My Thoughts

Equality is not always Equal

Ro-from-NYC — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 07:24:54 GMT

Tonight many of us celebrate because a victory has been won for the Gay community in NYC. It shouldn;t have been a celebration, but rather a way of life. Unfortunate, there are many in our beloved country that feel it's sinful for some to unite as a married couple if they belong to the same sex . Many folks will continue to frown upon those states that endorse same-sex marriages. Very much as many states frown upon mix raced couples. Remember how angry folks would get and still get whenever they see a couple from different races. Folks tend to get very uptight with individuals who change things. For those brave souls who will come forward and get married, be aware that many churches will not perform your wedding vows. Be prepared to pay alot for a minister to perform the vows. And be prepared to stand on very long lines in the County Clerk's office. With that being said, I applaud and honor you for your choice to marry. I do however recommend a healthy pre-marital dialogue so you can be prepared for the natural roller coaster ride that comes with marriage. There is a psychological mind switch that goes off when couples get married. You can ask any heterosexual couple and they will explain what I mean. Some folks do change when they get married. I advise you to keep communicating always honest and open. And keep the romance alive as if you were still dating. Don't ever get comfortable just because you are now legally bonded. www.interfaithservices.us

fade out

Ro-from-NYC — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 03:15:26 GMT

the day it happened the lines to the future faded... making love was not an issue..as much as sleep was the end was bright and clear as the beginning faded out..

final connection....

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 21:07:24 GMT

Throughout the years I've dated and lived with many partners. More then I care to count or recall. I have loved and been loved, but always with some limitations and enormous amounts of frustrations. I've attempted to understand and work through things in hopes of making a lasting connection. But one consistant thought I've always had, if I have to work harder then the other person to make a relationship harmonious, then its time to go. I never completely given myself to anyone since I knew going in, there were some limits. I attempted to modify my expectations and my desires according to the relationship pattern I detected. Regardless how much I compromised or went without, I was feeling unfulfilled and extremely frustrated with the relationship. My compromises were often followed with numerous excuses and ongoing justifications just to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed by the issues I knew were nonsense and not part of a healthy relationship. Some of the issues resulted from lying, unequal sharing of household responsibilities such as finanical maintenace of the bills, emotional rollercoasters that were often triggered by a partner's mental status or simply incompatibility in the area of sexual enjoyment. I attempted to settle each and every time I got involved...but then it was always a matter of time before my soul felt like I was dying emotionally. I became an emotional zombie who basically went through the emotional cycles without the investment of my heart. I knew I couldn't allow myself to remain in these dying relationships...so the end. I always suspected there was someone just right for me.. but who? How do you find that other half? How do you find that right person? Where do you look? The personals? Online chat rooms? a friend's party? Its so frustrating to wait for the moment of encounter since it seems you take forever to arrive to that point. My encounter came 9 years ago, but I didn't know it then. I was completely oblivious to my mate. I knew him through friends...he was the ex of a friend, and was part of the circle of spiritual friends I've known for the last 10 years. I never gave him much thought until 2003. He asked me if I would be interested in "connecting" with him. Sadly, I had just broken up with a mutual friend and felt it would have been weird to date him since he was my ex's friend and didn't want to "create" static. My intergrity and concern for my ex, who basically had no thoughts or concerns about me, was pure ignorance on my behalf. Had I known what I know now I would have not hestitated to date this man. Again such foolishness of mine. For 2 years I was a free agent until I ran into another ex from my earlier years. Sadly the revival of the old is not always the smartest thing to do...but all things have their lesson plans don't they. Anyway, for about 7 years I struggled emotionally with making relationships work that were not meant to work. I stubbornly worked on making things happen that had no real benefits for me. Though this is a fact, I can state that those efforts did train me to notice what I wanted and needed from a relationship...an equal partner with an equal vision. I don't need a twin, a soul mate or a perfect partner. But I needed someone to compliment my lifestyle and personality. Ironically, that person was the same one who asked me out in 2003. We're not perfect...but we are awesome. We struggle with outside issues of survival, but we do so together. There is no ego, no self-righteous nonsense. No competition for power. We are different on some levels, yet very similar on many. We're both each other's mirrors in many ways...both sensitive and strong...I am his male energy and he is my female energy. FInally I've learned that relationships are not just about love and great sex, but about having a partner who walks in life with you and shares the joys and burdens in life. I have discovered the beauty of having a "partner" in every sense of the word. I have someone who is willing to share my burden and I am willing to share his. As you read this, don't feel jealous or envious. Just take the message in, that its possible to create a wonderful relationship. Creating a healthy and loving relationship is more then just about being attracted to a phyiscal package..its about knowing what you want and not being afraid to say so... Too many of us compromise because we think we have to. Too many of us miss good relationship opportunities because we are impatience and tend to overlook many times what is in front of us. Raven was in front of me all these years...yet only when I was ready for real love did I notice him.

