate with some paints. Will I swing or paint myself into yet another box? Will my distain and departure of the original box ensure that the box will persist and collect the souls of those I could have helped save, or will my action of destroying the box and painting a new scape free me from all that I have known?

Who creates the box? Likely me, by resorting to play this old program out of convenience. Yet the “Founding Fathers” in this land made up some rules. Well thought out maybe…enough to base a socioeconomic culture on sure but hey, its an old program mutated to appease those who call the shots…do I really want to suck it up just to play an old program begun by folks who have no idea of how their infrastructure has become corrupt by megalomaniac manipulators after 250 years! Nope sorry. Not Interested. Who runs things? I run my thing. My beliefs…speak straight, strong, pure heart minus manipulation and control, respect boundaries that others identify for themselves…as they are nothing against the others (me), listen to and entertain beliefs of counter intelligence, support the levity of the environment the depth of the earth and sync of fellow humans. We are all actors on this stage working out the essence of our lives which is equally valuable, just mostly yearning to defy accord with judgements abound. Speaking of judgements. Fuck ‘em. The only way another being can judge you is if you choose to believe it. We is what we is what we is. Now.

Just don’t know if I should stay or go now. Trouble or double trouble? Indulge here as I am. Fuck this shit and love it.

For the love of God ess...
-Porkchop

stolen comment on Porkchops statement:
Everything is true, and everything is permitted. –Genesis P-Orridge

" "Nothing is true, everything is permitted." " -William Burroughs quoting Hassan I Sabbah

so I went to this place and found this tree and it spoke to me about all sorts of self-help spiritual mumbo jumbo id already heard in a myriad of different ways from a bunch of different sources since bout as long as I can remember and likely before that too and in this particular moment the message was faith. Alright, yeah, ya betcha I know about faith. But what I didn't know is I was down on faith...down to my spare change in fact and I was doubting that I even wanted to turn it into a buck so I just sat in it cuz I didn't know how to much less feel like doing anything to change it...too much work and not enough resources right?.... Days went by....if your reading, this "story" is much more wordy and complex than what it's actually telling about...ya see...I was digging, just feeling the dirt all around me actually, and snagged my finger on the rough part of a knotty root when the concept of faith triggered me to get it once again about faith (as if I had forgotten). It was an inspiration--faith is inspiration and damn at the right time a little inspiration opens the door and turns on the lights. Me then thinking faith is belief in the truth, whatever THAT it is for each person. It is firm and resolute, loyal and holds allegiance to the self, knowing that the self is the other and in that we the whole universe. Uh oh...me creeping back into definitions and such...getting heavier. Okay, call me airy fairy and such....thing is Im not super into airy fairy...Im into integrity and respect and truth. If you got that for me I got it for you and the universe is us in its provision. This is not to be termed as society's "perfection" by any means, nor would I want it to be...and then here we are perfect just the same. It is just the faith and the belief that the root of the self is on the good foot and not ever resolved to let the disillusionment of life's humm-dinger slanted-ass wiggety wack "lessions" keep it subverted in a loop of perversions. The universe will serve whats best for each individual...and we've all been served up some dirty third hand bathwater, so to speak. Dump that bucket out and the earth will soak it up.....get inspired to grow some flowers...this universal love lives wherever we want to find it and its ours for the experience and mutually attractive of course.





Notes to Self:
1) Regroup
2) Define Identity
3) EXPRESS GRATITUDE
4) Consciously Choose (each time)
5) Express Anger (depression is anger turned inward)
6) Connect with Great Spirit
7) Circulate Stagnation
8) Generate Kundalini Fire
9) Employ Discipline (the thorn in my side)
10) Spread Wings
11) Kick Ass
12) Smile
13) Fly









Lunar Eclipse: March 14, 2006. This is no ordinary Lunar Eclipse. At Eclipse time, Pluto, planet representing the degeneration principle, is exactly square the Full Moon (Pluto is square the Sun-Moon opposition). And on April 3, Mars, lord of aggression and heat, moves into position to exactly oppose Pluto and square the Eclipse degree of 26 Virgo-Pisces. This is pay-back in the deepest sense imaginable and beyond. What is hidden will struggle to reach the light. There is an exaggerated obsessive emotional quality to this Lunar Eclipse. What you blame in others may be exactly what you need to focus on in yourself. It's not about holding onto sanity by blaming others, it's about looking honestly at how you act on your most intense feelings and perceptions, the kind that push all your buttons.

I can't make predictions because there are too many ways aspects can manifest. The best advice I can give is: figure it out for yourself. It's your process. You CAN figure it out-- if you relax your fear and focus your attention. But if you are always running around hectic and demanding, you are not going to feel satisfied and it is not ANYONE'S fault or responsibility to provide you with gratification without any effort on your part. Even if they tried 24/7, you wouldn't be satisfied and would probably resent them and turn on them for interfering.

So on this Lunar Eclipse square Pluto the lesson is: you create your own hell. By believing in negativity, by buying into it and eating it up every day, you create it and maintain it every minute. It's your own hell, so you can break free, but not if you continue to blame everyone else, including yourself, for who you are. Don't know who you are? Astrology is an excellent tool for self-awareness. Rather leave your life to chance? That means you would rather project your negativity onto everyone else, blame others, and never feel happy or satisfied. But at this Eclipse, there is the potential to realize your true path. A clear sense of inner purpose can be revealed that gives you the inner strength and power to take on the challenges you will face on your road to fulfillment.

Still, we are facing almost certain crisis. This can happen in many ways, but it all has the theme of something hidden and resistant coming to light. Since we are a culture that demands that we be given what we want without having to do much or think it through or give anything back, since that has been our established direction, we are resistant to change and in grave danger. And what's the response? Blame. We crave meaning, yet we blame, measure, categorize --- and generally distance and disconnect from our feelings. We are defensive not only to others, but to ourselves because our feelings threaten us with pain, loss, or having to ask for forgiveness. So long as we can point a finger at what is wrong with everyone else, we can maintain our illusion of innocence and stay beyond blame. Yet we suffer because inside we realize we are not perfect and it is the very demanding that we be perfect that keeps us separated from loving, enjoying, and creating a better world, starting right now.