On the eve of this day where in our country we are celebrating hope, dreams and change, I came across an article in the Sun magazine that was discussing the world of dream imagery and I … came across an inspirational man whom I’d like to share a bit about.
‘Dreams are the “work-shop of evolution.” The form we are growing into takes shape first in dreams, and we are always dreaming of matters that are beyond our ability to comprehend at our current stage of consciousness.‘ So writes Jeremy Taylor, a brilliant man whom for 35 years has been melding dream exploration, and social action. Cool shit. Check ‘em out (Jeremytaylor.com). His work of bringing together people in community to share their dreams and therefore the thread of themes that surround the human consciousness he believes is imperative to social change.
Here’s a quote I loved: “In fact, an extremely effective tool of human oppression is the disparagement of the native imagination. If I can convince you that the playful and spontaneous products of your imagination are worthless or trivial, then I can make you my slave, regardless of any accompanying economic and political oppression. Conversely, if I fail to persuade you that your imaginative life is substandard, then no matter how much economic, social, or political oppression I put you under, you will never be entirely enslaved. People who are in touch with the archetypal imaginative impulse are in a state of creative ferment and revolution, whether they are outwardly insubordinate or not. Such people are always behaving in new and unexpected ways that the authorities have not specifically prohibited, because the authorities have not thought of them. I think it is no accident that Mahatma Gandhi’s idea of a religiously inspired strike – perhaps the single most powerful instrument of collective, nonviolent social change that we know of- came to him in a dream.”
So there it is folks – Keep dreaming. It is one of the most powerful things I believe you can ever do to effect change.
Leave you with a line from one of my favorite poems…
"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings." Victor Hugo
Love,
Be

So friends, I’ve been in China now for almost 3 months. I am here to study the martial art of Taijiquan. I thought I had an idea of what I was getting myself into here, but true to the art form, I was completely wrong. With this practice, being completely wrong is just assumed at all times. In fact you tell yourself you will never get it; might as well forget that whole idea because it’s as difficult as attaining Enlightenment. In that same regard, you can try and try all you want to achieve this state, but it is only by grace and the mystery of the meandering, spiraling and unpredictable nature of time that ‘getting it’ will emerge. It is believed that this martial art form is so unattainable due to its other worldly origins, being passed down to the secular world by celestial beings. My master likes to say it is a remnant of intelligence brought to Earth by invading Martians… either way, by engaging in this style of movement you are attempting to do something that is not ‘humanely possible’ and therefore achieve transcendental power and strength. I am learning to be humble, and how to loose to win. In Taiji it is important that with every moment you forget what you ‘know’, don’t fight or resist, dismiss your ambition, move according to the principles, hold firm in this position and then power (ji or chi) is unleashed in the spirit of non doing.

This is a practice in embodying the Tao or the Way, the Chinese version of Universal Truth and how that plays out in the intricate fabric and stories of life. I train every day to move my body in accordance with these principles. There is a choreographed form, of 108 moves that are the basics of the system. You practice this over and over again. There is a cycle of feeling like an utter idiot, slowly warming up to a basic ability to understand the movement, finally breaking through and achieving a extremely temperamental quasi ‘ah ha!’ I am doing it; only to have it all fall apart by some realization that you are doing it all wrong again, and starting over in the process. It feels good, from a recovering perfectionist’s point of view, to be doing something free of striving for perfection. Likewise, its good for a little taming of the vivaciously hungry ego to always be wrong and be okay with that.

The result of this is a well balanced body, a sharp mind; along with both a highly effective and efficient means of defense, and a offensive way of using your body that could be quite brutal if actualized. This is one intention of practice. That is what we do here at Daqingshan Mountain. Another intention is towards health preservation. This is what most people are familiar with in the States which creates the common perception of a flowing ethereal meditative dance. If you were to watch us practice you wouldn’t be feeling this as we are grinding and growling, contorting our bodies to maximize its weaponry. There are commonalties, in that we are circulating our vital energy through a network of passages and channels in our bodies, and strengthening our inner and outer power in order to preserve life (life of the being and life of the cause or community you wish to protect).