The Service of Pain

Ro-from-NYC — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:11:20 GMT

Pain believe it or not serves a purpose. It keeps us in line with reality in ways we don't always connect with. On a phyiscal level, pain allows our body to know sometime is wrong and needs our attention. Emotionally pain allows us to know that certain situations are not ideal and should not be tolerated. Yet, we do our best to avoid pain it as if its a sign of failure or weakness. We fear pain. We run from it. Or when we do have pain we try to quickly eliminate it through all means possible. We either over eat, overdrink or engage in all types of numbing actions to reduce our awareness of pain. Unfortunate in our speedy need to feel no pain, we also lose the valueable lessons and messages that are part of the package. I'll be honest I don't care for the new age explanation of "we create" our misery bullshit. But I do believe that in listening to our emotions we learn a lot about ourselves and our realities. This month as many of you know I've had major losses. I'll be honest I've had intense days of different types of feelings. My therapy for my feelings has been to blog, be quiet and just be. Its not easy to do these things. Its easier to blog, but you run the risk of getting overloaded with tons of advice that can be more confusing then helpful.. However it gets the feelings to the surface in a truly healing way. The hardest thing to do is be quiet and just be. For me its easy to get busy and forget things through the fine art of distraction. Not having a job right now means not being able to get distracted with other people's pain or problems. Being alone at home means facing myself 100%. Being quiet means listening to the sound of my pain. For me pain is not so hard to feel, but not having a quick solution is the hardest part. I am doer and a action type of person. Just sitting is torture, but a valueable lesson in patience. To "just be" means not always taking action. Not always having a solution to every damm problem. Pain sometimes just requires time and nothing more. For me pain has served as a creator of patience and a valeuable instrument for change. Its has allowed me to redefine what work really means to me, what being consumed by strong emotions can do and the power of external support. My pain has not made me weaker. If anything its awaken me in a different level. Its allowed me to take action in a positive manner. I've actually created a "real" budget which means I will be able to afford things I didn't think i could while making less money. Plus its allowed me to reduce my credit card bills and overhead which i didn't think was possible. Yup. I've trimmed my budget by $1000 so far. Its taught me not to worry about things that are not permanent anyway... If you're in pain today...ask yourself what is behind this pain? Is it time to change what no longer works? Is it time to face what is unhealthy and outgrown? I outgrew my job but was hanging on since I didn't have faith in my budget skills. I still have some discomfort about the future, but I it doesn't mean my feelings have to consume me. They just alert me to what needs attention... For today..I'm quiet...mellow.. a little scare..and also a little excited about the good stuff as well.

