You know, the one nobody wants to say to someone else...or EVERYONE wants to say, and wishes someone would say it to them and all our movies are about it and so is all our music and we whisper to our friends about it and get all starry eyed. Yeah, you're right.

Lesbians.

No, I actually really do mean "love". It's such a weird word, love, because we spend so much time thinking about it and talking about it and watching it on TV and saying it other people, but we never ever ever think about what it MEANS. What does it actually mean to say you love someone? What does it mean when they say they love you?

Why don't we ever talk about it when we first get into relationships, along with whether you want kids or whether your ex-boyfriend, whose name is Lars, might break his parole when you tell him of this oh-so-harmless meal, which is just pasta and a nice wine for God's sake, and hardly worth Lars hitch-hiking all the way from San Quentin with that homemade shiv hidden in his boot? Why are we dating someone who used to date a criminal named Lars? Didn't it ever occur to us that maybe he has more friends on the outside, people with names that have "the" in the middle, like Jimmy the Fish and Edmund the Axe-Murderer, and maybe we should just stick to dates with people who used to be veterinary anesthetists?

I haven't said that I loved that many people, and most of them are completely out of my life now. My first boyfriend Pablo, David, Wolf. I love my family (hi mom! hi dad! hi sam!) and my chosen family (hi rhiannon! hi stayce!) and I love my amazing and loving friend and ex-husband Jeff and my dance partner Beth and sometimes I get completely overwhelmed with the depth of emotion I feel for the people in my life. But for all the people I love and for all the times I've told them that (I told Jeff every day for eight years), I've never told them what I meant when I said "love".

And nobody ever asked. Until a month or so ago.

I realized that people long to say this to each other, and when you do, it's magical and makes you feel amazing and there are tweeting birds and Lars is gnashing his teeth, but not once do we ever clarify and say, "And by 'I love you' I mean that I unconditionally admire and respect you as a human being, would enjoy spending the rest of my life in your company, and will support and promote you in all things." Or whatever it means to you. Maybe it means "I promise I will never go another day without spending time with you." Maybe it means "I promise to become completely obsessed with you and think about you for hours and sacrifice my sanity and life savings for your causes." Maybe it means, "Get off my arm, it's falling asleep."

When I say I love people, it means I would fly to them in a heartbeat if they needed me. It means I would lend them money and help them move and brush their hair and take care of their kids and (in some cases, *have* their kids). It means I respect them for who they are and, often, trust their opinion above my own, and wish I was with them.

What does it mean to you?