Creating an atmosphere in my body and mind for an examination of a responsible use of power is deeply satisfying. The issue can be quite complicated and confusing for a peacenik. What is power? When does its use turn good or bad? What are its appropriate applications? How can I keep it neutral and in align with natural universal principles? Just how does one cultivate it? I find myself shedding the necessity of insecurities, protective emotional habits, and reactive retorts. I am standing taller but closer to the ground. I am humble but with firm confidence. I am filled with energy but more relaxed.
A retraining of the mind and body has the painful price to pay that we often experience with change and growth as unnecessary physic baggage gets re-experienced, realized and released, but I am keeping up with it and going with the flow; picking myself up when I fall down and simply trying again. Its simple but profound.

This inner resolve is supported and made possibly in part by the companionship of my buddy and sweetheart Nathan. He inspired me being here… a long complicated story that took two very event-filled years to transpire. Wow is my comment to that. What a very cool thing to have a partner in the attempt to actualize unconditional love in a romantic relationship. We are here together on the mountain, sharing virtually everything day in and day out. There are only seven other students, a few staff members and our teacher at our isolated mountain retreat. So it is quite intense, but we have stuck with it and are doing great. The ironic thing is that in a months time, we will be going our separate ways again, without any idea of what will become of all we created. I feel prepared for this, letting go of what I so deeply love. I have faith because, Goddess knows I’ve taken that leap before with this man, and it always works out beautifully. I have garnered inspiration from Osho, a spiritual teacher I admire, about this… he says that when consciously ending a relationship, that all the beauty and excitement that was present in the beginning, should be present while manifesting its completion. I am really thankful to have this time together now. I am one lucky girl to be sharing my life with this amazing person.

The school I am at also doubles as a restaurant and green mountainous escape for Chinese city folks- who value the remoteness of this place so they can become embarrassingly drunk, smoke lots of cigarettes and sing horribly out of tune karaoke. This is one extreme though, others come to chill out and soak in the natural setting. The surrounding area used to be a national park before China’s government began to liquidize its holdings in order to encourage economic growth through privatization. At this time my teacher, Master Chen, who grew up near here (Shandong province) and now resides in Canada, bought it for virtually pennies, through his family’s Communist party connections. Master Chen is fluid in the English language and possesses an incredibly deep understanding of this martial art and its philosophical principles. It is an extremely rare gift to find oneself in this position, with such a master; and even more auspicious that I find myself a beginner with this source. I get to experience all of this in exchange for my massage services, which is a piece of cake, considering I so love to do that. I work on the other students, and I have been training 4 other staff members in the art of massage so that they can fill the gap when I leave. It’s a lot of fun because between all of us, I speak very little Chinese, and they speak slightly more English, and it all works out.

I share a simple room with Nathan in the main compound, that is built in the traditional Chinese style; a square one story building with a courtyard in the middle, and stone lions to guard the main entrance. There has been many a stormy night when I was thankful for these guardians; there is something slightly creepy about the energy that lurks around here in the darkness and that rolls in on the back of the thunder. From what I sense these hills like so many places in China are haunted by hungry ghosts and elemental spirits who seek and suffer from injustice.

Though this place enchants as well; simple rolling hills that build into mountainous peaks, jutting phallic rock outcroppings, aromatic herbs, Cyprus and locust trees, wild rose bushes, tumbling bubbling rain-fed creeks, ever-changing wildflowers and green lush grasses. ‘The big green mountain’ is what Daqingshan translates into. It is home to wild animals like pheasants and numerous Asian song birds, rabbits, badgers, and boisterous frogs too name a few. Then there is the insect faction of the mountain that amazes me, with diversity of color, shape, wing, leg, shell, and mode of being… I discover a new variety everyday. By far my favorites have been the moths… these winged creatures of the night have captivated my wonder with their elegance, splendor, and lifestyle. Did you know moths only sprout for a short time, from their cocoons, after living their life as caterpillars, to procreate. They navigate with scent, and have no mouths to eat with, so in essence they are starving creatures racing with death to scour the night for the intoxicating smell of their mate. How fucking romantic… there must be a fair amount of competition in Eastern China, for the design and the colors of their bodies are extraordinary.