Lessons from the Grave

Ro-from-NYC — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 07:29:44 GMT

My aunt Ada Maria killed herself this Monday. She jumped from the George Washington Bridge around 11am in the morning, when most folks were busy at work or struggling to wake up. She lived a tormented life. Do I think she had a right to do herself in because of pain. Honestly I don't know. I do know not everyone finds the good or blessings behind tragic moments nor do they ever develop the skills to see the beauty in life. Many of us can't relate to the idea of terminating life, simply because we have the understanding and ability to recognize the beauty in the breathe of life. Yet amongst us, are friends and loved ones who secretly toy with the idea of doing themselves in, especially in the darkest hours of depression or simply feeling overwhelmed by life's never-ending pressures and strange obstacles. There are times we get tired and completely buried in feelings despair. There are times when things get rough and thoughts creep in and make us wish we can change the channel into some happy land of no hassles or worries. But the fact is many are losing jobs, losing houses, and facing realities that are depleting our abilities to sometimes change the channel. When I think of the number of reasons why a person would jump from a bridge, I can only imagine the pain being greater then the ability to keep trying. This thought then opens up the door to other thoughts, why do we face so much pain. In a simple thought I think of Buddhism and the idea that life is suffering. I realize that the reasons so many suffer is because they place so much value on things that were never meant to be permanently ours or even part of our reality. Job, apartments, relationships and even our life is on a time clock. Everything expires. Everything we had is on a loan. I lost my job this month and then I lost my aunt. Ironically I got into the field of counseling as a result of dealing with people like my aunt. Unexplained behavior and suffering lead me to explore the human mind, which opened my path into psychology. And eventually working with addicts and other healing modalities. As a child I always believe everything had a solution...but people like my aunt always confused me. I am still confused. My aunt's mental illness is still confusing . But throughout the year I can say, I have learned huge lessons. I can not fix others. I can only support them and be a guide when they are ready for guidance. My personal lesson is to truly live life one breathe at a time. I realize if I don't meet certain goals or have certain things I crave, I am not failing my life. If I loss a job I haven't lost my skills or ability to obtain other jobs. The same thing holds true for relationships and other tangible and intangibles I cling on to. The fact is I shall never loss my skills to do things to improve or achieve anything. However I learned that I need to keep my feelings in balance with my mind so one doesn't wash out the other. When my feelings cloud my thinking, I need to allow my feelings to be and run their course. Feeling do die naturally without the mental obsessive chatter that tends to fuel them. I also realize that feelings grow the more we attempt to fight or avoid them. So here's how I feel. I am angry that my aunt didn't have the ability to change the channel since her mental illness was bigger then she was; I am sad she didn't see the beauty in life enough to hang around longer. I am relieved she is no longer suffering. I am upset my poor cousin has to endure all this pain. And I am grateful that I can feel intense feelings and rise above to a new cycle without allowing the feelings to completely dominate my life. Yes, I shall admit I am happy I didn’t have her life. My aunt died this week so that some of us can learn to appreciate our lives more. I felt sorry for myself because I lost my job this month. But the fact is I had skills to get this job before and I still continue to have those skills. Meantime, my aunt never had the skills to do more with her life. She was a schizophrenic with a polysubstance abuse history that landed her in the hospital over 42 times in her life. She was a prostituted who’s face was torn with a knife from her ear to her mouth by her ex-husband/pimp. She then became a lesbian who never found true love, since her mental illness and addiction pre-occupied her days. She suffered a great deal and her ability to overcome her pain was not strong enough to make her live a peaceful life. Her main joy was her daughter, my cousin a wonderful soul who’s been amazing even as a child. My cousin inspired my aunt to remain sober for long periods throughout her life. At the end she lived in a community that kept her sober and safe for awhile. However, it was not enough. I have been bitching about being broke. But my aunt was on SSI most of her life since she couldn't hold a job for long. She was a cab driver in the beginning, but as her life spun out of control due to drugs and mental illness, her skills for coping and creating balance were lessen. I’ve worked most of my life and the longest I have ever been unemployed was 6 months and it was by choice. I complained about having bills, yet I've traveled the world and have done more them most. Today I am alive to continue to improve and be better...my aunt doesn't have that option. Her death is my lesson to wake up and do.

celebrate myself

Ro-from-NYC — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 04:57:53 GMT

i celebrate myself with memories of me... the choices that created the path I walk on today share my heart filled with celebrations of my life...

empty pillow

Ro-from-NYC — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 04:54:20 GMT

you left a space upon my bed its hollow and cold but to forget i fill the space with the pain you created

Professional Feedback

Ro-from-NYC — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:07:20 GMT

Ok folks...once again I have updated my website. I have been rather lazy and disconnected to the private services I used to offer...and now I am getting back to trying to work more on my own then work for some agency. This means I am promoting again myself...but first I need feedback on how my website is or isn't working. In the past when I designed a website through my PC many folks would have trouble viewing certain pages etc. Please let me know if the pages are clear, if the site makes a point...etc. Any feedback on where to put my site would be welcomed as well Thanks www.interfaithservices.info

incomplete

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 07 May 2009 05:14:10 GMT

in nights of emptiness I forced my mind to fit you in our thoughts travelled in different routes.. disguised the truth. designed a reality of love and pleasure all forged from loneliness you were the canvas of illusions the distraction to the fear... we were not united just fragile souls walking the streets seeking love simply to feel complete

faded love

Ro-from-NYC — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 11:28:32 GMT

I faded out of love no longer seeking your heart my wishes have died with yesterday's dream... no longer i crave your pressing lips... your memory is on the pages of the lost loves.... i once desired so desperately as the tears rolled daily in your absence the loved vanished like pebbles upon the shore of oblivion.... RCastro copyright 2009

