I’ve wanted to write an entry about you for a long time, but I keep neglecting it.
I miss you. More than you’ll know. It hard to even think about you without tearing up.

Today I went to a Bipolar Support group. The subject of suicide came up and I got really silent. Everyone had a story about how they or someone they knew had been admitted 5150. And how they would go about taking a friend or loved ones to the hospital. I began to grit my teeth knowing that if I had to speak about you I would make everyone uncomfortable and bring more misery to myself. Well, you guessed it, they singled me out. And I told them what I had to.

I told them how I would not have changed anything. You had your mind made up. And no one could have changed that. I just wish your could have been as strong as you showed me you were. I want you to know that I'm still here because of you. You opened my mind to what I was capable of doing. That I still have worth and purpose, and that life if a gift, you just have to make it beautiful.

So tell me why is one of the most influential people in my life DEAD!

You anger me Paige, I know I’m being selfish but I still need you. And the only things that can relate to you now are the maggots and parasites in your grave.
It hurts. I know how people talk about suicide affecting more than just the person that commits but I never really realized it.

I hate that it took you having to die to teach me a lesson about life. I wish we could spend another night together. I wish you were right here with me.
Its kidna funny, no one really knows how close we were. I doubt you mentioned me to your friends. But I don’t mind. It’s a secret you can carry to your grave. But it’s all right, have a good time, because it’s all right, whoa! It’s all right

~ Ryoga