Alongside the wildlife, grazing domestic goats, cows and chickens make their way, lazily nibbling away at the juicy green things that abound. They belong to a few farming families that call this place home as well, whose fields are bursting with a wide variety of vegetables including corn, peas, peanuts, squash and melon. Off the property things seem to be even more cultivated; terraced plots slope gradually down the lower elevations of the hillsides, to meet up with simple stone houses with clay brick roofs and small reservoirs collecting rainwater and creek runoff. Pretty idyllic as far as I’m concerned. I enjoy many an afternoon hike or stroll soaking in the ambience; sometimes under blue skies or amongst rolling fogs and mists. It has been a pleasure to be grounded in one place and watch the unfolding season from budding beginnings to plentiful peak.

I am fortunate to be in such a natural place, for in its extreme, I have been shocked by the
rapid development and the degree of carelessness and recklessness and misuse of resources that goes into this pursuit in China. My first few trips to the city I was nauseous, my head dizzy, my heart sick, from all that I had seen. There are townships here that have jumped from 1500 to a couple million in just a few years; and in cities, building cranes hundreds of feet above the ground are busy adding more floors to high-rises. Countless miles of super highways are being built in anticipation of increasing amounts of motor vehicles… development at all costs seems to be the motto as tradition and Chinese culture are being totally disregarded for anything that is modern. It is a common practice to completely level whole villages and parts of cities that may only be 10 or 20 years old, in order to build the newest and most up to date style… not always the best though, things are often done quickly and cheaply and with utter monotony. Shopping malls might have whole floors dedicated to purchasing 1000s of styles of shoes, and some of the pre-packed food items are triple wrapped and boxed; complete overkill, but a sign of a culture wanting to flaunt its new prosperity and influence. I could go on and on about some of the scary prospects of this economic and development boom time in China, but I will spare you for now.

Like all things in life and common to my experience traveling now on this journey to Africa, India, and China; you must on some level accept all phenomena as is- for it is some expression of life and the nature of reality, and in order to be a fully functioning aware awake human, you must adjust your senses and your world view to embrace everything beyond dualistic tendencies of wrong and right, and within it all find creative means in which to live with its existence. There is no other way to be happy or at peace, or to bring about true valuable change in your lifetime. So speaking of change, I am leaving China the 8th of August and flying into San Francisco. I will have been gone for 9 months. I am both nervous and excited to be back in the States, and anticipating a fair amount of culture shock. So send me some irie thoughts to help me on my way if you will. I will be making my way up to Ashland and Portland in the few weeks proceeding my return and then heading off to Nevada for Burning Man to get busy with all the freaky people and dive back into the ‘scene’. Yea haw. Love and light y’all.

Ill leave you with some Chinese Daoist poetry in honor of the sweetness of lovin…

Each sucks the nectar from the other’s lips, breathing lightly, lightly. In those willowy hips the passion beats; the mocking eyes, bright like stars. The tiny drops of sweat are like a hundred fragrant pearls; the sweet full breasts tremble. The dew, like a gentle stream, reaches the heart of the peony; and so they taste the joys of love in perfect harmony. For stolen joys, in truth, are ever the most sweet.

Chin-P’ing-Me

a Sip of the oriental cup...
A master of the Tao exists beyond the element of time and space… they journey into the mountains, for what seems a few night stay, and lo and behold when they return to their village, the children are all grandparents, their peers have passed on, and the ‘world’ has gone on without them. Without the habitual and familiar flight patterns of my home… time has convoluted and spun me around without notice. Totally oblivious to all but the moment, four months have passed by since I have communicated in this way, and I could have sworn at times it was all just a wink of my eye, and a small gurgle in my tummy. What can I say, India swallowed me up. Not hard for that to happen. Its personality is so huge and some how everything else out of your immediate experience. ceases to exist. There is little time for day dreaming or thoughts of a far off place, for the immediate sights and sounds have a commanding presence. Dyeing beggars, intoxicating floral incense, large out of control honking automobiles, tropical fruits, blaring Bollywood music, piles of steaming cow shit, and beautiful bejeweled woman all fight for your attention. Some how after all my struggle to balance the sensory overload, I managed to just let go, and I was there; immersed, relatively comfortable as if it were all completely normal. I let it slip and dribble down the front of my belly, over the curves of my thighs and deep into the earth. India became home and supported my sandaled feet- even the banana peels underfoot couldn’t slow me down. Days of silence, stillness, and sobering aloneness, mixed with whirlwinds of travel, sounds and people delivered me naked to the door of my ultimately freaky beautiful weird self. Life 101, back to basics, a course in balance, where the noticeable effects are an elementary ability to embrace so many extremes of culture, emotion, human nature, and mind.
So yeah, I was like hanging out in southern India and shit- lucky to discover some super chill places from the coast of Kerela and Karnataka and inland to Hampi… sippin coconuts, exploring ancient ruins and boulder filled landscapes, meditating, praying and practicing yoga, and soaring with the sea eagles and hawks in various sublime states. Just a lot of shanti characters, farm land and villages, ocean and hillside temples and effigies, warm sands, waves and rivers to experience and pass my day with. My yummiest memory involved the thickest goopiest most violet phosphorescence I could ever imagine and a dark solo moonless night. Here's something I wrote in my journal:
last night I swam in the ocean and the phosphorescence was thick and alive and absolutely magical. The waves were quite powerful, disguised and stealth; barely making a sound on their approach. Trusting in the deep darkness of the night I swam out past the breaks where the water was well over my head; a trail of violet light behind me, both sea dragon and mermaid. I played in the water forever with the twinkling water lights... I told the story of my heart in this dance, to the stars and the ocean's mystery.