loved you purely

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:28:45 GMT

i loved you thorns and all in grey days and hot uncomfortable hours.. I loved you inspite of your cold heartbeat

perfect mate

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:24:38 GMT

she witnesses his pain a cry for love like all of us she listens to the voice of his loneliness offers her heart and he closes his mind to her orffer.. she watches his torment as he measures his worth never feeling whole in his shadow she picks up the pieces for him he notices nothing to busy drowning in his sorrow she notices his needs are empty the gods have provided answers but he's occupied with the frame of perfection.... which no one can fit into she disappears since he never notices pure loved walked by

kiss

Ro-from-NYC — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 14:08:22 GMT

encased in my mind your lips remain forever imprinted in my soul... your hands encircles my skin eternally in my imagination we never parted as I carry the scent of your sweat upon me... and the imprints of your kiss

empty

Ro-from-NYC — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 10:44:32 GMT

trying to fill the emptiness with nothingness relationships with no love smiles with no heart just to avoid emptiness...

riding

Ro-from-NYC — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:45:39 GMT

empty spots no longer waiting for the prince the damsel has taken riding lessons and is off to the races

karmic nightmares

Ro-from-NYC — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:54:02 GMT

thinking of the circles in my mind floating uneasy trying to get off the lane of sadness find me peace or give me madness days run into each other fading the smiles of years into one forgotten chapter give me peace or take my laughter but wicked fate let me be... stop following me by Ro

Peace Ritual 2/1/4/09 7:24am

Ro-from-NYC — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:58:39 GMT

I plan on doing a peace ritual ritual...white candles, incense and meditation. Join me. The alignment of Mars and Jupiter, with the Moon in the 7th house occurs as Jupiter, Mars, Neptune, and Chiron the Wounded Healer, the Sun and the North Node all align in Aquarius. To make this even more significant it occurs on February 14, 2009, Valentines Day, at 7:25am (GMT). For those of us on the Pacific Coast, that is 11:20pm the night before (February 13th). On the East Coast 2:20am on the 14th and those in Switzerland and Germany 8:20am on the 14th. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDFXuIqP340&feature=related

the connected

Ro-from-NYC — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 08:24:11 GMT

trying to sit still fear of tilting over.. then you might leave but you sneak a call watch my blogs in the quiet nights when you assume i am sleeping you claim to leave forever but strings of empty emails linger in my box with cryptic messages covering the white out stains of your previous love lyrics... your words burned a memory in me...i wish to erase but i see your name all over the place.. you claim you need more living space... to heal the emptiness but you continue to sneak your toes in my way... you claim you feel numbness beating upon your heart and that we never connected... but your lips have left an eternal print in my heart as i felt you beating through every kiss... passion that exist only between the connected...

your shadow

Ro-from-NYC — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 08:02:42 GMT

I don't want your shadow or the emptiness you carry or your dusty dreams of yesterday fulled of love for her I don't want your bitterness upon my lips when we kiss or the crust encased around your heart that seals the passion shut I don't want to hear your stories of the wrongs you face as you played with her hair and got tangled on her lace wisely file the yellow pages of your past and seal the contents tightly into the darkest section so you won't trip yourself as you dance with me and attempt to share a moonlight stroll in my garden of wicked delights... don't carry your baggage otherwise you won't be able to hold me closely to your beating heart as we carry on with passion...

Sharing...things on relationships

Ro-from-NYC — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 04:57:42 GMT

I've been reading some of my books, especially those in buddhism and tao in preparation for my admission into the buddhist training in sept. I'm hoping to get in, but if I don't I'm fine either way. I've been reading and finding the material so healing and so amazing that I will be sharing bits and pieces of some of the stuff I'm reading. One of the two books I am currently reading: If the Buddha Dated Taming the Mind Something I find I believe in strongly, which I know does not always make me popular but its honest. In the book, If Buddha Date, the following speaks about the attitudes we should take when appraoching relationships, which many of us forget: "More then anything I want myself, I want to live with integrity and truth. I'm not going to hide the jewel of who I am, nor will I mask my imperfections. No bargains, no avoiding reality, no conning myself, no lies. The more we commit to knowing and accepting ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to loving another person because we have nothing to hide and nothing to feel ashamed of. Our spiritual commitment to truth and intergrity creates a safe habrbor wihtin us. ' Charlotte Kasl I completely relate to this message. I see this as true not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendship and with working relationships as well. Another valid point...If we succumb to fear, we start holding back and do that all-too-common dance of getting close , then pulling away... In summary..to thy self be true!!

