I'm posting this as a resource for anyone who is wondering if the relationship they are in is a healthy one. Please feel free to pass it on...

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is threatening behavior that seeks to control and exercise power over another. This behavior can include one or all of the following:

Emotional abuse
Psychological abuse
Sexual abuse
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
Financial abuse
Threats of abuse or violence to children or pets

Domestic violence is never the fault of the victim. Abuse is always the responsibility and choice of the abuser. Violence is learned behavior, which can be unlearned with education, counseling, and the will to make non-violent choices.

Violence Affects Children

It is parents’ responsibility to make certain their children are safe. Although parents often believe they can hide domestic violence from their children, even if children do not see a beating, they hear the screams, see the bruises, or feel the fear.

Witnessing violence is stressful and it puts children of all ages at risk for long-term physical, mental health and behavioral problems. Children who grow up in a violent home are more likely to become abusers or victims of domestic violence as adults.

Many people stay in abusive relationships because of their children. Children need to be safe. Keeping children in a violent home teaches them the cycle of violence and patterns of behavior, values, and attitudes that perpetuate the cycle of violence.

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

Does the person you love:

Threaten to hurt you, your children, or pets?
Say it’s your fault if she or he hits you, and then promise it won’t happen again (but it does)?
Put you down in front of others or keep you from doing things you want to do, including contacting family or friends?
Make you feel like “there is no way out” of your relationship?
Throw you down, push, hit, pinch, choke, kick or slap you?
Force you to have sex when you don’t want to?
Treat you well in front of others but say degrading things to you in private?

Whether you are a woman or a man, and regardless of your economic status, educational background, age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion or beliefs, just one “yes” answer to any of these questions means you are involved in an abusive relationship. If so, you are not alone and you have choices. No one deserves to be abused. You have the right to a safe, non-violent relationship.

Positive Dating & Intimate Relationships

These are the hallmarks for healthy dating and intimate relationships:

Non-threatening behavior.
Honesty and personal accountability for one’s actions.
Negotiating and fairness.
Communicating openly, truthfully and compassionately.
Making decisions together in a spirit of fairness.
Respect, understanding, being non-judgmental.
Trust in and support for one another.

Safety Plan

Always call 911 if you are in danger.
Call the National 24-Hour DV Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 to discuss with an Advocate what you can do to prepare to leave, especially how to get your children and pets to a safe place before you leave.
Keep an overnight bag packed with money, change of clothes, and important documents (driver’s license, Social Security card, birth certificates, bank account information, pink slip for your vehicle, immigration papers) for yourself and your children. Keep it in a secret place or at a friend’s.
When you leave, make certain your partner is at work or that your partner will be gone for at least two hours. It is always unsafe to tell your partner you are leaving and when.

www.ndvh.org/ national dv hotline webpage

loveisrespect.org/ national teen dating violence webpage

Always be careful about what pages you visit on a computer that your abuser has access to, and get to a safe place before calling the hotline. Connect yourself with local resources, you are not alone. Take a stand, but don't be stupid - be safe, get help. peace...

so here are the details on the play that ate my life:

www.morningstarplay.com

runs May 3-18 in Sonoma County

my friend and old band mate wrote it, it's a first production of an original musical, i'm doing the choreography and stage managing, among other things...and it's pretty much all I do these days other than hang out with my kid, eat, sleep and work. so if I'm not returning your phone calls or emails, now you know why!

it's a fun show, and a great cast, so if you have a chance come and see it . bring your friends. heck, start your own commune and invite me to visit! just know I won't actually come until after this freakin play is over. much love...dTd

hey I am going to be spinning fire on Ocean Beach at sunset, Saturday April 12th, and I would love for some people to come out and spin with me. We will feed you, and it would just be so much more fun with a few fire friends :) here is the deets from my event postings and such:

Come one come all to the
Spring DOTA Kite Fest and Fire Spin
at
4pm on Saturday, April 12th
on
Ocean Beach in San Francisco

We will bonfire, we will barbecue, we will fly the big kites and give the participants lessons on how to fly the scads of kites donated by our Topher that they get to take home at the end of the day. We will hang out, have fun, and end the day with a super spiffy (and super short cuz the podey man) fire spin at sunset. YOU are invited to come on down and participate and give these folks the experience of a lifetime.

Kim Clement is a prosecutor who specializes in domestic violence cases up here in Sonoma County. She focuses on the misdemeanor cases that often don't get the attention they deserve because there is no glory in them, and no money either. I don't know how much you know about these things, but in order to be a felony case there are certain criteria that have to be met, and most domestic violence cases do not meet those criteria, and are therefore "only" a misdemeanor, and often overlooked in the court system. Kim is out there being a champion for these people in desperate straights, and that is why we honored her at our Above and Beyond event last year. She then turned around and purchased this auction package for the highest single bid given that evening at the live auction. We want to really show her and her 10 friends an awesome time, to thank her not only for the money she raised for our agency, but also for the work she does every day for her community.

This event will be catered, and my responsibility is to handle the logistics, bring the kites and the fire, and make sure everyone has a great time. I'll bring fire wood for the burn barrel, and I'm requesting that there be enough food made to feed all the kite folks and fire spinners too. This is the original text in the auction program:

Lot #4 – Go Fly a Kite!

Spend an afternoon learning how to fly big kites with ten of your closest friends. Get swept away by a performance by world-renowned professional kite makers and then try your hand at the art. After building up an appetite, enjoy a barbeque fit for kings (or queens!), complete with the finest Sonoma County wines – a whole case of reserve Zins from Ravenswood Winery. As the sun goes down, you'll be captivated by an inspiring fire dance performance. A truly unforgettable experience...and you'll keep all 25 kites!
Donors: Kelly Walton; Dean Jordan; New Tech Kites; Ravenswood Winery

I am really hoping that the ya'll can turn out in force, so save the date, carve out some time, make a plan, bring your friends, and let's make a day of it! loving...dTd

pm me for deets, that way I can make sure we're ready to feed who shows up. this will be low key, and short, but it should be good times. hope to see you there! much love...

read a book

www.youtube.com/watch

seriously. the. best. rap. song. ever.

check it!

there are days when i just don't want to show up
so wrapped up in my own needs
just wanting to run away
then i arrive
and the amazing beautiful people i am so blessed to have in my life
remind me of all the valuable things i just am
even when i'm running on fumes
when every gague reads below zero
on the days i feel like i have nothing to give
they remind me that my hug is always with me
my love continues when i cannot
what i bring is a constant
not dependent on the whims of time and money
company needs no organization
simply to be is enough

reminded that all my questions
doubts, fears, confusions
rise like smoke from the answers i own
reflecting the light i had somehow mistaken
for yours as mine
you
give me back myself
gilded and embelished
to a sheen
shiny shiny shapeshifters
i am so glad to know you
thank you for your love
the love you give me just by being
and the love you remind me i have by your taking
by your need
for me
alone

you give me back myself
when i have forgotten who i am
i hope i unknowingly do the same for you
when my eyes shine
at your heart