I treated these few months as a special retreat, and found myself changing and moving and growing into new states of being. I would often dive deep into my zone spontaneously due to some powerful feeling or emotion, or willingly wishing to confront the hidden self engulfed in folds of my samsaric reality. With a bit of fearlessness I began to court the angels and demons commingling there; at times, I barely recognized myself and wanted to run away, and at others found myself totally amused or filled with gratitude and a healthy sense of pride and total acceptance.

Sometime in the beginning of April the heat started to become debilitating and the winds were calling me North again, but before I left southern India, I made a short trip to check out the fabled Osho ashram, or the Osho meditation resort as it is referred to, the legacy of the self labeled spiritually incorrect mystic who passed away in the 80s after very suspicious circumstances which involved the CIA and a number of his disciples. The ‘resort’ is a very luxurious, modern and beautiful place (complete with spring fed swimming pool ☺). To enter you must adhere to some bizarre codes of behavior, and participate in a plethora of activities meant to generate awareness, relaxation and fun. The grounds are filled with bamboo thickets and Buddha statues, and the main structure is a gimongeous black mirrored pyramid, with an equally impressive reflection pool in front, where all the large group activities are held. The Osho scene is controversial to the more classical ashram types and to ‘normal’ folks, and is typical conversation amongst spiritually minded travelers in India, born from their curiosity or unusual experience. What do you expect. Osho liked to seduce his audience into confronting what they most like to avoid and to generate awareness in true tantric behavior- which according to him is symbolized by the ideal of Zorba the Buddha; a celebratory state of being which embraces and indulges in all varieties of humanness while at the same time exists in a state of nonattachment and ultimate liberation. He is a radical teacher, and his style is not always obvious. I witnessed that his teachings still are grossly misunderstood by those at the ashram and that people in general usually have a strong emotional opinion about the legacy one way or another. I had a great time getting triggered by and loving all the oddities of modern people experimenting with human potential.
Another long train journey then delivered me safely into the arms of my loving buddy Nathan in Delhi, just in time to celebrate his birthday and to buy plane tickets to our next destination- the enigmanomous China. After a roller coaster of a decision making process that most modern jet setting hipster couples like us go through, which involved a lot of divine intervention, our toss of the dice landed on an internship opportunity to immerse ourselves in the world of Tai Chi…. but more on that later-
Cause I was off to Rishikesh next, the self proclaimed yoga capital of the world, along the silvery sandy banks of the auspicious Ma Ganga. How refreshing, wild and green she is at the foothills to the Himalaya, perfect for a dip on a hot Indian afternoon. Here I settled in to spend a month plugged into that fine holy vibration. Rishikesh had a constant buzz about it, and felt like it was levitating most of the time- both a bit disorientating and pleasing. Ashrams and yogis are everywhere, from both Asia and the world, along with a multitude of Hindu pilgrims, unusual experiences and monkeys. I spent the majority of my time immersed in an esoteric form of yogic practice which I loved. During a two hour session, which I attended twice a day, we held various poses for 2- 10 minuets while meditating on the specific chakra that the asana is designed to stimulate. Apparently this is an ancient standard way of practice that attunes the yogi to certain universal vibrations, helping them to access their highest spiritual potential as a human being. Quite powerful stuff I assure you. I would walk out of class most times feeling super charged beyond belief. In the evenings the instructors held discussions on everything about the yogic lifestyle (cleansing, meditation, philosophy ect)… for yoga is a total holistic system for living a fulfilling life that has many forms, not just the physical exercise we in the west are most familiar with. I was stoked to be putting so much focus into a body, mind and soul practice and found it very satisfying.
After three weeks there, I decided to rally one last time and travel a bit further west and north, deeper into the mountains to visit a favorite familiar place, McGleod Ganj and the Tibetans in exile. I couldn’t resist, being relatively close, when it came down to it. I’m a sucker for Tantric Buddhists and pine trees. The air was cool and crisp and snow capped peaks could be viewed out my bedroom window. A weeks worth of Dharma classes, Tibetan brown bread and spinach soup, and a posse of totally rad Santa Cruz honeys, all rocked my world and I was back to Delhi, to finish some business and prepare for big and bold China.
I met up with Nathan and off we went, not missing the 110+ degree weather that had descended upon the subcontinent, but feeling nostalgic already for a place that had made a sizeable footprint in the big world of our hearts. India had sunk into me deeper than I could realize.
So now, six weeks later I am nestled into my mountain abode in China. It’s rained the past 5 days, I am falling in love with moths, and my whole shit is being rocked by Chen style taijichuan internal martial arts… shadowboxing, or ultimate supreme fist.
This blog has gotten a bit long and I think I will end here with a promise to write more soon, and give you another glimpse into my thang-a-lang.
I have posted pictures on my photo page... check em out.
full and tender regards,
Be