family and religion

Ro-from-NYC — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:53:39 GMT

I have to handle a delicate situation which I often avoid since I don't believe in pushing my religious views on anyone. My father called me upset yesterday because my sister was rude to him. Funny as I begin to write this i get an urge to call now. I believe in venting simply because it gives me a fresh view. My sister and father were talking about the mideast...my sister asked my dad a question. And he answered honestly "his opinion". WHich was, the fighting needs to stop. Well, my sister Roz who is a pentacostal minister in training decided to "correct" my father and said he was wrong for thinking this way. And its in the bible that the war should continue until they get what they want. I plan on speaking to her. However I don't want to speak to her with anger in my voice, because I know she will get defensive and not hear the message. I personally think my dad has the right to his opinion, as does my sister. However, though I agree with my dad. As a minister I also agree with my dad. The war needs to stop. I think only the fanatics endorse this war and don't see any other method of finding a solution. It is because of the fanatics that this endless war as lasted so damm long. Relligion and Spirituality are two different things...I don't wish to preach, though I am in a position in which i can do so. I don't desire to. I feel mankind takes the bible litereally and not spiritually as it was intended. The bible was suppose to inspire a spiritual relationship betweeb the people and God, not dictate a course of action that's brutal and bloody. Mankind has misused spiritual literature to invade and destory way too long. This has to stop. But who am I but a drop of sweat in the big equation... I did take a vow...it is not to remain silent for the purpose of false harmony. I must speak even if its uncomfortable. Goodness this is hard. I know my temper. I know my quickness to react to injustice and bullshit...so I pray to the Gods...save me from me.

New Years day..

Ro-from-NYC — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 02:58:25 GMT

I've decided since I am now entering a 9 year...its a perfect time to dissolve useless relationships. I started with a crappy friend who's the type few folks tolerate. I've had tons of compassion for her. But she's constantly talked poorly about different friends...which throughout the years I've had to tell her not to engage in gossiping about my others,,,she has not people skills so for the longest I felt badly for her. Last night I had a party and since she was not being the center of attention with her typical monopolizing style of conversation, she wasn't very pleased. The final blow came when she crossed in front of me while I was doing a reading for a friend and she was basically very dismissive and rude. Again I didn't make a huge deal since I know her to be rude and completely self-centered, But she lost my respect when she went to the kitchen and yelled at my cat. You got to understand I have two cats...one of them is very timid and mild and not necessarily the type you need to yell at. This is a cat barely comes out when there is people since she gets nervous easily around too many unknown faces...anyway my cat was on the way to the kitchen at the same time...and this friend yelled at the came to move...in a very rude and unnecessary tone of voice... I was pissed. No one yells at my pets. FUCK that. And I told her so...and of course she got uptight with my reaction...she's lucky that is all I said and nothing more. At that instance my mind switched off and she was no longer qualified to be a friend...so that's how my year started. Out with the old baby!!!

the otherside

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:38:04 GMT

Sometimes we ride a wave of turmoil and think its going to last forever. Sometimes strong emotional crisis feel like an eternity and this often happens because we feed negative thoughts to keep those feelings stirring. The negative thoughts I sometimes use are thoughts of worthlessness and self-pity. The minute I stop thinking this way, my negative feelings stop. Today I am on the otherside of my crisis.Does this mean I am free of negative thoughts? No. It just means that for today I am appreciating all the good that I have and refuse to let a few setbacks take over my entire day or for that fact my entire year

