I'm posting this as a resource for anyone who is wondering if the relationship they are in is a healthy one. Please feel free to pass it on...
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is threatening behavior that seeks to control and exercise power over another. This behavior can include one or all of the following:
Emotional abuse
Psychological abuse
Sexual abuse
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
Financial abuse
Threats of abuse or violence to children or pets
Domestic violence is never the fault of the victim. Abuse is always the responsibility and choice of the abuser. Violence is learned behavior, which can be unlearned with education, counseling, and the will to make non-violent choices.
Violence Affects Children
It is parents’ responsibility to make certain their children are safe. Although parents often believe they can hide domestic violence from their children, even if children do not see a beating, they hear the screams, see the bruises, or feel the fear.
Witnessing violence is stressful and it puts children of all ages at risk for long-term physical, mental health and behavioral problems. Children who grow up in a violent home are more likely to become abusers or victims of domestic violence as adults.
Many people stay in abusive relationships because of their children. Children need to be safe. Keeping children in a violent home teaches them the cycle of violence and patterns of behavior, values, and attitudes that perpetuate the cycle of violence.
Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
Does the person you love:
Threaten to hurt you, your children, or pets?
Say it’s your fault if she or he hits you, and then promise it won’t happen again (but it does)?
Put you down in front of others or keep you from doing things you want to do, including contacting family or friends?
Make you feel like “there is no way out” of your relationship?
Throw you down, push, hit, pinch, choke, kick or slap you?
Force you to have sex when you don’t want to?
Treat you well in front of others but say degrading things to you in private?
Whether you are a woman or a man, and regardless of your economic status, educational background, age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion or beliefs, just one “yes” answer to any of these questions means you are involved in an abusive relationship. If so, you are not alone and you have choices. No one deserves to be abused. You have the right to a safe, non-violent relationship.
Positive Dating & Intimate Relationships
These are the hallmarks for healthy dating and intimate relationships:
Non-threatening behavior.
Honesty and personal accountability for one’s actions.
Negotiating and fairness.
Communicating openly, truthfully and compassionately.
Making decisions together in a spirit of fairness.
Respect, understanding, being non-judgmental.
Trust in and support for one another.
Safety Plan
Always call 911 if you are in danger.
Call the National 24-Hour DV Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 to discuss with an Advocate what you can do to prepare to leave, especially how to get your children and pets to a safe place before you leave.
Keep an overnight bag packed with money, change of clothes, and important documents (driver’s license, Social Security card, birth certificates, bank account information, pink slip for your vehicle, immigration papers) for yourself and your children. Keep it in a secret place or at a friend’s.
When you leave, make certain your partner is at work or that your partner will be gone for at least two hours. It is always unsafe to tell your partner you are leaving and when.
www.ndvh.org/ national dv hotline webpage
loveisrespect.org/ national teen dating violence webpage
Always be careful about what pages you visit on a computer that your abuser has access to, and get to a safe place before calling the hotline. Connect yourself with local resources, you are not alone. Take a stand, but don't be stupid - be safe, get help. peace...