PS… are any of you going to Burning man? Do you or anyone you know have an extra ticket?

Doubt is Mayas face revealing itself, it will always try and tempt the weak-minded to turn tail and run... serious seekers know they must face whatever is to be facd, because they must succeed. These lucky few discover something very unexpected- liberation at this birth... Andrew Cohen

Oh to journey to the distant shores of liberation my heart does yearn,
but only a fickle glimmer of its beguiling face do I perceive in a moment that is already gone before it has appeared!

Welcome to the land where everything that you give a big check in the 'I dont like this box' in the quasi-universal personaltity test we seem to be conducting in our heads comes to stare you in the eye and tickle your feet. India, the motherland of transcendance!
I am learning not to question the wierd twists and turns of divine love as it struggles with all of my resistances and ego clingings to lay down a dandy little path for me to walk.

Like a personal planet Dagoba, where I am deep in my jedi training, delving inward real-deep there-ya-go now even deeper beyond all notions of myself to discover the true faces- multifaceted angel demon animal buddha being. The subtlties of the mind-heart and its power to create disaster distaste delight devotion, is the target of my intention attention - and the benefits, misunderstood and mysterious are somehow also obviously palpable.
Last time I wrote I was leaving Varanasi, and its cold hard truths and utter heart opening beauties to head to Bodhgaya, an amazing refuge for me of Buddhist culture and family.
I at once relaxed and felt at home amongst the numerous monasteries and temples dedicated to Buddha, and all the asian faces and costumes from south and north east asia, the himalaya, mongollia and the world. It was such a relief to be somewhere where i understood the intentions and hearts of those around me... being a devout follower of the middle path.
It was here just before the full moon of the month of May in the year 528 bc that a young ascetic worn out by years of self mortification arrived on the outskirts of a small village and decided to relax himself under the shade of a tree near a river to begin meditating and lay down his striving. A young maiden noticed him, and how thin he was and came to bring him rice milk and honey. He was at once strengthened by her gift, and after began a long meditation that was to dissolve all of his clouds of ignorance... to reveal the awakened one, the compassionate one, the light of the world of supreme buddha mind.
I was in desperate need of this space, for upon leaving Varanasi, some of my greatest fears emerged... traveling alone in India. For those of you that dont know, when I was here years ago, this created quite a problem for me. It is quite unusual for a woman in this culture to be alone, and to the immature and sexually repressed male Indian psyche I was a blond beautiful enigma that somehow titilated their hungrey ignorant loins. I in my trusting and also ignorant ways fed into this unknowingly which spelled big trouble for this little mama on many occasions.... therefore my dread at being alone again. I was very hesitant upon coming here again, but some karmic draw, which I couldnt ignore, cause I trust and value it so much, brought me back.