Acceptance

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:35:47 GMT

I realised while tossing and turning one main factor...what tends to keep me off in any type of relationship, whether professional, platonic or romantic...folks who try to modify me. Or someone who's critical of things I do. Who the heck made anyone God and so superior that they can judge me or anyone for that fact. I realise one of my pet peeves is someone who lacks acceptance of people... I tend to be fairly accepting of people...so as a result I have all "types" of friends, some are truly anti-socials to type A personalities. Do I care? NO. My motto, treat me right and I am there as your friend. We are not all one brand, and variety is what makes the world rock and roll... Meantime, I realise that someone who's constantly looking into my flaws, is someone who's not into who I am. Goodness, we all have flaws...and if I dove into the flaws of most people I encounter I would probably have only two friends in my entire life. I have to question, why disect a person and not just let the experience of being with them, be the determining factor of you relationship with them? Of course I know the answer - fear of intimacy and losing control. For me, how you treat me is more important then who you are and how many flaws you have...I guess I'm not afraid of people, so I don't worry what they are about...I suppose my work has a lot to do with it..23 years working with criminals, addicts and mentally ill, helps one develop tolerance. I like who I am, and to be in my world, you got to accept me. Otherwise, step to it. I'm not interested in becoming a clone of anyone's twisted and insincere imagination. I don't need someone in my life who is so hung up on stuff, that they can only tolerate a "certain" type of person. Today I woke up...realising, I am not a bad person. I am truly a great friend, lover, co-worker and human being. If someone is not interested in me as I am, they can kiss my royal black toe. I stopped people-pleasing a long time ago, and I highly doubt I'm going to relapse with that toxic behavior again. The way I look at it, non-acceptance of others, is often a reflection of non-acceptance of oneself...refusal to accept one's dark side, makes us reject those who remind us of those qualities...I embrace my darkness and realise that its ok to be angry, dark, and imperfect. I don't try to be someone I am not, so as a result when I encounter someone who's got a shit-load of traits most would find undesirable, I don't take their stuff personal. Perhaps that explains why some of my partners have been "angry", cocky and/or moody men...hmmm At work, I get all the cases everyone fears to work with...and no I don't work miracles. But I accept folks as they are and they know this...so they tend to relax and just be, which allows me to help them. Acceptance is valuable in all human relationships... With my family, if had I not done this, meaning learn to accept them as they are, I would have no ongoing contact with my family, especially my mom...she's so stuck on what she thinks is the "right" way to pray or believe, that is makes her spiritual path almost non-spiritual, but rather fanatical. She's insulting in her way of pushing her beliefs, yet I realise she is who she is...and yes, she recently "pushed" my buttons by attempting to talk about Jesus last week in a room full of pagans...its taken me a week to process cause I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea why she doesn't accept me as I am...frankly cause I remind her of her fears. Which is, she's afraid to take responsibility for all the poor decisions she's made in her life...and as long as she can place it elsewhere, she can live with her poor choices. I'm different. I have always taken responsibility for my choices and have no qualms being me...something she's disliked and envied since I've been on my own doing whatever I wanted to do, including getting tats....and of course she saw my newest tat last Thursday. Yup, mom...love me or leave...but I am who I am.

challenges

Ro-from-NYC — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 06:23:45 GMT

Though my life has been a series of challenges...from work, to love to family...often struggling alone. I recognized early on, that every challenge has an exit. The key is to learn when to exit and not remain dwelling in the abyss of our emotional hole. These days I've been in a place of intense emotions, a place where I've been before, but yet I seem to visit without plans. Therefore, I know how to exit this place. Though the current moment seems eternal, the fact is that nothing ever is. My favorite life mantra is; "this time next year I shall be feeling something else"...and I always do. My current challenges allow me to look inside and recognize what I need to change and what I need to create. What have I learned, 1. Its ok to have emotional intensity, as long as I am not ruled by it. 2. Its ok to cry, as long as I truly get relief and it doesn't become a tool for ongoing self-pity 3. Crying is the clearing and cleansing of the soul 4. Love is the connection to others and its never ever severed even if there is no physical relationship 5. To be true to one's light is to live fully, to hestitate and be scared is to live a half-life 6. No one can make us feel badly, without our consent (cliche I know) 7. My heart is big and I am not afraid to use it 8. To be able to love is to allow blessings in one's life 9. We will not always get what we want, but we will get what we need (another cliche..lol) 10. Time is a great healer, but acceptance is even better 11. I have no time for self-pity, since its a counterproductive self-loathing act 12. Everyone needs time to be where they need to be, regardless of our personal agenda. 13. Pain is a wonderful teacher and one that helps us graduate faster once we "listen" and stop fighting reality 14. I can create my own reality, and today I create balance... 15. The best remedy for a broken heart is counting one's blessings.... 16. The best way to get over a failing or terminated relationship, is to let go with love and peace of mind with no regrets 17. I live my life without regreting my old relationships...all of them have added to my life and have made me who I am (including the main ones in my childhood) 18. I thank my support system 19. I thank my heart for being so big that it easily allows me to connect without fear... 20. I thank my pain for she awakens me fully... I love my life!!!!! my heart is pierced over 1000 times and yet i still find room for another hole... Ro