The woman I thought I would be traveling with left me for another man :( in Varanasi very early in our planned trip, and Nathan had said goodbye a week earlier not to be heard from again. Of course there was some miscommunication and it was all good with him in the end ... but never the less All this was laid down up severe panic and anxiety that began to creep up because I was caught in the confines of my past, and was having nightmares and waves of pain and grief. I would start sobbing uncontrolably and feel utterly alone and afraid. I was convinced something terrible had happened to him and my heart was breaking, I was convinced something horrible would happen to me and I would be left stranded and dismembered in an alien place.... totally into my insanity. But somehow within it all, I kept peace in my heart and thank Goddess for all my spiritual and medicinal journies breathed through it and cleared some old psychic wounds that have been griping my heart.

Jeezers. So Bodhgaya was a good place to complete that. Sitting under the Bodhi tree, doing prostrations, circumambulating the brilliant temple with thousands of other sangha, joining in the humming buzz of Oh mane peme hung, exploring temples, praying to ma Tara and the Buddhafield to assist me througth this dark night... oh yeah and munching on noodle soup with monks in a blue tent restraunt while watching kick ass kung fu movies. Slowly the nectar of my trust and devotion to the strong roots of this tradition soothed and cooed my pains away, and deposited me upon wings to a more balanced and peaceful place. It was amazing to be so content and happy and so distraught and fearful at the same time.

My plan was to head south from there, and upon getting the urge to move on again, coordinating with possible dates and path crossings with other travels and navigating via intuitive gut knowing, discovered that I was to journey a bit north and west again to Delhi.
So on the 14 hour train I was... taking a bit of an upgrade on the class, in hopes that I might be sitting with some more civilized folks... which I was thankfully. While waiting for my train to leave, to give you an idea of what Im talking about, I was surrounded by 20 or 30 Indian men standing and staring at me at close range. Yikes. Its not very pleasant but Im finally learning to relax with it.

Ive actually have put my assertive and bad-ass self to good use. Not putting up with any shit. Its fun in its own way, but you have to deprogram your friendliness in a way and close down here to survive and thats very odd for this west coast its all good-love and light girl. Its a dog eat dog world here amongst the billions. It would probably surprise many of you. The latent dragon has awoken- its there in times of need, but can be exhausting when over used. I actually have gone a little too far to this other side at times and I am learning to come to peace with the culture here and open up a bit more. I dont like it this way, but it somehow seemed necessary to learn what I had to.

So Delhi again, and staying with Nathan in his cramped little cell block room. Ah the lovely Brahmaputra mens graduate hostel and its red brick prison like atmosphere... believing when I arrived that it would be for a night or two and then on to the warm sunny beaches of So. India. Life had a different plan, for upon arriving I became sick again with bad digestive problems, kidney pain and fevers. My health had been bad non stop since Africa really. Nathan was getting sick too, so we were both miserable together. Which of course sharing in such a small space and with the stress of his studies tended to bring out all the dark weird misaligned places of our relating. So since we've decided to stay true to our friendship and honor one another and ourselves by not taking our shit personally; by letting his be his and mine be mine and not blaming the other- you dig, we did alright, but had to stay present in what was coming up. We have been rooting our love in freedom and in trust. I personally learned alot about being vulnerable and ugly and transparent and also being supported and seen and held at the same time. Real Love keeps you real, and makes you beautifully strong.

I tried to leave three times, bought train tickets and everything, but my health, my relationhip and plans with others kept changing. Doors were opening and closing. I ended up staying for 10 days!
I never thought I would leave Delhi. But once I got an ounce of strength again, I did and met my friend Aleph from Washington and his Mother in Pushkar, Rajastan. A desert land to the west in India complete with brightly colored turbaned men, camals and ornately bejewelled black kohl eye lined woman. If youve seen the movie Latcho Drom you know what Im talking about! The first scence in the movie in India is from this place. I rested up here on the shores of the mystical lake, which is said to be a footprint of Brahma. It was such an oasis compared to Delhi. Blue skies, desert fauna clad mountains, and white washed domed and trelised buildings.

Ahhh, I got rest and ate good food... which was western style dishes interpreted through of course Indian hands and minds, but delicious compared to the unlimited and unoriginal supply of dal, curry and rice in the city. I never thought mashed potatoes and grill cheese would taste so good. There is a phenomona, when you first get to India the food is delicious... you are stoked to be eating the standard fare. Its cheep and yummy but then suddenly your body starts to refuse it, or you get really sick... which was both in my case.

It was fun hanging out with a friend from my west coast world. Aleph and his mama were both in Pushkar on business, because they do importing of Indian, Balinese and Thai goods into the states. I got to learn the ropes and ended up buying all kinds of tribal goodies to disperse when I get home. Get ready!

I wanted to head south from here, but alas, after checking in with the most convenient way to get there, the path led east and north to guess where? Delhi again! I swear this place has its hooks in me, but for various reasons it made sence to go there. So called up Nathan guess what... here I come again. What a good sport! He welcomed me with open arms into his world where I arrived this time minus the drama but not the sickness.

Pushkar allowed me to regain some of my strength, but my body was still crying out for some healing. My immunity was failing and my heart center felt hard from all my fears of this land and from uncertainty and worry because of letting myself fall deeper in love even while faced with an unpredictable future with Nathan (he has a whole 'nother year of school overseas then big dreams to study Tai Chi in China). I received some very good bodywork, for my aching bones and it seemed to dredge up and release more latent illness. So on the train ride back I came down with a fever again and this time developed some crazy lung infection. Exhausted, but still with filled with faith, groundedness and love, I headed south again after a very brief day and a half stop in Delhi.

This time on the train for 48 hours! I booked a economy class ticket because it was so cheap, about $10. It was a risk for me because I didnt know who I would be sitting with or sleeping next to for two days. Ha Ha funny universe plopped me into a compartment filled with soldiers. I was the only woman amongst a 100! When I sat in my seat there were even girlie magazines in my place already- bleck. So I marched back to the conductors cabin and demanded I be placed next to some other westerners or with woman. Luckily the train was not as crowded as they normally are, the conductor had compassion for my situation and I was reassigned a seat next to two beautiful Reiki master Czechs!!

Obviously I was determined to get to Kerela. There at the southwestern tip of India is Amma's ashram where I wanted to be before she had to leave again. Yes Amma the incredible living breathing emmanation of the divine mother, the glorious beauty they call the hugging saint. Her ashram, which is filled with thousands of white clad devotees from all over India and the world, sits stradled by the Indian ocean and a region they call the backwaters of this state, which is a system of jetties, lakes and lagoons that are in constant flux with the ocean waters. So now I have been chillin in the tropics again, under swaying palm trees and perched sea eagles, egrets, cranes, hawks, and herons. This has given me some ultra shanti time to meditate on the grace of the universal principle of shakti energy, and to rest into my rightful place as a child of the universe, totally protected, cherished, loved, adored and taken care of. Let go and let God!!! Phew.

I have teemed up with an amazing group of healers who are devotees and trained in Ayurvedic medicine. This delightful bunch of beauties, chant the 1000 names of the Goddess while working their wonders on me. Brings out dreams of temple priestess in golden days of old. So I have been receiving daily light cleansing massage and steam tents, lots of very herbal crazy tasting concoctions and kitcheri dal. All topped up with some nice enematic medicines that have been cleaning my digestive system. I am just emerging from the other end of this cleansing regimen, and therefore am able to take the time to write to ya'all. It is amazing how during this process all of my awareness dropped down inside myself, and I could focus solely on my energy and healing, and still my entire state of being. This has helped me to work in the most subtle of ways on my being, and refine my self awareness and state of relaxation. Amma teaches that through this process you can access all of your unlimited capabilities, and that once you learn the art everything happens spontaneously and effortlessly. I would meditate most of my time and then cap off the day with a sunset sit and bhajans- devotional singing- before bed. Add to this a little darshan (a hug!) now and then from Amma, and I am smiling, radiant and feeling light again. My stay here has been brilliant as well thanks to my new life long friend Adrien from Vancovour, whom I met up with again at the ashram, after making his fabulous acquaintance in Goa.

Sorry this is so long, but its been awhile again since Ive written. I love you all so much, and feel your yummy tendrils wrapped around my little cocoon, supporting me in my transformation into a new self once again... into a splendid butterfly. Life is takeing me deep into its mysteries, beyond dualism to oneness and in this dark and trecherous night the promise of your light has kept me from getting lost.

May all beings in all the realms know peace and happiness for ever more!